Advice needed regarding probation/term letter Re: child's behaviour

If you put her on probation my experience tells me the parents will go and find alternate care. I mean, really, it's not like they don't kNOW she is like this. And the fact that they are aware of her behaviour but not addressing it says that they don't see it as a problem. So your putting her on probation is just going to tick them off and make them defensive. They WILL leave if you put her on probation. But, hey, would that be so bad?

Personally, I think you have put up with enough for long enough a period of time. It's time to just let her go.

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Originally Posted by MonkeyPrincess

I understand that, and i agree with you to a certain degree, but in my case, i was in the washroom. It's not like i was gone for half an hour. it was 10 min! (unfortunately sometimes it takes me a little longer to go). I have a policy in my contract that states that if anything gets damaged or broken by a DCchild, the parents have to pay for it. It wasn't a DC toy it was my daughter's doll.

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I understand that being the only caregivers in a household we sometimes have to leave the kids unattended to go to the washroom etc. however if you knew this girl had a tendency to break things you should have brought her with you and gotten her to stay just outside the door or strap her in a high chair. Now this child has other issues obviously so you have reason to be frustrated but in this case I just don't think it's fair to make the parents pay.

And as for potty training, punishment is NOT going to work. Potty training kids need encouragement, praise, positive reinforcement but punishment will always make things worse. I also agree that a pull-up is a diaper and kids can't tell the difference. I would try underwear, she is old enough.

I put a family on probation about 5 weeks ago and they DID NOT find alternative care. It was enough for them to get their act together and I am glad I didn't just terminate. I think most parents will seek out alternative care because they HAVE to if their spot is threatened to be over in 2 weeks not because they are pissed off at the provider. Also probably the majority will still get annoyed with you and leave for sure but I don't like to paint everyone with the same brush.

Its funny to see the difference in responses to this child than the one last week who was physically harming another child on a regular basis for 6 months. I understand that they are two separate situations and the age difference changes things, but regardless of age neither child is okay behaving this way for 6 months old and in both cases the dcprovider had tried multiple methods of discipline and both sets of parents were not 100% committed to being on board but literally everyone on this post is all for termination, and I was the one who thought the other child should have been terminated and everyone else came up with strategies to help modify behaviour....hope you are following me haha LOL not criticizing anyones opinion for either case, but funny to see how people opinions can be so different when I think they are both very similar situations. How many people said they wouldn't want to pass the problem on to someone else to fix??

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Originally Posted by Fun&care

I understand that being the only caregivers in a household we sometimes have to leave the kids unattended to go to the washroom etc. however if you knew this girl had a tendency to break things you should have brought her with you and gotten her to stay just outside the door or strap her in a high chair. Now this child has other issues obviously so you have reason to be frustrated but in this case I just don't think it's fair to make the parents pay.

And as for potty training, punishment is NOT going to work. Potty training kids need encouragement, praise, positive reinforcement but punishment will always make things worse. I also agree that a pull-up is a diaper and kids can't tell the difference. I would try underwear, she is old enough.

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I say this respectfully, but I am not sure that i agree with that. I understand your thought process, i really do, but it's not something that i normally do.

In regards to the pull up, i agree, i believe the kids thinks it's like a diaper, but the kid can't stay dry in underwear or a pull up. We have tired the underwear only route and it has ended in my wet carpets, floor clean up 4x a day. Mind you that was 4 months ago, so i am sure she can try again, but the parents are helping. I have suggested that they take time off to stay home and potty train her and the mom said they can't because they are going on vacation in march and she is taking time off this summer for knee surgery. They aren't interested. They want me to do all the potty training. Thats not how i roll. I only help once the parents have taken it seriously and the child shows progression.

For me, age is the difference. Young children need to be taught how to play etc.

This is what I have in my contract for behaviour management....I believe in taking positive steps in managing and guiding children's behaviours. I do this through well defined limits according to the child's age and capabilities. In an instance where your child's behaviour is inappropriate, I will redirect and refocus. If this does not work I will have the child have a "time away". It is not a time out where they are allowed to do nothing rather it is a time for the child to have some alone time(usually with a book or puzzle) and be allowed the opportunity to de-escalate and calm down. If this still does not work, than a time out with no toys will be used as a last resort. If your child's behaviour becomes a problem, I will speak to you and together we will find a solution that works for your child, you and myself. If the behaviour becomes too out of control and is a safety to the other children or myself, I may ask that you find alternate care.

I would let the parents know EVERY day what kind of behaviour I saw and what discipline I had to take. I would talk to the parents and come up with a plan of action and ask that we both follow it so the child has consistent discipline for the bad behaviour. If after all that there was no sign of improvement than I would consider termination. For me, it really is case by case and I don't have a "cookie cutter" approach as each child (and parents!!) are different.

Personally I think your done !! Having a 3.5 yr old pee on the floor would be a lot to deal with !!! The time spent cleaning ect !! I agree with the pull up !
I am right now lavishing a ton of praise and stickers on a potty trainer , I would suggest ignoring her and her potty training issue altogether ! But it's not just the potty issues , if she is causing that much disruption to your dayhome , I would say term immediately !
I persevered for 6.5 months with a similar situation and the first morning dck was gone my group and I were a lot happier ! Dck was occupying so much of my time with neg attention I didn't even notice ! Once dck was gone ?? I could focus on all the dcks !!!
Speaking from experience I was so much happier !!!

If your going to be in the bathroom for more then 2-3 mins then you absolutely should put her I. A chair and strap her in or bring her with you .... What if she climbed up on something and fell off or jumped off and landed on another child or what if she purposely hurt another child? There are all kinds of scenarios that could happen while you are in the bathroom for an extended period of time .... You should be protecting the other children and yourself from accidents as you are liable if she hurts her self or another child while in your care.
As for potty training I always use plastic pants over thick underwear to protect my furninshings and at this age .... Yes I absolutely agree with a punishment for soiling themselves .... At his age she knows the difference and she is making a choice not to use the potty... Is it available to her to just use all on her own or does she have to ask you? I have two potties right outside my bathroom and I have three kids that use the potties ( two I put on and one goes on her own) and I have one that uses the toilet. If you don't have something that she can just use independently then maybe that's what you/she needs ..... However I think this family needs their walking papers and I would not ask them to pay for the doll .... If it was not a daycare toy then it should not be out during day care hours... But I might be inclined to mention it to the parents. Good luck