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I think it would be best to try and communicate your feelings to him in a graceful way. Use a lot of "I" sentences to express yourself. Sometimes, as much as we wish they'd just get what we need, it's a lot easier in the long run for both of you to spell it out simply. I went through a phase like that with my husband who can be very stingy with compliments. We had a very candid talk which was painful at the time, but now I'm so glad we went through that. All the best!
Reggio, I loved the gestures that you described for how he shows his love, but now I see all the ways my husband does, too. Upkeep on cars to keep us safe, he does a lot with the kids and tries to give me a break whenever he can....the little things that say much more than a gift sometimes. He also is good for bringing me home chocolate....too much sometimes. I'll say I have a craving for Dairy Milk or Reese pb cups (luckily all my faves are gluten free:D), but instead of coming home with 1, he gets me a 4-pack. And since I have no self control and he knows that, he must be trying to make me fat! :laugh:
We do gifts for eachother, though, but he has pretty specific lists so he can't go wrong, and he's a surprisingly good women's clothing shopper (I wonder if I should worry about that!?) and since I hate shopping, I love when he does that!
My husband takes care of certain tasks and I have my own tasks. Sometimes if he sees I'm overwhelmed (read bitchy) he will pick up my slack and do some of my chores to help out (and keep the peace) He does his best to try to see what needs to be done, but, well, he is a guy. Today he called to say when he gets home he will make dinner. Great, except we were going to have leftovers (yummy butter chicken). I didn't mention this and just told him that would be a big help. He is trying and means well.
I do think that the small gestures we do for each other do mean alot. I do appreciate when he gets up early to surprise me on a Saturday morning to get me a coffee and western omlete on a bagel. (of course he's so noisy getting up it really is no surprise LOL) and I will sometimes come home with his favorite chocolate bar just because.
As for gifts, sigh.....We agreed to spend 100.00 on each other for Christmas. Of course he wanted a list and I wanted him to do the work and THINK about what I might like. I finally had to provide him with some suggestions and now I think I might need a list from him 'cause I am lost in Canadian Tire.
My point is we all do what works for our own relationships. Big gifts, no gifts, kind gestures the main think is to treat each other like we do love and like each other even though on some days that can prove difficult. :D
For sure ... there are things I 'expect' of my man as part of taking care of the house and doing his share and sometimes I have to nag at him to do those too ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by bright sparks
So shoveling the snow on the sidewalk and driveway is one his jobs but IMO scrapping off my car as well is an 'extra above and beyond' cause a lot of men would not do that they'd just do the 'bare minimum job' and leave the secondary car to the wife when she uses it and well sometimes he will do things like scrap a message in the ice or what not and when he does that I think 'oh what a sweetie he was thinking of me this morning' ... same with taking care of MY car ... yes I expected him to take care of the 'family vehicle' cause that is one of his jobs but when we bought a second vehicle for my daycare and now he goes out his way to make sure that it is always well maintained too and will notice things that I would not ~ like a tire need filling and he will say 'filled your tire this morning cause I noticed it was low and did not want anything happening to ya while you were ' ... so that above and beyond.
I guess my point was that for ME it is the small everyday things that show you are thinking of someone and care about them where you go above and beyond ... there are lots of little ways I go above and beyond in 'my jobs' around the house too ~ he makes his own lunches but sometimes I will hide a 'dessert' in there for him and put a little note in his lunch pail with it, or I will cook a 'special' meal for him of something he likes but I HATE so do not often cook, sometimes I will do his ironing for him ... cause I hate ironing so that is a his job everything I own does not require ironing ;)
I will share a story about my poor friend and her husband around the concept of feeling 'loved' .... they were having a hard time in their marriage and were in counseling talking about this very concept and he said 'you do not show me you love me' and she was like WTF do you mean and his honest from the heart reply was 'you make those boxed scallop potatoes instead of the homemade ones' ... so for him something so minor as taking a short cut in the cooking to save herself sometime to him was a message 'you do not love me enough to make it from scratch' .... LOVE is a peculiar thing and we all feel it in so vastly different ways ... and the point I guess is that communicating what you need to 'feel loved' to a partner is key cause seriously to be feeling alienated from your spouse over something so easily fixable as POTATOES is a free and easy fix ;)
So it is important to know your love 'currency' so to speak ... for my friends husband it was FOOD he felt loved when she cooked home made meals. I know for ME it is physical contact and feeling 'safe' ... my spouse spent 25 years in the Military he is so NOT a touchy feeling type however for ME something as simple as having my hand held or snuggling on the couch or when we are out for a walk and I might not notice a car coming and he will 'move his arm' to prevent me from walking out into its path ... those moments make all the difference between feeling 'connected and loved' and when that is absent from our relationship for any reason than EVERYTHING starts to bug me things that normally would roll off my back so to speak!
The love currency is key! My husband and I were (and are still) figuring this out. He is an amazing thoughtful man, however everything that he did while neglecting the one thing I DID want, ticked me off! Now I did appreciate everything he did but he seemed to have a list that he followed as to what was romantic in his book and that was that. It took me actually having to sit him down and tell him that we had different lists. Once we had both laid everything out on the table without having a fight about it, it became a lot easier to appreciate each other and compromise on our lists. It also helped me to figure out a few more things that he would appreciate me doing. Once I started doing those things, he was a lot more inspired to be romantic!Quote:
Originally Posted by Inspired by Reggio
For material gifts, he LOVES electronics but I usually have to buy something the second he mentions it otherwise he will buy it for himself. It just will not occur to him that someone will buy it, and he'll go and get it for himself on Christmas Eve if he has the money and its there. Drives me nuts, but it's always fun trying to beat him to the punch. He also usually buys me an electronic device that scares me to death since I prefer the stone age and it always turns out to be the exact perfect thing I need. :)