How long do you think it would take a 1yr old to adjust ...

Hi Ladies

I opened a home daycare in Novemeber and have had much success in filling my spots . I have a part time little girl (1yr) and I love her to bits ....but this is now the 5 week of caring for her and all she does ALL.DAY.LONG is cry and she wants to be held all the time ... I care for 2 other full time children and my own 2 so I cant always hold her .

I have had many conversations with mom regarding routine here and the routine at home and how she would like me to proceed with her child ....

Any advice ? Any tips? And how much longer would you give the child to settle before giving notice....For the record the crying doesn't bother me but it does make me sad that nothing I do can console her and i don't think it's fair for her to cry all day long and it's not fair to the other children.

Help !!!!

Congrats on filling your spaces quickly and getting your daycare up and running. I think we are a team working with the parents to raise these children so you are doing exactly what I do by telling the parents the routines have to be the same in both places.

I'm going through that right now transitioning two new babies into my daycare. The little girl is settling in nicely after 2 months of crying but she's making herself at home now and the other 3 children love her. The little boy is on my last nerve daily by the end of the day because he cries for no reason, but it's a fake cry, not a real cry. I give lots of hugs for the first few months so the child learns they are safe and cared for and slowly I help them to explore the toyroom and the other children start to play with them.

We definitely can't hold a baby all day long when we have 5 children to care for, so you have to teach them slowly that you will be there for hugs, but sometimes they have to play with the others. It takes a really long time for some children and others will come in and be happy from day one. You just never know and it's impossible to tell from the interview.

My baby boy has been crying now for 4 months and I've finally asked his parents to stop picking him up at home and let him cry it out a little more so he learns there is no reward for his fake crying. I tell him to stop and I'll pick him up and he does! He's 14 months old and he understands what I'm telling him. That sounds like what you are going through lainey. Just keep up the good work and you'll get there one miraculous day!

I agree with Momof4, we have to work together with the parents. If you are't on the same page at home then it makes things more difficult for the little one and you.
You might have to let the little one cry it out for a bit when you put her down. Give her a toy or something else to distract her. She will not like it at first but she will learn. Hugs like Momof4 said are always available. Let the parents know what you are doing...get them involved with any ideas they may have and tell them that it should be the same at home to help her ease into the changes this little one is going through.
As for how long you would give before giving notice, that is up to you. Some little ones take longer than others ~ with a few more hugs in there to help they get there. It also depends upon your tolerance level with the crying.
I did have one little one who I felt wasn't ready for daycare. Her Mom was nursing full time and it's how she got her to sleep too. Also no schedule at home. So if the little one got up at 3am to play, Mom would get up and play with her. She cried all day and I found out that her feet hardly ever touched the ground at home ~ a lot different than at my daycare. Lots of hugs and I would sit with her on the floor but she just wanted Mom and the separation was too much for her. This poor babe just couldn't adjust and I met with the parents and we both agreed to end care. I couldn't handle the constant crying and I can take a lot and I knew my limit.

Thank you both for replying.

Here is the situation :

Her mom and dad are 1st time parents (dad does 12hr shifts either nights or days) Mom herself is an ECE in a daycare center , they never have the same schedule . Sometimes she doesn't get picked up until 6:50pm and is dropped off at 8am. On the weekends they don't keep her on schedule for instance this past weekend ....

wake up :6:30 given bottle slept until 8am
up at 8 am and played until 9am
napped until 10am had breakfast
played until noon
napped until 3:30 had lunch
played until 5
napped until 8 and then had dinner ..... and that is how it has been all her mommies mat time (we are friends ...I know never mix business with friendship ) lesson learned :)

now my routine with my kids and daycare kids
8am arrival we have breakfast
8:45 9:45 we do free play /imagination play (my daughter and the little 1year old have naps from 8:30-9:30)
9:45 10:30 we do snack & clean up from snack
10:30 12:15 music /reading stories and more playtime
12:15- 1:15 we do lunch
1:15-3:15 is rest/nap time for all 5 of the children (2 full hrs for the little ones and 1 hr quiet /rest time for the 3yr olds)and pick up is anywhere from 4:30 -6:30 ...

So how much longer do you think I should give her to settle as it is quite disruptive to the other children :( they often get upset when she is crying . I do play with the children all the time on the floor and I love giving hugs but for this little monkey it isn't helping her ( i've been in her life since she was 3 months old we had playdates daily while on Maternity leave)

I would put her at home schedule and your schedule side by side and realize that she may need to have a second morning nap or at least a quiet alone in a playpen time. That could certainly account for her crying. Does she have breakfast before coming and if so she needs lunch to be two big snacks instead of one big meal so it is like eating breakfast again at snacktime. By the time she is 18 months she should be growing out of the need for so much sleep.

The other factor to consider is overstimulation. If you say you were together daily during mat leave think about what time that was and assume as soon as mom got her home she had a bottle and went to bed exhausted from the activity level. So again her schedule may need to be different than the rest of the group for another few months with the chance to adjust weekly till she is with the rest of the group. Letting her go for a nap more often also gives the other kids a chance to have some peace to - a win for everyone.

uggg that is quite a long time to still be crying.
How part time is she? 2 days per week? 3? full days, or half days?

i personally think i would give notice, because it sounds like she is not fitting in, and could end up just being a really coddled child, and may need more one-on-one kind of daycare (nanny).

Even though you may not mind the crying, maybe your two kids or the others in daycare dont like hearing it all the time. It brings them down, stresses them out, and is just not nice to hear.

I had a little boy transition earlier this month. He cried all day for 2 weeks, then, on week 3 he is good to go! Plays with the others, plays by himself, hardly ever cries anymore! He is full time though.
I alo did not hold him very often. Like you said, I will give hugs and let him know he is safe etc but i made a point of keeping him on his own so that he doesnt expected to get picked up all the time here.

See if mom can bring a stuffie from home that she can keep with her at daycare during the day. It must be really hard because you are friends with the mom...I hope she fully uhnderstands how your days have been going! Video tape how her daughter is at daycare if you can and show it to mom so that she can understand and maybe have some ideas on what may help her daughter not cry all the time.

Thanks for the suggestions ladies :)

As for stuffies she has 3 that stay here and mom brings her sleepy stuffy daily (she is here 3 days a week but never the same 3 days) and she also has a gazzillion soothers lol.

Honestly the schedule she has at home is due to just pure laziness on the parents part (I've said as much to mom but just in nicer words) she agrees but is just so tired after working all week .....

Last week I had taken 1 day off and she went to grandmas for the day and no crying what so ever ... and I've noticed when my 2 full time girls go home at 4:30 and it's just my 2 children she settles down quite a bit but does have a few crying fits here and there (so just not the constant crying)

Again thank you for all the ideas and thoughts , I think I'll give her to mid Feb and if it is still the same i'll give my notice as that would be 7-8 weeks of crying everyday.

Yikes what a schedule this little one is on!
I recently had parents who needed their little one on two naps ~ one in the morning and another in afternoon. I tried but couldn't make it work due to the other kids playing and our outside time - lunch and early nap... and the set up of bungalow the little one napping couldn't sleep hearing the other kids. I'm all for trying to adjust a little one to a different schedule, just as long as it doesn't affect the rest of the daycare kids. Every little one is different and has different needs but sometimes it's not the right fit.
If you still want to give this a chance, talk to the parents about doing the 2 naps at daycare and at home....giving it time period to work for her and if it doesn't just let them know that you may not be the right provider for them. At this point you don't want to see her go through so much during the day and as much as you want to keep her on, you may not be the right fit for her. Letting them know that you aren't sure what else you can do but not pointing any fingers at them and hopefully able to keep your friendship. Choose your words to be positive and so that they understand that your trying to what is best for them.....Good luck on what you decide. Not easy:unsure:

Oh well welcome to my world:) I have a year old boy and he does cry most of the time. I tried everything! everything I could think of. I have asked his parents to follow my routine in my dayhome and they said they are doing and it is working(for them). He basically glues to his mom when she drops him off in the morning he just woulndt let her go. He climbs on her:) He doesn't cry when she left as I distract him but after sometime he is off and it can go like this until his father picks him up. It has been 5 weeks I think since he started. It's getting better I can see but when he is off there is no way I can stop him crying and it is not a fun day for me and for my other dck.
Everyday I think of giving notice to his parents but his parents are such delighful people and I know they appreciate my work. So I will see what I will do in couple of weeks as it can't go on like this. He may be not ready for a dayhome yet who knows. And I can not wait for 3 - 4 months until he settles.

I have a new one starting (10 months old) in a few weeks and I hope this will not be my experience.......I gave mom a list of things to get started on to help transition into daycare .... So keeping my fingers crossed ; )

I don't have a lot to offer, that hasn't been said. Good advice above! :)
I would absolutely have a quick chat about the need for continuity between home and daycare. Kids can adapt to a certain amount of difference in routine, but that is pretty vast. And it's about half and half, between home and your place during the daytime.
I know it's tough, as mom is a friend, but I would try to be straight with her. If they want her in any kind of care environment, they HAVE to change something. Otherwise, they will have the same issue no matter where she goes.
PS: of course she didn't cry at grandma's house! Much like at home, I am sure, she was able to do what she wanted, when she wanted in terms of sleep and play. And if mom was using that as comparison; I think that is terribly unfair. Kids are totally different with parents/grandparents/aunts/etc than with "outsiders".

Just to update everyone this little ones last day is Thursday .... the discussion went well and she will now be baby sat by grandma ...

Fingers crossed you fill the spot fast!

Will you be keeping the sibling?

Oh the siblings are still here full time it was my pt that I gave notice too. I have had 3 interviews for full time come May-june-August ..and 1 of those is coming back to visit again on Thursday night .

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Originally Posted by lainey76

Just to update everyone this little ones last day is Thursday .... the discussion went well and she will now be baby sat by grandma ...

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I'm hoping you fill the space quickly but I'm really happy they are doing this for the child. That poor little one was spending such a long day with you she needs some family time and her parents time especially. I would NOT have accepted a child for such a long day so I'm impressed that you tried. I will not accept anyone who wants anything done special for their child either. I have a schedule that I maintain for 5 children and nobody can expect me to change anything for just 1 child. I'm sure you will all agree with that.

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Originally Posted by Crayola kiddies

I gave mom a list of things to get started on to help transition into daycare .... So keeping my fingers crossed ; )

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Awesome practice for sure ... an analogy would be imagine you work for a temp agency where they place you in a position - but they make a mistake and place you where you are starting a new job you have NEVER done before .... you show up to work without a job description or training before hand, no knowledge of the expectations of the job or the consequences of not being able to do the job and you just have to WING IT .... how STRESSFUL would that be?

Now imagine that you showed up to work at this new job stressed to begin with and find out that your coworkers and boss do not SPEAK YOUR LANGUAGE and you are expected to perform your job regardless .... how stressful would THAT be?

IMO this the same thing for a brand new babe in a childcare setting experiences when their parents and providers have not worked together to prepare them for the new 'job' so to speak ... not ideal for anyone :no:

This is why we should definitely have a 'what to expect on your first day and things you can do to help me' discussion with parents as well as an at my age in group care I should be working on checklist of 'skills development / expectations' provided depending on the 'age' the child is entering care ... because often what works at home with one child in regards to 'self help' is not what is needing to occur in the GROUP setting and if the parents have never had 'multiple children' they have no clue and we need to gently educate them on how to ensure their child can THRIVE in our settings ;)

I absolutely agree... I have a hand-out for first time in childcare parents that I give them.
"How to Prepare Your Child for Daycare". It's as much to prepare the parents as it is the child!!

What sort of things do you put in your handout "how to prepare your child for daycare". That is such a fantastic idea!! I think that sometimes parents forget that we can't do everything as one on one as they can at home.

Think about your interviewing process. Don't take on people who show you any red flag in the interview. Let them know it's your way for all the children in your care and THEY need to make sure their child is on YOUR schedule before they start daycare.

Make sure families will work with you regarding consistency at home and daycare and stress to them that it is for the health of their child. Make sure the families are on the same page as you regarding childrearing philosophies.

If you take on people who are idiots and give you stress and pain what good is that? I feel so bad for those children but we can't save them all and have to think about our own happiness. We can only help 5 families at a time.

Oh yes, I ask for crib/playpen bedding and cover blanket and favourite cuddle for naptime and have never had a problem so far with a child napping. I send the bedding home daily for the first few months then when I'm sure there isn't any problem start to wash the bedding here. I sincerely believe that a blanket/cuddle that smells like home is the best tool to use for a little sweetie who is transitioning.

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Originally Posted by olivetree

What sort of things do you put in your handout "how to prepare your child for daycare". That is such a fantastic idea!! I think that sometimes parents forget that we can't do everything as one on one as they can at home.

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I am not on my laptop right now, but when I am; I will post it here.
:)

Ya I am on my Iphone at the moment - will cut and paste at quiet time ;)

I have that crying all the time problem with a future full time darling, shes 10 months so its hard for her of course, good thing that she started the transition now 2 days a week before mom goes back to work. We started out 2 hours a day, now its half a day, next week we'll try full day. Now Im off on vacation for 2 weeks in march and Im afraid when I come back and she starts full time, all this transition will have been for nothing and have to start over after my vacation... :\ At first she didnt want me near her, talk to her or even look at her... she would scream and cry hahaha... at least now she wants to be in my arms, but I am slowly trying to let her down so she can unvelcro herself to me and start playing with the friends or on her own :O Poor doll is exhausted from crying, my (for now) two other kids are so sweet with her and dont seemed bothered by her crying. Hope it will only get better as I have more kids starting also after my vacation :D

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Originally Posted by mom-in-alberta

I am not on my laptop right now, but when I am; I will post it here.
:)

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That would be fabulous!

Here ya go... each paragraph is supposed to be in point form, for easier reading. For some reason, it doesn't copy and paste like that.


HOW TO PREPARE YOUR CHILD FOR CHILDCARE
Beginning childcare can be both a nerve-wracking and exciting experience, for parent and child. Here are a few tips to make this transition easier on you, your child, and your provider.
Begin adjusting your routine early. Up to a few months before you expect to go back to work, start waking your child each morning at the time you anticipate to be waking up. Have breakfast, get dressed and be `ready for the day`, even if you are staying home. This makes for far less hectic mornings when you do begin dropping your child off at the allotted time. You will also find out whether schedules or routines will need to be adjusted (i.e.; child may require a morning nap again, even if they had given it up).
Discuss the daily schedule with your provider. There may be differences in what you do at home, and what will be occurring during child care. Especially if your child will be attending regular, full-time care, it is usually a good idea to adapt your daily schedule to whatever routine your child can expect while there. Plan snacks, meals and naps based on what your provider has told you. Again, the earlier this is started, the easier it is on everyone. If you have any concerns about meal or nap time, discuss them with your provider, as there is usually a reason (i.e.; school pick-ups that must be done, etc). This is why it is important to find a provider whose daily activities `make sense` for your child.
Prepare your child to be more independent. In a multi-child environment, a provider will find it difficult if your child has not had the opportunity to learn to hold a cup or bottle, self feed (finger foods, introduction of cutlery etc) and soothe themselves at nap time. Begin to allow your child to play `on their own` if they don’t usually. Show them what a particular toy does, and then retreat and watch them play independently for a little while. Try putting your child to sleep for their nap in a playpen in a different room, awake and without toys (it is against regulations in most areas for a provider to give them a stuffy, etc). When snuggling, make sure that you are holding your child, and that THEY are holding the bottle or sippy cup.
Ensure that they are used to being around other children. If your child has not had much exposure to playing with or around other kids, they may find it incredibly overwhelming to suddenly be sharing space with 2, 3 or more unfamiliar faces their own age. Take your child to busy, loud places like indoor playgrounds or enrol in a couple of playgroup sessions.
Give your child `room to grow`. For the last 9 to 12+ months, you have watched your child’s development with wonder and amazement. You have cheered on everything from their first smile, to sitting up, to (perhaps) their first steps and words with enthusiasm, as well you should have. Don’t stop now! Sometimes when a parent returns to work they subconsciously try to keep their babies babies, and a form of regression occurs. At this age level, it seems as though children are trying something new every day. Although it may feel like you are going to miss out on that, rest assured, you will not. Mommies and Daddies still take 1st place in the eyes of a child!
Remember that each child reacts differently to a situation. Some little ones settle in within a few days, while others can take many weeks to become comfortable in a new setting. In general, a child attending care full-time will take less time than one attending part time. A child with siblings or a lot of exposure to other children, or a child who has been cared for by people other than parents, usually has an easier time than one whose experience with socialization is limited to immediate family. Give you and your child the time to adjust to this new arrangement and discuss any concerns you may have.