OT- Neighbours yelling

If I may speak on behalf of the other posters for a sec...

WE are not saying that yelling is acceptable, we are saying have proof that ABUSE IS HAPPENING. unf, yelling is not abuse, in that sense and CAS will tell you that...I had a mom in my daycare who used to give her daughter cold showers when she peed her pants, and a social worker told me that unless she was being PHYSICALLY HURT or BRUISES OR LACK OF BASIC NEEDS BEING MET were documented that there was not a thing they could do.

Is the system strange?

Yes.

DO I like it?

No.

Not agreeing with the way someone does things is not a reason to report.

I'm pretty sure no one said yelling is a good parenting technique. However, it is a HUGE leap to assume abuse and animal murder.

If you are genuinely concerned go and talk to them.

Honestly I think you are overstepping your boundaries if you call. There are times when parents need to raise their voice and I have also raised my voice with the daycare children as well. Really - yelling does not = abuse. If they were yelling obscenities or calling them names then that is a totally different story. I have spanked my daughter on more than one occasion in a store for unacceptable behaviour and have gotten some funny looks. Some children respond differently to different sorts of discipline, maybe they push and push their parents until their parents get mad enough to yell and then they know they have reached their limits? you don't know. I say mind your own business.

On a side note, during swimming lessons one time my daughter was acting absolutely ridiculous. We left the pool, went into the change room where I spanked her bum. She smartened right up (as she knows that is the last resort for me). I later had a lady come up to me when we were getting ready to leave. She said how she thought my parenting was great and that there are too many people these days that tippy toe around the bad behaviour and don't discipline for fear of what other's will think. I personally think that is what is wrong with the world - too many times people butt their noses in where it doesn't belong and unless there is evidence of abuse then I say leave it alone.

I am a social worker and have worked with the CAS a lot with families (reunification, helping to prevent a family break down, individual and family therapy) and I have made my share of reports.

I would say, yes yelling is not the best form of communication but if the yelling is no more then just "Johnny, get over here" "Johnny, stop hitting your sister" (as I interpreted your post) then they most likely will do nothing. If your gut tells you there is more going on, you can always call CAS and ask for an anonymous consult. They will put you through to an intake worker and you can share your concerns. It is not our job to decide if something is abuse (that is the CAS' job) go with your gut as it wouldn't hurt to make the call. If they do investigate, sometimes parents are given info re: parenting courses etc.

Thank you tkids:)

Honestly if it were me it would really get to me too. Even if WHAT they are yelling isn't necessarily abusive, the yelling in itself IS damaging to a child. However I don't think it warrants a call to CAS unless your gut tells you that should because there isn't much they can do about yelling.

And yes we all raise our voices sometimes but that's not what OP is referring to- this is CONSTANT yelling and it has no place in parenting and really, out of respect for their neighbors I'm not sure why they think constant yelling is ok anyways.

I have to say, that I am with the majority here. Sure, yelling does not sound nice, it is not ideal, but it is not abuse. Especially when the parents are not calling the children names, or personally attacking them. My husband is, unfortunately, a 'yeller'. If my boys get out of hand, talk back, dont listen, they get his clam voice first, and if no response, they get his loud voice (or yelling). When in public, I hush him. Because, I am not a yeller. But he has a point when he says: "What they see is what they get, it is better then some of the parents who smile and ignore the behavior and then behind closed doors, beat their child". Dont get me wrong, I believe that there are more efficient ways to discipline/get a childs attention, but there are also a lot more negative ways as well.

As for the curtains. My curtains are pretty much always closed. Our living room and kitchen face the south so from sun up to sun down it is beaming in, heating up the place insanely quick.

I agree with the others. While it completely sucks that they here yelling all the time, it is their parenting style and as they are not name calling or making derogatory comments it won't warrant as abuse. As you mentioned that you hear this when you are outside, are you positive that they are yelling AT them? Or yelling for them? If I'm inside and my own kids are playing outside and I need one of them for something then yes, of course I raise my voice out the door to get their attention especially if they're running around yelling as kids do outside. Also, in my care right now I have 3 almost 4yrs old boys...they get hyper, silly and rough, lol. If talking doesn't work then yes I do have to raise my voice from time to time...man, it would suck to think people might consider calling CAS on me for that??

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Originally Posted by kassiemom

wow i had no idea that yelling was such an acceptable way of communicating, especially from people who work with kids.
we all have our moments but constant yelling and screaming is not beneficial to the children and it is really sad that this is okay by everyone. I know that calling to report them is not the most ideal situation at this point and i wouldn't call prematurely but i would rather call and have it be nothing than to watch this go on and something terrible happen.

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I went back and re-read our responses, and not once did anyone state that it was "acceptable" to yell. Most of us agreed that it is NOT very effective. But not everyone communicates the same. Some use loud voices, some use soft. Your idea of yelling may be different than others.
My concern is that you jumped from raised voices and drawn shades to "there must be abuse" and debating calling CFAS. Have you seen anything else that points to the fact that the children are not being cared for adequately? Are they fed? Are they supervised? Do they seem to be otherwise happy? What other signs have led you to believe there is abuse?
Please excuse us if we are appearing to attack you. But it would be grossly wrong of you to consider calling Social Services if you have nothing else to go on, but a disagreeance in how children should be parented.

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Originally Posted by mom-in-alberta

Unless you know or TRULY suspect that they are being abused (do they have bruises or odd injuries?), this is none of your concern. How do you know that they are emotionally scarring them? Yelling may not be the most effective form of communication, but sometimes it is all people know. You said they do not call names, or otherwise degrade them. .

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Emotional abuse is a very real thing and can scar and harm as much as physical abuse.

That being said I will continue to listen, the noise doesn't bug me its the love i have for all children and I feel so badly for the children no matter how devilish they may or may not be. its just a sad sad case