New mom and caregiver - advice needed

Hi, I'm a new mom (9 month old) and caregiver and I'm finding some challenges. How can I manage activities for a 3 year old when my baby is pulling the table cloth, touching the glue, googley eyes and beads are on the floor and baby screams if he is not being hugged 24 hours a day. Baby wakes every 2 hours and does not nap. the 3 year old bites.
I have no training in childcare but I really have a desire to learn
The child goes through every activity in the house in the 1st hour (possibly 20 minutes!)
does not speak and I cannot understand (but knows how to squeal and scream)
and constantly tells the baby no and tells me no. He will refuse to walk, move, get off the table etc. and tells me no. No is not a word we use at home and I'm at a loss to know how to "make" him listen and eliminate that word. We went for a walk and he just stood there for 10 minutes and refused to move, then on the way home he refused to move and stood there shouting no. please help. I felt like a fool on the sidewalk trying to plead with him.

also, how can I plan a menu for multiple children when the only thing he eats is toast and yogurt?

my biggest dilema is managing this age gap. How can I cater to them both at the same time

I think what the 3 yo needs are some playmates his own age. Are you looking to getting any more children his age? 2-4yrs? This will help tremendously in keeping him occupied when he has a friend to play 'with'.

As for the menu, I have an 8 month old of my own with all the other daycare kids, and she does not eat much the same as them. Still on simple foods where the older kids can handle pb and j sandwiches, my baby cannot yet have that so its a different meal for her. Most pastas should be good for both kids to enjoy, just cut up tiny for the baby. 3 yr olds probably prefer plain pasta without the sauce. I serve my pickier kids penne with butter and parmensan and they gobble it up! Also you could try serving brown beans, most kids love beans and so does my baby, mashed of course. With bread and butter, and kernel corn, a pickle and some fruit to make it a meal.

Where you are just starting out, you may need to put your foot down on the behaviour this kid is displaying at your house. Not listening to me when I ask you to do something (or NOT to do something) would result in a time out. Although he may not talk much, he understands fully what you are asking of him.

For the next time he refuses to walk, dont make him make you feel like a fool. I never feel badly about disiplining my kids, or daycare kids in public. Consistency is key,. if they know they can get away with stuff outside the home, say goodbye to any more walks without issues! A firm hand on the wrist may make him pick up his feet. He cannot control your daily schedule, and if it is walk time, then he will walk! Maybe a time out after you get back just to make sure its not okay to pull that kind of stuff.

With the crafts, i wouldnt even bother to include your baby, they are useless for craft time until at least a year. So maybe you could organize small activities when baby is sleeping? I find most boys dont like the crafty stuff as much as girls do, such as beading, glitter etc. Maybe making masks out of paper plates, or paper hats you could decorate, like a pirate's hat?

Dont forget to make the 3 yo help clean up the toys and house many times a day or else you will find yourself doing lots of picking up after him!

I DO NOT tolerate biters. They get a BIG time out and of course mommy and daddy are told about it. Who does he bite? You?? Not the Baby?!?!?

Yep, Kingstons mom is correct. This kid needs a playmate. Contrary to how it sounds it is actually easier to care for MORE children than it is for less. If you have three or four other kids then they self-entertain or entertain eachother. I personally cringe if I know there is a slow day with just one child because it is WAY more work for me.

This is why I like to be full with 5 kids who are all about 6 mths apart. So, I like to have a 12mth old, 18 mth old, 2 yr old, 2.5 yr old and a 3 yr old in care. That way there are always two friends within six months of their age to play with.

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Originally Posted by Judy Trickett

....This is why I like to be full with 5 kids who are all about 6 mths apart. So, I like to have a 12mth old, 18 mth old, 2 yr old, 2.5 yr old and a 3 yr old in care. That way there are always two friends within six months of their age to play with.

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This is me as well - I only like to have one 'infant' and than have the other four be matched up in closer ages / stages to play together ... this allows me to set up activities and options where they can play together.

When we are doing 'creative art work' the older ones are at the table and the infant is in the high chair with us ... they are exploring an art medium and so is the baby just geared to his development - so they might be painting with water colors and a brush and the babe is finger painting with homemade paint or something totally different. If someone is not feeling like doing 'art' at that time then there option is to play quietly within eye sight of me with something else. Than when we are all done we clean up and move on to something else.

In the playroom I teach the baby that if someone is playing on a carpet square or inside the hula hoop HANDS OFF you do not 'bother' them or touch their toys ... this allows older children a space and place to play without having their block structure toppled or their puzzle broken and so forth ... it is amazing how quickly a child as young as 1 can master this concept with just a consistent reminder 'hands off please' and redirection to where they can play.

I would also be working to sleep train your crew .... children 5 and under NEED to nap/rest still ... their growing brains need 12-14 hours of sleep/rest a day for their synapses and so forth to 'recharge' .... YOU also need downtime in the afternoon to recharge YOUR brain, soul and passion ;)

Besides what everyone else said I think you need to teach your own baby that he/she does not need to be held every waking minute..... The baby needs to learn to play on their own. Lots of floor time to explore. If you can't do a craft when the baby is sleeping then put the baby in the high chair or a play pen where he's not going to get into mischief while you are supervising the craft. Only have certain toys available and then the next day switch them out .... I have four big pantries that I put child locks on and each day I open a different cupboard and those are the toys available for the day. The playroom is cleaned while I am preparing lunch. You shouldn't be pleading with a child cause that tells the kid they are in charge not you. Set rules and stick with them and give consequences what ever works .. Time outs... Take certain toys away... Every kid is different so different consequences work on different kids ... It's up to you to figure what works for this child

thanks!...I never thought to put baby in the highchair because he screams any time he's not being held. It's bad. I didn't realize the baby was capable of finger painting and stuff. I love the hoola hoop sugestion! Neither kid naps and I average 2 hours of sleep each night myself....I'm thinking of getting a part time helper in the summer to get me started and give some relief while baby grows and we all adjust.

You have received great advice already, but can you put your baby in the highchair or booster with some baby toys and books while you do the crafting with the older child?

I don't use the word 'no' at my house, always 'don't touch' or 'we don't do that', or 'no thank you' something of the equivalent because I don't like to hear children yelling 'no'.

I have children of all ages and they all eat the same thing, but the baby's food is chopped smaller. Don't drive yourself crazy making more than one meal. I have picky eaters too but I try to cook what I know they like and even if it's something I know they won't eat I'll put a tablespoon of each thing on their plate. If they won't eat something I double their fruit or something else at the next meal if it's something they love. They won't starve, don't worry.

Most of all, talk to the parents and get them to do everything you are doing. If the parents are not helping you then you are in big trouble. Children need consistency to learn both at home and at daycare and bad behavious is NOT ACCEPTABLE!!! You are only doing the child a favour because you want them to grow up to be a good person, not a spoiled, selfish person, right?

When we have infants starting in daycare most of us ask that the parent prepares the child by getting them on our schedule for napping and making sure they self sooth as opposed to being rocked to sleep, as well as starting them on fingerfoods, and not holding them all the time and encouraging independent play. in other words show them how to stack the blocks or show how a toy works then back away and let them do it. You have to be able to attend to all the children not just one. And its not fair to the other children to listen to screaming all the time .... You should be spending your evenings and weekends teaching your child that's it's ok to be on the floor by himself , in the high chair , in a play pen or play yard . I started a 10 month old in feb and this one hated the play yard but it was safer in there then on the floor with 4 toddlers and after aweek she stopped crying and now she is happy in there . It just takes perserverence and a thick skin.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Judy Trickett

Contrary to how it sounds it is actually easier to care for MORE children than it is for less. If you have three or four other kids then they self-entertain or entertain eachother. I personally cringe if I know there is a slow day with just one child because it is WAY more work for me.

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I am with you on that! I started out slowly because I happily became pregnant with my first child right after opening my daycare :) I have a 20 month old in my care who has been with me for a year now and my own who is 4 months. I am excited for the fall-I have a 1 year old and an 18 month old starting! I agree Judy! I am a trained ECE and in my experience more children is best! :)