How/when do you understand it is time to let dck go?

As you may know that I'm caring a 13 month old for over a month. Last week his parents and I were thinking "that's it he is adjusted now so everything is good". We are so wrong. This week I feel I'm back to square one. I have no idea why it's taking him for so long. I and his parents tried everything we could think of but it is not working. He is glued to his mother. If she leaves just and inch(I'm not joking) he would burst into tears and he is crys until his parents comes and picks him up. He is whiny crying not all teary. He doesn't sleep but good with his food. He will not move unless I go to him and make him walk or put him on his tummy. I put his milk and his water in front of him. He trys to reach but he won't move an inch to get it. Not that he can't move by the way. He doesn't walk again doesn't even move unless someone hold his hand and walk.

I have told his parents, either he doesn't like being here or he is not ready for day home. I have another dck and her parents told me she was like that when she was a year old and her care provider told them to take her home as she can not take it anymore:( They said it was very difficult and we started to think "is something wrong with our child? Are we not good parents?"

I told this to his parents. And they also thought that they are not a good parents which is not the case. It's just he is finding it very difficult to be away from his mother that's all.

Now, my question is how and when do you think he is not ready for dayhome? IT has been more then a month and he comes 3 days a week but last couple of weeks he came for another half day just to make the adjustment faster. As long as his mother is around(right next to him) he is happy smiley, cute boy.

Thanks in advance.
Cocoon

I have a 13 month old girl and a 14 month old boy that have been with me since they were both 10 months old part-time for a month each until their parents went back to work, then full-time. The boy took 4 months to adjust and stop screaming every day and the little girl is doing really well after 2 months. I had a little girl who was only 5 months old start with me one time.

Every child has a different adjustment period, but you have to keep trying and being consistent day by day by day. It is really frustrating but the child learns by repetition and hearing and trying to do things over and over.

Be patient and keep doing what you are doing. Make sure the parents keep trying too and you'll get there.

Cocoon my thought is his Mom is to blame. She must be by his side always and she must always let him see her. Has she ever left him in a playpen at home for a few minutes? How often does she pick him up? I'm not saying she’s a bad Mother simply that she sounds like she is always around. I used to put my little one in the playpen at that age with a few toys and put on music and went to go clean etc. If a child is used to being around someone all the time separation can be killer.

When my little one started daycare after a few months she started becoming extremely clingy and wouldn't let me out of her sight? I though what is going on? When I called my daycare provider and asked if she picker her up a lot boy was I right. She told me they hold her all the time, as she is sooo cute. I told her she needs to stop, as I couldn't get a thing done at home.

So I would revisit what the Mom is doing to transition her son. My best daycare client got her little one accustom to my schedule and she even napped her little one in her playpen 2 months before starting daycare with me.

Skysue, you are bang on. His mother was with him %80 of the time. She is not using her mixer as it scares him. I told her to use it as he needs to learn to cope with noise. Yesterday dog was barking outside and he was inside the house, the barking set him off and he started crying as he was scared. Today I used my mixer in front of him and hes eyes were stuck to me and he looked as he was going to cry but he didn't. I talked to him while i was using the mixer.

I suggested his parents to take a couple of weeks break as i believe he is not ready for dayhome yet. I don't knwo if this is a good idea or not. My other dck was the same at his age and her daycare provider told her parents to take her out as she can not look after her due to her constant crying and after a month they found me and things are better but it took her just over a month for her to settle so I was thinking we could do the same to this fella. I don't know may be I'm wrong. His parents and I are desperate for him to settle. THis afternoon he was good tho but in the morning when I took them out for a walk he cried the whole time. One old lay dare to came to us and tried to talk. She just said "why is he crying" before I even answer her he went ballistic. I wonder how he finds the energy to cry for that long. :)

I want to have him in my care he is a sweet boy and his parents are lovely too. It will be shame if this arrangment doesn't work. :(

Part time kids can take 6 weeks or longer to adjust, especially if mom and dad are not doing the same things at home that you are. Ask mom and dad to PLEASE work with you. Get them to stay within sight at home, but not be catering to his every squeak and cry. Then they need to, as others have stated, try getting him to play in a playpen or some such thing on his own at times. I agree that she needs to get him adjusted to what goes on around him, and not expect his surroundings to adjust to him.
As for him not being ready for daycare; remember that it may not be an option for him NOT to be in care. If mom and dad have to work, then they will need to do something.
I feel very sympathetic, but I don't think you can speed it up in any way, other than just being patient and consistent. Best of luck!

Mom in Alberta, I couldn't agree more but we are desperate. I suggested them to take some time off from the day home see what happens but on the other hand this might make him get worst as he won't be seeing me for couple of weeks. I'm meeting with his parents' today after work. We will discuss what we can do and if it is an option for them to keep him home or arrange another day home for temporary. Last week on Friday he was good except morning although compare to the previous mornings he was a lot better. In the afternoon he played by himself for a little and was smiling which he doesn't normally do that. :)

Thinking of it, it may not be a good idea to keep him home and away from us. I have arranged the meeting as I wanted his parents' opinions on this as I do not want them to think that I'm making him suffer for the sake of me getting paid.

Thank you for your inputs on this guys.
Cocoon

The quickest adjustment would be taking him full time for 3 weeks. I personally would terminate as the parents arn't going to change. It sounds like you are the only one doing the adjusting and that just isn't fare.

Skysue, they said that they are doing whatever I have asked for them to do and things are getting better at home. So, I don't know. What I'm getting from you guys that I should keep having him and forget about the break? Last couple of weeks he is coming for 3.5 day.

Oh by the way, he normally doesn't move unless I go to him and hold his hand and walk with him or put him on his tummy so that he can crawl. Last week I took him out for a walk and made him walk for 20 mins. in total. On those days afternoons was a bit better then previous days. Except mornings when I took him for a walk. There were people who were saying "hi" to us. He did not like it at all and cried the whole time. When he stopped crying another person came and said "hi" and it set him off again :)

He is a tough cookie :)

Mom and dad keeping him home is not going to do anyone any favors. I don't see that being helpful.
As I said, I do feel for you in this situation. Transitions SUUUUCK. :p
But the only thing that makes them better is patience and consistency. I also suggest taking him full time for a number of weeks. I know you are cringing at the thought... But it seems like it would be a kind of immersion therapy. It does sound like things are getting better, albeit very slowly.
When it comes down to it; if it's not working, it's not working. If you are done with this, give the parents notice, fill that space and move on.
PS: He's not "suffering" !! He is just adjusting. The only reason it seems so awful right now is that the parents have not let their baby grow and develop. I know mom and dad SAY that they are doing the things you are asking them, but perhaps their idea is not the same as yours? The things you expect of him do not seem to be too much, and helping him move toward these goals is just that- helping him!
Hope it gets easier.... :)

Hugs. I would give him a little more time...

I am going through the same here. This 2.5 year old has been with me since August though. I am ready to terminate now. I don't want to, because her parents are stellar and to be honest I need the income, but she either cries or sits on the couch all day when she is here. When we go to park or play group, she cries and clings the entire time. As mentioned with the little one you care for, I can't run any appliances as she loses her wig.

I have to be done. Don't wait as long as I have...lol

I had one like that...not only was it hard to take, but I felt like my reputation was at stake as people would crowd around asking what was wrong with her when I took her out and she would cry and cry for no reason. I had ot let her sit in the stroller half the time so she'd feel secure and I felt that people would think I was punishing her or something. I ahd to terminate for that and other reasons. It's hard, but once they are gone you realize how peaceful life can be :)+

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Originally Posted by Alphaghetti

Hugs. I would give him a little more time...

I am going through the same here. This 2.5 year old has been with me since August though. I am ready to terminate now. I don't want to, because her parents are stellar and to be honest I need the income, but she either cries or sits on the couch all day when she is here. When we go to park or play group, she cries and clings the entire time. As mentioned with the little one you care for, I can't run any appliances as she loses her wig.

I have to be done. Don't wait as long as I have...lol

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We talked yesterday and decided to carry on as it is as I and his parents can see the improvement. I was just thinking that I can not take it anymore. I'm sure you all have been thru this but I have never experienced or witness a child crying whole day, I mean whole day! But things are getting better(I think) :) He didn't cried this morning only for a few seconds after his mother left. And he played with the other child in my care and he smiled!:) He did cried when I put him down for a sleep but I guess that's OK.:)

I want to take another child but I'm very scared that the new child will be like him and I don't know if I'm mentally ready for another child :)

Alphaghetti, I don't think I can be as patient as you are. 7 months? Although, I can understand why you waited for this long. Sometimes we got to do whatever we got to do huh. I hope it gets better for you.

Thank you all for your opinions. I will let you know how we get on.

Cocoon

Part time care is so hard on the younger one...I've actually stopped providing less than 4 days a week care for kids under 18 months as I find it's too hard on them to not have the consistency and routine of coming everyday. They need that to adjust better in my opinion.

I'm very happy:) He slept almost 2 hours(he never sleep that long either in my house or his) and was smiley and happy. I hope he will be like this from now on and we all will have good days:)

Cocoon

PROGRESS is the magic word. As long as the parents work with me and I see progress with the child I'll keep trying. Part-timers do take a lot longer to feel at home with us. Remember that there is no rule for the amount of time it takes as all children are different. It's great when you have the child who is comfortable from day 1 and really difficult when it takes months and months. You'll get some of each, believe me!

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Originally Posted by Cocoon

I'm very happy:) He slept almost 2 hours(he never sleep that long either in my house or his) and was smiley and happy. I hope he will be like this from now on and we all will have good days:)

Cocoon

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Yayyyy!! So good to hear... :)