Advice: little guy hates coming, but has fun while here!?

I need advice. I have a sibling group plus my baby daughter. Both my girl and the other dc girl are under 2. The brother of the sibling group is 4. He used to have no problem coming here, for about the first 2 months. Now for the last month and into march he is having melt downs. Mother is having a hard time getting him here and once he is here she can't leave due to the melt down. We usually get Him interested in something and happy before she leaves and then he's great all day. He has told me he gets bored. I play with him, I'm not a kid obviously but he seems to be having lots of fun. I let him do special things. We do fun activities during the day, he's always well behaved, and always seems happy to be there. I can't figure out how to change this around. I'm scared they will leave. Im so attached to the family, they are amazing parents to have.
Suggestions?!

Can you take the kids out more often so that he will have time to play with other kids his own age even it means the younger ones have to sit in the stroller for awhile. Also be sure you have more things for the older child that only he gets to play with. You could also suggest he be allowed to bring a bag of things to use but remind him he will need to use them in a special space. If he brings some of his own action figures and then uses them with your blocks for instance. Getting a nintendo DS or other handheld type of game system and letting him have session it during the day might help. There are plenty of educational games so it can be productive time for him.

The most ideal of course is to try and get another older child into care too.

Sharon

Is he only having melt downs when mom is there dropping off in the morning? My answer depends on that. You said he is fine and happy during the day.

My question is how is he when mom picks him up, is he wanting to leave right away or continues to play for a few minutes? If he continues to play than the mom will see that he is ok and that it's likely related to control and being well at home... however if he leaves the same way he comes in then it is harder to convince the parents that he is ok through the day.

It is very important to have a discussion with the parents if you fear they will be leaving. They might be seeing this behavior when they want to go to the store as well and they may not be worried about it at all. Talk to them to address your concerns.

I would suggest having a specific morning activity that he loves (or if he eats breakfast there make that special somehow) so he is looking forward to coming over for this or that. You could let him know what will be happening the next day when he leaves and the parents could use that in the morning to motivate him to go.

But if we take a step back and try to be in his shoes it is understandable that being at daycare may be boring at times with a group 2 years younger than him. And that although you might be doing an excellent job finding activities for him and playing with him.... it will never be the same as having a friend his age.

Good luck!

Thanks so much! It's hit and miss about his pick up behavior. Mainly he is happy, doesn't want to leave etc. I try the day after high lights as he is leaving. That all said today he showed up excited and happy as can be! His mom says they think it's anxiety from all the change in his home life, moving homes. I working on getting older kids enrolled for him. We do have a weekly program we could walk too. I know older kids will be there.
I will try that. Thanks!

I was going to say that if he only does it at drop off when his mom is there then it's for attention and if mom is playing into it/giving any attention for the behaviour he is going to play it up for as long as she accepts it.

I am with fruitloop... make drop offs short and sweet. Have mom drop him off with quick goodby hug and kiss and turn and leave with a big confident smile on her face. He is playing her and you.

My first reaction is- what a smart boy! he has figured out how to ply his mama! It sucks for you but is usually totally normal.

Can you take a few pictures during the day when he is happy and enjoying himself so his mama can see how much fun he has after he has transitioned?

Funny thing, I closed today due to sickness and I phoned the mom to tell her and she said he was upset to stay home. So now I know, it's just him playing on reactions he is getting from mom. Thanks all!

Haha Jenn this made me laugh! Kids really know how to play us, don't they!

I had my kids in daycare for a few months while I worked outside the home, my son who at the time was 4, would whine every day that he didnt want to go, and it was a battle. One day he threw the biggest fit in the front foyer of our daycare provider's home, she just said for me to leave, and call her later on to see how he was. She said the second I closed the door behind me, he looked up at the door, looked up at her, picked himself up and went downstairs to play with the other kids and had a great time all day. And when I went to pick him up, he was dissappointed that I was early!
I had 2 girls who were like that with me, big, dramatic drop off almost every morning, fine all day and never wanting to leave at night. I just made sure to share that with their mom and also tell her of my experiance as a daycare parent!

I have a little boy who's been with me since 13 months, now 20. He's started throwing a huge tantrum when Mum drops him off, once last week & 2 days so far this week. He holds on to his things (lunch bag or hat & coat) and will cry and cry and not want to leave her until I tell her to just leave and I try and carry him so he can't run out or grab her legs! He's a big toddler & I'm a little person :) so when I try carrying him in that state he almost pulls me all over the place...that's not the problem though. Then when mum leaves I put him back down and let him cry it out for about 10 mins, I take his things from him telling him 'it's time for breakfast' and/or 'lets put your things away and we'll get them out when it's time to go outside again'. At this point he's livid because I took the things from him, not before I first gave him a few chance to 'put them where thy belong'...Anyway today after doing that, I put him in his chair for breakfast, cried a little and then sat happily & ate...playing happily right now too! I have noticed him trying to test my patience a lot in the past few weeks, won't listen when I ask him to do something, pretend he can't hear me etc...terrible twos? Then I give him 3 chances to listen and put him in time away if he doesn't. I'm wondering if taking a dislike to me because of this? He's my only all day dck and I really like him & his family and don't want be a negative impact.
Any help/advise would be appreciated.
Thanks
AO
Sorry this is so long!

Every few months kids go through another round of making sense of their world given their new level of understanding and this is often an age when they do it - somewhere between 18-24 months. They now understand the concept of mine and yours even if they do have a preference for mine but they understand it as you can't have my things. So he holds onto what is his. It is also his lifeline to home and he also is old enough to comprehend the mom goes and he is sad about that. As mean as it sounds I have found I do much like you are doing and maintain the security of daycare be letting child know the rules did not change - we come in, mom goes, things go in cubby, we play. Be as consistent as possible and keep your explanations brief. This is not the time to go into long lengthy explanations about it all. I know some say to talk about their feelings etc. but I find they don't grasp what a feeling is because it is abstract. They see feelings in terms of personal effects going away, the order of the day mixed up, etc. So just keep what you are doing and it too should pass like all phases of childhood. I do try to go easy on the timeouts or whatever recognizing that the behaviour is normal and not intentionally bad but stick with the firm reminders and physically make things happen like taking and putting away things, or moving child to another area of the room to sulk or whatever. I have all toddlers so on any given week I have someone in the throws of not a good week.

It seems to be just the age (sorry) babies grow into toddlers and toddlers into preschool kids and when they hit those transitions they have to reexamine the world order (so to speak). Kids need to make sure that you are still going to be there for them that they will still be loved, and that limits are intact, despite the changes.