Support please

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Originally Posted by mickyc

Lee-Bee - I also want to say that I think you sound like you are really level headed. I used to work in a law office and have witnessed so much hate and bitterness when it comes to divorce. I witnessed first hand the battle my parents went through and then lived it with my husband and his extremely vengeful ex-wife. There is no reason to drag everything through the court system and I am so glad to hear that you have the basics sorted out if/when you leave the family home.

Good luck to you and keep us posted on how you are doing.

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I think my degree in psychology helps some. I'm not saying I haven't made a really long list in my head of things I want to say as I smack him upside the head but it won't get us anywhere. I know he is not trying to be mean or vengeful or anything. he's hurting and is lost. My initial gut reaction was FLIGHT mode...but I managed to quickly turn to fight mode (skill learned in counselling years ago when dealing with his mother and the many issues she caused). Just need to keep tabs that he fight mode is in a positive sense and not a fight lol.

I have to say that quitting the daycare has helped immensely. I have had some free time. I am more relaxed. despite all the stress and chaos I am feeling better able to think and act. I have been having him take over childcare so he can practice for when he's on his own (should we split). last night I went to mcdonalds and sat in the car playing on my phone! it was bliss...no cooking, no clean up, no 16month old to tend too....ahhhhh. My friend is coming over tonight to watch tv while her husband takes my husband out for a drink to talk. They are both very shocked and are trying to fight to save our marriage in a very non-pressure way.

maybe this is the calm before the storm? maybe its a sign that things will work out but for the most part I feel pretty good right now. how stupid is that? my husband wants to separate, I quit my job, am potentially homeless (while being jobless) and may end up having to share my daughter yet I am calm and relaxed!!

In my family we say that's because someone is praying for you ! Lol

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Originally Posted by Secondtimearound

In my family we say that's because someone is praying for you ! Lol

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Yes :-)

My husband found us a marriage therapist and we started today. He has himself booked for 2 sessions next week (while my daughter and I go to visit my family as planned long ago) then we will resume couples therapy upon my return. We've got a long ways to go but we are heading in the right direction to make it work.

Thanks so much for all the support on here this week.

That is great news! I sincerely hope the counseling works and you two are able to save your marriage :)

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Originally Posted by Lee-Bee

Yes :-)

My husband found us a marriage therapist and we started today. He has himself booked for 2 sessions next week (while my daughter and I go to visit my family as planned long ago) then we will resume couples therapy upon my return. We've got a long ways to go but we are heading in the right direction to make it work.

Thanks so much for all the support on here this week.

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Oh, I'm so glad for you and your family and good luck!
:)

sorry to hear this.

can you give up your overnight care and stick to day time only and tell your hubby that, to make it better for you all and give you your family time and he and your daughter, which is important anyway, sounds like you were doing too much to be honest.

A bit of space for you both to clear your heads, think, breathe, may be all it needs too and in the meantime you can change your care to days only, if possible that's what I would do anyway and let him know that, probably better than renting out part of your home, that in itself can bring its own headaches if they complain about noise from children running around above them etc for example and make demands for this or that..

pleased to hear this too, that you are both working on it for your daughters sake and both of yours.

It's likely been hard on you all, and a few adjustments to your care setting to give you and your family more time together on a regular basis, after a bit of space and a break is likely all you all need, along with the counseling of course. Counselors, legible ones, are good at helping mend and fix relationships and are worth a shot for sure.

I had my parents go to one once, my Mum had post natal depression for years and was in denial and wouldn't get help, years on I told her if she didn't go she'd not see me again as it was the only way I could make her go and get help, she was so stubborn and wouldn't listen to anyone else or me until I told her that, being the one in the family that tended to do what I said I would.. she believed it thank goodness! I actually made the appointment for her and told her when it was and where and asked my Dad to ensure he goes with her which he would anyway and did, turns out she was a doctor as well as a marriage counselor so I struck it lucky calling her among others from the phone book at the time. They are still together now and just as they were when they first met.. like glue and do things together happily again, with the odd little grumpy time of course as for all relationships.