How much do you comfort the dc kids?

Sometimes I wonder if I am just a cold person but I don't feel a strong connection to my dckids like I thought I would. If my own kids are to have a minor fall I don't make a deal about it. However if they are hurt I comfort them. I feel a physical reaction within myself if my own kids are upset or really hurt themselves, this I am sure is quite normal. However this does not happen with dckids (not that I would expect it to but not at all)

I have a new dckid today and she is crying. It's her first time in dc and she is having a hard time being away from mom. Does anyone comfort the child? I will give a few comforting words like "mommy will come after nap time" and offer a hug but that's about it. Another dc boy was having a hard day (I think triggered by new girl's upset) and he misses his mom. He needed a lot of comfort wanted lot's of hugs, held my hand outside. I guess what I am saying is I find too many hugs etc just feeds into it and so I am more along the lines of encouraging them to go play and have fun and mom will be here before they know it. Am I a horrible person? he heh sometimes I think so.

I think everyone has their own style and personality. I am a hugger mostly, but there are times where I just tell them essentially to 'suck it up' lol. It depends. As long as the kids are happy and well taken care of, HOW you comfort them really has to fit your personality. They will smell a faker from a mile off lol. :) Go easy on yourself.

I am the same as you Torontokids. As far as comforting them when they are new, I had a new 12 mo start recently, I was comforting at first, but instead of helping him feel secure, it only seemed to make him super clingy and not want to leave my side. So I went the other way and stopped holding him so much, and when he came to me I would tell him in a friendly voice to go play with his friends. It took a day or two but today he had an awesome day, played independently it was wonderful. And now that he is not crying and clingy so much, I play/ interact with him a lot more...so he gets rewarded when he stops crying.

Also wanted to add that I have found the DCK are not that fond of being comforted by me when they get hurt or are sad. It depends on their personality, but I have had a few who really only want mommy or daddy when they are upset. So I kind of back off now, I offer some comforting words, a little back rub etc. but I'm not totally in their face.

I tend to just get to know them 1st, not to many of us want hugs from people we barley know. We need to build a trust bond 1st then affection comes as it comes.

I kiss ouchies all the time but I also say "suck it up" when I need to. Balance is the key!

For sure I don't give the daycare kids as much as I gave my own but you also have to look at the source of the discomfort and tears. Falling down and getting hurt is one thing, having someone say something really mean and hurt their feelings is another. But too many of the tears we deal we deal with are because of situations beyond our control and I don't feel compelled to make it all better. By that I mean so what if child is sad mom is at work and they are my house for care - welcome to your new reality in life now go play. For sure dwelling on issues makes them feel that there really is something to be upset about so I do downplay those kinds of things and save my reactions for when they are really needed. Hugs in general are part of our day but they are different than comfort hugs and those are meted out as needed not according to demand.

I'm glad you started this post today! I had a 12 month old start recently and was feeling a bit cold as well.

I've never transitioned a new one before, and this one cries... A lot. She's only happy when I'm holding her and standing up... Seriously, I'll usually sit on the floor and let the kids sit with/on me, and she will still bawl her eyes out. Picking the kids up is generally a no for me (unless I'm helping up the stairs or something), because I have a 2 year old with a tendency to be clingy if I allow it and my own 20 month old who would love to be held up too; and I just can't do the stuff that needs to be done while holding someone, and I don't want them getting accustomed to it.

But yeah, despite my reasoning and wanting her to grow more independent, I still feel bad too.


If a kid is genuinely hurt (physically or emotionally), I'll give hugs and comfort them with words. If they miss mom or dad, I'll tell them 'I know you're sad, but mom/dad will be here soon' and encourage them to play. My pet peeve is kids who cry for attention, so if the child says their ok and want to continue playing, the tears stop there. If they continue to scream and cry I tell them they might need a break (to sit with me) before playing again. That usually solves the problem as if they really are hurt/upset, I'm still there to give comfort (I don't dote on them though), so it's not like a punishment, and if they are 'exaggerating' they don't get to play

I think you are perfectly normal Torontokids and I find the caregivers who say they "Love the daycare children as if they are their own" are actually lying or delusional. Of course you don't love the daycare kids, you care for them, nurture them, protect them with your life and keep them safe but at the end of the day you give them back to their parents who love them.

Over the years we get attached to a few of the children who really touch our hearts more than others and I have some ex-clients like this who bring their children back for a visit now and then and I love that. I get to watch these children grow up and know that I had a huge part of forming their personalities into the wonderful kids that they are today.

Ok, all that being said, I treat all the children equally and fairly, that includes hugs and praise and discipline and rules. But new children are scared out of their minds and I do hug them, but I agree that they have to learn that a quick hug and encouragement for them to play with the others is important right away too. It depends on the age of the child but they do need comforting when they are new, when they hurt themselves and when they need praise. Those are the times I hug them.

I don't have children so I can't say "i love them like my own" but I can definitely honestly say that I have loved daycare children. I am a very comforting dcp and will hug/cuddle/hold on lap throughout the day "just because". There are some children who love this and some who don't so obviously I don't push it. I have stronger feelings for some children over others though and I think this is normal. I treat them all the same when it comes to showing affection (if they want it!) and disciplining.

When I am transitioning a child though, I provide comfort when they cry at drop off time. Then as the day goes on, I sit on the floor with them and play and show them the toys and other children. If I am holding them and they cry I set them down and explain that I won't hold them if they are crying for no reason. If they calm down I will hold them for a bit again and I keep doing this for as long as needed. I have to say that I have been lucky and have had pretty easy transitioning. (well until this newish group but that's another story!! lol)

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Originally Posted by Momof4

I think you are perfectly normal Torontokids and I find the caregivers who say they "Love the daycare children as if they are their own" are actually lying or delusional. Of course you don't love the daycare kids, you care for them, nurture them, protect them with your life and keep them safe but at the end of the day you give them back to their parents who love them.

Over the years we get attached to a few of the children who really touch our hearts more than others and I have some ex-clients like this who bring their children back for a visit now and then and I love that. I get to watch these children grow up and know that I had a huge part of forming their personalities into the wonderful kids that they are today.

Ok, all that being said, I treat all the children equally and fairly, that includes hugs and praise and discipline and rules. But new children are scared out of their minds and I do hug them, but I agree that they have to learn that a quick hug and encouragement for them to play with the others is important right away too. It depends on the age of the child but they do need comforting when they are new, when they hurt themselves and when they need praise. Those are the times I hug them.

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I love the daycare kids. I love them with every cell of my being. I would give my life for them. I don't love them in the way I love my son. I don't love anyone the way I love my child.

I don't think you have to love kids to be a good child care provider. I don't think you even have to like kids to be a good child care provider. The best staff assistant I have ever had was with me for 7.5 years and she didn't really LIKE kids. She was dang good at taking care of them but she wasn't attached to them. It didn't matter what kids were here thru the years. Once she learned the craft she could take care of any kid and know them... understand them a couple of weeks after she met them.

It's like any other job... you can be great at it but not necessarily LIKE the job or the customers. I get attached easily and I fall in love but that is just my thing. Not necessary to be great at the job.