When Client/Provider relationships go wrong . . . .

My story:
Pay day: parent texts me to let me know she would like to change her pay schedule. I say sure we can start that next month as I've already budgeted for her payment today. She wasn't happy about this. I was paid though

Monday: Mom's first day back to work after maternity leave. Her children (who have been coming part time - one for over a year and one for a few months) will be starting full time with me.
Mom drops off the children quickly and refrains from speaking to me too much (still angry I assume) Monday is rough. The older child is having a hard time with the change and the young one is sick AND teething.

Tuesday:
Again, a very rough day. Little one can't be put down without sobbing and sleeping a LOT, older one is acting out her frustrations with the change and the other children are lacking the attention they need. I have to call mom at 4:30 to tell her I think the little one has a fever (My thermometer was left at my parents the weekend before). She bring a thermometer and the little one has a fever of 102.6. She stays and chats for a few mintues so I'm satisfied that our relationship is not tarnished too much due to Sunday (pay day)

Wednesday:
Little one is beyond herself. She can't be put down and is crying even in my arms. At 11 am I check her and her fever is 103. I have to call mom from the office to get her. By the time mom comes the fever has dropped (because I gave her tylenol) and she is quite happy to see mom (of course). I got the feeling mom maybe thought I was calling her home unnecessarily.

Thursday:
Mom texts me saying she doesn't quite know what to do (bring or not). I start asking questions to gauge whether baby can have a positive day here. Mom takes offence to my remark that if she is sleeping already after only getting up a couple hours earlier that maybe she is not ok. I get an irritated text back so I call to explain myself. She starts screaming, swearing and cursing. She refuses to let me speak and hanging up when she is done. She keeps both her children home. I ask for a call before the weekend is over to chat. She calls right away. The chat does not go well. I get a slightly condescending apology/this is how I feel email later on which I acknowledged receipt of, but did not formally reply to, as there was no way to answer without getting into a pissing match

Friday: Mom emails me that she would like to drop -off the children outside my business hours a couple days out of the week. I have to say no as it just doesn't work for me or my family.

I'm just waiting for the two week notice letter . . . . . . :(

comments?

Yelling and screaming on the phone is a breach of my contract, as it should be yours. Not acceptable.

That's ridiculous! You run a business. She has to understand that. And you are looking out for yourself, the other children and her children. (Was the fever due to teething or what she sick?) If someone yelled, cursed and screamed at me, it would be immediate termination. Otherwise, she will continue the abuse. She doesn't take your seriously. She needs to find a new place for her children - in my opinion. That is immature and rude.

Well, first of all my sick policy states that if there is a fever the child must be fever-free for 24 hours before returning to daycare and I refuse to administer over the counter meds that bring down a fever which is simply a symptom of a greater problem. The child needs to be at home or taken to a doctor for a diagnosis, eg. ear infections. So that's your first problem.

Second, my termination clause states that abuse from a parent warrants immediate termination and if she swore at you that is abuse. We who have learned a lot of lessons call this RED FLAGS!!!!

I would not put up with this behaviour from a parent. The child is sick and needs the parent's attention. What if this child went into a seizure at your house due to the high fever? How do you deal with that? It does happen and the parent must be responsible for their child. We are here to do a fantastic job and give 100% every day but the parents are ultimately responsible for their children whenever they become sick, PERIOD!!!!!

The odd thing is that this was a family I LOVED. This is the family that I posted about being so happy because her little one was accepted into the school up the street from me. the one who gave me an ottoman when my child cracked her head off my coffee table, who I gave a HUGE sibling discount to, the parent who would come a bit early to chit chat with me (which I loved after a day of child talk).

Her baby had a cold and was teething on top of it. I took her the second day because this was mom's FIRST week back at work from mat. leave and I knew how stressed and emotional she was feeling. I also know how important it is for her to show up at work the VERY FIRST WEEK. I was trying to be helpful. Regardless of the reasons for the clinginess, fevers, and all that; the little girl should not have been in care feeling so poor (I know that teething is normal but I wouldn't want my child at daycare when they couldn't handle it, regardless of the reasons)


when she called me back I told her very clearly that she was never to speak to me like that and regardless of how hard the week has been what had just taken place was not ok. I'm going to give her another chance because I feel like emotions have com to a head with her. We had an amazing relationship before this week and I feel like I should give it a chance to get back on track.

If she ever speaks to me in the way again I will terminate IMMEDIATELY

I'm working on a new parent handbook that more clearly outlines my policies. It's funny how I started working on this a few weeks ago thinking it was just good idea (so if something ever goes wrong then I'm covered). Looks like I was a bit late. I don't have anything in my current policy about verbal abuse although I'm sure I don't exactly need one to terminate in this situation.

Right now she is pissed and looking for ways to get one up on me as I keep shutting down her attempt to put me in a corner and refusing to argue (GOOOOOO COUNSELLING SKILLS!). I have a terrible feeling I'm seeing another side of this woman that may be someone relentless and vindictive.

I love these children. I want to give it another chance so I can keep them.

Oh Cadillac you are being very tolerant and sweet and patient with this dcparent and I hope it's worth it because I would be sooooooooo angry!

This is the reason I hope never to have siblings in care again because it's 40% of your income and that's kinda scary if it goes all wrong. like in this situation. I don't have a handbook, just my annual 8 page contract with everything included, short and sweet and to the point, no loopholes or ambiguous wording, clear and concise.

Just to let you know, fevers caused by teething rarely go above 100. A temp that high is not teething but a possible infection. I am sorry that she treated you that way! I would never let a parent speak to me like that. I really think you need to have clear and concise policies on illness and how the parents treat you. What she did was just plain rude and ridiculous.

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Originally Posted by Momof4

Oh Cadillac you are being very tolerant and sweet and patient with this dcparent and I hope it's worth it because I would be sooooooooo angry!

This is the reason I hope never to have siblings in care again because it's 40% of your income and that's kinda scary if it goes all wrong. like in this situation. I don't have a handbook, just my annual 8 page contract with everything included, short and sweet and to the point, no loopholes or ambiguous wording, clear and concise.

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Thanks Momof4 I am very very angry. Perhaps I am being too tolerant but I really feel like I need to give her another chance this week as last week was SO rough on EVERYONE. I feel a little sick to my stomach, and I'm a bit stressed but the speed in which this relationship broke down gives me hope that it was a blip on an otherwise wonderful experience with this family.

I'm not worried about the income at all. I'm have a waiting list and everyone in the area knows and likes me. It just so happens that I've had about 4 inquiries in the last two weeks even though my website and referrals tell people I am full at the moment.

Mom sounds totally stressed about the transition back to work. Just because the kids were coming to care part time during mat leave mom wasn't going to work so this is a total shock to her system this week. Since you know what the mom has always been like until this past week I would probably try just as you are to let her get over it and come back to reality. What she did was wrong, how she over reacted was wrong and explaining it away is wrong but what she does in the next couple weeks is what will help you decide if you are willing to keep going or not.

One thing to watch for is signs that the mom is on the brink of packing it in and staying home instead of going back to work. My shortest time for a child in care was a little over 2 hours! Same thing mom had been bringing the child to transition including some full days and all seemed well. First day to bring child and go back to work mom tried so hard to be brave at the door but I could see the tears. She cried all the way to work - walked straight into the boss's office and said sorry I can't do this and came home for her child and never went back to work.

Thanks Playfelt

She's paid to the end of the month. What I'm going to do is keep a close eye this week. If she is disrespectful to me in any way I'm going to issue a warning letter. Her reaction to that will help with my decision. I'm really hoping that we can resolve this but I won't take anymore shit and by the end of next week I'll know whether to issue her two-week's notice or not.

I feel really sick to my stomach about it all. Trying my best not to let it ruin my weekend.

Ah the things women do/say when they are stressed about their children... Still though, it's unacceptable. You are a wonderful, kind person for giving her another chance. I'm sure she will never disrespect you again but if she does, don't put up with it.

AND don't let it ruin your weekend. Try not to take it personally, you know, and we know, it's not your fault. It's all emotions...

((HUGS))

Agreed, this may have been a sh#*%& week for everyone here. The little one sounds sick, as a teething fever is usually very low-grade. The kids are having a hard time with the adjustment, and mom clearly is too.
BUT THAT IS NO EXCUSE TO SPEAK TO YOU SO HURTFULLY, OR HANG UP ON YOU WITHOUT EVEN ALLOWING YOU TO SPEAK!!! Now that I have that off my chest... LoL
Since you have such a good prior relationship, I would be very upfront with her. "I feel like we had a really rough week last week. Is there anything that you wanted to discuss, or is there anything I should know about? I would like to move forward, but I am not comfortable with how everything played out when we were attempting to communicate."
And that WOULD be my last kick at it. Even a hint of that raging bitch again, and I would be summarily dismissing. Things may be crazy in life for her, and maybe there is even stuff going on that you don't know about (I always try to remember that there may be more than what I know of), but there is no cause or excuse to take it out on you.
And, no I would not accept them at extended hours. I learned in my first year that I set my hours as such for a reason. Hopefully they stay and you continue as it WAS. But if this is the "real" her.... Good riddance!

She came this morning at her normal time, dropped off the kids, and left. No real hi or anything for me but I didn't feel disrespected in any way.

Honestly, I could live without the chit chat as my front hall gets easily crowded. good news I guess?

Unfortunately I'm going to have to ask her to make sure the kids have warm jackets at pick up. Hope I'm not going to 'start anything' by mentioning this but we had to come in early from outing because her kids were freeeeeeeeezing.

I would have terminated on the spot.

Um..................NEXT!

First off - with fevers.....you need to have it in your policies that if a kid has a fever they are excluded from care for 24 hours. If you had that then when you sent the kid home on the first day they could not have returned the next day.

Second, you also need to have it in your contract that if a parent is belligerent then that is grounds for immediate termination with NO refund of fees already paid.

Seriously, you need to NOT take crap like this from parents. If a parent spoke to me in that manner I would have handed the kid's stuff to her along with a termination letter and she would never come back.

Really? She wasn't rude or anything just made a quick drop-off. She was fine when she came in to pick them up. Happy to see the girls and looking energized. She listened to my feedback on the day and didn't take any offense when I said the girls needed warmer jackets.

I'm giving it the week. I don't want to make any rash decisions because I wasn't happy about last week.

Judy - I'm re-doing my parent-hand book and being VERY specific on EVERYTHING. When I started out I had no idea that parents would willingly bring sick children to daycare. I was naive.

I'll also be adding a section on verbal abuse and the like.

I'll update the post at the end of the week with my final decision

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Originally Posted by mom-in-alberta

Since you have such a good prior relationship, I would be very upfront with her. "I feel like we had a really rough week last week. Is there anything that you wanted to discuss, or is there anything I should know about? I would like to move forward, but I am not comfortable with how everything played out when we were attempting to communicate."
And that WOULD be my last kick at it. Even a hint of that raging bitch again, and I would be summarily dismissing. Things may be crazy in life for her, and maybe there is even stuff going on that you don't know about (I always try to remember that there may be more than what I know of), but there is no cause or excuse to take it out on you.

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Very good advice. Don't sweep it under the rug as it will only happen again if you don't address it.
Good luck.

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Originally Posted by Cadillac

Really?

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Yes, really. I REALLY mean it - I would terminate them.

Cadillac, watch out for signs that she's looking around for another daycare and don't let her catch you off guard. I'm worried about you.

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Originally Posted by Momof4

Cadillac, watch out for signs that she's looking around for another daycare and don't let her catch you off guard. I'm worried about you.

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Awwwww. Thanks.
Perhaps I am just a little too nice. Honestly, If she leaves then she leaves and I'm not stressed about it. If she leaves without two weeks notice and refuses to pay it, I'll take her to court.

I've got tons of inquiries right now and I'm financially stable so whether she stays or goes is no skin off my back (just missing the kids I guess).

It would actually be nice to have a few less kids to enjoy the summer with.

That post really touched my heart though. Thanks mom . . . . of4