We may be terminated by the end of our second day...

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Originally Posted by Island29

I can`t understand why some of these providers respond so harshly. You asked a simple question about transition periods for kids at daycare and some of these responses caught me off guard too...has nothing to do with your original question. The response by daycarewhisperer was totally uncalled for, extremely rude, and didn`t even address your question. If you read some of the questions and responses by some of the providers on here they seem like such bitter, uncaring individuals. I`m often surprised that they even have a daycare business... if parents saw their posts on here they would be surprised. So don`t you worry about the rude responses on here, that`s just how they are. Good luck with your current daycare provider, hopefully she`s a good and caring provider.

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Just because someone asks a question it doesn't require the responders to answer that question. If someone posts “I'm going to commit suicide. Should I kill myself with a 57 Chevy or a 57 Magnum?", the responders are going to say DON'T KILL YOURSELF.

This is the internet. The op is just a parent who is asking a question. Within her question there were words that mean the question she is asking isn't the real issue. The real issue is having an unsocialized two year old who couldn't make it thru day one without getting aggressive with the kids. THAT'S way more important than how to transition.

And for what it is worth, I am completely out there on the internet. I have been for about three years. I use my real name (Tori Fees)and my clients are completely knowledgeable about my internet presence. They read my blogs on daycare.com, here, and Facebook group. They see my Trademark certificate for my consulting business “Daycare Whisperer" at drop off and pick up.

September 17th will mark my twentieth anniversary in Home Child Care. I've been at this for a long while. I'm interested in REAL conversation regarding child care. It's not bitter or rude to point out a significant issue and to ask direct questions regarding someone's post. It may be that this is the first time this op has been enlightened about her personal responsibility to train her child to mind adults and keep his hands to himself. Trust me, many many parents unleash their horribly behaving kid on child care providers every day without considering the OTHER children who will fall victim to their “lack of socialization".

We aren't obligated to only answer what is best for the op's child. It's okay if we make mention of the OTHER kids and the provider in our response.

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Originally Posted by Fun&care

Yep I agree.

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I had been feeling the same way which is why I was staying out of it.

Ladies, please, you of course can answer what ever aspect you want of a question- but do it respectfully please.

I'm sorry but I have to take issue with these criticisms of being "too harsh", and for the moderator to remind us to be respectful. I suspect that my (earlier) response on this thread is likely one of the responses being chastised as "harsh", but it is not harsh, it is just honest and un-sugar-coated, and it's meant to HELP the original poster to understand what her 2 year old child needs from her in the way of training to prepare him to have any hope of success transitioning to group care. The woman's child was in danger of being terminated after his first couple of days of daycare, due to (in her own words) his lack of socialization, his aggression, and his dramatic meltdowns. She may WANT her hand held and to be told that she's done everything right and everything will be A-OK, but what she NEEDS is some tough love to set her on the right track for the discipline and socialization of her son.

I'm getting so tired of the way this forum often seems to shift over to the Everything's-Rosy-and-Sunshine-and-Lollipops mentality, and those of us who offer a more honest and non-sugar-coated opinion are labeled "disrespectful". I am not disrespectful just because I may have an opinion that you disagree with or that doesn't align with your "I want advice as long as it's what I want to hear" mindset.

I'm also very annoyed at the way this forum seems to be very biased towards the occasional parent who posts here, rather than the many providers who make up the vast majority of the traffic on these boards. The moderator(s) will jump in and defend a parent (or wait way too long to chastise or ban them, or even to remove their defamatory posts), but are quick to remind us providers to be respectful to them, even though 99.9% of us ARE respectful; we're merely pointing out (in this case) the flaws in their parenting skills or philosophies, as they relate to having a child in group care.

I don't disagree with you Jammies. What I am tired of though is the "parent bashing" that happens on here. When a parent does ask a question a lot of the time lately the providers are quick to look for "discrepancies" in their story and defend the provider. I get that we need to "defend our own" especially in today's climate of home daycare's and their portrayal in the media but I think on the forum the scale is often tipped too much to the point of being annoying.

There is also an air of "I am a better parent then other parents because I chose to stay home with my kids." Which I am not sure if this is merely opinion or an insecurity. I know I am a good parent but this doesn't mean I am a better parent then the parents of the children I care for just because I spend my days with my kids. Sorry to take the conversation off course.

I completely agree that what needs to be said, needs to be said. However, anything and everything can be communicated without making the poster feel dumb/incompetent/ horrible. Suggestions can be made to help build up a person's confidence that the issues at hand can be dealt with in a kind, non-arrogant manner to empower them, not humiliate them.

Anyways, yes, sorry OP! Didn't mean to hijack your thread :)

Lou- that was very well said!

When a parent feels attacked I step in and 'moderate' the discussion, it is neither productive nor helpful to spend energy trying to poke holes in a parents story or attack them making them feel incompetent.

I, personally, see that everyone has a different parenting style and that is fine. What is not fine, is when parents or daycare providers believe that their way is the only way. By chastising parents it makes an 'us' vs. 'them' attitude much worse. We work better when we work together.