Bossy preschooler

I have a 2.5 yr old who has been with me 1.5 yrs. Over the last few months, I have found her behaviour to be emotionally draining, and I'm trying to figure out if it's "terrible twos" or a developmental concern.
She has always been a child who needed the toys to be put back exactly where they need to go, and would even get upset before 2 yrs old if another child didn't put it precisely in the right spot. When she was younger, it was very helpful, as she was an amazing helper for tidying her mess.
Over the last 6 months, she will raise her voice to other children who are tidying and tell them they're wrong, as she forcefully moves the toys back to their proper bins.
She has also started dictating to other peers how the play will go. She could be across the room doing another activity, and if she hears others playing or role playing, she will go over and tell them they can't role play that way, or can't use the toys in the manner that they choose. My feeling is that if they don't hurt themselves/others/damage equipment, then any child is free to use the toys however they wish. I have to redirect her all of the time, and emphasize that peers are free to make their own choices as to how to play. Quite often I have to give her more structured and individual learning, just to give the others the freedom to play without criticism. It happens inside/outside/on walks/at the park...everywhere.
The newest thing is to not let peers have an opinion. A child might say, "I'm feeling tired" and she'll argue that they're not tired, and then tell the other child how to feel(Ie. You're not tired, you're happy) Or they might tell a story about what they did on the weekend with parents, and she'll argue and say "You didn't do that, you went to the park" And then an argument ensues, as the child who shared the info is insistent on confirming the story. We talk about everyone being allowed to share their own stories and share their own feelings.
This is also a child who has decided that nap time is optional, and will bounce on the bed/pull toys out/pull blankets off peers during nap time. I have moved her further away from the others at nap, but it is constant checking every 5-7 mins.
I'm at a loss here, as I wonder if there is a bigger developmental issue here? She's a control freak, and it often brings the others to tears, as she dominates everything. I'm worn out from redirecting her behaviour. Any thoughts here? I wondered about OCD tendencies or anxiety? Any suggestions would be great! Thanks!

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Originally Posted by Busy ECE mommy

I have a 2.5 yr old who has been with me 1.5 yrs. Over the last few months, I have found her behaviour to be emotionally draining, and I'm trying to figure out if it's "terrible twos" or a developmental concern.
She has always been a child who needed the toys to be put back exactly where they need to go, and would even get upset before 2 yrs old if another child didn't put it precisely in the right spot. When she was younger, it was very helpful, as she was an amazing helper for tidying her mess.
Over the last 6 months, she will raise her voice to other children who are tidying and tell them they're wrong, as she forcefully moves the toys back to their proper bins.
She has also started dictating to other peers how the play will go. She could be across the room doing another activity, and if she hears others playing or role playing, she will go over and tell them they can't role play that way, or can't use the toys in the manner that they choose. My feeling is that if they don't hurt themselves/others/damage equipment, then any child is free to use the toys however they wish. I have to redirect her all of the time, and emphasize that peers are free to make their own choices as to how to play. Quite often I have to give her more structured and individual learning, just to give the others the freedom to play without criticism. It happens inside/outside/on walks/at the park...everywhere.
The newest thing is to not let peers have an opinion. A child might say, "I'm feeling tired" and she'll argue that they're not tired, and then tell the other child how to feel(Ie. You're not tired, you're happy) Or they might tell a story about what they did on the weekend with parents, and she'll argue and say "You didn't do that, you went to the park" And then an argument ensues, as the child who shared the info is insistent on confirming the story. We talk about everyone being allowed to share their own stories and share their own feelings.
This is also a child who has decided that nap time is optional, and will bounce on the bed/pull toys out/pull blankets off peers during nap time. I have moved her further away from the others at nap, but it is constant checking every 5-7 mins.
I'm at a loss here, as I wonder if there is a bigger developmental issue here? She's a control freak, and it often brings the others to tears, as she dominates everything. I'm worn out from redirecting her behaviour. Any thoughts here? I wondered about OCD tendencies or anxiety? Any suggestions would be great! Thanks!

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As a mom with an extremely active, independent and often times "bossy" (toddler asserting herself/independence) I can only say everything you have described sounds 100% normal of a preschooler. My daughter is 3 in September and I can't imagine someone thinking she has a developmental issue due to being "bossy" or defiant and testing boundaries.

Terrible 2's and 3's!

Sounds like a child who is just growing and being a preschooler :) And trust me... I KNOW I KNOW how challenging and tiring it is lol I live it..and sometimes I am like "is this normal?" lol She/he needs to be redirected and be told "little susie is allowed to feel this way, just like you feel happy today"... etc. Good luck :) PS. OCD... I wouldnt even get into thinking like that. Tendancies may show up as early as 2, but its actually quite rare. Some people just like order ;) But maybe the child just isnt the right fit for your program? Perhaps you need to consider that and maybe ending care if its affecting the overall morale of the day and the other kiddos in your care.

As someone in this business long time, this not unusual in certain personality types but not usual either. It come from being type of personality who need control and who not overly empathic of others and belief their view more important than others. It normally just a phase unless parent enables it and then I have seen it morph into those kids who look down on others and wonder why they have no friends.

Been long time since I've had one of those children but little trick I can pass on.. You can buy tree faces in Dollar Store with eyes and nose and mouth. They only have in summer time. We had old tree stump and my husband use this kit to make a "Tattle Tree". This is place where children can go to tell tales on their friend who not doing any harm, or hurting people but who just not doing things way others want. It stops me listening endless tattling all day from last child like this but also taught child to assess if any harm being done - if there is, they come tell Miss Suzie. If they just telling tales, they can complain to tree. It work really well.

following on what suzy recommended, i have a bossy bee tree. tree decorated in paper bees that i laminated and wrote phrase on" she's not playing right" or "stop doing that". when some one gets bossy i direct them to them there so that can boss the bee:)