Where are all the normal people?!?

I have a policy where I do not accept kids who have been kicked out of other daycares, because I always get burned, thinking they won't be bad at my place.
My most recent addition is a 3 year old whose old dayhome lady moved, and shut down her dayhome. It is obvious that the former dayhome had very relaxed, or absent rules, in addition to the fact that this kid likes to push boundaries and has absolutely no respect for me. Some days she flat out ignores me like I'm not there. She's 3!!!
I've had her for 3 months, and in the beginning I would tell the parents that she was kicking my windows, doors, jumping on the couch, throwing food on the floor, ignoring me...The only response I ever get is that she "NEVER" does anything like that at home. Oh really? Never. Right. They turn the situation around to make it sound like there must be something wrong with me and my environment, even though I've never seen a child behave this way. Not even the ones who have gone through their "terrible 3" phases.
Now she's a pain, but I don't bother telling the parents. If she weren't one of my only full time kids, I'd tell her family where to go. But financially, I can't.
I guess this is just to vent, as there isn't anything I can do. I have to tell the parents that everything is fine, until I can replace them. So far all I've had in response to my ads are crazies.
Oh people...

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Originally Posted by pinterest mom

I have a policy where I do not accept kids who have been kicked out of other daycares, because I always get burned, thinking they won't be bad at my place.
My most recent addition is a 3 year old whose old dayhome lady moved, and shut down her dayhome. It is obvious that the former dayhome had very relaxed, or absent rules, in addition to the fact that this kid likes to push boundaries and has absolutely no respect for me. Some days she flat out ignores me like I'm not there. She's 3!!!
I've had her for 3 months, and in the beginning I would tell the parents that she was kicking my windows, doors, jumping on the couch, throwing food on the floor, ignoring me...The only response I ever get is that she "NEVER" does anything like that at home. Oh really? Never. Right. They turn the situation around to make it sound like there must be something wrong with me and my environment, even though I've never seen a child behave this way. Not even the ones who have gone through their "terrible 3" phases.
Now she's a pain, but I don't bother telling the parents. If she weren't one of my only full time kids, I'd tell her family where to go. But financially, I can't.
I guess this is just to vent, as there isn't anything I can do. I have to tell the parents that everything is fine, until I can replace them. So far all I've had in response to my ads are crazies.
Oh people...

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Interesting...I have had nothing but crazies who I have interviewed for my under 2 spot too. Total head shakers!!

I stop telling parents too when I have a problem child and they don't care. In my house, this child would basically spend her entire day on time out. She would be constantly shadowed and I would sit right next to her constantly to make sure she didn't move a muscle to get off time out, and I would do that s**t all day! I am sure providers are thinking about the other kids in care and how these actions to deal with this kid would take you away from the rest of the group resulting in mediocre care for the other kids, but the alternative is a far worse situation in my case. Food throwing, kicking windows and doors.....much better to have some independent activities set up for the other kids before the problem child arrives and you would at least be in the same room with them, than allowing this other child to undoubtedly put themselves at risk of physical harm along with everyone else in the daycare. Of course the best thing to do for everyone in this situation would be to terminate with no notice since she is a danger to herself and the other children, but if you choose to keep her until you replace, in the best interest of all those children, you better be like flies on s**t with this kid. I'd even bring her to the bathroom with me and strap her in a highchair if she can't be trusted when you are forced to turn your attention to diaper changing and mealtimes. It will get real old, real quick once she learns you don't waiver and have absolutely zero tolerance. Maybe being British makes me someone with a no BS attitude to this type of behavior, but also my wonderful 15 year old spent a good majority of a year between age 3-4 on time out...I kid you not, I swear he was going to grow horns, throwing furniture, headbutting and biting. Took a long time but he got it!

I wish you luck, and be sure to have self care in place after hours because this will take its toll on you as I am sure you already know. Crossed fingers for a nice family to replace this child ASAP!

This is a tough business even with exceptional clients but please don't ever think a situation is beyond your control. Your location isn't just a business but your home, your safe place. You would not tolerate this from a guest over the weekend or evenings and you do not have to tolerate during business hours either.

You are never going to be able to fix poor parenting and you will never be able to totally fix bad behaviour of a child without the parent on board. You might be able to improve it but it will never truly be fixed.

So what can you do?

Once you understand that a child like this makes daycare miserable for all the others and harder than it needs to be for yourself, it's easier to actually take action to change the situation.

Start looking for a replacement. You've tolerated this for 3 months and chances are, had you been seeking a replacement during that time, you would likely have found someone. Parents give us notice the second our service doesn't suit their needs - as they should - but I think sometimes we forget that we can also do the same if a client isn't suiting our needs too.

Line up a replacement with a start date that fits your notice period and then give them their notice.

I would not endlessly invite someone into my home who has no respect for it or me. That applies to both professional and personal relationships.

I'm not sure that we'd ever truly know who has or has not been kicked out of a daycare before. I wouldn't tolerate behaviour that potentially could damage my house or belongings or be unsafe for the child.
As far as where the normal people are, I've been wondering myself. For the last 2 years I had a great group of kids, and now that several have moved on to school, I can't find normal parents or kids to fill the spots. I've had about 15 parents ask me to change my hours or pricing to suit their needs. That's not gonna fly with me! So I have said no, but it's at a financial loss. I keep telling myself it's better to wait for a good family than sacrifice my contract/policies just for the sake of money. If you can start advertising, then I would. Hopefully you can find a child or family who respects you and your program. Good luck!

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Originally Posted by Busy ECE mommy

I'm not sure that we'd ever truly know who has or has not been kicked out of a daycare before. I wouldn't tolerate behaviour that potentially could damage my house or belongings or be unsafe for the child.
As far as where the normal people are, I've been wondering myself. For the last 2 years I had a great group of kids, and now that several have moved on to school, I can't find normal parents or kids to fill the spots. I've had about 15 parents ask me to change my hours or pricing to suit their needs. That's not gonna fly with me! So I have said no, but it's at a financial loss. I keep telling myself it's better to wait for a good family than sacrifice my contract/policies just for the sake of money. If you can start advertising, then I would. Hopefully you can find a child or family who respects you and your program. Good luck!

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This is me in a nutshell too right now. I have had many interviews and I have not compromised on my policies and I have paid attention to even minor red flags so as not to compromise myself by taking these families on. This is a lesson that comes with time though, I'm sure most would agree. We start to measure our own personal wealth outside of dollar signs.

I Had to smile at your title :)
I would agree with the others as you have to take care of yourself and the other children.
advertize for a new child but while waiting I would shadow this kid and sit them out for kicking anything as that is a NO NO unless outside playing soccer.

I had a 4 1/2yr old child last year that was so spoiled! The parents carried him into the house like a baby and took off his coat and shoes for him. This child was not used to the word no and he didn't like it one bit! He would bang and kick my walls, scream, spit at me, etc when I told him no. The parents enrolled him in kindergarten, but after one month the teacher said he was not ready for kindergarten ( no kidding! He didn't listen to any adults of follow rules) He pushed, hit, took toys away from even the big kids. I ran into his old dayhome at the park and they told me they had brought in an expert to test and examine him, concerned that he had a developmental problem. NOPE! Turns out he was just spoiled rotten. Luckily for me the mom decided to enroll him into a full time preschool instead of using my daycare and I was saved from having to terminate the family.