Potential Family asks Current Family to fill out referral questionnaire????

Morning Ladies,

So one of my current families texts me last night and emails me a copy of a referral questionnaire she received from a potential daycare client. The potential client asked my families if they would take a minute or two to answer a couple questions for her. They ALL emailed her saying that I was wonderful and their children were happy and blah blah...everything was good or so we all thought...last night they received a full on questionnaire from potential parent asking them to fill out and return to her...I'm not impressed and feel she is over stepping. My daycare families now think the woman is nuts and I don't think I want her as part of our group anymore...here are a couple of the questions she sent them...thoughts????

1. When you first started bringing your child to daycare were you ever called to pick her up because she was inconsolable?
2. When you pick up your child at the end of the day are they overly excited to leave or do they want to stay?
3. Does your child frequently fight you on going or staying at daycare? Are they happy once they are there?
4. How often does ______ close when she or family members are sick and what is her back up plan for when that happens?
5. Did you ever have a problem with _________and was it resolved to your satisfaction
6. What are your likes and dislikes about this daycare?
7. If you could change one thing about _______and the way she treats or cares for the children what would it be?

As stated above, this was all sent after everyone emailed her saying they were happy with the care their children were getting etc. I absolutely understand wanting to find the best care for your child, but I feel sending them a questionnaire that went on longer than what I even posted kinda went to far....not to mention that almost all of her questions should/were addressed in our interview (ie: calling parents which I've never had to do for a crying child, never closed for illness, etc) and if they had dislikes and wanted to change me don't you think they would have their children elsewhere???? I know I would lol

As Judy would say NEXT...

I seriously think this parent has major trust issues and will never be able to hand over responsability. Go with your gut instinct. Thank God your other parents forwarded you the e-mail?

OMG!!!

What is going on with the serious lack of ideal families these days?!?!?!? It must be something in the water that makes parents(especially mothers) bonkers when it comes to group care

If I were you I would not even consider taking that family on. Mommy dearest there didn't even listen to you in your interview. She should have those answers already. Pure bonkers!

Umm ya NEXT!

Seriously how many current clients have TIME to fill out an extensive questionnaire like that for every potential client - that is what WRITTEN REFERENCES are for so READ THEM or if you want to 'engage' in deeper questions than a letter of reference contains than you CALL them and take a few minutes to TALK to current clients and just ask those types of deeper trust issues.

But I agree ... while I can empathize with WHY a prospective client might have trust issues there are NORMAL trust issues and BAGGAGE trust issues and personally I do not have the time or patience to deal with the BAGGAGE potential clients have developed in their trust of other people ..... 95% of choosing the best match in childcare is GUT INSTINCT and the other 5% is doing reference checking / spending time in the program to see it in action to make sure your GUT is correct ... this client sounds like she is reversed where she cannot trust her gut for some reason and so is doing a 95% of the trying to 'control' the situation with reference checking and likely at some point 'micromanaging' the program to make sure it is up to her par!

It wont WORK if the client needs that much control she needs a NANNY in her home who is her employee!

Thanks ladies, my thoughts exactly. She will never let go and will be a royal pain in the ***. I don't have time to coddle parents. Oh and to top it off, she says I am the ONLY daycare provider she is interviewing because she thinks I'm great and just wanted my references...that should have been my first red flag...who doesn't take the time to interview a few people when placing their child in care????

Well I think she just went about it the wrong way ....she should have asked for references and then when talking to them she could have posed her questions ..... I'm wondering how she got all of your current clients email addresses to question them in the first place ..... when potential families ask me for references I give them two daycare families and one personal. I think 3 references are plenty. I think yes I too would take a pass on this family unless you need them and have no other prospects ..... But she does sound rather "out there" and this is just a precursor to what will come ..... Ya ..... NEXT !!!!

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Originally Posted by Crayola kiddies

Well I think she just went about it the wrong way ....she should have asked for references and then when talking to them she could have posed her questions ..... I'm wondering how she got all of your current clients email addresses to question them in the first place ..... when potential families ask me for references I give them two daycare families and one personal. I think 3 references are plenty. I think yes I too would take a pass on this family unless you need them and have no other prospects ..... But she does sound rather "out there" and this is just a precursor to what will come ..... Ya ..... NEXT !!!!

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She asked that I forward my current families her email addy and they all responded to her and were very good at getting back to her quickly. She then took it upon herself to keep their emails and continue emailing them. I've emailed everyone and told them to just ignore any further correspondence, thanked them for the references they gave but I think she's taking things too far and worry that parents won't want to give references if they are bombarded with crap like this.

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Originally Posted by Skysue

As Judy would say NEXT...

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Um.yeah, you hit the nail on the head there............... ......NEXT!

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Originally Posted by Crayola kiddies

...when potential families ask me for references I give them two daycare families and one personal. I think 3 references are plenty...

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This is me as well ... at this point I have over 30 written letters of reference in my portfolio from current and past clients both in centre care and home care for parents to READ if desired plus I offer 1 current client, 1 past client and 1 personal / professional reference for doing a 'phone reference' ... personally I think EMAIL is too impersonal for a reference check - on the phone you can ask those kinds of questions and listen for any 'pauses' when answering or pay attention to what is NOT said to listen to your GUT in regards to is this an honest reference or are they just telling me what I want to hear?

When I ask parents to do a written reference for me I do ask them to offer both strengths they see in my program as well as comments on areas for improvement and my conflict resolutions skills - aka share a time where we had a difference of opinion and how we were able to resolve that so that prospective clients can 'read' in my written letters of reference a 'well rounded' vision of me!

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Originally Posted by michellesmunchkins

She asked that I forward my current families her email addy and they all responded to her and were very good at getting back to her quickly. She then took it upon herself to keep their emails and continue emailing them. I've emailed everyone and told them to just ignore any further correspondence, thanked them for the references they gave but I think she's taking things too far and worry that parents won't want to give references if they are bombarded with crap like this.

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HOLY HELL! NEXT...

The fact that she's kept the parents emails is beyond understanding, and the fact that she's still emailing them! WOWIE. What a freakin tool. Block her emails/phone calls!

I only give out phone numbers for references. If my current families are comfortable in giving them their email addys, that's their choice, but I'm only giving out phone numbers.

WOW. :eek:

If you read any of the "mommy" boards they are flooded with horror stories, daycare issues, enough to stop any parent from putting their child into daycare of any kind.....but at the same time parents need to get past all the rhetoric on those boards and be a bit more realisitic. I know trust is part of it and common sense goes with that - one of the reasons a person just starting out has so much trouble getting that first client compared to the caregiver with an almost full house in that if others are there it must be ok.

Beyond this parent's insecurities is the way she went about gathering her information - bet she checked the caregiver out on facebook, etc. too. Reads too much, is reliant (gullable) to what others tell her - which can be a good thing if she starts taking advice from the caregiver instead.

While "next" is certainly the best choice if you want to pursue this potential client or want to help her not make the same mistakes next time then you could call her if you have her number or email if you don't. Let her know that your current clients made you aware of the questionaire and that you advised them that they were under no obligation to fill it out. That you thanked them for their time in speaking to the parent on the phone but that that was where their obligation ended. It is then between the potential parent and the caregiver to work out further details. What is coming across is that she is trying to call you a liar in a sense by asking for confirmation that what you said in the interview is true.

Depending on how old the child is, have they been in care or in care now in what is not a good relationship and the parent is afraid of getting burned again. In that case I would have a bit more sympathy, bring it to her attention and ask how you can help her work through her insecurities - if she takes offence to being told that well she wasn't going to work out anyways.

First time Mom, first daycare. What worries me is that she has some serious trust issues and yet doesn't want to interview anyone else??? As a Mom, I would never only interview one person. I'm also very open and don't lie so maybe she is interviewing others and just saying she's not...but I ALWAYS tell potential families that they MUST meet with other providers to ensure the right match for their child and for them!

I never give out email addresses and I gain permission to give out phone numbers from my references ..... When I have an interview and I give out my reference numbers I always give them a heads up to expect a call. But this person was / is too bold and ya if I was one of the parents receiving the questionnaire I wouldn't want her to be part the daycare.

Sorry just reread your earlier post and see that your current families originally emailed her ..... Still she's crackers

Wowsa. Run.
:laugh:
Some of the questions are pretty normal parent-like questions but why couldn't she call your references like the average parent would do and ask the questions over the phone?

Some of the questions like what they would like you to do differently etc is a bit over the top. Each person has their unique take on daycare and she is not a head hunter for some HR firm. That seems more like a question you would hear at a job interview for other types of jobs.

I just get a passive-aggressive feeling and like she would totally be eyeballing you and every mood her child was in and attribute it to you and your daycare.

Why wouldn't she just verbally ASK the parents these questions? I would have made her appear much less crazy...jeez louise.

As for the questions themselves - I don't think she has any idea what she's talking about anyway. She has a piss poor vision of what makes a good daycare if she's judging whether she'd choose one based on those questions.

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Originally Posted by Alphaghetti

....As for the questions themselves - I don't think she has any idea what she's talking about anyway. She has a piss poor vision of what makes a good daycare if she's judging whether she'd choose one based on those questions.

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Ya - I agree some of those were 'normal' questions ... I too would want to confirm some of those things if I was leaving my child somewhere - however some of those questions could get you a 'false' sense of security or a false red flag depending on view points!

For example if a child not 'wanting' to go to daycare is being seen as a RED FLAG that the provider is not up to par - well that is out of context ... how old is the child, what is their temperament, what is their attachment to their own parents and so forth?

I have children who run into program without looking back and others who you even after months of being here you still have to peel off mamas leg some mornings despite the fact that the minute mama is gone they are off playing just fine ... there is a very FINE line between it being normal for a child to have separation anxiety leaving the parent in the morning and a child whose 'dislike' of going to daycare is based on something be 'wrong' with the daycare.

Heck we had a child in centre care who would start at home screaming the minute they mentioned it was a daycare day, he resisted getting dressed, he kicked and thrashed and cried to puking in the ride over to the program, you had to peel him off the parents and while after a while he would eventually 'succumb' to choosing to play at daycare he was just not 'happy' to be there it was sort of spend the day 'moping' .... we were not doing anything WRONG in our program other children thrived and loved it it was just THIS kid was not a group care kid he wanted to be HOME with his parents and he let every single person know that!

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Originally Posted by Inspired by Reggio

Ya - I agree some of those were 'normal' questions ... I too would want to confirm some of those things if I was leaving my child somewhere - however some of those questions could get you a 'false' sense of security or a false red flag depending on view points!

For example if a child not 'wanting' to go to daycare is being seen as a RED FLAG that the provider is not up to par - well that is out of context ... how old is the child, what is their temperament, what is their attachment to their own parents and so forth?

I have children who run into program without looking back and others who you even after months of being here you still have to peel off mamas leg some mornings despite the fact that the minute mama is gone they are off playing just fine ... there is a very FINE line between it being normal for a child to have separation anxiety leaving the parent in the morning and a child whose 'dislike' of going to daycare is based on something be 'wrong' with the daycare.

Heck we had a child in centre care who would start at home screaming the minute they mentioned it was a daycare day, he resisted getting dressed, he kicked and thrashed and cried to puking in the ride over to the program, you had to peel him off the parents and while after a while he would eventually 'succumb' to choosing to play at daycare he was just not 'happy' to be there it was sort of spend the day 'moping' .... we were not doing anything WRONG in our program other children thrived and loved it it was just THIS kid was not a group care kid he wanted to be HOME with his parents and he let every single person know that!

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Exactly!!!!!!!!! You have a way with words!

Yes Reggio ..... You do have a way with words ....; )

LOL - thank you .... yes I inherited the verbal diarrhea from my mother who passed it on to both my sister and myself :o

I'm interested to know if you're going to call back the psycho mom and tell her that she went a little too far?? I bet tthat will be a peachy conversation! HA! Some people...

SOOOOOOOO. You called that lady and told her how out of line that was right?
And then you told her that you would be unable to accept her into care right?

I'm flabbergasted

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Originally Posted by Inspired by Reggio

For example if a child not 'wanting' to go to daycare is being seen as a RED FLAG that the provider is not up to par - well that is out of context ... how old is the child, what is their temperament, what is their attachment to their own parents and so forth?

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My PT-dcg in the last 2 days has been crying & freaking out at drop-off! Once mom leaves she stops! Today dad dropped her off and he stayed....and she cried. I had to tell him that the longer you stay the worse she will get. So he left.....I held her in my lap trying to calm her down, after 5min I had enough. I put her down and told her to STOP CRYING.....you wont believe what happened. Not only did she stop crying BUT she smiled and said "im all better now"! WTF Kid....you're parents think I'm locking you in a closet by your freak out meanwhile you're just playing them! From that moment on she's been all smiles.

So yeah...that doesn't always mean something is wrong!

Oh I hear ya - I have two siblings who can so drama it up it the morning for mama - and than turn it off on a dime when the door closes and they get the LOOK for me because they are 4 and 6 now and there is NO EXCUSE for that behavior anymore and they know it - I have giving up with the clients trying to help with tips for better behavior because she just does what is easiest in the moment and cannot seem to grasp that if you put in the effort for a few weeks it would be easier in the long run ???

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Originally Posted by Skysue

As Judy would say NEXT...

I seriously think this parent has major trust issues and will never be able to hand over responsability. Go with your gut instinct. Thank God your other parents forwarded you the e-mail?

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That's EXACTLY what I was thinking!

Definitely weird that she seems to be all concerned about these things, but is not even interviewing anyone else. So, did you let her know it was out of line?
I just think it was weird..... and I agree that if these are the criteria, she is looking at the WRONG things. There is none of the things I would be asking. And she seems overly concerned about sick days, etc?? That would be a red-flag for me, because truthfully there WILL be times that I need to close. This will be the mom that makes it a gigantic issue!

One of the advantages of a daycare centre is that it doesn't close if someone on staff is sick whereas in home care it is just us so there are times we have to close. Although since I had to look after my own kids anyways when I was sick it was easier to have everyone come and have a quiet day of tv because it kept my kids entertained and parents appreciated the no interruption. Generally I got the illness from someone in daycare so the tv day served them right. When it was my own kids sick the day went the same - the daycare sat in front of the tv and I cared for the sickies in the background.

A lot of the questions on the lady's list do come from online lists of what to ask in a childcare interview so not as strange as it might seem but if a parent comes for an interview and starts with the list I let them know the kinds of things that do matter more and why.

I have never had to close due to illness in well over 2 years and told her that in our interview, but apparently she needed to hear it from someone else too...the way she goes about things rubs me the wrong way. My gut instinct tells me everything would be an issue for her and everything would be the fault of the daycare, the daycare provider and the other children in care. To me, its not worth it!

I haven't spoken to her yet, I was actually hoping she saw this post and read through what everyone else was saying as well. I'm sure she 'creeps' all aspects of my life to ensure I told her the truth in the interview. If she does contact me again in regards to still having her child join my daycare I will be honest and tell her exactly why I wouldn't take her family into care. Maybe that will help her with the next provider, or maybe the next provider would be willing to coddle and deal with her...I think its only fair to her to be honest.

And there is a chance that once you bring some things such as this to her attention saying sorry that is not the right way to go about looking for daycare and be sure to do the part mentioned about it would always be someone else's fault for every little thing that she will be aghast and apologize profusely and turn out to be an easy going person that just needs a bit of handholding not a lot. Yes I know she has her child's best interests at heart and playing mother bear in terms of trying to do only the best by her child but she needs to realize that what she did made things worse for her child.