Bragging = High Expectations

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Originally Posted by ttremble88

. But if asked a question, she usually just stares at the person, not saying anything, until I pull an answer out of her. For example, if she is playing with a cow, she will say, "I eat hay", but if you ask her "what does a cow eat?" She will just stare at you blankly. This goes for personal questions, for example, would you like water or milk? She usually replies with "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm " I have not noticed any face expressions or behaviours that do not match the situation.

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Yes this is what I experienced with the dcg I mentioned before. It got to the point where if she wanted a toy or anything, she HAD to ask and until she did she did not get what she wanted. It's weird, I know...a part of me thought that sometimes this was her way of controlling her environment...sort of a manipulative behavior. Hard to explain but after seeing how manipulative she was with her parents by not answering etc. I realized this was a controlling behavior which is why I began demanding that she ask for things properly etc. I don't think you should rule out medical/ behavioral issues but I wouldn't jump the gun and say anything just yet to the parents and if you don't see any improvement in a few weeks try being a bit more demanding in terms of getting her to articulate herself. Clearly as you have mentioned her vocabulary is fine so that is not the problem...the question is WHY is she choosing not to answer...does she just need more time, is she being manipulative or could she be somewhere on the spectrum? All you can do is watch and wait.

Just thought of an example...dcg would start crying at pick up so parents would scramble trying to figure out what's wrong, asking her loads of questions " are you hungry, are you tired, are you hot etc etc etc" and dcg would give the blank stare and parents would keep going asking her questions instead of getting dcg to TELL them what was wrong. Honestly I think she did it a) for attention, b) because she was never taught how to express herself properly and c) because she kinda enjoyed watching her parents scramble and felt that so long as she didn't reveal what was wrong it meant she was in CONTROL. Which is why I came to no longer tolerate it after a while because I could see right though this little game she played. I know this is making it sound like she was a bad kid lol she really truly was not but was not taught proper communication and was conditioned to just not give adults an answer and just waiting for them to figure it out themselves all while getting loads of attention and feeling in control.

I don't think what tremble is describing sounds the same as fun & care. Trembles child is able to play independently with little or no guidance. Nowhere was it written in the original post that the child needed to ask for a toy to be able to play with it.

Not being able to follow direction is a completely different thing and also the fact that the child knows what a cow eats but can't find the answer when asked directly is indicative of difficulty versus stubborn and choosing not to answer. I would try to engage in a conversation with her that she instigates and see if there is a difference. This may not be easy at first anyway until the child is fully comfortable with you. Please do not write this up to manipulative behaviour. If it isn't and it's treated as such, it will likely be damaging to the child. Also if they have a problem with working memory it doesn't mean they are on the spectrum. It's so hard for any of us to know on here without seeing the child and/or without a background in special needs. Speaking for myself, I have cared for special needs kids and have one of my own so just from what you wrote I see some red flags but then face to face things could be very different.