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Any time anything happens, they all kind of laugh it off, and tell her shes silly.
some of the other issues.....picking holes in my carpet/walls/the counter in my bathroom, pushing me and the other kids, flooding my toilet and bathroom sink.....the list goes on.
I have thought the exact same thing! If she absolutely does not do it at home, the why are they still sending her here? I wouldnt. Lol! I might also add, that i treat her and her family very, very well. I also have another little one whos parents were terified to send him to me because of his behavioral issues.....i have not once seen him act out. He is a dear and a fabulous child to work with so, it makes me feel like i kind of know what I'm doing. As for the pee family, i have suggested they take her to the doctor to make sure it isnt a mwdical issue.....which, really, should have happened in general.
The Pee family (heehee).
I don't think I can be of help here...hopefully some others have advice from working with older, children that are acting out. I don't know that I would be keeping a child in care if they were picking holes in my walls/carpets/counters, flooding my house and pushing...along with peeing all over at the age of 4 UNLESS the parents were completely on board with helping to solve the issues at hand. Which these parents are NOT if they are laughing it off.
It is sad, but we are only one person and we have a huge job before us. If the parents are not working as a team to solve big issues like this then it can just mean you have to devote way too much of your time and energy to solving it all on your own...while often times the parents are just undoing your hard work after hours.
My 3 almost 4 year old niece AND my friend's daughter who is the same age both took FOREVER to potty train. It was getting very frustrating and it didn't seem to matter what they did there were constant accidents for months and months. They both have strong willed personalities, perhaps that is a factor? My niece had an issue with holding in her poop and that caused some real set backs too. But for both of them they just recently were finally fully potty trained, all that they did was keep consistently taking them to the potty and eventually it just clicked.
Sorry I don't have much advice to offer, except that it took time and endless patience. But if the girl is pooping herself she would definitely be in a pull up in my house. What an awful mess to clean up!
How does she react when she has an accident?
I'm picturing myself standing at an intersection with all my kids and daycare kids and my daughter having an accident. There would be build-up (ie. Mommy, I have to go pee! I have to pee! Have to pee!) and then the accident followed by her being upset (crying, panicking, etc). From what you describe in your first post, I'm picturing you standing at the corner with a bunch of kids and one kid just starts peeing all over the sidewalk and then keeps on walking like nothing happened.
How does she respond to redirection etc around the other issues? Ie. "DCG, please don't pick at the carpet, you'll make a hole." Does she stop and move on to something else? Or does she deliberately continue to pick at the carpet? I find sometimes with kids they'll pull at something just because it's there if that makes sense? There is a small gouge in the wall in my front entrance and whenever my daughter sees it, she picks at it. When I remind her not to pick it though, she stops.
My son was trained at 2 1/2 and was accident free for about 6 months and then from age 3ish until the end of SK he was peeing his pants close to 6 times a day during school hours with maybe a couple more accidents daily at home. This was not behavioural, he wasn't being defiant, he simply didn't care. It was not important to him and because it wasn't important to him retaining any kind of information with regards to toileting was almost impossible. It was only years later after extensive psychological evaluation for schooling that upon having his history taken, a psychologist explained this to me. Now this may not be the case for this child, but for mine it was and had I put him back in pull ups or a diaper, the only benefit would have been to my laundry load and floors, but wouldn't have helped my son any. That being said, he wasn't in a daycare, he was home with me. If I was faced with this here, a pull up would be a must, and I don't say that lightly as I don't even use pull ups to train in, underwear only in my daycare. I just want people to maybe think that your rational for why this is happening may be completely off as its hard to know what a child is thinking and how they interpret and process things. For my son this wasn't a case of intellectual capacity or physical or mental ability or readiness. Like anything with him during the primary grades of school, if he didn't see the importance of something, there wasn't a dam thing you could do to convince him otherwise. Also, you could go to any lengths in terms of incentives to make him go, but in all likelihood he probably didn't hear or notice any of it because his mind was on more important matters...at least to him.
In a case like this where I am hazarding a guess that there is more going on than just toileting issues, I'd be giving notice. I am not one to give up on a child, but if you have truly tried everything and its obvious that the parents aren't on board, then you have to think of the best interests of the group and how much is taken from them as a result of a child in this situation.
Personally I would have had a hard time putting up with pee and pooh accidents because of Hygiene reasons and you can ask the parents to bring in pull-ups for her and if they don't cooperate with you it is time for the child to leave and the next child will be a lot nicer than this one
Ok, friends.....I JUST found at lastnight that she wears pull ups at home!!!! No wonder she doesn't have accidents at home!!!!!!!!!!! Can I pull all my hair out, now?!?! Why? Why knowing she has to be in pull ups all day at home would you send her here without them?!?! Am I taking crazy pills?!?!
she doesn't react when she has the accidents. its like nothing has even happened. as for the other issues, I will say 'please stop picking at my carpet' and she will stare me in the eyes, straight faced and keep doing it.
Did I read that right? She wears pull ups at home, but they've been sending her to daycare in underpants. When she has multiple accidents continually and you've tried to address that with them they have just laughed and shrugged it off. They never mentioned that she doesn't wear underpants at home in those discussions? They knew she was peeing all over your home and they still didn't bring it up?
Unless I've misunderstood or there is more information that you haven't provided, It's time to show them the door. So disrespectful.