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a&b , My girlfriend is Asian and this was one of her punishment as a child right through until she graduated high school ..when she back talked she had a to stand on a chair in the living room pulling her ears out like a monkey and her parents would invite friends and family over and she would have to explain what she did for the punishment.
Oh my goodness! I don't even know what to say to this one. I could never treat my kids like this. Wow!Quote:
Originally Posted by lainey76
Yup !! We were at a moms night out last month and we were talking about punishments ....she said it's the norm in her parents circle .
agree with reggio and dreamalittledream: on the fact that "at least these parents are recognizing "negative" behavior and responding to it" I personally wouldn't choose this form....but thats only my opinion. (I give a verbal warning followed in "severe circumstances" with a quick slap on the lips or a spanking for disrespect and talking back) Don't expect everyone to agree with my choice of punishment either...that's just what works for ME! To each his own when raising their own child, my only concern is when the punishment crosses the line from "punishment to abuse" that can happen with any form of punishment, "soap in mouth:(" "books on head" "spanking" "push-ups"...parents HAVE TO use their best judgement and know when "enough is enough", hopefully they do!
Hope that "monkey ear" thing is not typical for asian culture? if so...shame on them, thats demeaning to a child...could you imagine what that would do to a childs "self-worth"? so glad I wasn't born into any other culture. :) My parents had a chinese exchange student, she painted a very sad picture of the value parents have of their children! so sad!
Yeah when we lived in the U.K our punishments were alot worse than I have ever seen in Canada.... we got the belt/strap when we were naughty.... none of the time out stuff lol and since then I swore I would never spank my kids .
I had a "angry Dad", we were "spanked" which I DO AGREE with. However...my Dad would "spank" or "yell" when he was angry...I swore I would NEVER do that! I spank my kids but ONLY after sending then to their room and thinking twice. I NEVER punish my kids in anger! EVER! That is what I learned from my Dad, you must lead by example, you are not teaching your child anything if you are acting "out of control". I am always composed when handling any kind of "bad behavior" with my children, from "talking it out" to "spanking" you must always "keep composed"........and NEVER degrade your child, I feel things that "degrade" a child are like any kind of "public" punishment. I would NEVER spank my child in front of others, making them stand on a chair in front of "invited" guests? that to me is so degrading. My kids know full well that I am "the boss" and to be respected (as all adults should by children) however....to a healthy level, punushment publicly , whatever form....IMO seems wrong! :)
Discipline is always a touchy subject as people tend to have strong opinions on it.Here's mine :)Quote:
Originally Posted by lainey76
Also being raised myself in the UK and now raising my own children in Canada I know that it is completely different. Physical punishment was the norm and really has just made me grow up to hate my father. I've turned into a decent kind human being with morals because my dad hit me. It’s not because that taught me to behave but taught me not to grow up to be that kind of parent. Ultimately in my opinion your kids grow up to be like you or hate you for those kinds of negative things.
I want to back A&B up by saying thanks for at least reaching out for opinions and feedback about the situation. Too many people are passive to this kind of behaviour always saying its no one else’s business which quite frankly is nonsense. Obviously you can’t go interfering in other people’s business but I think it’s a good idea to be observant and keep track of things that are going on as you could ultimately save a life one day. There is a fine line between punishment/discipline and abuse/neglect. That child doesn’t have the voice or the power to control the situation or stand up for themselves. Isn’t there a chance that treating a child in this manner increases the chance of repercussions as a result of resentment??? I completely get that it is a parents perogative to decide what form of discipline works for them but as a caregiver playing a role in a child’s upbringing, (obviously this is a friends child so a little different), it is important to look out for the child’s best interest. I may piss some people off by saying this but there are many parents out there who are not making the correct choices for their children and that has nothing to do with my opinions on physical or non-physical discipline. The form of punishment a&b is describing is degrading and humiliating and quite honestly IMO and from my experience is far more damaging long term to the child than the occasional tap on the bottom or wrists for misbehaving. Not to say that I am perfect or have the answers to how to correctly discipline a child but in short our children and all children mirror their parents. It’s how they learn. So show your child negative and degrading behaviour often enough and they will turn into that too. More power to the parents who have more effective disciplining techniques which refrain from making a child feel little self-worth and who break the cycle of abusive parenting. I commend you.
These are my opinions based on work experience and extensive personal experience. I would imagine anyone with a Social Work education would have a similar stance on this subject.
Exercise as punishment wouldn't happen in my home, but I can think of worse things. Maybe the exercise is to get the energy all spent up so that the misbehaviour doesn't continue? Just an idea...my son often acts less appropriate when he needs to burn off some energy.
Public shaming, ie monkey ears is abusive and disgusting in my opinion. :crying:
I also don't see how you can spank your child without degrading them?? That seems like an oxymoron to me.
Does it relate? The fact that "spanking" is so frowned on in our society and children are more disrespectful than ever before? Just a thought. Less and less parents believe in spanking or any other form of corporal punishment. More and more kids are "talking back to elders" "screaming for what they want" "disrespecting teachers and figures of authority" "treating their parents and DAYCARE providers as if they work for the child" "throwing fits". What is a parent supposed to do when their child behaves this way? Is the parents expected to sit down and have a equal to equal "talk" with the child regarding the choice they are making? Sometimes that may work, but I have a feeling that child will walk away from the "talk" saying "SUCKER!" and do it again. A spanking (for the right reasons) leaves a much more lasting memory for a child than that of a "talk". In my experience, if I really need to....I will ask a "spanked" child who is misbehaving, "would you like me to call mommy or daddy?" their response is immediately "no" and then they behave. If I ask the same question to a "not spanked" child, they say "yes". The spanked child has a healthy fear of what it means to suffer consequences, when the "un spanked" child knows, he or she "runs" mom and dad and wants them to come to save them from me, who they can't "run"! Just interesting to see the difference in behavior of children who are and are not disciplined with an occasional spank.