Rant-lazy parents/dcb

Why do parents think its ok to set their kids up to fail? I know it may be easier at the time to do things for your child, but really in long run it is better to actually teach them to do things for themselves! Grrrr.
So frustrating when the 17mo dcb and my 2yr son are more competent then this 4yo dcb. He is carried in in the am, dcd even takes off his shoes for him! Its unbelievable. This child is gonna be screwed come fall when he starts jk.

I had to teach him how to get winter gear on, do up zipper.....anything and everything basically! lol Today I even had to show him how to wash his face after lunch! Really people, it is not that hard.

I also think he's given w/e he wants just by saying "I'm thirsty" or "I want...", yeah well "I'm Jennifer, nice to meet you thirsty" and "I'd like a mil $, do you have that for me?". That is not asking for a drink, that is stating a fact. Even if he does ask, it's never w/manners.

Bah! It's just frustrating to see that this poor boy hasn't made much progress in the yr and a half I've had him and knowing how much trouble he will have once in school. I know he can do things, but think that he's so used to not doing them/being told he can't perhaps? that he barely even puts effort into trying.

ooo!!! me! me!!!
3 yrs old girl who just started expects me to pull her pants down, lift her on to the toilet, wipe her, and can't even pump the soap or turn on the water by herself! And when I ask her to pull up her pants she half-ass tries on purpose...like, not trying at all. Can't put on her shoes, OR coat...etc, etc, ETC. Obviously, I'm working very consistently to have her do it herself....but then Mom comes to pick her up and does every single thing for her! First born...only child...lol.

Another set of girls I have (sisters), don't ask questions either and I don't know why but it makes me nuts! Instead of saying "Can we have snack now?" or "When are we going to have snack?" They say: "We CAN'T have snack right now, Lisa"....or if one of them wants to go to the park she'll say "We CAN'T go to the park today, Lisa". Always, the negative. So, i'm working on that with them too, lol. Can't stand talking in negatives all day!

I hear you ladies!! I had one mom pick up yesterday and sigh that she really envies another mom (they're both teachers) whose daughters (aged 1 and 4 years) always look so put together (hair done perfectly, totally co-ordinated everything). I so wanted to find a way to tell her that having your child look perfect shouldn't be anyone's ideal. And the fact that her 2 year old daughter far surpasses the 4 year old in so many ways that show that mom number 2 spends time with her daughter in the way it SHOULD be. But, I so couldn't find a way to say any of that professionally...so, I just smiled (& felt bad all evening that I didn't find some way to reassure her).

I tell the parents at my daycare when the children are about 18 months old that they should be starting to learn to dress/undress themselves as much as possible because it takes months and months for them to master the skills. As soon as the children are walking and they are carried in to my house from the car I ask the child why they didn't walk and why Daddy carried them. Heehee, is that too passive-agressive? No really, I stress to the parents that I encourage their children's independence and learning strengths and hope that they do too.

You have to know your audience, because some parents love advice and others really don't appreciate it. But we can lead by example, showing them how great their child is doing for us and (here's my passive-aggressiveness again) suggesting that the parents really want their child to have all their 'firsts' at home.

Hmm I have a lazy kid too- but she is mine- I just tell her that if she needs that much help she must be really tired and need a rest. or I do the- I thought you were a really big girl... etc..

Ugh, yes it's a pet peeve of mine too. :mad:
My nephew drives me nuts because EVERYTHING is "I caaaan't". But there is no effort, he just says it and mom does it for him. Our family motto is "(OUR LAST NAME)s DON'T SAY CAN'T!!".
Sometimes we have trouble or would like some help, but we don't use the word "can't".

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Nifer

Why do parents think its ok to set their kids up to fail? I know it may be easier at the time to do things for your child, but really in long run it is better to actually teach them to do things for themselves! Grrrr.
So frustrating when the 17mo dcb and my 2yr son are more competent then this 4yo dcb. He is carried in in the am, dcd even takes off his shoes for him! Its unbelievable. This child is gonna be screwed come fall when he starts jk.

I had to teach him how to get winter gear on, do up zipper.....anything and everything basically! lol Today I even had to show him how to wash his face after lunch! Really people, it is not that hard.

I also think he's given w/e he wants just by saying "I'm thirsty" or "I want...", yeah well "I'm Jennifer, nice to meet you thirsty" and "I'd like a mil $, do you have that for me?". That is not asking for a drink, that is stating a fact. Even if he does ask, it's never w/manners.

Bah! It's just frustrating to see that this poor boy hasn't made much progress in the yr and a half I've had him and knowing how much trouble he will have once in school. I know he can do things, but think that he's so used to not doing them/being told he can't perhaps? that he barely even puts effort into trying.

---

I have a daycare child just the same and I don't give her anything unless she says "please or Thank You" period. I also through tough love have taught her how to dress herself, put on shoes, zip up coats etc...

I'm going through the same issues with a new daycare girl that is soooooooo used to being babied that it kills me to watch her struggle through her milestones as younger ones are way more advanced.

None of us are perfect but for goodness sakes it can be darm frustrating!

Do any of you have children who think they can just say 'juice' or 'milk' and you will provide it? I say things like 'I need a lot more words than that!' to make them ask me with a full sentence. I'm talking about 3 & 4 year old children. I'm constantly asking these little ones to use their manners or repeat their requests with please or to say thanks. Manners is a part of my program but sometimes I get tired of repeating myself over and over. I can't imagine how teachers handle this with 30 students. They must just let it go.

Do I ever feel your pain!! I have a dhb who just turned two who is still carried to and from my door EVERY day, with a bottle in hand. He has never once in the year I've had him been brought with shoes on and dad has even made a comment about how nice it will be when dhb can walk himself to the vehicle. :confused: He's two for crying out loud. Since he started walking he has had shoes on and walked himself to my vehicle and his parents know that. There are so many problems with this kid but it's all his parents doing. I really do feel bad for him but I can only say so much without trying to tell the parents how to 'parent.' SO frustrating!

Just keep asking them questions back till you get the response you want. Over time they will figure out if they don't say the words they don't get. If a child says I am thirsty then respond with something like and what do you plan to do about it or whatever will get the child to say what you want them to say. In other words they have to engage in an entire conversation with you that takes forever. Soon they will learn to be fast - I would like a drink without even mentioning being thirsty just getting right to the point.

I have to admit, my own son is the worst for this!! 1st child...

He's almost 3, and he KNOWS how to put on his winter gear, shoes, pants, etc. because he does it when he WANTS to. But honestly, when I want him to he "can't" and whines until I do it for him because the rest of the little ones are all dressed and getting fussy, so I feel like I HAVE to!

Washing hands, pulling up his pants, etc when going to the potty... Well he fights the potty, and anything to do with it, so again I just do it for him or he just won't do it.

AHHH any advice from you wonderful experienced ladies would be fabulous :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lunademiel

I have to admit, my own son is the worst for this!! 1st child...

He's almost 3, and he KNOWS how to put on his winter gear, shoes, pants, etc. because he does it when he WANTS to. But honestly, when I want him to he "can't" and whines until I do it for him because the rest of the little ones are all dressed and getting fussy, so I feel like I HAVE to!

Washing hands, pulling up his pants, etc when going to the potty... Well he fights the potty, and anything to do with it, so again I just do it for him or he just won't do it.

AHHH any advice from you wonderful experienced ladies would be fabulous :)

---

There's your problem, you do it for him and he knows he can MAKE you do it for him if he acts up and whines. YOU have to put your foot down and be tough and maybe suffer through a few weeks of tantrums, but wait him out until he does it himself. You are letting your child control you and you are letting him rule the house and you. YOU have to put a stop to it. It was me and 4 children when I was a young Mom and it's me and 5 daycare children now and I definitely don't let the children run things. No, it won't be easy but it WILL work if you are consistent. I tell my clients that I can out-stubborn any child and they can do it to so that they are 'parenting'.

Only since I opened my dayhome have I realized the damage I've done... Not creating appropriate rules, boundaries, expectations, etc. I think that most parents only realize this either a) when they have a second child or b) when the children start daycare. My son was in a daycare that didn't really care wether he was able to put on his own shoes or was independent, she only care that he was happy. Which is not a bad thing, but he did not learn much nor did I. I find it so amazing how most of the providers on this site DO care about teaching these children life skills, especially those skills that are necessary for JK. You all motivate me to become a better mother AND provider!

Thanks!