Ok! I REALLY need some advice

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Originally Posted by Momof4

1)Yes, but when you discipline do you use an angry voice and angry face? Because that's one of my pet peeves. How can children know when you really mean it if you ask scold them but use a nicey-nice voice. I see so many parents doing that and it isn't going to work. Also mention this to the parents.

2) I don't let anybody dictate my rules, including naptime. They are all required to lay down QUIETLY for my entire naptime whether they are sleeping or not.

3) I will not have school aged children in my daycare because to me school = attitude.

Those are my 3 cents!

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Exactly this! I also would get the kids off your family beds. Put them on the floor on a sleep mat or cot. No d/c kids sleep on any of my family member beds...PERIOD! It they decided to pee or poop all over it, your whole bed/bedding is ruined. Put the 2 year old in a playpen or put on your "angry, I mean business...DO NOT GET OFF YOUR MAT" face. Kids will walk all over you if you don't take control and show them you are the alpha.

...and for #3...I'm considering taking in 1 school kid but haven't decided yet if I want to do that...he would be a special circumstance but normally...no school-age kids here.

I too would put the two year old in a play pen and if she climbed out I would go in with my most angry face and put her back in and say "no climbing out" she'll get the picture pretty quick. I have actually had to do this back in Jan with a 22 month old and it worked like a charm .. He's one of my best sleepers now. The other two would be on cots or sleep mats and told not to move till you say so. ..... As for the not listening .....time outs and keep making them longer and be thankful school is in two weeks. I would let the parents know about the behavior and if it continues once school starts term them .... Not worth the stress. You definitely need to take control back as another poster said .... Your days sound like total chaos .... Make a schedule set some rules and get the kids napping in the afternoon and your days will be smoother and you will be happier...... Good luck

It sounds like you have too many children in too small amount of space with too little experience. I would reccomend you scale down your child care to your children and one child and then work your way up. If you are having to use family beds and your couch for nap time it's a good indication you just don't have the space for the kids. When you are off away into an area dealing with one child's behavior and the others remain away from you without direct proximal supervision you have too many kids.

Home child care is HARD done well. It's a learned skill that only comes with time. It's very hard to do it well without appropriate space. The space you need for your own children is way way way less than what you need to care for "other" people's chldren from multiple families in mixed aged groups. Your liability is SO much higher with other peoples kids. You can't make mistakes with them like you can with your own. That's why you need to start really small and work your way up over time. Even if your family needs the income you must remember that making an error in supervision or having an injury will cost you far more than an annual salary on a kid.

Where I live the description of what is happening at your house with the current kids would land me in a whole lot of problems. We are required to have "careful supervision at ALL times" so we wouldn't be able to allow a child into a family bedroom without direct supervision and that room would have to be fully safety proofed for children. We wouldn't be allowed to carry more kids than what we could visually supervise while they were up.

Not to be harsh friend....... please don't read it that way. I am trying to help you see that you have way too much on your plate and am trying to get you to sit back and re-evaluate.

Oh dear, I disagree with the previous poster, godsgirl. I'm sure you can get everything under control if you just tackle one problem at a time and put all your efforts into teaching the children that you WILL NOT cave and they MUST follow your rules.

Sometimes it takes some experimenting. I know I've moved the children around in my 2 sleeprooms to get the best sleepers together and the louder ones in the next room. It doesn't help much, but a little. And I'm on them from day 1 in my daycare to teach them that I will put them in timeout over and over until they learn my rules.

You can do it. Everywhere I go people comment on the well behaved group of children that are with me and I tell them it took a lot of hard work on my part but yes, they are great children. Organize better at things like food prepping and activity prepping the evening before so you can give 100% of your time to getting the children under control during the day.

Yeah, I think you guys are right about the playpen. The licensing place and his mom said that he would be fine on my bed (which he was up until last week) but I think enough is enough. As for the 5 yr old. She is pretty good about being quiet when she can't sleep and will play quietly, do a puzzle, color, or sometime I put a movie on my lap top for her but these last 2 weeks the 4 yr old is so distracted with any noise that I decided to just have everyone lie down to simplify things (so much for that). The crappy thing is that the kitchen and dining room are directly across from the living room so any movement and the 4 yr old is always popping up.

Up until 2 weeks ago they have been pretty good (the 4 year old has always given me a run for my money - when it's just him he is so good though). As for the 2 yr old, he can't talk yet so I have no idea if he understands what I'm saying as he just stares blankly at me with this grin on his face. But I think I'll be moving him to the living room from now on. I think you are right kidlove 'that I may not have full control yet'. The 2 & 5 yr old are brother and sister and they came from a daycare and the 4 yr old came from a previous day home that he was at for 3 years. So it's all probably a bit of adjustment for them too in regards to them getting used to new place, new rules, finding out their boundaries, etc. It's normally during free play when the 4 yr old goes crazy so I think I just need to limit it and when he starts to get hyper with the 5 yr old then I need to redirect them to something else or separate them. I have a 1000 sq ft one level house (basement is partially finished but we don't go down there). The day home space is kind of in a 'L' shape with an open kitchen and dining room which are connected and the living room off of the kitchen with our 2 bedrooms down the hall. The kids normally bounce between the living room and kitchen and play at the kitchen table in the dining room. Thank you all so much for your help. I am learning so much from you guys!!!

I am full and I presently have 5 kids in my care-- I put the loudest most unruley guys together, in my sons room and the great nappers out in the living room on the floor hasn't failed me yet. I also start the slow eaters about 15 mins before everyone else then then they all finish at the same time. (For the most part)

You just have to iron this stuff out... And I live in APT style condo, and my program is awesome if I do say so myself! :)

You can do it :)

You know Godsgirl; alot of people are suggesting cots for the kids, not sure if they are in the beds because maybe you cant afford cots yet, due to your "newness" :) but I dont use cots, I just made small sleeping bags from old comforters sewn in half, work like a charm and you can pick them up at resale stores or garage sales, cheap and easy and the kids love them. The kids always pick their "favorite pattern" I also have some LARGE pillows they use for nap time, they are covered with all dif kinds of removable fleece covers. perfect for the germs and drool!!! :)

I have a couPle of naps mats I got at walmart ..... the pillow is attached and so is the lightweight blanket and it rolls up and secured with Velcro for storing ..... I have never had a complaint from any of the kids.

Well...these are my suggestions:

1)For the 4 year old, I would explain to him that the behaviour is unacceptable and that if he continues, he will no longer have privilages to certain things (jumping on the couch - no longer allowed on the furniture). He seems like the type of kid who needs constant supervision and needs to be kept busy or he gets into stuff. I would constantly be suggesting things - let's colour, why don't you make me something in the kitchen, make me a castle, why don't you and the [5 year old] *name something productive*. Sooner or later, he will start to catch on. However, if he continues even when he is given something to do, then I would explain that his privaliges at the daycare are going to be taken away. He must be with you at all times: wherever you go. He will not be allowed to play with the toys or the other children. I have a two year old is who REALLY rough and I have explained to him that if his behaviour continues, he will no longer be allowed to come over and play with us.

2) The two year old needs a playpen. I know a lot of people say that 2 years old is too old for a playpen but my two year old HAS to be in a playpen because he gets into EVERYTHING. He even climbs out of his playpen and plays in my closet. I put a video monitor (you could use a webcam) in his room and whenever he makes moves like he's going to climb out, I go over the speaker and tell him no. The other day, when I found him in my closet, I pulled him out and explained to him that he cannot do that. He could get hurt. He MUST stay in his playpen until I come get him. He is now ALLOWED to get out until I come get him. I told him he was on a time out. I got all the other kids and brought them down for snack then I went upstairs and repeated what I had just told him and told him to say he was sorry to me. The next day, when he woke up, he didn't even make a peep. As for the 5 year old, I would still be expecting her to have quiet time. You need that time for yourself. Give her some books, seperate her from the 4 year old (do you have somewhere else you could put the 4 year old?) and explain to her that she must stay on the couch until quiet time is over. She can colour, read - whatever, but she is not to leave the couch.

3)I don't have older kids for this reason - I don't have the patience to run after them like that. I like the younger ones cause I can mold them into how I want them to behave. Once they're back in school, your days will be MUCH less hectic and so much quieter. The kids will probably come back a little hyper because they've been cooped up all day but that's when you get everyone ready and play outside till their parents come. (After snack). Outside is always the answer for my crew. When they're bouncing off the walls, I let them outside.

Sorry you're having such a rough go! Older kids are SUCH a handful! It'll get better soon. Start being more firm, make sure they're taking you seriously and start seriously disciplining the 4 year old. He obviously needs more guidance.

Oh and ps: these are just my opnions, but this is what I would do if I were in your situation :)