How do you end a phone call/interview that is not going well

Posting for a member:

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I had a mom call my dayhome today searching for care for her 12 m/o f/t. I was so excited as I reallly want f/t kids. But the next few words out of her mouth blew me away.

"I want to be able to ease my son into care and as such I want to be able to be with him all day for the first month."

What?? All day???

My response:

"That is not something we do here, however I do understand the need for transition so I recomend 2-4 hours daily for the first two weeks if you feel the need for this."

Her answer:

"Why do you have something to hide?"

I was floored, she then continued to say that she ran a day home herself and this was something she did, and was surprised at my lack of transparency. What??

She asked if she could come for an interview during daycare hours so she could see me in action. To which I said an emphatic no. I said unexpected visits throw of routine, and that I must respect the priv. of children and parents in my care that I do not allow this to happen.

She then told me to ask my families if this mattered to them. She then said that she would wait for the handbook that my website promises (this was a web inquiry), and my answer regarding the interview....

What do you do when someone tries to pull thier weight around with you?

Would you let her come to interview you?

How do you end a call that is not going well?

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She called me this AM, and asked why I hadn't sent her the handbook--I reminded her that she emailed merather late last night, and we were winding down for the day.

She then asked if I had asked my parents if it was okay for her to come by "to see me in action" I said yes, because I had asked just for future refrence if someone made this request in the future...

She was/is very insistant on coming as she says she needs to urgently place her 12 m/o. I said the best time to come was today (sat) at 1:30 as dcg would be down for her nap, and that I would be able to better answer her questions if my attention wasn't diverted.

My son is also here, she asked about him and his nap. To which I replied "He doesn't nap anymore he goes to bed earlier, and that works better for him." Her: "Well he needs to nap he's only 3....."

Excuse me?

So she is coming, much to my shigrin. She got my location out of me before she made that nap comment...What was wrong with me? Well at least my husband is here..he looks big burly and mean lol..He can boot her out the door.

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update to the above thread

Wow... Please be very careful when proceeding with this person. You sound already like you're afraid of her. She's going to end up being in charge of your daycare, not you. As much as you want a full time child, do you really want a parent in your life who's going to stress you out and make you unhappy? See how you feel in person when she comes. Just keep in mind that you want to be in control, not anyone else. Good luck. Here's what you should say if she comes and you're getting bad vibes: "I'm sorry, but I don't think this is a good fit for your child or my family. I won't be able to take your child. I wish you all the best in your search for care. Thank you for coming."

Personally, while I GET that clients are trusting us with their most treasured child and need to take precautions to ensure they choose the right program, her TONE and ACCUSATIONS via email scream trust issues and personally I would just politely say 'thank you for your interest in my program however my handbook and polices are only available to those whom I am seriously considering accepting into my program. Unfortunately I have a strong feeling based on your needs and tone of your concerns about placing your child into the care of someone else that we will are not a match on many levels and wish you luck in your search for childcare search" and than just RUN as far as you can in the other direction from this person - seriously you do not want someone in your program who is that much an ALPHA DOG people like that need a NANNY whom they can control and dictate to in their own home - you are self employed offering a service they get NO SAY in your business other than to accept the terms of it or to keep looking for a better MATCH!

Seriously RED FLAG is the fact that she appears to have LIED to you - why is someone who runs a home childcare HERSELF looking for childcare for her infant child - the whole reason we DO THIS is so we can be home with our own children?


Seriously I too support 'transparency' in my program and new clients are able to come and do play dates and ease their child in - however I set the TIME AND CONDITIONS of those ;) Cause on the same flip of the coin I am WORKING and not here to entertain another adult, other adults in the program can be stressful to some children and that needs to be limited as a result and so forth some kids do better at certain times of the day with 'change' and so forth and well I KNOW MY CREW and when they can cope or not cope with 'visits' ... seriously would she want someone coming into her work and SHADOWING HER ALL DAY LONG ... think not?

I will only conduct interviews after work and usually when you tell people that you are just too busy with 4 or 5 children in care and you give them 100% of your attention at all times so it isn't possible to concentrate on the interview, they should understand that fact. You have every right to insist on after work hours with this woman.

I do like to have the family come for a morning playdate before signing the contract so I can observe the mother and child and so that they have a chance to see the daycare in action and the good behaviour of the children already here. That is to ease their mind that everything I've told them is true and they can see it with their own eyes.

I let the Mom stay the first morning if she wants or an hour or two for a few days if the little one is having trouble getting comfortable and easing in, but that's only been necessary with one child in the past 4 years.

I think you should put your foot down with this parent as soon as she gets in your door and let her know that you make all of the rules and they are in your contract. She should completely understand that you have nothing to hide but you are a very busy woman and running your daycare is a very busy job. You cannot let any parent push you around and change the rules for their convenience. You don't need this in your life. Move on to the next interview and forget it if she is as scary in person as she seemed to be on the phone. Don't worry about it, just be confident and in charge.

Clarification to to the posting:

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She stated that she used to run a dayhome and now works at the university, and therefore is looking for care

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How did the interview go? :)

I don't appreciate her tone either! I had a somewhat similar situation not long ago, when a Mom was emailing me regarding full time care for her 3 yrs old. When I answered one of her questions not the way she liked it she suddenly turned SOUR...then went back to being sweet as pie. I really could have used the full time income but there was no way I was setting myself up to have a business relationship with Jeckel and Hyde! Let us know how your interview goes!

demanding and controlling you.....great start!

I'd say - NO WAY!

That read red flags all over the place.....trust your first gut instinct!

Ya, there are some serious red flags there. There is only room for 1 alpha dog in your daycare and that is you. She can't be the alpha in someone elses daycare, she'll need a nanny by the sounds of it. Don't let her push you around, you have to set status right off the bat.

an update... (poor kid)

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She came for the interview, she was asking me questions like the normal parents do...."What's your daily routine....etc"

She sat an observed for quite awhile, but I noticed that her little one was always looking at her for approval like mommy can I touch this, can I go here, and as soon as he let out a peep and I mean a peep, she was picking up and hugging him telling him he was ok.

She would not let him engage in group play unless she was watching...It was creepy really. She also had this kid dressed in knee pads, and elbow gaurds...I was surprised he wasn't wearing a helmet for god's sake.


She went on to say that her boy does not eat any sugar or salt. That she cooks without it....yuck.....Poor kid... he's scared to even play from what I saw, what is it with some parents these days?

She then said at the end that my son seemed to really love me and that dcg was very happy and that she wanted to take a spot but needed to confer with her female partner first (yes she said that, she went out of her way to tell me that)

If anything I'd take this family because I feel sorry for the little boy. I want him to be a kid.

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Update! She is an interesting person!

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She did not take the spot, but now I am back to square one as far as filling goes.... Her reason? I live in a Condo and she wants hom to be able to play outside...She lets him play outside? I would have thought there would have been to many germs...OMG...All I can do is keep trying I guess.

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Not sure I would be too upset that she didn't take the spot. But yes I feel sorry for the child but can you imagine if he fell down and got a bump. Bet he does have to wear his helmet outside. Wonder if she was that paranoid running her daycare. Hopefully once mom goes to work and gets a bit of separation from her child that he can relax too and be a child.

I think you should be relieved!!!
I am all for same sex partnerships, and healthy lifestyles... good for her. But she threw out sooooo many other warning signs. Padding, really????? It's a humorous mental picture, but in practice, I really do feel bad for this kid.
It's one thing for someone to say "I want to make sure that this transition is easiest on everyone, blah blah blah". It's another completely to barge in and expect that all of your demands will be met, no questions asked. She sounds like a horribly abrasive personality. Gee, I wonder why she doesn't do daycare herself anymore? Probably chased everyone off!!
By the way; when you first explained it, I was wondering if it was someone trying to do sneaky spying for thier own daycare. I mean, staying all day, every day for a MONTH??? Seems really fishy to me....

Blessing in disguise there - why do people WASTE other peoples times if a 'condo' was a deal breaker for her why book the INTERVIEW in the first place????

I am admittedly an interview snob but I do not allow any Tom, Dick and Harry to come for an in person interview - I do a phone interview first about the program basics to see if we are a match for those - aka the things I cannot 'change' about my program such as fees, hours of operation, location, that I do field trips and so forth and the basics of what they are 'looking for' in services to make sure that these are going to work - this women would have never been invited to my home based on her phone demeanor ... interviewing takes A LOT OF UNPAID FAMILY TIME and I am not wasting it on looky loos and people who are obviously not a match based on the gut instinct on the phone!

we did a phone interview, and I told her she was not a good fit-- I am the anon poster, she told me that she'd rather see me in person, and then we could decide. My husband phoned her back, and stated that he didn't think she was a good fit eithier, and she STILL WANTED TO COME.

All through the interview she made jabs at what I served etc...subtle jabs... It was the hardest hour of my life. I wanted it over, my husband finally was like so __________ we have other things to do do you need anything else? SHE KNEW I WAS IN A CONDO BEFORE SHE CAME.

YIKES :eek:
Do you have her number to cancel the appointment. Go with your gut....she was negative from the start. If she is causing problems even before you meet with her, imagine what it will be like if her child was in your care.

jec she already came, but all I can say is thats pretty balsy

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Originally Posted by gingerbread11

jec she already came, but all I can say is thats pretty balsy

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Opps sorry mystery poster. I had this open for a while before I responded and didn't read what what posted after I read the orginal post :o ...multi tasking this morning

I agree with Reggio, blessing in disguise! If ever you get someone this bold and rude again, just intrupt them and say I don't mean to come across as rude by intruping you however I don't feel that this is a fit. Good luck on your search.
There are just some people out there that are just miserable and you can't keep everyone happy.

Yes gingerbread, you don't need the stress of this family in your life. As somebody else already mentioned, I would hate to see what would happen if this little boy had a normal trip and fall and scraped his knees and his nose and chin, you know?