Angels turn into devils when mom arrives

I have 2 DCBs, aged 2 1/2 & 3 1/2 (brothers) and a 2 year old DCG who are wonderful kids all day...but when their Mom's come to pick up the horns come out. The mom's try to visit a bit and honestly, I am just wishing they would all get the heck out! The 2 boys suddenly get into everything they shouldn't and whine and cry...the girl just throws a complete fit. Once they get upstairs (our playroom is in the basement, where I remain with the other kids until everyone is picked up) I can hear them stomping all over my kitchen and living room! Today, the 3 1/2 year old ran out ahead of his mother onto the road (not the first time at all...my husband, fortunately was just coming iphome and stopped him). Meanwhile, her 8 year old keeps picking my tulips (mom laughs it off)! As for the girl...mom has actually asked me to get her to do something (put her coat on) because she just won't listen to her. I am so frustrated...I feel like just saying to them "control your freakin' kids"!!

First of all - respect should be taught to that 8 year old from her mother NOT to ruin other people's things including their gardens. That makes me mad because I love my garden. Maybe the mother needs to have rules and learn to be a parent? There is a lot of that going around these days, so sad.

As far as the little boys, I have one like that who I called my Jeckyll & Hyde boy because he went through a long phase while he was 3 of turning into a kid I didn't recognize in front of his Mom at dropoff & pickup time but was an angel for me all day long. Why? Because he knows he has to follow my rules or pay the price - actions have consequences. I try to tell my dcparents who are not parenting that it is ok to take control of their home when I can see for a fact that the child has control of the family.

You have to give this mother some tips! Maybe she will learn and appreciate your help or maybe she won't but she will pay the price because the children are controlling her home. When my little boy was going through that phase I had his shoes & coat on and at the door for his Mom and rushed them out as quickly as possible. If I were you I would have them at the road, past your garden for pickup!

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Originally Posted by Momof4

You have to give this mother some tips! Maybe she will learn and appreciate your help
I had his shoes & coat on and at the door for his Mom and rushed them out as quickly as possible. If I were you I would have them at the road, past your garden for pickup!

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Oh I so wish I could have them ready & at the door every day! But, unless they are last pickup (all my parents pick up b/w 4 & 4:15) I have to remain down in play area with the others. On days when the weather cooperates I do take them all back outside for the last hour...makes it nice for the parents too that they are all dressed and ready to go!
As for tips; I've certainly tried to gently suggest...such as I say how good all 6 are patiently sitting on my front hall bench while I get the next one's outdoor gear on (as in, perhaps you could get your children to sit on their bums too instead of running all over my house in boots or outside in traffic?!). But it's a fine line not to cross telling one how to parent, huh? I do know how it is; we have a 2 1/2 year old that everyone tells me is an angel to care for...but he sure knows how to test Momma all day;)

Call me an assertive bitch but I would do just that - come upstairs and say to the children in my ice but firm voice "x and y you need to stop now - at Reggios house you know we do not run around with boots on cause babies crawl on these floors plus you could hurt yourself - the rule at my house at dressing time is you sit on your bum on the bench until everyone is ready to go outside and when the grown tells you than you can get up. You need to listen to mommy at pick up or you will have to stop playing before mommy comes and Reggio will have you sitting on the bench ready to go for mommy at pick until you can show us you are ready to listen and respect mommy and follow my house rules!"

And I have done that ... had everyone upstairs for pick up time doing quiet activities at the kitchen table with two of my wild sibling set sitting all dressed on the step for thier parent cause they are missing out on the fun we are having at table - when parent comes they get shooed out the door and I do that a couple days and when they go home gracefully we try again with parent attempting to pick up - if it devolved again I say to the parent the next time - this is not acceptable behavior in my home and I cannot keep having them ready for you to avoid this cause it is not fair to the kids - you cannot allow them to dispresect my home or you this way.

Honestly do not care how they behave outside my home or now people want to parent at home as long as it does not affect ME cause while in my house or on my property where my charges can see and hear you or where I am going to potentially be liable for an accident or injury - you follow MY HOUSE RULES ... and it is my right to enforce those whether your are 2 feet tall or 6 feet tall ;)

You not liking that you go do business elsewhere!!!

Seriously not allowing non parenting in my home - nope nope nope - cuase it is like a virus - kids see little Johnny acting like that and getting away with it and them they try it too and before you know it you have pick up or drop off mayhem!

Children are competent capable individuals - they generally want to behave and please impress adults - even my 11 month old is sitting at the cubbies waiting now cause I would allow him to try to sit with the bigger kids - if he crawled away he went back on his booster seat with a quiet but firm "we sit on bums and wait for friends" ...he would cry in the booster cause he wanted to be with kids - next day we try again second he starts to move to crawl I do the "ah ah you dont want to go on your chair do you?" he sits back on his bum most days when he did not back in the chair - took a week to "get it" ... sadly he sits better now than my one 4 year old who I often have to redirect to focus and get dressed :rolleyes:

My long winded point is this is your home you do not have to allow mayhem in it??

I had a couple of girls who were like that.... although the oldest was not well behaved with me during the day either... but they went nuts when mom showed up, hitting eachother, yelling at eachother and mom, refusing to put their stuff on. The oldest would even try to grab the younger sister around the neck to choke her if she got mad at her. Honestly, little B-R-A-T-Ts when mom showed up, only mom, on the rare occasion dad showed, they were fine, or when their aunt came to p/u they were fine.

I would remind them close to home time to behave for mum, she's been working all day, she misses them, and she just wants hugs and kisses instead of yelling and fighting (they were 4 and 6). Beyond that, as long as they arent behaving like that for me, I couldnt care less if they were little monsters at home. There was no way I was going to tell their mom how to parent her kids. This mom in particular would not have it even if I had the nerve to do it!

What I do for pick up is tell the parents to text when they are on the way and I get the kids dressed and ready to go. I too run my dayhome in the basement and cuts on time upstairs at the door. So far the kids have been ok. I'm sure if i didn't have them ready it would a lot of extra time at the door. My husband is usually home from work when pickups happen so he stays downstairs with the others and I quickly go up. The parents know I have other kids downstairs do they try to be quick too. So far I have been lucky I guess.

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Originally Posted by Inspired by Reggio

Call me an assertive bitch but I would do just that - come upstairs and say to the children in my ice but firm voice "x and y you need to stop now - at Reggios house you know we do not run around with boots on cause babies crawl on these floors plus you could hurt yourself - the rule at my house at dressing time is you sit on your bum on the bench until everyone is ready to go outside and when the grown tells you than you can get up. You need to listen to mommy at pick up or you will have to stop playing before mommy comes and Reggio will have you sitting on the bench ready to go for mommy at pick until you can show us you are ready to listen and respect mommy and follow my house rules!"

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Yup Had to do that just this Thursday past....mom looked at her and said "you better listen to mamma_mia then" LOL How about control you're own kid? sheesh

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Originally Posted by Mamma_Mia

Yup Had to do that just this Thursday past....mom looked at her and said "you better listen to mamma_mia then" LOL How about control you're own kid? sheesh

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Agreed! I too have done this on a couple of occasions when they are the last pickup and I can be upstairs...hoping that Mom will then demand the same....nope:(. She honestly has no control over them, "they just won't listen" says it herself time & time again...both mom's do....but if she followed through & was consistent she would easily gain control & respect. I think I will try to bring everyone up @ pickup time. Great idea. Then I can rush the little turkeys out;)

Oh, little rascal's idea of having the Mom text you when she's leaving work might be a great answer for you.

This is why at home time ALL the kids come upstairs with me (my daycare is also in the lower level) and we sit and QUIETLY read books until the parents come. I am within 10 feet of every kid until they leave and I say good-bye to them with the door OPEN while they walk down my walk way. They do NOT pick my flowers. They do NOT stomp around my house. They get up from their book WHEN THEY ARE CALLED and go directly to the door, put on their things and leave like a civilized human being. That sort of behaviour would NOT be tolerated at my daycare.

Sometimes you HAVE to stand up and be the bitch and just tell the parents it is NOT okay.

We haven't seen you on here in awhile Judy .... Nice to see you back : )

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Originally Posted by Judy Trickett

Sometimes you HAVE to stand up and be the bitch and just tell the parents it is NOT okay.

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I envy you this ability Judy; my husband says the same...that I need to just find a way it say it directly...not assume she is going to follow my lead with them (b/c clearly she doesn't). Working on it;)

Ok; first, it's totally normal for kids to pull this behaviour at pick up. It's a way to "tell" mom and dad that they're pissed about being left at daycare (whether it's concious or unconcious). At the end of the day, most kids are tired and overstimulated and this is how it tends to manifest.
Having said that.... it's not okay!! I have a paragraph in my handbook that talks about this sort of issue. Your best behaved child can turn into a little monster when mom/dad show up at the door, but that is NO reason for the behavior to be ignored or allowed.
My handbook states that when a parent arrives, THEY are now in control of their child and THEY are expected to enforce MY house rules. However, if they won't.... I damn sure will!! I came to this conclusion the day that a little boy kicked my front door into the wall at pick up, because he didn't like what dad told him they were having for supper! (I am sorry that I tell that story so often, but it was a real defining moment)
No, it's not okay to stomp around, scream and yell, or generally disobey the normal expectations. And perhaps if you harden up a little, the parents will see that they do, indeed have (or should have) some control over the situation. Start enforcing the rules and consequences. This is how we, as providers, can help to "teach" the parents what we feel needs to happen.
I often wonder if parents are embarrassed to discipline in front of me? Like I might judge them for it? Let me tell ya... I judge them a lot more for NOT disciplining!! LoL

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Originally Posted by mom-in-alberta

....I often wonder if parents are embarrassed to discipline in front of me? Like I might judge them for it? Let me tell ya... I judge them a lot more for NOT disciplining!! LoL

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Ya not you - I think it is a combination that they parent out of 'guilt' for the most part and many are afraid to discipline at ALL these days because off all the misinformation out there about 'best practice' with children and needing to promote emotional sense of self and so forth being taken so far the opposite direction of having to be their 'friend' and so forth parents have no clue what is 'appropriate' anymore!

My SIL is a social worker - she gets the teenage version of these children who have not been taught how to thrive in social settings or get their needs met without a melt down ... she goes into the home and observes and so forth ... they have no structure or routine in their lives, have no clear expectations or consequences at home and as a result are out of control at school where they are 'expected' to behave because they are TOLD to behave not because the teacher is bribing them with 'trinkets and special treats' to get them to sit still and attend or they are kicked out of the classroom because they were asked to do something they did not 'want' to do and they threw a fit expecting to 'get out of it' .... cause these are strategies that work at HOME with their parent and when she suggests 'action plans' that include EXPECTATIONS and CONSEQUENCES the parents are always like 'we can do that' .... um YES cause if society is going to expect it of them than the home should too and if the consequence in society is JAIL for doing the same thing than being grounded or loosing privileges in the home is more than reasonable comparative consequence - you certainly do not ignore it or reward them with a 'treat' to get them to stop and behave :rolleyes: