Feeling bad about a daycare letter.

I'm confused. You asked "isn't home daycare supposed to be about flexibility?"

She said at the end of the letter: "The other alternative is to pay for a full time space to allow you the ***flexibility*** you may need. As a reminder full time spaces are available at a cost of $650.00/month for care Monday to Friday, at agreed upon times up to 10 hours per day."

She has offered "flexibility" and you are saying she isn't flexible.

Somehow "flexibility" in the child care business has become synonymous with the parents wishes being granted for free or for cheap. If you pay more you get flexibility just like in every other business.

I'm also confused as to what her having a few number of kids has to do with schedule flexibility? She's operating to MAKE MONEY. She is able to male money with low numbers as long as she is paid handsomely for flexibility. That's a good thing for your special needs child and his care.

Yes, I agree with all the other providers that have already made solid points.
I just thought I would add, that when I read that she "only looks after two children (including mine) and her own" it made me think of something. When I only have two children for the day, I do plan to go out and I really look forward to getting out of the house on thsoe days, but if suddenly I have a third child, those outting just are not possible.
Also, if this is really her full time rate of 650/month full time up to ten hours a day, that is a pretty decent rate. and perhaps she is suggesting that if you really want to continue switching days on her, just pay her full time, and she will accept that she needs to expect to care for your child full time? By the time you pay the extra costs for part time, full time might just be a better way to go?
As a provider, I get frustrated when people always complain how expensive daycare is. I charge 35 a day, all meals and snacks included, crafts every day, 10 hours a day.......I dont know what is more ecomonical than that? I going for a (long overdue )pedi today, it will cost me $40 for maybe an hour, movies tonight with my son will cost at least 25-30 for a couple hours....so I have to watch two children for two whole days to pay for these small luxuries.

I think some of the comments above are maybe a little harsh. Daycaremomm was being genuine in her question.
Kids and care are personal, business is not. So the clash in the daycare world can be particularity stark and jarring. Your provider sounds top notch and if your child is happy and well cared for, she is on her A Game.
The paperwork is only a formality and one needed to ensure communication is clear. It seems harsh, but it is really just to document the facts and make sure there is no communication issues, and is not a reflection of her feelings about you or your kiddo. With the quick hi/byes at the door, she is just ensuring she is available to the other kids and keeps the day rolling.
I think you choose well and should take the letter as proof that you have hired a very professional and well trained care provider. :)
That said, if you think that the part time hours are causing issues with her schedule (see Mickyc above) just ask her if everything is all right? A good face to face conversation clears the air and will give clarity to both you and her.

Personally I would not ask her if everything is alright. LOL. I don't like confrontation and likely wouldn't be honest if my part-time family had of asked me. They already asked to switch days and I said yes even though it drove me nuts. I would take the letter as her nice way of saying it isn't working for her and she would prefer you stick to your days booked or pay for full-time and then you are free to use what you want, when you want and she has no reason to be upset about it.

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Originally Posted by SillyGirl_C

I think some of the comments above are maybe a little harsh. Daycaremomm was being genuine in her question.
Kids and care are personal, business is not. So the clash in the daycare world can be particularity stark and jarring. Your provider sounds top notch and if your child is happy and well cared for, she is on her A Game.
The paperwork is only a formality and one needed to ensure communication is clear. It seems harsh, but it is really just to document the facts and make sure there is no communication issues, and is not a reflection of her feelings about you or your kiddo. With the quick hi/byes at the door, she is just ensuring she is available to the other kids and keeps the day rolling.
I think you choose well and should take the letter as proof that you have hired a very professional and well trained care provider. :)
That said, if you think that the part time hours are causing issues with her schedule (see Mickyc above) just ask her if everything is all right? A good face to face conversation clears the air and will give clarity to both you and her.

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I think a lot of issues occur between providers and parents due to poor communication skills whether it is both having issues or one or the other. I would have a face to face conversation over texting or emailing to clear the air and clear things up. Don't begin to assume to know what someone is thinking. You could take the letter any way you like but it doesn't make it so in the providers world. The only way to know for certain is to talk to her. She sounds like a great business woman and a caring provider and I am sorry you feel like you do. I'm not going to discredit your feelings though. If you want this to work out, I suggest you take heed of what people have said on here about contracts, policies and the whole topic of "flexibility". If the contract you signed did not say the policies were flexible then they are not. Flexibility means that a home daycare provider may be more willing to tailor care to an individual more so than say a centre which has a standardized way of running things which may not suit some peoples needs or preferences. Read through this forum and see how much conflict and misunderstanding has come from providers texting and emailing versus face to face up front and honest dialoguing. In my opinion that is where a lot of issues occur. Confront the issue in a respectful manner making it clear from the off that you just want to get this off your chest and address it and then you can move forward. Your provider is putting everything in writing so she has a record and to make sure there is absolutely no reason or excuse for misunderstanding. Had you followed the contract as outlined to you and signed by you, your provider would not need to keep sending written reminders, but perhaps this situation can be dealt with so you can carry on with the relationship.

Well I did have a chat with her, and she explained that, her ratios are low, in part because my son needs more one on one care than the others do. Is she blaming me for something? I also found out that the other boy that is in her care (from his mother) has a casual spot, and only pays for days used.

When I asked her if I could have a spot like them she said no, that they are grandfathered in and she no longer does this type of child care. She asked me why I started making inquires with her other people, and seemed angry. Should she be? What are ratios?

Ratios are the amount of children she is allowed to have- sounds like she wants to keep her numbers low because of her son. Totally understandable. You shouldn't be worried about what she does for other families. Of course she has every right to be upset with you. You are being snoopy with what others are getting then even after her giving you your letter you have the nerve now to ask to pay for only the days you use - ummmmmm ya that is rude imo. She is offering you full-time if you need flexible care- she needs to make a living too.

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Originally Posted by mickyc

Ratios are the amount of children she is allowed to have- sounds like she wants to keep her numbers low because of her son. Totally understandable. You shouldn't be worried about what she does for other families. Of course she has every right to be upset with you. You are being snoopy with what others are getting then even after her giving you your letter you have the nerve now to ask to pay for only the days you use - ummmmmm ya that is rude imo. She is offering you full-time if you need flexible care- she needs to make a living too.

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Lot's of assumptions being made here. Snooping or having an innocent conversation with another parent using the same childcare services? Could be either but I wouldn't be accusing anyone of anything when I didn't know the facts. I think it is okay for this parent to ask the deal the other family is getting. We need to look after ourselves and so do families. There is no harm in asking and the OP was given a fair explanation as to why this isn't available to her whether she likes it or not is another thing. Try for a minute to place yourself in the shoes of the mother. As providers we can obviously relate to the provider and make assumptions but we still don't know the facts and I don't believe it to be fair to call people rude when they are looking out for their best interests just as we would. As a parent and as one who has had their children in daycare, I would feel pretty frustrated and annoyed if I found out that the other family in my providers daycare was getting the deal that I had requested and I was getting denied.

I understand and appreciate the grandfathering and have been there myself similarly where I had flexi care offered to one family only, but then I set boundaries, made policies and enforced them without wavering, rather than giving in and complaining about it afterward because it was uncomfortable to stand my ground and have a confrontation but that was what I should have done in the first place. If this provider didn't want to allow this mother to move days, then she should have said no in the first place so as not to lead the parent to believe that it was acceptable. If we are flexible with our policies and our contract terms then we hold some responsibility in misleading our clients into what "flexibility" means thus resulting in implying that it is okay for them to also bend and break rules.

My impression is that the provider feels that it is becoming to frequent and moving away from the original agreement and is making it clear in writing that this is not something she is willing to carry on with any longer.

It sounds like the provider is offering an explanation, not blame, that she has chosen to keep her ratio of caregiver to children low in order to be able to meet the needs of her group sufficiently, including those with and without special needs. It sounds like the other family have a contract outlining the flexicare versus your contract daycare mommy which was not made or signed by either of you for the same set up. That is why the other family are allowed this deal, because it was their original agreement, and was not yours. I suggest if you can clear the air and let it go, you do so and realize that this is a business she is running and while she is giving great quality childcare I assume and hope, she is also running her business it would seem as a professional, not as a favour system or to solely work for families in care at the expense of her income and business practice. Otherwise, maybe it would be best to find another provider and go into that setting with a much clearer and realistic understanding of this business and when you sign something signifying that you understand and agree, don't break the rules.

[QUOTE=daycaremommv;7 1929]

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Is she blaming me for something?

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How could we possibly know? If she is, what could it be? Is it possible that your son's needs weren't fully disclosed or understood? Or is it maybe that the switching days has left her feeling disrespected and she's just had enough of this relationship? You have to ask her those questions.

Having had all the feedback you did, I wonder if you apologized or even explained that you didn't fully appreciate how much you were taking advantage? Sometime a sorry goes a long way.

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I also found out that the other boy that is in her care (from his mother) has a casual spot, and only pays for days used.

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So what? That is her business agreement with this other client. Maybe she gave a discount for a reason you don't know. Maybe she's charged you a little more because she was expecting your child needed added care. Regardless, not your business, not your arrangement.

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When I asked her if I could have a spot like them she said no, that they are grandfathered in and she no longer does this type of child care.

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Okay - so you've had a perfectly reasonable explaination - more than you'd have got from me because my arrangement with my clients aren't any business of anyone else.

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She asked me why I started making inquires with her other people, and seemed angry. Should she be? What are ratios?

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If you've been sneaky and underhand, yes.

You have a great carer, she's been very professional, you've treated her horribly, you have nosed into matter than are not your concern, damn right she has every right to be cross. She's gone out of her way to accommodate you and you come here and moan about her behaviour.


I truly am considering that you aren't this naive - perhaps you are some teenager trolling. I think this provider should hand you your notice and wave you on your way.

I agree with most of the other ladies....it sounds like you have a great provider. I don't think the letter was offensive or rude but the problem with text is that it's read in a tone that the reader sets instead of the writer. I think she was being professional and standing her ground with you and gave you the letter as a nice reminder of the contract that you signed. It sounds like she is a good person in other areas of caring for your child so I assume she didn't mean for the letter to get you as upset as it has.

FWIW, I myself have one family grandfathered in on some rules and one of them is the rate. Some know she has a different contract and some don't. I don't think it's anyone's business though so if I found out a parent was "snooping" than ya, I'd be a little annoyed whether it was right or wrong to feel that way. If it's just a conversation at pick up and it comes out than oh well, no big deal as it's not a huge secret and if asked I would tell the truth anyways. How did you find out about the other families arrangement? I once had a mom see another mom's newsletter and she read it wrong and asked me in a very accusing tone why they were paying more....HUGE miscommunication on her part because they paid the exact same but the way she brought it up with me turned me off of her completely!! I don't enjoy caring for families like that. This, plus so much more, all came about in a phone call and I terminated care with that family during that phone call!! I have never ever ever done that (haven't terminated anyone actually!) but I will not be disrespected in my own business in the way that this mom did to me.

If you have a good provider, my advice is to think long and hard about which battles you want to pick. Quality care can be hard to find and I wouldn't want to loose a great provider because it was ME that wasn't following the contract that I agreed upon.