Bad experiences with day care providers

As a provider myself, with over 19 years experience, it has been my experience that not only do part-time children take longer to adjust, it also takes some of the full-time children longer to adjust lately. I am finding that parents are not preparing their children for daycare at all. A lot of the little ones I have started in the past year had never been looked after by anyone other than their parents, they were not socialized in play groups, etc., never slept in a playpen, never encouraged to feed themselves a bottle/cup or food, never made to self-soothe, never left to play on their own for any period of time without constant stimulation by the parent. All of these things make our jobs as providers more difficult. Learning to be independent helps with patience (when you're not the only child in daycare) and gives the child the ability to be happy without constant attention. True, every child is different, but if you what a successful transition into daycare, please take the time to prepare your child for a positive experience by allowing them to have some independence and not be so reliant on Mom/Dad...it doesn't mean you love them less...it demonstrates your confidence in who you are leaving baby with and they can sense that. Essentially, you are giving them a head start to happy experiences because you have enabled them to have the necessary coping skills required to make the transition from Mom/Dad's arms to ours.

In the past it is normal for full time children to adjust within 2 - 6 weeks of full time care depending on the child.

My latest child in care has been with me for 6 1/2 weeks. My child is still struggling to hold the bottle on own, still struggling with learning routine, has a temper tantum when doesn't get own way, screams constantly at me when I don't respond instantly or pick up on demand. At 12 months, is not walking, crawling well, does't go up or down stairs well, takes limited initiative to do things for the child's self, still won't come to me for any reason, and has not started to follow every day routines, like coming to the table for snack, or learning daycare rules etc.

I believe it is exactly for the reason you mentioned Tinkerbell, the parents didn't prepare the child for daycare, the child is carried everywhere, the bottle is still held for the child, the child is still spoon fed, the parents go to the child, the child was entertained constantly, etc. Though I am proud of this set of parents because they did teach the child to self sooth for nap time, which does essentially help my day.

I think the hardest part is after 6 weeks of childcare with seeing so little progress I would normally terminate under my transistion period clause, but I believe this child has potential. But, like another provider mentioned in another threat that if we pass the window of opportunity, we may regret the decision not to terminate later on. For now I will keep on trucking an give the child another few months and see how the child progresses.

"My latest child in care has been with me for 6 1/2 weeks. My child is still struggling to hold the bottle on own, still struggling with learning routine, has a temper tantum when doesn't get own way, screams constantly at me when I don't respond instantly or pick up on demand."

This is lack of training and the result of protective parenting. Most first time parents and those who depend on grand parents do not know that they have to let the child learn as early as possible.

"At 12 months, is not walking, crawling well, does't go up or down stairs well, takes limited initiative to do things for the child's self, still won't come to me for any reason, and has not started to follow every day routines, like coming to the table for snack, or learning daycare rules etc. "

This part is a bit difficult. It is not right to expect all 12 month olds to be walking. Some certainly take longer and it is not always because of protective parenting.
Also some children are more sensitive than others..even the ones independent at home start to behave like this in the new atmosphere.
Do you even expect a 12 month old to go up and down the stairs?
Some do and some do not. I think this only happens if the child started walking at 10 months.
So, again I think the parents should see what the day care provider expects or sees as developmental progress.
Day care providers who want children to be trained (in what ever way...holding the bottle, saying words etc.) before attending daycare must put this in the manual and also inform the parents during the interview.
My day care provider expected my child to have words like more, no more, water etc. at 11 months. Mine said those things..but was not comprehendable by the provider ( bilingual).She was not walking by 12 months but was running by the end of 13th month and sings rhymes by 20 months.

This part is a bit difficult. It is not right to expect all 12 month olds to be walking. Some certainly take longer and it is not always because of protective parenting.
Also some children are more sensitive than others..even the ones independent at home start to behave like this in the new atmosphere.
Do you even expect a 12 month old to go up and down the stairs?
Some do and some do not. I think this only happens if the child started walking at 10 months.
So, again I think the parents should see what the day care provider expects or sees as developmental progress.
Day care providers who want children to be trained (in what ever way...holding the bottle, saying words etc.) before attending daycare must put this in the manual and also inform the parents during the interview.
My day care provider expected my child to have words like more, no more, water etc. at 11 months. Mine said those things..but was not comprehendable by the provider ( bilingual).She was not walking by 12 months but was running by the end of 13th month and sings rhymes by 20 months.[/QUOTE]

Wow...going up and down stairs at 12 months? Eeks ! I have 3 toddlers in daycare - all of them at the 2 year mark and I do not let any of them go down the stairs on their own.
I let them climb up the stairs but I make sure they are all going up in front of me and that I am walking behind them to make sure no one falls back and down the whole stairs.
I am starting to practise going downstairs with them 1 at a time to see how they do with it but I would never just let them do it on their own. I am right there holding their hands or going down backwards in front of them so I can catch them just in case.

I am also blown away that anyone would expect a 11 month old to say 'no more' or something like that. Putting 2 words together is usually around 18-24 months. I taught my toddlers how to say 'more' by using baby sign language and that worked out well. Most of the kids develop very differently. All 3 of my toddlers are close in age but very different in how much they talk and how good their motor skills are. Everyone is different.

The only thing I ask of new parents coming in is that their child has a nap routine and able to go to sleep on their own. I think every parents returning back to work should work on that becuase it will allow their child to have a better day at daycare and have less issues crying every day at nap time.

Myself..I used 3 different home daycares for my kids before I became one and none of them ever had stringent requests. All I can recall was that they asked them to be on a regular sleep/nap schedule

"I am also blown away that anyone would expect a 11 month old to say 'no more' or something like that. Putting 2 words together is usually around 18-24 months. I taught my toddlers how to say 'more' by using baby sign language and that worked out well. Most of the kids develop very differently. All 3 of my toddlers are close in age but very different in how much they talk and how good their motor skills are. Everyone is different."

Yes, I was very upset too. I realized that it wasn't working anyway. It is sad that some providers have a very different mindset when it comes to milestones.

I agree on the talking that many 12 month olds just look at you when you talk and don't respond. Two words will be a lot longer coming. As for the stairs a child that can crawl can climb stairs - hence the need for safety gates from a very young age. As for going down - mine turn around backwards and go down a stair at a time. I do not like the sit on the bum and go down forwards because if a foot catches or they lean too far forward they fall. Going backwards down there are a lot less issues. Between 15 -18 months I start them going down or after they are walking properly. Mostly I give them all a chance to do it and if they can fine, if they are too scared or unsure I pick them up and carry them. Mine know to sit at the top of the stairs till I give them the go ahead to come down or go up. The really little ones that don't are secured till others are down. I don't let them stand and use the railing till they are closer to 3 mostly because of size as in not reaching up to get it. Not holding a bottle at a year shouldn't be an issue because a child should be on a cup during the day by a year and would be if it was introduced by 9 months like it should be. A child will act as helpless as you let them.

I am amazed to hear about daycare providers having expectations of an 11 month old talking and a 12 month old walking and going up and down stairs. I am a mother of 3 and a new daycare provider, and I think this is very unfair to expect. They are still babies at 12 months and each one is different. Although there are things that they have to learn in order to cope with the daycare environment, walking and talking would not be on my list. I would say lots of socialization and being able to put themselves to sleep at naptime are key. I have been on both sides and I hated it as a parent when a daycare provider judged me for my parenting style, so I am very careful not to do that to my daycare parents.
As for the situation described by ilovemilton, I have to say that I understand why the provider wanted pay for the sick days. You pay for the space, not the days used. The provider is unable to fill the space when your child is absent and has no control over how often your child gets sick and is away. She does need to have a stable income and should be able to rely on that. As for the extra day, I would have probably given that for free because the child was away on his regular days, but she did have the right to ask for it according to her contract.

For those that were caregivers back in the days of 6 month maternity leaves where we often had babies entering care at 4 months because few woman were allowed to work right up to term things were very different. Rarely did we have a child that wasn't on a cup and eating table foods and either walking or at least cruising by 12 months. And a cruiser can climb stairs just fine even if they can't walk across the room because the steps provide something to hold onto. Single words began betwen 10 months and a year. Most were using a spoon no later than 15 months and by 18 months we were potty training. Rarely was a child in diapers except at naptime by 24 months. That's just the way kids were.

Times changed. Maternity leave became 12 months but no one bothered to teach doctors how to advise parents on what to do next so that is one of the reasons why we now get one year olds into care that are at the 9 month developmental level of years ago. I have been doing daycare for 25 years and have four children of my own ranging from 27 to 18.

Not saying it is wrong just saying it is troublesome in many respects and as we see children enter school that are not really ready in many areas. Self-esteem starts in infancy and a child that is inadvertantly taught that they are not capable has a harder road to travel.

As far as the daycare environment goes the sooner a child learns to walk and talk the sooner they can become social beings and interact with the other children. Most children do not have the ability to guess what a whine or tear means and will just ignore the child. Walking allows the child to participate with older children too as it means they have learned balance so can join more of our play activities instead of sitting on the sidelines. I have an 18 month old right now that is not on a cup, takes only a bottle if it is warmed to the correct temperature and grunts from behind her soother. Mostly the other kids can't be bothered dealing with her because she can't keep up. But mom constantly comments on how much she loves that the child still does these things and cuddles up with her. So who is holding who back and what is my job. Is it to keep her doing infant things so mom is happy or is it to help the child mature and do age appropriate things so she can join in with her peers. It is hard to stand back and know I am doing the child a disservice.

Have you considered a podee bottle? They are fantastic

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Originally Posted by Rhonda

In the past it is normal for full time children to adjust within 2 - 6 weeks of full time care depending on the child.

My latest child in care has been with me for 6 1/2 weeks. My child is still struggling to hold the bottle on own, still struggling with learning routine, has a temper tantum when doesn't get own way, screams constantly at me when I don't respond instantly or pick up on demand. At 12 months, is not walking, crawling well, does't go up or down stairs well, takes limited initiative to do things for the child's self, still won't come to me for any reason, and has not started to follow every day routines, like coming to the table for snack, or learning daycare rules etc.

I believe it is exactly for the reason you mentioned Tinkerbell, the parents didn't prepare the child for daycare, the child is carried everywhere, the bottle is still held for the child, the child is still spoon fed, the parents go to the child, the child was entertained constantly, etc. Though I am proud of this set of parents because they did teach the child to self sooth for nap time, which does essentially help my day.

I think the hardest part is after 6 weeks of childcare with seeing so little progress I would normally terminate under my transistion period clause, but I believe this child has potential. But, like another provider mentioned in another threat that if we pass the window of opportunity, we may regret the decision not to terminate later on. For now I will keep on trucking an give the child another few months and see how the child progresses.

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I have been caring for children in some way for almost 30 years and I have to say that children seem to reaching developmental milestones later than they did even 10 years ago. I am not sure of the cause. My daughter will be eighteen in July and she was on cereal at 3 1/2 months and was on a cup by 9 or 10 months. She was walking at 11 months etc. I now hear that doctors do not recommend cereal or solids until 6 months at the earliest. I so believe that the longer maternity leave has made the transition to daycare harder on both the child and the parent. Parents need to prepare their child for daycare in every way that they can, this includes self soothing, napping on their own. a reasonable amount of self feeding ( most 12 months olds should be able to pick up small pieces of food). As for the provider asking for payment, I believe she was justified as her contract stated such. I do ask for full fees regardless of attendance but in the case of an extended absence (more than 5 consecutive days) I do reduce the fees by half. Parents need to understand that in order to provide an enriched environment for their child we need to be paid for the service we provide, I am sure that if they worked an extra day they would expect to be paid accordingly. Just because we work from home does not make our profession less valuable.