So I have a family that I had a conflict with. They decided to start potty train their child in November at which point they switched from diapers to pull ups that gave a "wet alert" to their child. Seeing that he was totally unresponsive to the change and showed no signs of discomfort at even being in a wet diaper, I gently suggested that maybe we should wait a little as it didn't seem to have an affect on their son. To this they said, oh no, we'd like to continue. So I obliged.
So then Christmas comes and they decide to go cold turkey no diapers. I thought great! Good for you for trying. But please know that he has to be 3-5 days accident free before I can continue. So they come back in January and tell me he is potty trained. I asked if he is asking to go, or whether he is showing any signs that he needs to go before hand and they say no, but if you put him on the potty every hour or so he'll go in it. So this was totally not how I expected it as its hard enough to monitor just one child and put him on the potty every hour, but I felt obliged. So I continued with it.
A few weeks went by and there was still no change or eagerness on the child's part to go. In fact, he started to be against it and we had to start to bribe him with m&m's and tv shows (because he was never allowed to watch tv). So that worked for a bit to get him to go. And then he started to become more defiant and more and more unwilling, yelling No, everytime I asked him to. So Clearly, in my mind. He was telling us that he did not want to do this. And I was seeing a huge negative change in his behaviour.
So I tried on several occasions to point to that and make them aware that it was getting really hard to get him to even go on the toilet, but its like they were totally disregarding what I was saying and making me feel that they knew better or were smarter about it somehow because they read about it on the internet (like I hadn't). So finally I got pamphlets from the Calgary Health Region that clearly stated some of the things I was trying to tell them, including a list of when your child MIGHT be ready, such as, he is waking up with a dry diaper, he is asking to go, he is uncomfortable at being in a soiled diaper, etc....And the issue got brought up one last time this February, and all hell broke loose. I decided to just be honest with them and say listen, I really don't think he is wanting to do this, he is either running away or totally says no to us when we try to get him to go so how do you want me to deal with that?
Well, lets just say the conversation became heated once the mom proceeded to tell me exactly what they had been thinking, here's a few; that they've been really having a hard time because they felt I was trying to get out of it, that I was taking in new babies to avoid having to deal with it, that they think I don't really like taking care of toddlers (when my own two children are 1.5 and 2.5) and that someone in a daycare with more experience would know how to better deal with a child that was screaming and saying no. And that in lots of daycares all the kids get put on the potty every 45 minutes in rotation. I could not believe what I was hearing! In my mind I was like really? Is that what you think? Then please go there, cause in reality, someone in a daycare is not going to put 4 or 5 months of effort to try and convince your son to go to the potty in miraculous ways...they probably won't even have the time to have repetitive conversations or consultations about it. so get out of here and you go experience that.
But what I really said was that maybe you might want to look into another place that may better suit your needs. But as a provider, it is my job to simply tell you the truth, and I feel that he is not ready and for these reasons. So whether you want to believe me or not, accept it or not, I don't really care its up to you. But this is what I have seen and it is my job to tell you;
He has had a huge change in his behaviour, he is becoming more and more defiant, he is constantly against going with both me and my assistant, he has seemed stressed out for weeks about it, and this past weekend, when he came to us on monday, he made a sigh of relief and said "I'm so glad I came back here". So if that doesn't make you think twice, then I don't know what is. But I have gone over and beyond in my efforts of what most dayhomes and daycares would do, so you'll just have to find another place.
And then I wrote it all in an email, detailing exactly what was said, and all the things that I didn't get a chance to say, how I had never been considered or consulted in the matter of even doing the potty training. THat it was this unquestioned expectation and thing that they had decided on themselves which their son was obviously not ready for, etc, and i sent it to her husband so that he would be well aware.
So this was middle of February. I said they could leave either March 1st or April 1st if they needed more time. She tried to dictate a March 15th option to which in my mind I was like, are you dumb? You don't make the terms here. Its my house, and my dayhome. There is no half month spot here.... I could simply just stop taking your son in tomorrow due to his aggressive behavior to not just me, but the kids as well, and then you're screwed. You've got no childcare last minute. You should be trying to be a little nicer here. Especially since there could be a month in between where I am offering to still keep him! and deal with the stupid potty training! And of course, they were unable to start somewhere else in the middle of the month. So she did start to be a little nicer now.
And I just can't wait for this to be over.
So now its the middle of the march, and we've got two weeks left, and I am just counting the days....and so are both my assistants! What started out as a potty training dispute, has now turned to a saving grace. Because their son is just out of control. He's grabbing kids toys out of their hands while they're playing with it, he has ran into my daughters room and jumped through the top of the bed onto her while she was sleeping!(and he is double her weight), he is taking food off their plates even though I always start him off with a double portion to what everyone else is having!, he is climbing anything and everything, saying no to anything and everything, and has just become the hardest child to deal with right now..when not too long ago, he was the sweetest.
So thank GOD he is leaving! And did I mention that his parents are "anti-authoritarian"? From the start they said they didn't believe in time outs and the authoritative figure? I look back now and I should have just ran. but they were my second family, which I have now learnt sooooooo much from and so much of what I will not tolerate or compromise of myself, my beliefs and how I choose to run my place. So in this I am very greatful. But its still not over. here is the email I received from them;
"""We have started to talk about how to prepare his for his last day ( 30th March) as I’m sure he’ll be really sad to leave. We’re thinking that talking about this being his last day at playschool will help him understand the concept of a last day which is good.
Any ideas on how to manage the transition? What do you think we should do in the last days? How did you guys manage Gabby’s leaving""""
Playschool is a two hour pre-preschool program I signed him and my son up for that just ended. She is asking how we should transition her son's leave from our Dayhome. Should I even be bothered? Her son has been here with us for almost a year, yes. He is very good friends with my son but my son also has his sister who he loves and plays with so no big deal for us to have him leave. Has anyone had to ever do this? Consider this? In my mind, I've only had to worry about transitioning children INTO my Dayhome, not out of it. The last two children that left I just made sure to sound very positive and excited about their new place. And then they left. Simple as that. I'm kind of surprised that she is thinking I should be considering even more and putting more thought. But there go their continued expectations again... and here I am writing of this scenario and wasting more time on them....:huh: Any feedback or suggestions would be appreciated though on how I should deal with this. Thanks so much!
