How to probe more in interview about...

I have a family (a referral from one of my existing families) that needs immediate, temporary 6 month care for their 9 month old little girl. For, me it works out perfectly as I only have 1 space for that time period until a sibling of one of my current children starts in March 2013. During phone interview the father kept mentioning "an incident" that occurred that has made the mother very nervous. But they won't elaborate? Don't get me wrong, I would and do provide safe and loving care...but lets face it, kids get bumps and bruises...I really don't want to get into a situation of first time, paranoid parents. But, it is only temporary. It's always my paranoia, we live in a small town...I know that one little concern from a paranoid parent can set off a chain in the rumor mill. Thank goodness it has not happened, I am blessed with really openly communicating and trusting parents that I currently deal with. So, my question; what questions can I ask that will show if they are the paranoid type? Perhaps in person, they will disclose about "the incident"? Another challenge is a language barrier, their are francophone and speak very limited French. My French is limited to the basics.

Since they are a referral from an existing family you might be able to get some info from them in the sense of you want to be sensitive when you interview and since they mentioned an incident you want to tread carefully. Even you don't get the whole story at least you might get what it is related to feeding, sleeping, supervision, etc.

Again since they are a referral and you know there are barriers to their comfort such as language and the incident you could see if they would feel more comfortable if your current parent came along - especially if she is able to translate as needed.

In this case I think it is ok to bring it up with the family specifically since that is why they are looking for care. Do the tour and get them feeling comfortable in your home, show them some of your things they way you would do any interview. Get them to tell you about their child, what she likes, how she sleeps, what is she eating.... as you go through all of those you will probably be able to see a moment of hesitation as they look at each other unsure of what to say and that will help to identify what the incident was about potentially.

If it doesn't come out then just go ahead and say I understand from XXXcurrent parent that you are looking for a new daycare arrangement for babyBBB because things did not go well in your previous daycare. I want to assure you that I will do my very best to make sure that you have a positive experience in my daycare. Then ask is there anything you can share about your previous experience and your concerns so I can address them for you.

At the same time if language is an issue don't confuse not wanting to talk with not understanding the question so keep what you say in simple terms, speak clearly and slow enough in case they are translating word by word as you go.

I agree with playfelt that you should try to get as much information as you can at the interview and a translator sounds like a fantastic idea. Good luck Dream and let us know how it works out. I don't blame you for being a little paranoid, but you will get a good sense at the interview if the Mom is the hovering, OMG type for every little move her child makes. Watch for that.

Wow. So, just finished interview. Little girl is 9 months old and the incident in question at previous daycare is that she choked on a piece of pizza & mom (an E.R. Nurse) happened to be there, as it was an orientation week for baby and mom was chose to stay for it. Apparently, the daycare provider froze and Mom had to jump in. So, having had my own child choke on a digestive cookie and I had to preform first aid on my own child (breaking down totally afterward); it's extremely scary and I understand. But here's the clincher...Mom wants to bring her back in an hour and watch me feed her so she knows that I can "handle things" (she also wanted to see the blender that I would be pureeing all if her food in, that it "is a good one). Also, the child is just sitting up (again, 9 months old).does not crawl. Her concern is that she just "gets tired of sitting and flops back" & "could I keep a cushion behind her just in case?". Parents say that she has an excersaucer that they keep her in a lot at home (kinda explains the no crawl thing). Her Mom is also concerned that "she cannot play outside". I said, sure she can...I just put out a blanket and toys??!! She replied "I would prefer a playpen". I showed her what would be her nap room; it currently has a playpen...mom would prefer a crib (what's the difference if she's within weight ranges, not climbing out etc.?), fortunately I have one already set up for my son who has now transitioned to toddler bed. Am I setting myself up for all kinds of crazy here?!

she seems a little off- but it is temporary.. hard one there. could you offer to start with her 'preferences' then transition to normal?

Paranoid for sure and the kind of family that does better with a Nanny in their home with their things. But a lot of the issues are normal first time parents to daycare in that they don't realize that it is "normal" for kids to nap in playpens - even though on the label for the playpen it will say not for sleeping. She is concerned about germs, child eating stuff, whatever. I actually do use a playpen or the exersaucer outside for those not moving around much since it keeps them out of the way of balls and runners.

Watch for further developmental delays in the child in the sense that the poor head and trunk control may also translate into feeding with poor chewing and swallowing issues.

For the blender do whatever you want and then take the food out and spread on a plate. Use a fork to "check" for pieces that are too big and either mash or remove. Tell the mom that that is what you do. Also as you feed you can do the same thing in the sense of mash larger pieces as you go just in case. And for this baby I would be very careful of pieces since child may not have good gag reflexes. Make sure that all foods are moist - applesauce is great as is yogurt or any jar of commercial first stage food. My special needs daughter still gags on anything dry. Even cereal softened in milk is not lubricated enough and needs sauce with it.

If you have a comfortor - the puffier the better lay that down on the floor for the baby to lay on and roll around - a play yard system might be a good investment depending on the age and play level of your other kids so the baby isnt' always the one that has to be up out of the way in something. Hopefully it is just a lack of practice on the part of the child but barely sitting at 9 months is certainly something to watch for. There is a support pillow you can get that baby sort of sits in and it helps support the trunk and provides padding when they fall backwards. Discourage the pillows behind the child due to rolling and suffocating if child is that delayed in movement. The comfortor will provide enough padding considering the child isn't falling down but sort of flopping down from only a foot off the ground.

For sleeping suit yourself on the crib issue but it is normal for kids to nap in playpens and if that is what you want to do then stand your ground on that one but let the family know how often and how you will be monitoring the child while they are sleeping. Not standing ground here means come next family if they want crib too are you going to get a second one or tell them no or hope the first child is out of the crib and then at what point does the crib become old and not meet safety standards - lots to think about before saying yes or no.

You also mentioned I believe that it was for a short time frame and fit with your current plans so you might just want to go along with whatever you can for that time while at the same time coaching the parents to what is normal.

Personally, I would PASS on this family. Mom is TOO needy. Like Mamaof4 stated, this family NEEDS a nanny. Parents are NOT allowed to stay while I'm doing my job. Sorry, but that's not what I signed up for!

She has trust issues. Which I get, but it would have been nice to know what the provider was thinking - did she 'freeze' because mom is an ER nurse, and it made her nervous to have mom in the home watching her every move?

Sheesh, what a time that was. I have had parents come to transition in the past and yes, you feel scrutinized, but man this was HARD. Mom came late, I was just finishing up lunch with my group and naptime next...ready for my break time (you all know what I'm talking about there;). So, Mom sits down in a chair (reading over my contract, handbook etc., asking questions as we go). I started to feed baby. Baby screamed as soon as I put her down anywhere highchair, floor. So, I tried to feed her in my arms...she won't eat. Mom comes to look; food is not puréed quite enough & not quite warm enough...so...up I go to the blender again. Child ate about 5 bites, Mom says that's normal. Then, I go to prepare the bottle which she gets not quite after lunch (because she is too full!!!) but before naptime. She cannot hold her own cup, so it's a rocking situation (Mom asked if I have a rocking chair anywhere). To make a long story short, I offered the Mom the option to leave her with me for the next few days. Let her get used to us and us to her. Personally, I think a chance to be able to grow away from doting parents will do her a world of good...because we just don't have the time to cater to them (yes, I told her this). So, she's okay with trial period this week...and I'm actually looking forward to seeing this little girl grow and explore. Wish me luck ladies:)

Wow .... I had one start at 10 months and was eating jarred food but the jr stuff with the chunks in it, still on a bottle which I had to hold even though the parents claimed she held it herself, and I thought that was a lot of work ... I now have her on a sippy cup and mostly feeding herself, I couldn't imagine pureeing food . I would insist the parent provide the pureed food. Does this child not eat anything that's not pureed? And definately if she is not on the floor and always in an exersaucer of course she doesn't sit or crawl? I provide playpens and highchairs/ boosters if the parents wants something else they would have to provide it. She's pretty demanding I probably would have passed.... But .... I wish you luck

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Originally Posted by Dreamalittledream

Sheesh, what a time that was. I have had parents come to transition in the past and yes, you feel scrutinized, but man this was HARD. Mom came late, I was just finishing up lunch with my group and naptime next...ready for my break time (you all know what I'm talking about there;). So, Mom sits down in a chair (reading over my contract, handbook etc., asking questions as we go). I started to feed baby. Baby screamed as soon as I put her down anywhere highchair, floor. So, I tried to feed her in my arms...she won't eat. Mom comes to look; food is not puréed quite enough & not quite warm enough...so...up I go to the blender again. Child ate about 5 bites, Mom says that's normal. Then, I go to prepare the bottle which she gets not quite after lunch (because she is too full!!!) but before naptime. She cannot hold her own cup, so it's a rocking situation (Mom asked if I have a rocking chair anywhere). To make a long story short, I offered the Mom the option to leave her with me for the next few days. Let her get used to us and us to her. Personally, I think a chance to be able to grow away from doting parents will do her a world of good...because we just don't have the time to cater to them (yes, I told her this). So, she's okay with trial period this week...and I'm actually looking forward to seeing this little girl grow and explore. Wish me luck ladies:)

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Wow that sounds really awkward. Good for you getting through it. I would have felt 'policed' if she is watching every move I make and making suggestions.

I would probably be running for the hills on this one.

You are brave. Wishing you lots of luck :):):)

Yes, hoping I don't regret it later. Will try and see how she does with Mom gone. I stressed TRIAL period. Feel free to all say "I told you so" in a few days when I am giving the "what the heck was I thinking" but I honestly know that she will be able to grow a lot here.

One of the things I find hard in an interview is getting the parents to tell me things like how fine to chop because to them it just makes sense as if I should just know already when in reality I belive the child should just be chewing already. In fairness to the first caregiver she maybe assumed the child was eating table foods and was fine with pieces - although not sure I would have been giving a 9 month old pizza anyways. Also on the choking if I was standing there and any child started choking and there was a trained nurse standing there too I wold automatically expect the nurse - the person with the senior level of training to take command of the situtaion so again the mom may be reading more into what happened.

Children not given a chance to experience texture do not learn to handle it and as a result do choke and gag much longer than other kids do. And you will find as you increase the texture that the child will gag but they will also learn the gag reflex and what to do. Food that is too thin or bottles only don't let them learn this skill so it is one this baby doesn't have. Yes pizza was still a bad choice but baby is still somewhat behind expectatons for the age level.

I agree that a few weeks with you alone without mom will do this child wonders. Just remember the connection between rolling , sitting, trunk control and eating and swallowing abilities so child needs to be worked on from both angles. Even if you only have the child for a few weeks it will still be a positive learning time for the child that they have been denied up till now.

I totally agree; one just doesn't know the whole story about the other provider...I can certainly see how this Mom can be intimidating for sure. The nice thing is that in 2 weeks my full time crew will all go to 2 days/week (teachers children) & my older (5 & 8) will start; so she will have some one-on-one time too with me & I won't be stretched quite so thin.

Wow! You really are brave! I have in my contract that purees have to be provided by parents until the child is on table foods. I had one who was on puress until about 14 months, btu finally now his parents are letting me feed him real food and I think they are still nervous although he is doing really well. One day they arrived during snacktime and he had little pears pieces on his tray and mom asked if it was apple...I said no of course not as he has hardly any teeth. Next day she packed a banana! This little guy is babied a lot too and didn't crawl until almost a year and is now 15 months and nowehere near walking. His parents carry him a lot or use exersaucer. When I pick him up he is like a limp sack of potatoes. However, he is learning independence and plays quite well now...outside he crawls around (I have parents provide long pants for this) even at the park. Good luck!

Great idea about the parents providing puréed, but I really think this child needs to learn? I'm kicking myself for having sold (or mostly given away) all of my 'baby equipment' (excersaucer/jumper oo/bumbo chair)...the little ones starting at 1 year are way too old for that stuff. But in this case, I think she needs to NOT have that stuff.

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Originally Posted by playfelt

There is a support pillow you can get that baby sort of sits in and it helps support the trunk and provides padding when they fall backwards. Discourage the pillows behind the child due to rolling and suffocating if child is that delayed in movement. The comfortor will provide enough padding considering the child isn't falling down but sort of flopping down from only a foot off the ground .

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. This does really concern me; the parents say she just 'flops back'...ouch! I will try the blanket. Any idea where I can find the support pillow? Is that the kind that looks like a tire/inner tube covered in material? So regret giving away my huge breast feeding pillow; that would have worked perfectly!

What you can do is take the cushions off the couch and arrange them behind her or use large stuffed animals - anything that breaks the fall but you will need to be watching her because as she falls and tries to roll she will get stuck. Just using the blanket she will have a better chance of rolling herself back over.

One of the exercises they did with my own special needs daughter was to lay her on her tummy on a large exercise ball - hold her hands and then push it back and forth, rock it slightly side to side. She will be learning vestibular balance in the way she needs for crawling - and it is fun. Yes the other kids will want a turn too. Later you will put her on the ball and hold her feet and do the same things - rolling it forward and in theory she is supposed to develop the instinct to put her arms out as the balls goes forward - again supporting herself for crawling.

Crawling like a snake is another one done laying the child on her tummy and then moving opposite arms and legs forward then put hand under body (through legs and support tummy) to push body up into position for where the hands now are.

If she hasn't played much arm strength will be an issue. Hold things above her head and encourage her to look up and reach for them. Make them come from the sides to the centre and then to the other side. Take note if she doens't look and follow (track the movement of the object) as this is a sign of issues visual or mental.

It will be nice when you have more time to just play because she will be at the stage where she needs a lot of adult leading - just not adult doing which she may have had in the past or just sitting in the name of play and watching life pass her by which is more likely. I so miss having babies in daycare - enjoy.