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It's a sad world when people say a 3 year old is too young to understand "sorry". Even my youngest child who is 17 months understands sorry and gives hugs (she can't say it yet). Discipline does not just start at some magic age...it starts right from day one and grows with the child. Those same people judging would have judged just as much if you had let him scream and disrupt everyone...then they would have whispered about what a brat and how you can't control your kid. You can't win, so I just ignore all the looks and do my own thing. Most parents cave to the pressure though...they want to quiet the kid fast so people will stop staring, so they give him what he wants. It's not a very family friendly society here in North America I am afraid.
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Not starting soon enough is a big issue. I so hate getting an older child into care and by that I mean over 18 months, lol. I want them as young as they can be and then they grow up thinking my way and my rules is the way. I start right from the beginning to enforce the way things will be and by the time they are old enough for it to matter they know and don't challenge. One example that seems silly but I have a one year old now learning what part of my kitchen is off limits. I have my working area (sink/stove/counter/fridge) and that U shaped alcove is a no enter area. I refuse to turn around from the stove with a hot pot and have a child underfoot. So everytime the baby comes in I move her out and say no we don't play here and of course she screams but I just go back to doing my cooking and repeat moving her as needed. Yes putting her in the highchair would be easier but doesn't give me this teaching moment. Now even the three year old will ask me if he wants to go into the alcove to put something in the garbage because he knows it is off limits. The sooner they learn these things the happier we all get along and down the road there is no unteaching needed which is the best part BUT it can sound harsh and unreasonable to treat the baby that way until you understand why it is being done.
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My 2 year old understands 'please' 'sorry' and 'thank you' they are part of our vocabulary and we talk about compassion and empathy regularly.
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I have not been doing this for long, but if I think about how kids were when I was growing up compared to now... I do think things have changed. I sometimes feel like i`m too hard on my kids but I think that there are things that are just unacceptable, and refuse to have my kids behave a certian way. I dont know how many times I have had to tell my school age daycare kids who are allowed a certian behaviours, or allowed to use certain language at home with their parents that I will not allow in my home, that even if their parents allow it it is NOT acceptable when you are with me in my home!
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Just to add to my last post... thismorning I got told.... TOLD ....by one of my daycare kids, a boy who is 6.5, that he follows rules at school but he doesnt have to follow the rules at my house because I'm not a teacher and this isnt a school. When I tried to explain to him that regardless if he is at school or not, when he is at my house he follows my rules out of respect for me... he just raised his voice over mine and told me no he doesnt have to bc he doesnt have to at home either....
Nice eh?
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I can't STAND when parents of children who are bullies are all like "we don't know where she gets it from??" ummm...YOU.
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wow lilac, how did that work out? I probably would have told the parents (with the child present) exactly what he said and see how he reacted. The kid sounds like he's trying to see where the line is... I'm thinking he found it lol
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I didnt see mom today, our school xmas concert was today so they went home with her afterschool.
He and his sister are the ones that are leaving me b/c of my mat leave, tommorow is their last day. I know he gives his parents a hard time and what I see at daycare is nothing compared to how he behaves at home. Hes always kinda had a bit of a smart alec attitude, but usually only needed reminding of how he is speaking to others. However his attitude towards me seems to have gone downhill here with me over the past couple of weeks. I dont know... does he figure he doesnt have to listen to me b/c I"m not going to look after him anymore?
Basically, I spoke firmly to him about speaking to everyone not only adults but everyone with respect and left it at that. His last day is tommorow, after that the new nanny can deal with the attitude. I did speak to my own kids about respecting the rules of whoever's home you are in and how they treat and speak to adults regardless of if they are teachers or not.
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Lilac: he might actually be acting out because he knows that you won't be caring for you, and he's going to miss you! I know I had a little girl who always had a change in her behaviour if something was changing in her environment (ie; a move or some such thing). She was only 2, but it was like she could sense it.
Or, he might just be a brat. LoL :)
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He was a little bugger again today, back talking, lying to me, bashing toys off the support posts in my basement. But when it came time to go he gave me a big long hug, which he NEVER does, his sister huggs me all the time, but he has never been affectionate to me at all. I was kinda surprised bc we were butting heads the whole time he was here today, but maybe that was part of it (although I suspect there is a bit of the brat factor in there too! LOL!)
