BIting

Thanks Reggio. I really like your approach. I have had a couple of biters with whom I have struggled in the past and I found time-outs to be completely ineffective. Next time biting arises in my daycare again I am going to try to approach things more in the way you have described. I think when something is not working, we have to look for new, better ways of doing things. I have only been doing daycare 2 years, so I am still learning (there is so much to learn!) and I really appreciate having this type of guidance. The discipline workshops I have been taking have helped tremendously as well and the facilitator of those would also not recommend time-outs as they are not a logical consequence and have no relation to the action the child did. I was using time-outs a lot and not finding them to work at all. I have moved to using more prevention, more positive reinforcement and being more creative in my discipline methods and things have really improved. It is an evolving process and I am actually going to cut and paste your advice into a word document for future reference as I find I need to remind myself in order to not revert to my old, ineffective ways ;) Thanks!

I am going to have to disagree with Reggio on this one to a point.

I most definitely feel a 22 month out is old enough to understand right from wrong and old enough to understand that they are inflicting pain on there friends.

We need to explain it to a child in a way that they understand and let them know the consequences. If they do it again it's time out.

A much younger child would need to be redirected and or given a tool to bite.

Something else that none of us have mentioned is working with the others kids on how to react when a fight may occur etc.. We must teach them to say loudly "no biting" and if a toy has been taken then to come to us. I know they need to work out conflict resolution on there own but if biting is occurring then they must involve an adult.

Skyuse ... certainly entitled to your opinion based on your experience with children and what works in your group ... it just sounded like time out was not working for the OP's biter which is why I weighed in and offered her a different way to look at the problem that might get her a more positive solution and reduce her stress ;)

Most of my career I have had to work in settings where time out or any form of 'punishment' was forbidden by staff .... which has required/allowed me to hone other ways to manage and correct behavior in children by coming at it from the positive position of them learning and supporting the child through logical consequences to make better choices verses punishing them when they do not .... the fact is that while we might all share the same goal for children's behavior there are 100's of ways to achieve it ... there is no one right one size fits all way and often in our programs we need to have a a good 1/2 dozen behavior and guidance approaches depending on the personality and temperament of the children in our care ;)

I also agree that there needs to be lots of discussion on biting or aggression in general being wrong and why and what to do about it with the entire group when or if it rears it head with them ... both the biter and the victims ... we totally needed to help the biter learn better choices in that heat of the moment above 'no biting' because that is not enough they need to know WHAT TO DO and we need to help the victims learn how to better resolve conflict and engage in play so that 'frustration' does not arise in the first place .... this is what the 'play invitations' I mentioned are intended to do ...they promote those social skills to be developed via chances to practice in a supported environment when I am there to observe and step in if needed before aggression occurs in the first place ~ giving them the words/gestures and so forth to resolve conflict acceptably.

Other venues for this are at small group / circle time .... using puppets to role model 'conflict arising' and having the children help to resolve it with the puppets through role play ... by practicing 'biting/hitting/etc' at times of the day when no one has actually been hurt and there are no emotions involved of actually having had your own toy or what not taken allows children to actually 'absorb' the information for future times and grasp the messages you are intending to pass along to help them truly grasp concepts of 'right and wrong' enough to over power that impulse of the moment to 'protect' oneself through a fight instinct!

Reggio: It must have made for some extremely long days working in daycare centers that choose re direction only? Let's be serious some children need time outs.

Every child is different and finding out what works for them is the challenge, I hope from all the advice given the original poster can come to a solution soon. It is equally frustrating for the parents of the victims as it is for the parents of the bitter.

Good luck and keep us posted.

P.S Please be 150% on board with the parents and make sure they are following through with whatever method you choose together.

I think there are a lot of good suggestions, here for the OP. Hopefully you can see some improvement right away. The thing I am questioning is, are mom and dad on board, FOR SURE? If this has been going on for months or whatever, and mom and dad are doing the same things as provider, I am thinking it should be at least getting better?
Maybe I have become too cynical, and I don't believe that parents are actually trying, unless I see it with my own eyes.

And I will say, not attempting to stir the pot, that I am not sure that you can compare a little person learning to walk and knocking buddy over, with a little person who is angry/frustrated and bites. The first is accidental, and the second is intentional. Perhaps not intending to hurt, (although sometimes it is) but a deliberate act nonetheless. And in my program, the only thing that receives an immediate time out is aggresive or hurtful behaviour.

I agree with not OVERusing time outs, absolutely. As with anything, they lose their meaning. And because each child is a different person, we need to think creatively sometimes and determine a consequence that will actually matter to a child, and that sends a clear message "THIS behaviour is NOT okay".

While I get what you are saying about not accepting aggressive behaviour ( I don't accept it either), I do not actually see the biting as "intentional". To be "intentional", a person has to think about it and then say to themselves "I am going to bite Johnny because I don't like what he's doing...that will teach him"...or something along those lines. I think in a 22 month old, it is more like an urge or impulse that takes over in the heat of a moment of frustration and they act before thinking. I think it would be very difficult for this child to stop himself and say "hmmm, if I bite, I might get a time-out, so I won't". That is why time-outs never worked for either of the biters I used to have in care. I found giving the child a soother worked...maybe giving them something else to bite when frustrated would work as well. And avoiding the frustration is key. Intervening before the bite happens is key. But, we all do what works for us.

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Originally Posted by mom-in-alberta

I think there are a lot of good suggestions, here for the OP. Hopefully you can see some improvement right away. The thing I am questioning is, are mom and dad on board, FOR SURE? If this has been going on for months or whatever, and mom and dad are doing the same things as provider, I am thinking it should be at least getting better?
Maybe I have become too cynical, and I don't believe that parents are actually trying, unless I see it with my own eyes.

And I will say, not attempting to stir the pot, that I am not sure that you can compare a little person learning to walk and knocking buddy over, with a little person who is angry/frustrated and bites. The first is accidental, and the second is intentional. Perhaps not intending to hurt, (although sometimes it is) but a deliberate act nonetheless. And in my program, the only thing that receives an immediate time out is aggresive or hurtful behaviour.

I agree with not OVERusing time outs, absolutely. As with anything, they lose their meaning. And because each child is a different person, we need to think creatively sometimes and determine a consequence that will actually matter to a child, and that sends a clear message "THIS behaviour is NOT okay".

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For children that are extemely oral there are chewies designed to be pinned to the child and in varying sizes and thicknesses right up to teen use - available through special needs supply catalogues. This kind of "toy" gives the child who has outgrown a soother the opportunity to do what they feel the need to do but in a safe way. Just the same as we would tell a child that wants to hit to go hit a pillow or a punching bag or some other safe thing to hit to get it out of their system. As Sunnydays said the urge is overwhelming and something the child can not control in the heat of the moment. Logical thinking does not enter into this type of child's thinking at all.