Looking for mothers and fathers who are concerned about a home daycare provider....

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Originally Posted by darasmommy

Dear OP, I'd be concerned with many of the "daycare providers" that post here. Most seem in it for the money...not many appear to actually care about quality child care or families....they just want to get paid to sit at home. I'm also concerned for the gang of babysitters that hang out at my local park and gab and don;t watch the children they get paid to care for....their dc kids ask ME to push them on swings because they cant get off their lazy butts to play with the kids that, again, they get paid to take care of!! I cannot believe the things I read here. Unbelievable, and glad these women do NOT "watch" my baby!

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I am NOT a babysitter and I never SIT!!! I'm much too busy! We are a group of QUALITY CAREGIVERS and very proud of that fact and support and advise each other on this site.

Your words don't bother me at all really because obviously you have only seen bad caregivers. However, my home daycare is amazing and I am an amazing caregiver so I don't have to protest too much about your words. Good luck finding somebody like ME for your child. My daycare families are so happy they found me and love the crafts and field trips and indoor and outdoor fun and the nutritious food and safety and fun I provide that is helping their children blossom and thrive and grow daily.

Yes I agree with momof4, good luck finding someone like me....I am proud of myself and my business!!

As a day home provider and a mother I feel I can see both sides of the issue and let me tell you I'm pretty disgusted also with some of the things said in this thread. First off to Darasmommy- I am truly sorry that you have come in contact with some sub-par providers, as surely that must be the source of your animosity. I'm also sorry that you have such a poor attitude and such little respect for the type of women who help you raise your child. In your post you used the word "watch" but that word is so inappropriate and completely undermines what a good child care provider does. I do not "watch" any of the children in my care rather I am part of the village it takes to RAISE them.

Most providers I know have approximately six kids in their care. I am curious to know why you think a provider "just wants to get paid to sit at home" (your words again)? As a mother you obviously know how busy it is with a child in tow never mind six. How much time do you have to sit around at home? And how would you feel if that is how someone described mothering to you? Make no mistake providing care to children is very much like mothering.

I agree with you completely in regards to sub-par providers. I hate it, but the honest truth is that there are women out there who are not good providers. They are not engaged with their day care children and they do not provide an enriching environment. That being said there are so many wonderful and incredible child care providers. There are several in my community alone that if I had to work outside the home I would gladly send my children to their homes knowing that they would be safe and nurtured. Unfortunately those wonderful providers are often full and have most of their clients for long periods of time. Its hard for new families to get accepted into these day homes. I suspect that you have not been in one of these wonderful day homes based on your obvious disdain. I also know that the reason you have not been in one of these remarkable day homes is due to your attitude. Lets say one of these great providers has an opening. She may interview 4 or 5 families for the spot. 3-4 of those families may indicate their desire to send their child to that provider. This provider than picks the child/family she feels will be the best fit for her and the children already in her day home. With your attitude Darasmommy, I am certain that you would not be chosen no matter how lovely your child may be.

In reference to your experience at the park where you said the providers are there to chat with each other and pay no attention to the kids. This too concerns me. It concerns me that you would go on a forum and bitch about that but yet I doubt you have contacted the authorities. Why would you not report this? If small children are at the park and no one is keeping an eye on them they could be hurt, run over by a car, abducted, etc. I find it very bothersome that another mother would find it suitable to come on here complain about it and yet you have not gone through the proper channels. I realize I am assuming a lot here so if I'm wrong and you have reported this then please correct me.

Lastly you referred to providers as being too "lazy" to push kids on the swings. Well sadly I guess you would call me lazy then because I don't always push the kids on the swings either. If you came across me sitting down maybe you didn't realize that before you arrived I had already been pushing for 15 minutes and perhaps my arms were tired. Or maybe one or more of my day care kids are on the verge of learning to swing by themselves and I am giving them the room to master a new skill that would give both me and the child immense satisfaction.

I hope you will take some of this to heart. If you don't its your precious "baby" that will pay the price. Its your baby that will have to go to a sub-par provider because the wonderful provider refuses to take you on because of your disrespect. What a horrible price for your child to pay.

To the providers on this thread- I know you just want to defend our profession and the great work that most of us do, but to deny that there are some not so great providers out there doesn't do anyone any good. They are out there and it sucks. They are the ones the ruin day home for providers and they are the ones that make mothers terrified to send their children to day home.

Lastly to Saqi- you say you had a terrible experience in a day home. If your experience was abuse or neglect related please do not go to the media. Please PLEASE go to your local authorities. If this provider isn't stopped she could seriously harm a child. If your bad experience was just trivial like you didn't like the provider taking paid vacation, or you didn't like the payment schedule, etc... why don't you talk to the provider, instead of coming on here and assuming that she is unreasonable to the point that it warrants smearing her character and business in the media.

I really don't want to start a big argument between mothers and providers by posting this. Its already been done numerous times on many different forums and frankly I'm tired of it. Its time for providers to admit that bad care givers do exist and its time for mothers to wake up and see the role they play in their child's care arrangement. I would encourage all mom's in those amazing day homes to look at the joy their children have in spending time with their caregiver and all their little friends and to be grateful to the provider for providing that environment and experience for their child. I can't tell you how many times I have been told by my day care kids that after Mommy and Daddy and Grandma and Grandpa they love me 3rd best.

Well said Bugaboo ~ if as human beings in general we were more proactive of resolving our issues and differences through proper channels or just taking the time to calmly and politely say 'excuse me I am feeling a little concerned about the kids running around the playground here seemingly unsupervised' and allowing the caregiver in charge to respond perhaps we could learn from each other the VALUES behind why they might be allowing that 'freedom' so to speak ;)

What might seem like laziness might actually be carefully planned intent as the morning at HOME may be their structured program time where the adult is very engaged and leading the learning and the PARK might be the place where the children are given their time to explore and learn freely through their play with each other, the children may spend lots of time there day after day and the caregiver, be it parent or provider, may know their skills and abilities in that setting and trust in them to allow them to climb and swing and give them the respect of that freedom to explore without 'hovering' overtime over them because the reality is that more and more research into early years learning and development is showing that children NEED to be given freedom to play freely and NEED to be allowed to take some risks in their play in order to be effective problem solvers and learners later on in life ... so perhaps, just perhaps what you may see as being LAZY is not that all perhaps we may actually have years and years of experience and success at our practice that is confirmed as being BEST PRACTICE by current research that is guiding our values and practice perhaps we truly KNOW what we are doing when we are stepping back a bit and just 'observing' them while allowing children to just PLAY for long periods of the day and saving the 'guided structured interactions' for planting seeds later for the children based on what they need after our observations ;)

Seriously the Ontario government just spent millions of dollars researching, running pilot programs and now slowy unveiling its PLAY BASED / EMERGENT/ CHILD LED KINDERGARTEN programs and retraining teachers to move away from this need to mirco-manage children's days through rigid schedules and constant hovering over them providing them with testing style questions and interrupting their learning with worksheet time and flash cards and reading word tests and so forth because this style of 'education' was steadily turning children off learning and producing children who are moving through the system but 'failing' as learners because all they can do is 'memorize' information they do not retain it or learn how to apply it through hands on engagement .... aka we have spent decades robbing children of a chance to learn to use their BRAINS to figure out how to get up onto a swing of life and make it move on their own verses having a 'teacher/boss/authority figure' constantly lift them up and push them along on the swing of life ;)

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Originally Posted by Bugaboo

.... Its time for providers to admit that bad care givers do exist.....

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Oh I think we can all agree that there is good and bad examples in ALL professions for sure ... it is the painting the entire profession with the same brush and snap judgements made without all the facts that tends to get backs up.

I think people reading 'threads' on an online forum also need to remember that this is the 'water cooler' for many home childcare providers who come to blow off steam and gain perspective / advice with others who've walked in their shoes when dealing with adversity or challenges in their programs and as a result of people being comfortable with each other and feeling like they are in a place they can 'relax' a bit they may use less professional and more venting style language and so forth to help blow off that steam that they would never use IN their business itself painting a different picture for onlookers than what they night experience 'in real life' with soeone ... this also needs to be taken in 'context' when just reading threads as a bystander and seeing only 'negativity' cause well human beings rarely come together and ask for advice on 'hey my marriage rocks and my spouse is off the charts awesome ~ wonder what I can be doing to make it better' we seek out advice when we are struggling ;)

And yes as business owners and professionals sometimes we too need to remember this is a VERY public forum on the internet and not a true 'private water cooler' in the safety and privacy of someones home and therefore painting a very public view of how we might be being portrayed and sadly misjudged by outsiders as a result.

Everyone's already said a bunch of what I had to say, just adding, fyi, that I DO NOT PUSH KIDS ON A SWING AT THE PARK...EVER. In my opinion, the park is a place for the kids to PLAY and use their own energy, not for me to plunk them in a seat and push them. My day is INSANE with getting half my group to school and back on time, feeding the other half morning snack and lunch, doing craft, circle time and nap, not to mention changing diapers etc. I do enough during the time we are INSIDE that when i'm at the park the bulk of my work is doing constant head counts and teaching the littles how to make sand castles that "stick", so yeah, I use the park as the limited time I have adult interaction with because that makes me a happier, well balanced human being that won't "snap" on a kid for being a kid. Consider it an essential part of my day that creates an inner harmony and peace so I can be a better provider for the kids in my care. I don't know of a single person that can handle isolation and constant go-go-going without becoming a resentful and sad person.

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Originally Posted by darasmommy

Dear OP, I'd be concerned with many of the "daycare providers" that post here. Most seem in it for the money...not many appear to actually care about quality child care or families....they just want to get paid to sit at home. I'm also concerned for the gang of babysitters that hang out at my local park and gab and don;t watch the children they get paid to care for....their dc kids ask ME to push them on swings because they cant get off their lazy butts to play with the kids that, again, they get paid to take care of!! I cannot believe the things I read here. Unbelievable, and glad these women do NOT "watch" my baby!

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Well, you ALL know where I stand with this. I could go on and on and address "darasmommy" but doing so in the fashion likely warranted would get me banned.

All I have to say is......this is exactly why providers feel the need to "hide" on PRIVATE forums because despite our desire to be transparent it seems society still sees us as lazy women who sit at home taking money from parents because we have no other skill set or ambitions.

We have always been held to an unrealistic ideal that we should be different from any other profession - that we should never vent, we should just take what is doled out to us and be happy to have a job.

And then people wonder why there are private daycare forums? Geesh.........

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Originally Posted by darasmommy

Dear OP, I'd be concerned with many of the "daycare providers" that post here. Most seem in it for the money...not many appear to actually care about quality child care or families....they just want to get paid to sit at home. I'm also concerned for the gang of babysitters that hang out at my local park and gab and don;t watch the children they get paid to care for....their dc kids ask ME to push them on swings because they cant get off their lazy butts to play with the kids that, again, they get paid to take care of!! I cannot believe the things I read here. Unbelievable, and glad these women do NOT "watch" my baby!

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Another side to this scenerio too: it is demanding parents like this that have no training in childcare or knowledge in childcare trying to tell us how to do our jobs. We don't tell them how to do their work and they shouldn't be telling us how to do ours. Pushing a child - no pun intended - to do an activity that they are not developmentally ready for on their own simply robs them of the valuable learning that they should be doing. Introducing scissors, or alphabet or seatwork before a child is developmentally ready does them a disservice. Running, climbing, playing with sand - all of the other self selected activities at the park are there to teach spatial awareness, cause and effect, etc. and to constantly hover over a child and lead their play robs them of valuable learning. We ARE doing our job when we just sit there and let the kids "play".

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Originally Posted by darasmommy

FYI---too busy to read all the comments. I don;t spend all my time here when I should be doing productive things. Like working ;) Have a good one all!

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No you just poke your head in from time to time to bitch about people & shit you know nothing about. Hope to hell I never have the "pleasure" of meeting you at the playground....you sound like one of the nightmare parents us "miserable clods" like to bitch about all the time!

I also don`t push children on swings. When we go to the park, we go to burn energy! We run, dig in the sand, climb the equipment, and play. Sitting in a swing doesn`t help build gross motor skills, and that is one of our biggest goals of attending the park.

Going to the park isn`t part of my job. My job is to provide a safe, loving, engaging environment for the children to spend their days. I do that within my home and yard. Going to the park is a privilege, as are other field trips and perks I like to give the children in my care. :)

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Originally Posted by darasmommy

I think you're all a bunch of unhappy and disgruntled women who have nothing better to do than complain about the children in your care and the parents that pay your incomes. Maybe try looking for another line of work if you're such a bunch of miserable clods. Taking kids to the park while you are getting paid to watch them is part of YOUR JOB. Ergo, pushing kids on swings who are too little to do it themselves IS YOUR JOB.

FYI---too busy to read all the comments. I don;t spend all my time here when I should be doing productive things. Like working ;) Have a good one all!

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I feel sad for you. You seem to have so much hatred in your heart for people you have never personally met. It must feel terrible to have so much anger and hatred inside of you that you feel you have to come here and share those sentiments when they do not benefit you in any way.

Unlike us, who might vent about a work problem so we can get it off our chest so as to not let our own "stinking thinking" affect the children in our care, I don't understand the reasoning for your angst other than just bitterness.

If you ever want to talk and need help to identify and clear the reasons you are so unhappy please feel free to contact me directly. And I really mean that. Because every parent out there who thinks the way you do make daycare a more negative experience for everyone - the parent, the provider, and the child. Negativity breeds negativity. And, yes, there is a difference between unadulterated and unreasonable negativity and venting. Venting asks for guidance in an attempt to fix a problem so the venter can move on and be a better person, with a positive attitude to go forth.

I know you *think* your words help. But in reality they just made daycare harder for everyone. Congratulations, you just added to the very negativity and "bitching" that you came here to post about.

If you would like to make YOU feel better try understanding instead of anger and hatred.

Hatred begets hatred. There has never been a moment in time wherein hatred begot love or made anyone change.