Dealing with parents

I know you're all probably sick of this by now but I am still struggling with my two half days a week. I have given them warnings, sent home letters and nothing has changed. The dad (who is probably one of the dumbest people I've ever met - and I'm not saying that in a mean way, he just doesn't catch on as quickly as most. He's a hippie so that my excuse lol) Anyways, it's become apparent that I am fighting a losing battle. My only option at this point is to terminate, but I can't. My mat leave runs up mid-june and I need 3 kids to be able to survive. I have two at this moment, so if I let him go, I'll have only one. The child is great. I've worked really hard on him and most of all, he trusts me and I would hate for him to have to go to another daycare provider and go through everything he went through all over again. I've thought about mentioning that I will have to let them go, because I have a feeling they will change their tune pretty quick, but I can't afford that 5% chance that they'll just say, "okay, thanks for your time". Also, I don't want to have a hostile relationship with them.

So, after all this, my question is: how do you deal with parents who don't listen? I legit thought he was just taking advantage of me, but it's clear now that he just doesn't GET IT. He doesn't understand how it works, how important it is to be on time and so on. I'm pretty fed up with the whole thing, but I can't terminate. What do you guys do to manage your "hateful" emotions when something like this happens?

What should I do?

I said this before .... You have to make it inconvenient for them and until you do that nothing will change ..... If they are not there by 12:45 go out! You have to be willing to make your point and going out and making the guy late for work will make your point .

If you absolutely can't terminate then you will need to develop a plan that allows you to be flexible. If I remember some of the issues make meals in individual portions you can warm. Feed your son at the appointed hour. When other child arrives unfed - put him in his chair and zap some food for him and sit with your own son at the table and make a puzzle, read a book, etc. as in feed one and play with the other. Child can be eating while you put the others down for naps. Then come back and put him straight from chair to bed - assume he will need a diaper change cause dad likely didn't do it.

Just like a baby on an odd schedule you had to fit into your day just assume you will need to do the same for this child. Stop punishing the other children for it though. I think that is what is making you angry in a way is that your own child is suffering. So stop making them others adjust their schedule. Just find a way to make both work. Yes it will mean ignoring the parttime child a lot while you go about dealing with the others but that is not your problem it is the parents'. You are just making the best of a bad situation.

As the child gets older they will start to resent the treatment and then you can use the child to speak with the parents - well if you don't like eating alone then tell your dad to bring you in time to eat with your friends - hoping the child will go home and say that. At the door it is ok to bring it up and say XXX was upset again, because they had to eat alone while the rest of us did whatever. It is too bad he comes after lunchtime not having eaten. I just feel eating lunch is more important to his well being than painting a picture or reading a story so unfortunately that is the part of the day he misses out on and he is upset. Maybe if you could either bring him earlier or feed him if he is arriving later he would be happier.

I really like the idea of going out before he gets there but I'm such a chicken! lol He texted me at 12:20 and told me he would be late. I texted him back and told him to make sure he ate before they got there because lunch would be over by the time he got there. He brought the kid un-fed and said he didn't get the text. The only problem with leaving is that on the schedule (which I sent to them AGAIN) says that we don't leave the house until 1:00. He usually gets here for 12:55 lol I guess I'll just have to do what playfelt says until I either find someone to replace them or get to fed up that I have the guts to stand up for myself. Thanks guys! And I hope this will be the last time I have to post about this :)

Last summer I was EXACTLY where you are with a family. I mean exactly-the dad was just not getting it and to be totally blunt, dumb, and a hippie like you said. Maybe the same family? LOL
I also thought there was NO way I could terminate and I needed that income to survive. One week I had enough with them. The dad slammed my front door as he was leaving (taking a fit). I called them that evening and terminated immediately and you know what? Financially we were fine! We made some cuts but it was well worth it. And by cuts I mean things that other people might consider a luxury. It also made us take a look at exactly where our money was going.
If you absolutely can't terminate I would just look for another family asap! I hope it gets better!! :)

I agree Marie ... I too would reevaluate my budget rather than work with someone whose behavior and lack of respect stressed me out so much - in the past I have cut back on cable and other extras in groceries and clothes etc to be able to quit a job I hated - in fact I once walked out on a job when I was single with no plan & no savings cause a boss treated me inexcusably ... fortunately in that case the universe was on my side and two days later the BIG boss called to tell me after speaking to peers at work about my "exit" the manager had been fired and they wanted me back - and I got a raise out of it too boot ...my point being sometimes you just have to stand up and let the universe know I NEED CHANGE and it will bring you what you need ... those two days of thinking how will I pay rent were a bit nerve racking - I had started preparing stuff to SELL from my apartment to do it through ;)

I am very sorry to tell you this, but the Dad is not that stupid. He got your text. He just doesn`t respect it. It is not inconvenient for him, so he is just going to keep pushing it as far as you can go.

I would have a written policy of late drop off fees waiting for him at pick up today. Say, 1 or even 2 dollars a minute past his scheduled drop off. Same with a late feeding fee. He needs to read and sign it in front of you before he leaves. Payment is due before any care takes place The next time he texts to TELL you he will be late, not ask, you can either ignore his text OR text sweetly back: that`s fine as long as you have cash in hand to cover your late drop off fee and more $$ to cover another meal. If he shows up and hasn`t gotten that text, you send him packing to the bank WITH the kid to get the money, and now he has to bring enough fees to cover his travel time to and from the bank. No care until paid in full. Let him do that once and see if he is dumb enough to pull it again.

I am sorry they are doing this to you, but you are letting them. Please don`t let money be the only reason you keep a family. Try to fill the spot as soon as possible, but in the meantime, get in a mindset that you are worthy of being treated respectfully and like the businesswoman you are! That confidence will draw the right families to you and you can kick this jerk to the curb. :)

Are you sure two half days a week is enough income to put up with this for? I would terminate and try to fill the spot as soon as possible. If you do threatent to terminate, you have to be willing to go through with it though because if you don't he will really know you are desparate for the income and totally walk all over you. I think in this business we need to have a little bit of reserve funds or a spouse who can cover because there will be ups and downs and we should never be in a position of letting people disrespect us in our own homes. Once you feel the strength that comes from knowing you can terminate, people stop walking all over you because they feel it too. By the way, although I know you don't mean anything by it, I do take issue with "hippy" being linked with "stupid"...I have known many a brilliant hippy in my life ;)

I will never put up with disrespect such as you are describing. I think if I were in your shoes right now I would print up a daily routine with times indicated and give it to the Dad. I would tell him to his face that you are feeding the children at the time indicated and putting the children to bed at the time indicated and anytime in between you may be out walking or playing and he will have to text you and find you. I would tell him that he would not be allowed to bring his child once the children have been put to bed for naps because your doors will be locked.

I agree Kangaroo .... IME there are those types of clients who can SENSE if you need their income more than they need your service and will exploit that to their advantage ... it is that 'law of attraction' that if we are afraid of not having 'enough' we tend to end up with 'not enough' ... for not enough clients who respect us, to not enough resources for our families, to not enough time to get things done and so forth ... we end up living in that place of 'void' verses trusting that the universe will provide for us and therefore attracting what we NEED for it to indeed provide for us ... I realize how 'new age preachy' that sounds but there is scientific merit in those findings!

From networking with many providers from all over the geographic locations both here and in the States when you are in the 'desperate' for income zone you tend to attract those who will prey on that desperation ... when you feel strong and mighty and WORTHY of EXCELLENCE in your program .... you tend to attract clients who respect and value you in return because the ones who would NOT are intimidated by your 'confidence' and seek care elsewhere ;)

Kangaroo if I remember correctly from previous posts it's actually 3 full days and 2 half days and I agree with Reggio .. They smell your desperation ....IMO You have to do something drastic to fix the problem or your frustration will turn to resentment

I agree with the comment that he DID read your text and is just disrespectful. I had a family like this one...my very fist one, and I'm sure many can remember mother was "special" and would only pay when she felt like it and we almost had a playpen/carseat hostage situation LOL

It was my fear and worry about income too but at the end of the day the stress it caused me daily was NOT worth it! Mom (because of a comment I made) thought she had the upper hand. I had said she needs to follow the contrct and pay in full because I cant afford to have income come-&-go when she felt like it. Well she took it as I NEEDED her.....she learned the hard way.

I didn't NEED her, I was just trying to be nice in telling you you're a deadbeat mom!

I would not feed him lunch, when dad arrives and says I didn't read your text - say something along the line of "food is going to waste so I wont perpare anything for him tomorrow and since I'm telling you NOW it shouldnt be a problem". Ohhhh I would "step out" or have the vacuum, washer, tv all going so you *didnt* hear the door until after 1pm :laugh:

I agree with the confidence thing. I made the mistake of making it obvious that they were my first clients. They know that I am learning just as much as they are. It can be a good thing - the mom is really supportive and respectful. The dad not so much. I aplogize for ensinuating that he was dumb bc he was hippie, that's not what I meant. He's just more laisez-fair and....honestly, he seems like a bit of a burn out. The other day, when he came to pay me, he handed me a bunch of bills rolled up, tied with an elastic and then he slapped my hand and said "pleasure doing business with you". I wanted to scream WE'RE NOT FRIENDS!! I think he legit just doesn't understand. A few weeks ago, when he picked up his son he thanked me for all I've done and said his son was a lot happier lately and that they really appreciate my help. It was touching. But then he turns around and blatenely ignores my requests. Since I wrote them my last letter, he's been on time twice and late twice. Thursday is his next half day (Monday, Wednesday, Friday he is here full days). If he is more than 15 minutes late, we're gonna have a chat. And I'm going to tell him, face to face, that I am having a really hard time with the half days. That they're not working out. Either he needs to take my requests seriously or his son is going to have to start coming full days or not at all. They had a really hard time finding care so I know they need me just as much as I need them. And then the next time he doesn it, I won't be home.
Luckily, the new one I have starting next week LOVES me and she really appreciates what I do. Now that I have these two, I can survive financially, so I can afford to be more assertive in the next interviews. Although I'm pretty desperate for clients, I did turn one away last week because she was intimidating and made me feel like I didn't know what I was doing. I'm still new at this and these are situations I haven't encountered yet and she seemed to ask me everything I'd never dealt with haha. I was a nanny for five years, I nannied for two moms like her lol and I decided to be a daycare provider in my home because I didn't want to feel like that again. I just need to keep reminding myself of that. I need to respect that I can't have it all when I'm just starting out, but I also need to respect the reason why I decided to do this in the first place :) Thanks guys!

[QUOTE=Crayola kiddies;15205]Kangaroo if I remember correctly from previous posts it's actually 3 full days and 2 half days
Honest to God, this just warmed my heart that you remembered it from past posts lol I'm such a suck! LOL Either you care enough to remember or I'm annoying haha. I gotta say, I've been on a lot of forums and the community on this one is just so amazing! I honestly have no idea what I would do without you guys! I respect your opinions and advice so much! Thank you!

Samroo I have a memory like a steel trap ....not saying that I don't care cause I do but I rarely forget anything and numbers are my thing .....I almost never have to consult a phone book ... If I've dialed it once I never forget it .... My husband has to ask me his sisters phone number. My sister called me one day to ask me what her 4th child weighed at birth ... Her child not mine... Lol .... Some people though don't like that I have a good memory ... Like my ex husband ; )

Good luck with these people ... I know what it's like when a family has you over a barrel !

I was gonna be all hard-ass on you... but it sounds like you have come to the conclusion that I was going to throw at you anyway, LoL.
It's time to decide what's more important here. If you choose the income, for now at least, then I think you need to adapt to what is (obviously) not going to be changing anytime soon. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. Dad is either not willing or not able to acquiesce to your demands.
If you choose to lay your foot down, then you are right in that you need to say in a no-nonsense manner "THIS IS NOT WORKING. THIS IS HOW IT WILL BE.... IF YOU ARE NOT HERE BY.... THEN I AM NOT ABLE CARE FOR....". And then stick to it!!
Good luck my dear, and keep up the great work. The first year of this business has one of the steepest learning curves I have ever seen, but it gets better and better. Keep us posted!!!
:glomp:

So let us know if he shows up on time today !!!!

I actually closed the daycare today. Both boys are super duper sick. But I will definitely let you know on Tuesday :)