Frustrated and hitting himself!!

I have a 18 month old who has just started hitting himself.
He used to hit other's when he didn't get what he wanted or if he was just in a mood but, both parents and myself worked together to correct by positive reinforcement by telling him as he was hitting someone that we don't hit our friends and really focus on the positive behavior like sharing.
Seems this little one is just getting more frustrated than anything. Throwing toys if I offer him another because another little one is playing with a toy that he thinks is his { you know the toddler rules- if I think it's mine, then it's mine :laugh:} however saying that, it's not a laughing matter when this little guy loses his cool. It is becoming quite often, now he is hitting his Mom when she comes to pick him up and I've noticed that if he is just in a mood that he will hit someone who comes around him when he is playing and thinks someone might be taking a toy from him but the other kids want to just play.
Mom just told me that he had a really bad day on the weekend- hitting everyone- throwing toys and being miserable.
I am not one for time outs but do you think it will be effective instead of a time in. He is now hitting himself. This morning at drop off, the little one went to hit me when I put my arms out and I said in a very firm voice, do not hit me- that is not nice. He then went to hit himself...which I am guessing out of frustration. Giving him a few moments he put his arms out and like a light switch was happy and saying by to Mom and waving and started his day ~ until someone looked a toy he wanted.
I know he is entering the 'terrible two's' and his behavior is noramal but I've never had someone who seems so angry

I'm looking for your advice laides on how you would handle this- suggestions.

I wanted to add that this morning he is slamming toys on the table and when I tell him to not slam the toys and take it away and give him another to play with- he is throwing it. Even sitting in the middle of the floor now and I've decided to give him some space as he seems angry and annoyed- another little one brought him a toy and he threw it. :ohmy:

I guess..I'm just getting a little one with a good little temper. I know it's being consistant but just thought you might have some other suggetions.
What do you think about a trigger word- I've noticed this morning that I'm using No often. Maybe that is a word to not use.

I know it isn't exactly helpful.... but this frustration is so normal for that age. He is increasingly aware of the world around him, and his own feelings, but without verbal skills it is so hard for them to "express" what they are thinking/feeling.
I also found that I was using the word "NO" a lot. I just became more concious of saying it less. We can get the message across without saying it. "We do NOT hit our friends" is the same as "NO hitting".
I would do exactly what you are doing, in staying consistent with the consequences for hitting others or throwing things at others. Honestly, if he is hitting himself, I wouldn't worry too much about it. He will figure out soon enough that it has zero effect. I might just say "Oh, ouch. I don't think you should hit yourself".
I would bet you ten to one that as his language develops, this behaviour will fade away. Good luck!

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Originally Posted by mom-in-alberta

I would bet you ten to one that as his language develops, this behaviour will fade away. Good luck!

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I agree, if he's hitting himself it sounds like it's a way to get attention. I have an aggressive little guy who I thought would never stop the hitting! But as he's grown and he's started using his words, the hitting is less and less.

I was where you are only a few weeks ago it feels like (except the hitting himself) Now he's using words like "stop" "give it" not the best manners mind you, but he's using his words not his hands and that's what matters at this point!

Best of luck.

I think I'm going to change the way I approach this. Your right, it's very common for the age but, he seems to be getting worse and I think your right too, it's because he is getting attention and has an audience as we are right there to correct his behavior.
Another provider gave me the advice below and it's a different approach.

'Say NOTHING. Do not overpraise good behaviour, praise exceptional behaviour. Often a child will misbehave in order to "right" the situation by a hug or offering to share in order to get verbal praise'
When he hits either Mom or myself, I'm going to put him right down on the ground and walk away.

Just thought I'd share what someone else advised ...never know as it might work for someone else too.

Thanks for replying ladies ~ I apreciate the advice and support!!

My own daughter sometimes bites herself when she gets frustrated! She is now 22 months and has been doing it for a few months. It is less often now (she talks very well), but she has a temper when she can't do something she wants to do, like zipping up her own jacket etc. However, she doesn't show agression to the other kids, so I ignore it if she hurts herself...she is doing it for attention I guess (my husband tells her not to though). I would be more concerned about the throwing things and hitting others etc. If he throws a toy I would not give him another one...if you throw toys, you don't get to play with them until you have calmed down.

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Originally Posted by jec

When he hits either Mom or myself, I'm going to put him right down on the ground and walk away.

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I aggree... great advise! I do the same. If the child is agressive towards me I walk away and put my attention on another child. It also shows the other children that the behaviour get's no response.

I have come to the realization that they won't throw toys at their friends forever, it's just a phase.... i find myself saying that to myself a lot during the day... it's just a phase... lol

One of those play yards works well to some degree because he can take a toy in there and play with it without another child touching him or it. Depending on the other children in the program you may be able to convince them that this is XXXXX place to play and we need to leave him alone when he is in there. The one rule though is that he is only allowed one toy in the "safe" zone. He may go out and trade as often as he wants but he can't hoard.

I only had one little boy hit himself in the head when frustrated and it was my grandson. He didn't hit others or do anything else to act out, he just started hitting his own head. I never saw anything like it before and was very concerned but I talked calmly to him when he started to do it and rubbed his back and tried to help him learn to breathe deeply and that soothing calmly when he became frustrated felt a lot better. He only did it for a few months.

I agree - it is a stage where they often do not have the language to express their emotions and as a result they 'need' another outlet for that frustration and anger - it is a real emotion and they cannot just 'turn it off' so to speak ... my suggestion would be to offer and outlet 'I can see your frustratted / angry but we do not hit people or throw things ... if your angry you can (insert what you are comfortable allowing him to release his anger on).

Some things that work are those little 'tool benches' where you hammer the peg one way flip it over and hammer the other, a play doh centre with meat tenderizers at it for pounding, punching a pillow - for those who throw things when angry - a angry station where you can throw bean bags into a garbage can until you feel better .... you get my point find some 'socially acceptable' manner to release that negative energy in a manner that he can easily learn to 'self regulate' to when those emotions arise for him.

Sometimes the message 'we dont do that' is not enough when they need help in finding an outlet where they CAN do it otherwise they internalize those emotions ... hence him now hitting himself ... cause he is struggling with the need to hit SOMETHING because he is frustrated and learning ok I cannot hit them so I will hit myself to feel better.

I do the same thing with 'hair pullers' .... kids who are fascinated with hair and pulling at everyone's as a result - redirect them to one of those bodyless Barbie dolls or get a wig from the Value Village and tell them you CAN PULL THAT if you need to feel hair - but leave your friends alone!

He has some anger problems, and is having trouble expressing himself. Time outs will DEFINITELY work if he is hitting others. I have a 1 year old screamer and one week of time outs worked. And he's one. But you have to be consistant. EVERY TIME he hits someone he needs to be in a time out. You should sit him down for his time out and then softly talk to him about why he is there. And then ask him questions. Why does he feel he needs to hit people? Why is he hitting himself? Talk to him about other ways that he can let out his anger, show him what he can do to express himself. They understand more than we thing. But I definitely think time outs are a good idea. I am pro time outs lol

Thanks again ladies ! I apreciate your input!!