Won't go pee without permission

I have this one child who refuses to go pee unless I tell him he can. He has been potty taught fully for about six months and I am getting rather tired of him asking me if he can go pee. If I don't answer him, he will pee his pants.

I have expressed to him for about two months that he doesn't have to ask me, that he can just go on his own. I have tried no answering him and using the other children as an example when they just go on their own.

I have never in my years as a provider had this issue. Any suggestions?

I have a 4 year old that does this too! Try having the child come to you and tap you to let you know? Voices often blend & are unheard, but at least the physical touch will bring him to your attention?

It is possible that at home he still has a parent go with him - especially if the toilets and stools are child friendly at daycare but not at home. Parents don't always know when it is appropriate for the child to go alone. I have a 4 year old that is not allowed in the bathroom alone because when he does he abuses the privilege, playing in there, messing with the toilet paper etc so he needs to let me know he is going in there so he can be monitored.

My 3yo is like this. She asks every single time even though Ive told she doesnt need to. It doesnt really bother me. Id rather she do that then have an accident.

Each childs needs are different, even if we have been doing something for years and then come accross something different than what we are used to, his requesting to use the bathroom IMO, is completely acceptable. I think playfelt has probably hit the nail on the head. Also maybe he has been raised at home with the belief that he should always ask to use the bathroom. Even if he is familiar with your setting, maybe to him and his family, it is just good manners. Clearly if by not getting permission causes him to pee in his pants this is just something you will have to adjust to, to prevent accidents from happening, as this may cause distress for the child in the long run, especially if they have been trained for 6 months. I'm sure he will grow out of it but if not in my mind I just ask myself whats worse, being asked every time to go pee or cleaning pee up because I dont respond???

I have an almost 4 yr old who also announces that she has to pee even though I gave told her on many occasions that she does need to ask just go ... But she also will be playing and then spontaneously burst into tears ..... I ask what's wrong and she says "I need to go pee". I'm still reaffirming that she can just go but I am still getting this reaction. I have asked if she does this at home and she doesn't but mom thinks it was a requirement at a previous day care. Old habits are hard to break ;(

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Originally Posted by Crayola kiddies

I have an almost 4 yr old who also announces that she has to pee even though I gave told her on many occasions that she does need to ask just go ... But she also will be playing and then spontaneously burst into tears ..... I ask what's wrong and she says "I need to go pee". I'm still reaffirming that she can just go but I am still getting this reaction. I have asked if she does this at home and she doesn't but mom thinks it was a requirement at a previous day care. Old habits are hard to break ;(

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My 3yo is the same thing!! She was at playgroup today and did this exatly, got up and started crying. When I asked why she said "I have to pee" so then we rushed off to the potty before it was too late! I personally think in this case she was crying because she didn't want to miss out on any fun so was sad that she had to step away!

But then we got home and while I was preping lunch I hear in a whisper "mamma_mia I have to pee". Honestly I think she said it 4 times before I actually heard her! When I did I said "ok then GO!" and off she went! She's been potty trained for over a year and does everything on her own.....so weird!

My own son who just turned 4 does this...I have never told him he has to ask permission and he has been trained for 2 years, so I think it is jsut a developmental thing. He doesn't wet himself or anything like that, but he always need to anounce to me that he is going to go...especially if it is poop...he will keep on shouting it out untilI respond and then he will go...and then when he's done he will shout out "I'm done!" until I respond and then he will finish up and wash his hands. I think maybe kids just feel more secure sometimes knowing that we know where they are and what they are doing.

His mom doesn't go with him, but he does use going to the potty as a control tactic with her. Never thought of that. Thanks for the insight. I read this first and then had a talk with him. In a nutshell, I told him that he is a big boy now going to the potty, and I am not going to talk with him about it any more. He went after that. :)

All the potty trained children in my care tell me when they have to go, as my own son does it I thought it was normal. Once they announce it I tell them to go to the potty and off they run. If they need help wiping or hand washing they then call out to me from the bathroom and I go help them.

I'm glad my 2 year old DCG asks now. In her previous dayhome they had scheduled potty times and she was only allowed to go during those times. As I don't have this when she first came she had some accidents because she would hold and hold it until "potty time" which never came! My oldest isn't quite 3 and none of them can wipe or wash thier hands properly without assistance or coaching so I prefer to know when they are in there. I've had a few skid mark instances when they went without telling me or getting my help wiping. I've had toilet paper left in underpants for parents to find hours later, soap not washed off hands... I much prefer them yelling "I GOTTA GO PEEEEEE" haha.

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Originally Posted by Toregone

In her previous dayhome they had scheduled potty times and she was only allowed to go during those times..

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. Wow, I can't even imagine scheduled Potty times?! Does this work?

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Originally Posted by Dreamalittledream

. Wow, I can't even imagine scheduled Potty times?! Does this work?

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I have no idea how that would work, every hour or so send all the kids to the potty? I was amazed when I was told she used to have scheduled potty breaks. Of course this woman terminated care because the little girl wouldn't nap for 3.5 hours. She only naps for an hour and then lies quietly on the nap mat playing by herself or reading books. She respects quiet time and won't get up without permission. But the other provider terminated because her child sleeps for 3.5 hours and she wanted any child in her care to do the same. The parent has since seen the provider advertising only for 4 or 5 year olds. I think she just wasnt suited to watching younger ones and didn't know it until she had one in care.

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Originally Posted by Toregone

... none of them can wipe or wash thier hands properly without assistance or coaching so I prefer to know when they are in there. I've had a few skid mark instances when they went without telling me or getting my help wiping. I've had toilet paper left in underpants for parents to find hours later, soap not washed off hands... I much prefer them yelling "I GOTTA GO PEEEEEE" haha.

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I agree...

I couldn't imagine scheduled potty breaks. Wow. I have a system in place where children know how to wash their hands and dry on their own before we even start the potty teaching process. That is worked on consistently and with a great deal of my aid. I do not have a child go poo without my aid for a long, long time. I was not concerned about him informing me that he had to pee, having me say "okay, I will come and check you" and then going. I was concerned that he felt like he was not allowed to go without asking permission and would pee his pants if permission was not granted in his eyes. After being fully potty taught for six months now, progression to the next stage is appropriate but was just not happening with this little guy. All is well now. Whew. Now he tells me he is going to go and I can check him and ensure all is well.

Scheduled peeing? That's insanity! Those poor little children. I'm glad this Mom smartened up and moved her son to your care. The only time the older children here are allowed to leave my toyroom is to go get a drink of water which we keep lined up on the dining room table and to go to the bathroom. They are allowed to do either of these things when necessary once they are trained. I watch to see exactly where they are going, but children have so few free choices in their little lives. They are always being told what to do. I want them to know they have freedom of choice whenever possible while at the same time learning to follow all my rules, especially for safety reasons.

Scheduled potty breaks isn't as bad as it sounds. I have three training or well now reaching the end of training and without them we never accomplished anything so I started just taking everybody every hour which is what is done in many daycare centres to teach potty and most would go when we went. The idea was they learned to hold it till the next trip. They were in pullups anyways. But there was no way I was letting them into underwear if there wasn't a length of time between trips. Otherwise a 15 minutes circletime was taking an hour and it got to the point when asked to do something like pickup suddenly they had to pee - um saw through that one. So by taking them at intervals it solved a lot of issues. That doesn't mean they couldn't ask to go unless we were in the middle of a group activity - non of them could/would go on their own which also annoyed me to the point. The point of going as a group or going at intervals was to elimante "having to pee" as a control feature for the child. Once that was gone things settled into a routine and over time we got to the point I didn't take them and they had to remind me when it was time to go meaning they reminded me when they needed to go and if they didnt' then it meant they weren't ready for the responsibility of wearing underwear.

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Originally Posted by playfelt

Scheduled potty breaks isn't as bad as it sounds. I have three training or well now reaching the end of training and without them we never accomplished anything so I started just taking everybody every hour which is what is done in many daycare centres to teach potty and most would go when we went. The idea was they learned to hold it till the next trip. They were in pullups anyways. But there was no way I was letting them into underwear if there wasn't a length of time between trips. Otherwise a 15 minutes circletime was taking an hour and it got to the point when asked to do something like pickup suddenly they had to pee - um saw through that one. So by taking them at intervals it solved a lot of issues. That doesn't mean they couldn't ask to go unless we were in the middle of a group activity - non of them could/would go on their own which also annoyed me to the point. The point of going as a group or going at intervals was to elimante "having to pee" as a control feature for the child. Once that was gone things settled into a routine and over time we got to the point I didn't take them and they had to remind me when it was time to go meaning they reminded me when they needed to go and if they didnt' then it meant they weren't ready for the responsibility of wearing underwear.

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I do the same thing at my day home. We have specific times everyone goes pee, like before bed etc. We have scheduled times to check if everyone has to go. I looked at the original post about scheduled potty breaks to be that the children are going at the scheduled time only. Maybe I misunderstood that.

I am very confused by the idea of pull ups. They are just a glorified diaper and in the child's mind they are no different than a diaper. I find it to be difficult for the child to really "get" the potty teaching process with a pull up. I have a five day method that I have not had fail yet, where there are no pull ups involved at all and underwear are in place from day one of the physical part of the process. I think they need to feel wet and uncomfortable to get it and a pull up doesn't provide that experience. We have a three week prep process before day one of the physical part.

I am asking the child if they need to go on day one, day two is a combination of child telling me and me asking, day three is the same and day four and five is them telling me. Even if they are to pee their pants on day four without telling me that doesn't mean to me they aren't ready. To me it means they are little and trial and error is a part of the process.