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Very Sad for the poor family of the child that died in their driveway , it is a good reminder for us all to see what works and what doesn't in our driveways at pick-up times and remind parents by posting a note on our notice boards saying- Just a Reminder to Look at for children in the driveway at all times
NEED ADVICE PLEASE: I don't want to start another thread - my teenage son who generally is fairly responsible skidded into our driveway during quiet time while I was posting this thread. Left quite a squeal mark and I heard it from in the house. I was LIVID with him and I told him he can't have the car for a week. He needs it to go to his job but I said he can pay for taxi. He says I'm totally over reacting. What do you think? It's first time he's done this and helps me around the house daily but to me driving is a privilege. He said sorry which I accepted but still no keys. He thinks not cool. I think stupid teenage impulses. I'm disappointed in him.
You could make it a lesson in trust- you trust he has learned this important lesson and trust that he will drive safely anywhere near the driveway and on the roads, and if it happens again you will carry out this threat and let him get a taxi to work -Now he knows no mistakes near the driveway and always be on the lookout for little children hiding or running on or near the driveway-it is a good time to teach this important lesson to him
I think it is really important that you follow through on what you dealt him as his consequences. Don't have him make you second guess your choice. It just send the message to him that you can be easily manipulated if you back down on your word and should you, then there is little incentive to not make choices like this in the future because you didn't hold up your word. What was the point in saying x, y and z if you aren't going to follow through. That sends your son the wrong message in my opinion. Being a parent is not about being cool. He isn't going to like the consequences, but they are important in order for him to learn his lesson.
Personally I think maybe the punishment was a tad severe since you expect him to pay for it himself. IF he can bus to work that is going to be $5 a day if you expect him to taxi to work he might as well quit his job as there and back will cost as much as he makes meaning he can't meet his other obligations. I get the severity of the issue but since it was the first time and he is a responsible teen then assume it will be the last time. Compromise and say he must park on the street if arriving while there is a parent in the driveway and then go out and move the car into the driveway later when it is safe.
I think it is ok to go to him to discuss the issue. Admit that you may have over reacted due to fear and the severity of the situation. Show him the article about the child that died and explain the consequences of poor judgement. Come to some sort of agreement along with a promise of never doing it again. Car for back and forth to work only but no car for pleasure for the time frame or something if you must punish. Teens make mistakes but in the grand scheme of things will taking a taxi for a week really teach him to not do it next time or was it a knee jerk reaction by you that to some extent blew the action out of proportion. Also given the time your son came into the driveway he had reason to believe (nap time) that there would not be a chid there.
There is often more to learn from explaining to a child/teenager that you over reacted and that you need to revisit what you said and make your response more appropriate for the situation. As playfelt said, show him the article, explain your reaction and adjust the punishment to better fit the situation. Paying for a taxi for a week is a bit severe. Set the boundaries now...if he does it again then paying for a taxi for a week (or year) is perfectly legit because you made it clear ahead of time.
Yeah, i did have a knee jerk reaction for sure, and i apologized to him for yelling at him. (I don't yell at the dcks...just my own teenagers). He is biking a long way to work, but i'm gonna stick to it for the week.
It's all good because we were at the mall yesterday (I drove) shopping for our own things and he wanted to go home sooner than I did... well, with all the mall chaos, I temporarily forgot about him not driving, so I extended the keys out to him and said'you go ahead, I can walk home in this nice weather" (25 min walk)...he said " Yo, Mom, i'm like totally suspended 'til Friday remember?!" and he smiled at me as he turned to walk home.
I love that kid/man!! Thanks EVERYONE!! :)
Good for you sticking to your original consequences even if it is hard to push back the mothers guilt in hindsight of acting rashly. Sounds like you have a good kid and I think the apology and acknowledgement about the shouting at him is enough. Long bike ride...saves him some gas money right :)Quote:
Originally Posted by ebhappydc