So busy taking care of everyone else and not myself has consequences

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Originally Posted by Momof4

Well then I'm the bitch! I start work at 8am and finish by 4:45 usually but today I only had 2 children here for the day and finished at 4pm. I'm in my 5th year of daycare and have learned to run my business professionally and not to let people walk all over me. People walked all over me all my life so I'm not letting it happen again.

I know my limits and how to take care of myself and what I will and won't do to make a living. Do you really think the people you are giving the most special treatment really appreciate all your efforts? Think about it.

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I am a giver and a pleaser to my core. It is who I am with everyone, not just my daycare business but my family and friends also. To most I am sure this is seen as a bad thing as I'm a person who is taken advantage of a lot, but I don't come across a lot of people who are selfless anymore. It seems like a lot of people have been burnt to many times and stop giving a shit all together about others IMO. I am not explicitly saying that I am not taking care of myself as a result of my business, but as a result of my whole life circumstances and not being able to balance. I sure as hell don't let my daycare families walk all over me. If you re-read what I put above about my daycare situation, you would see that the situation is about being at the decision mark and whether I will have the courage to put myself first instead of last. Thats nothing to do with this parent bullying me or walking all over me, because they aren't. I made a commitment and stuck to it and it's only once it has been a couple of months of experiencing it that I have found that it isn't working for me. Not just because of the early starts but also because of the combination of other commitments I have in my life right now. I also don't see myself as giving special treatment. She is paying me a premium for early drop off. I am not doing it as a favour, she is paying me for a service that I offer.

It seems that you are someone who is able to deal with all their short comings and be an amazing mother, daycare provider and live a balanced life Momof4. I know I have a lot to work on.

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Originally Posted by mimi

Thank you Brightsparks for your honesty. :) I think your issues hit home with alot of us. Wether it is needing to do something for ourselves, or we are over extending or need to lose weight for our health etc. you have created a few aha moments. I was the one guilty of bending over backwards to accomodate dc families schedules. I put off a trip with my husband because xxxx might not be able to find back up care. Looking back, how stupid was I????? This family also when they left just gave me a"see ya" That was a big wake up call for me to take care of me and my families needs because if I don't who will?
So kudo's to you for realizing this. As the other posters said you do have to take care of yourself. Take the time to reenergize, refuel and unwind otherwise you are going to crash mentally and physically.
You are also so very young. Too young to have the aches and pains. At 30 you have accomplished so much already and believe me as you get older the weight is harder to get off. I go for an hours walk in the evening listening to fast music to keep up the momentum. Whatever you do dear, remember you DESERVE it, your body NEEDS it and you will be a better person for it.:glomp:

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Thanks so much for your kind words, they mean such a lot to me. Its nice when people can relate to me and help lift my spirit by offering words of encouragement. :)

Bright sparks, I don't judge other people, I just try to help, so don't take offense at my words. I guess I've only seen the worst in people way too many times and I'm too cynical and suspicious. But I've reached a point in my life where I'm determined to cut all of the abusive users out of my life and not allow all their negativite pettiness to bring me down to their level ever again. I hate to see that happen to other people who haven't learned that lesson yet.

I'm very fortunate to be working with wonderful parents and children and I try very hard to be happy every day. Of course we have issues and phases arise, after all they are toddlers. It's really important to be happy, life is way too short.

I think I am at that point to Momof4, but I'm sure you appreciate its a process and my co-dependent behaviours aren't something I can just switch off all of a sudden one day. Baby steps for sure, and this is just one of them. I used to just automatically do things for people without thinking about how it would effect me as an individual. I would always think about the effects on my family but not looking at myself outside of the mother and wife role. Now I am starting to look at things throughout my life a little differently. This one decision will either keep me rooted deeper in this unhappy place right now or give me the ability to find myself and dig out of my situation a little. It's gonna go against my grain, but I think essentially I just need to grow a pair :D

Bright sparks...this is the perfect place to pour your heart out to strangers that feel like friends!! It is very hard to give up the instinct to put others first. One way is to try and change the way you think of things. Instead of feeling guilty for doing something just for you....remind yourself that your family needs you to be happy and healthy, so by taking care of yourself you are actually taking care of them!!!!

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Originally Posted by Wonderwiper

Bright sparks...this is the perfect place to pour your heart out to strangers that feel like friends!! It is very hard to give up the instinct to put others first. One way is to try and change the way you think of things. Instead of feeling guilty for doing something just for you....remind yourself that your family needs you to be happy and healthy, so by taking care of yourself you are actually taking care of them!!!!

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These are very wise words Ww, and It makes me smile to read them. thank you

I'm going to quote Judy here ..... I once read a post she wrote regarding a similar topic and she said you have to look after you before you look after others ..... An example she gave was ... Have you ever been on an airplane and at the beginning the flights attendants go through the safety procedures and they tell you in the event of cabin depressurization to put on your mask first and then attend to the children afterwards .... If you don't look after yourself first your useless to everyone around you......
So brightsparks ..... Put on your mask first !!!!

perfect analogy Crayola kiddies!

Bright Sparks: you and I seem alot alike. We are both givers, doers for others before ourselves. Although you have every right in THIS situation to make the choice to put yourself first, (we all reach a point or many points in life where we DO need to realize WE need to be at least near the top of our list) :) please remember, you are who you are and if you change who you are, you are not true to yourself. Being a giver is an amazing quality, it enriches your life in ways a self-centered person would never dream of experiencing. There are MANY more "goods" about being a giver than "bads", you just have to know when enough is enough. There are many dif personalities in this world. Amoung them, there are givers and there are takers. When a giver lives their life, they give from the heart, they give because it is who they are, they give because they enjoy to give, they enjoy more to see others happy than to be happy themselves. From my very heart, that IS who I am, and I am proud of who I am. Every once in a while though, I come across a "taker", when a giver runs into a taker, the outcome can be damaging to the giver. I have had MANY parents in my daycare experiences who have been "takers", naturally self-centered.....they don't understand the "tickings" of my nature (giver) so....inevitably I get used, taken advantage of, and due to my giving nature, I allow it for a while until I get to the point of emptiness, they have exhausted my tank and my giving is run dry, so to speak. Then I feel used, unappreciated, stepped on....I have to stick up for myself, change a contract, have an uncomfortable convo or in bad situations, terminate. Do I regret being a giver? Not one second....that's who i am. Do i need to realize when a taker has taken too much with not enough give? absolutely! Take your time for yourself, you deserve it. But dont change who you are....like you said a few comments back, this world is filled with too much selfishness, and you don't see selflessness any more. Don't be fooled, selflessness is a beautiful quality. :flower:

kidlove, there should be more Thanks buttons than just the one. It really isn't enough. It sounds like we are very similar in this. I couldn't change who I am if I tried to be honest. I am definitley at a point in my life of self discovery having never really known who I actually am. I know I need to make changes in live to allow room for ME and that I don't have to ask permission for it or even have others approval. A few people have said that if I don't look after myself then I won't be able to look after anyone else and this is so true. I need to charge myself with positive energy through positive changes in order to be able to impact people I come across throughout my life positively. Thank you to kidlove and everyone who has offered me words of wisdom and support.