Decline a family for care

Ok, so I really need some help.

I did an interview earlier this week and met a mother and her son. Through the interview i got an idea of the mother's personality and I really think that she would be a royal pain for me if I took on her son.

My issue is that I'm not sure how to tell her that I don't want to care for her son without insulting either of them. I've had some really bad experiences before when I didn't listen to my gut and took on families that I thought might be trouble.

Can anyone help me out?

Sometimes you just have to "white lie" lol

Just say that the spot has been filled by another family. Don't open yourself up to questions and long talks "specially" if you don't care for this chick.

I just had to do the same thing. Mom was a control freak, argued with me over every aspect of my handbook and contract.

I just emailed them 2 days after the interview and told them I had chosen a family who I felt was a better fit for my program. Wished them luck in their search. End of story.

I've been 'biten' too many times so to speak. I love that I get to chose who comes into my program and not just have to take whoever wants to come!

Yeah, I was thinking about telling her that I've filled my spot, but I have to keep advertising and I hate the idea of being caught in a lie...May have to chance it though. I think that I'd hate myslf if I took on the family.

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Originally Posted by mandy

Yeah, I was thinking about telling her that I've filled my spot, but I have to keep advertising and I hate the idea of being caught in a lie...May have to chance it though. I think that I'd hate myslf if I took on the family.

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I wouldn't lie, I would be honest and tell her you don't feel like you guys are a good match. You don't have to explain yourself. We are free to NOT chose a family that we don't want. That's the joys of being your own boss :) Then you can keep advertising without worrying..just my opinion. I'm all about honesty though, makes life so much easier.

Its your business Mandy, I "don't share truth" if it is just going to create undue stress. For example if little johnny had a tthree hour nap, I just say he had a nice nap.... :P Who knows you may have had to advertise for the spot again" because the other family fell through" or something.

If she thinks your lying who cares.....

Let another person deal with her control freak ways, its not nec. bad to pass the buick sometimes. Its more likely that she'll have to get a nanny.

I think I'll have to bite the bullet and just tell her that after thinking on it I don't feel that my day care is the best fit for her and her family. Sigh...I should go make that call.

Always remember our unwritten golden rule - it's our business. We are self-employed women who make the rules and set the contract and if it's fair to everyone then it is non-negotiable because all clauses are there for a reason. Usually because we learned a lesson the hard way.

I would tell the mother in your case that you have many more interviews set up over the next couple of weeks and she may still see your ad, but at the end of the interviews YOU will make a decision and get back to her. So encourage her to keep searching for a daycare in the meantime. That way she knows you are setting the rules and are being considerate of her. Win-win!

*Personally* I would also say that I signed another family and end it at that.

My new golden rule:
During interviews I will now find a way to mention the fact that it's an interview for THEM as well and that I have a few other interviews lined up. I will let them know by XX date on my decision should they want to join me(us) as well......something along those lines :)

I do what Mamma Mia does. I tell the families before they even come for the interview that i have other interviews and that I am looking for the best fit for my daycare, so I will get back to them once I have met with everyone and we can see if we both think we are a good fit for each other. I actually usually do have more than one family interested at a time, but if I didn't I would still probably say this so that if they are not a good fit, it is easier to send them on their way without hurt feelings.

If you're concerned about her seeing your ad up after you've turned her down, you could do what I do. I always tell people that I like to maintain a wait list so I almost always have my ad up. I'm always meeting with people. I have one client who wanted to meet with me 6 months ago for a spot this september. Ridiculous amount of time! But I met with her with the assumption I wouldn't have space. Someone got pregnant and took a mat leave, someone else is doing the same, so here I am with a space coming up exactly when they need me. :) And because I took the time to meet with that client they are happy to take on that space when it comes up.

Honesty is always the best. We service our communities. Often someone knows someone and if you're caught in a lie it may come back to bite ya later.

Going forward make sure you mention in your interviews that it's you interviewing them as well, and you need to make sure the child and the parents are a good match for you since you work so closely together. That always gives me an out if I need to turn someone down.

In my case, I told her that another family had signed up on the spot. And it was the truth. And in your case, I would be honest and tell her that you don't think you are a good match. I know it is difficult but you can send her email if you don't want to talk to her. Hope it helps.

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Originally Posted by Cocoon

In my case, I told her that another family had signed up on the spot. And it was the truth. And in your case, I would be honest and tell her that you don't think you are a good match. I know it is difficult but you can send her email if you don't want to talk to her. Hope it helps.

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Thats what I have done in these cases and honesty is the best! Let us know how it works out!

Sometimes being honest and giving a why also helps the parent to see that they were sending out red flags. In some cases the parent will be all upset and apologetic and embarassed and say sorry for coming across that way but that is not what they meant etc. Who knows depending on what is sending the flags to you it might work out afterall. And if not you have done their future provider interviews a service.

I always just keep it short and sweet " thank you for your interest in the program - at this time I have chosen to go a different route "... that's the truth either way if you chose another family OR you've chosen to keep looking - both are other routes ;)

If someone PUSHED for a reason I would be honest but polite - we seemed to have different philosophy that could make it a challenge or little Johnny seemed to need more than I felt I could offer with my current enrollment - whatever but most often they just accept the other route explanation and no conflict need arise!

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Originally Posted by mandy

Yeah, I was thinking about telling her that I've filled my spot, but I have to keep advertising and I hate the idea of being caught in a lie...May have to chance it though. I think that I'd hate myself if I took on the family.

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I understand your niceness, but I would lie and say you had a meeting with another family whose schedule worked better with yours. Chances are, you will never see this lady again. And if you do, and she does find the posting, oh well! she'll just be wondering why you didn't take her in and maybe it will be a good thing for her to reflect upon.

And i just read everyone elses posts and feel like a horrible person :) But would still do it cause I hate uncomfortable situations. Would feel bad about making her feel bad by saying that I didn't feel she was a good fit. I think sometimes they don't need to know every reason for everything. Some things people have to figure out themselves.