Triple Strategy for dealing with behaviors ~ Triple P - Positive Parenting Program

Hey everyone,
I have a family who is interested in my opening and adivsed me that they follow the Triple P form of dealing with behaviors. I've had ALOT to read up from goggle and fail to see how this is any different any other ' parental experts' giving advice on how they feel and or another stragegy that is offered out there.

Is this just a type of way to get new parents' to buy the 'box set' of how to raise your child by dazeling them with wording?

Am I missing something here- anyone heard of it and or used it?

Hi jec,
I just had an inquiry from a parent this week asking the same question. Since we are in the same city, I wonder if it is the same family LOL

Umm, I just glanced at this website and found it to be quite hilarious.... Is this not what we already do all day? How about common sense? hmm.... something is quite off with our society if we are turning around to pay money for a program for information that should come naturally to us (maybe a good question to ask would be 'how did our parents/grandparents raise us?' I do not think it was through a 'program').

In my opinion something is very wrong with this.... (bravo to whoever is making money off of this scheme!)

Ugg, things like this frustrate me sooo much! Rant over.

Oh, I forgot to mention my favorite part! Some common sense for us all :) Here are the top ten parenting tips!!!

1. When your child wants to show you something, stop what you are doing and pay
attention to your child. It is important to spend frequent, small amounts of time
with your child doing things that you both enjoy.

2. Give your child lots of physical affection – children often like hugs, cuddles, and
holding hands.

3. Talk to your child about things he/she is interested in and share aspects of your
day with your child.

4. Give your child lots of descriptive praise when they do something that you would
like to see more of, e.g., “Thank you for doing what I asked straight away”.

5. Children are more likely to misbehave when they are bored so provide lots of
engaging indoor and outdoor activities for your child, e.g., playdough, colouring
in, cardboard boxes, dress ups, cubby houses, etc.

6. Teach your child new skills by first showing the skill yourself, then giving your
child opportunities to learn the new skill. For example, speak politely to each
other in the home. Then, prompt your child to speak politely (e.g., say “please”
or “thank you”), and praise your child for their efforts.

7. Set clear limits on your child’s behaviour. Sit down and have a family discussion
on the rules in the home. Let your child know what the consequences will be if
they break the rules.

8. If your child misbehaves, stay calm and give them a clear instruction to stop
misbehaving and tell them what you would like them to do instead (e.g., “Stop
fighting; play nicely with each other.” Praise your child if they stop. If they do not
stop, follow through with an appropriate consequence.

9. Have realistic expectations. All children misbehave at times and it is inevitable
that you will have some discipline hassles. Trying to be the perfect parent can set
you up for frustration and disappointment.

10. Look after yourself. It is difficult to be a calm, relaxed parent if you are stressed,
anxious, or depressed. Try to find time every week to let yourself unwind or do
something that you enjoy.

sorry but I read this and burst into laughter, its like I guess parenting really does come with step by step intructions now LOL

Dodge- hahaha, I know what you mean, I laughed too and then thought sadly there are many parents out there that do need step by step instructions, lol

Good laugh for the day!!

Just coming back from checking out the website and shaking my head. Was going to comment on the top 10 tips checklist too - see that you posted it. Even the simplistic wording of the tips was a turn off for me. And their examples left a lot to be desired too in terms of explaining what the tip meant.

Thanks ladies ~ I just got in from running around doing errands and you made me pee my pants with laughter!
That's exactly what I thought! Haven't we all been doing this already?! The top 10 also made me giggle!
OK ~ so I"m not missing something. It's just some person who gave parenting tips that we have been using for years ~ gave it a fancy name and put in some big words and put it on sale for a 'box set collection' !

Treeholm ~ I bet it is. Heather?

I've seen a similar list from the 1940's except it was about how to be a good housewife. eg. make sure you change your clothes, style your hair and apply lipstick for when your husband comes home and never ever complain to him as he has had a busy day working. Stepford wives and stepford kids!

Hahahahahaha, they need to write these steps down in print for parents, seriously? People don't know these common sense things anymore? Where, oh where did my generation go wrong in parenting today's generation of parents? I'm sorry but my mind is completely blown by this entire thing. C O M M O N S E N S E P E O P L E !

Well you ladies shock me!!! How dare you say you already are doing this?:no::laugh:

I think the person who wrote this did not know how to raise kids before and just realized that parents should hug, engage, encourage their kids. What a lunatic! And generally first time mothers fall for this kind of so called parent guidance books.

Firstly, I do not agree with the number one. Not always you should drop whatever you are doing. If you are busy with something that you can not attend tell them to wait for a while as this will teach your child to be patient. Follow this book and you will have spoil brats and send them to us we will deal. No Way!

I think somebody needs money hence the book:)

Ridiculous! That's all I have to say. Common sense and normal loving parenting, but taken too far...drop everything the minute little Johnny has something to say because after all, the world revolves around him...heaven forbid he should find out it doesn't!!!:eek:

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Originally Posted by LittleFeet

Wow. :blink:

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LMAO!! That was my expression when I goggled what this family wanted to know if I would follow their technique of correcting behaviors. I thought at first I was missing something ~lol.

Kangaroomama, when Jonny finds out the world does not turn around him he should sue the person who wrote the book.:laugh: "you you xxxx thought my parents to teach me that the world turn around me" now I grow up and found it doesn't" give my money back :laugh:

The poor first time parents actually do think that this is the way they should raise their kids. I had a meeting with a first time parents on Thursday and she told me about some book and according to the book her daughter should be crawling etc. I advised her to take whatever she reads as a knowledge, guidance and not to compare her kid with the other kids. And I gave her examples of the kids I look after and told her that they are the same age but develop differently. Afterwards, she seemed relax and was praying that I pick her over other families.

I honestly think these kind of books make parents' worry unnecessarly. Especially, first time parents.

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Originally Posted by Cocoon

I honestly think these kind of books make parents' worry unnecessarly. Especially, first time parents.

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I agree with you

Many years ago, I co-wrote the curriculum for a parenting course called "Living with Children." It was taught free of charge to hundreds of parents. I'm regretting now that I didn't think to package it smartly and earn money... I would like to think that the material in our course was more helpful and specific than "pay attention to your child" and "show your child affection." wow...

Seems this family is grounded ~ they are more interested in the foundations of the course and look at it more as a way to bringing focus during challenging times. I asked what their expecations were of me as to me, it sounded like basic common knowledge ( however I didn't put it that way ) and they just put it to me as no hitting and or yelling which is think is a very large NO for us all !

It's kind of like the Dr Sears of my Mom's generation- one of the many books/seminars that new parents read up on to get ideas. They take it as that and not just following steps 1 through 10 ~ thankfully :thumbsup:

Common sense isin't so common I guess !

Just be careful of the no yelling clause. One of the things I have been finding is that families are being so conscioius of not raising their voice to their children that the children are losing out on knowing where they actually stand and that is one of the reasons they test over and over. In days of yore no meant something cause you knew when mom used "that tone of voice" that you had better not test it. Now that is not so easy.

It seems there are quite a few parents taking this course ~ seems to be the latest parenting craze

Sigh......why does everyone need to make parenting so complicated. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. It's not hard.

Why is it that 60-70 years ago mothers had two to three times as many children and they were far better behaved than the one or two kids they have now? And there were not popular psychology methods for parenting.

Ack.....it makes me wanna pull out my hair.

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Originally Posted by Judy Trickett

Sigh......why does everyone need to make parenting so complicated. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. It's not hard.

Why is it that 60-70 years ago mothers had two to three times as many children and they were far better behaved than the one or two kids they have now? And there were not popular psychology methods for parenting.

Ack.....it makes me wanna pull out my hair.

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Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by Judy Trickett

Sigh......why does everyone need to make parenting so complicated. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. It's not hard.

Why is it that 60-70 years ago mothers had two to three times as many children and they were far better behaved than the one or two kids they have now? And there were not popular psychology methods for parenting.

Ack.....it makes me wanna pull out my hair.

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Cause we spanked them when they were bad and told them how proud we were when they did good. They knew exactly where they stood and what was expected.....and in most cases they had the support of their mothers to help out with advice.

There has been so much media attention on doing it wrong and screwing up your kid for life that parents are grasping for straws in midair unsure where to turn next. In other words they are easy prey.

I agree! Using a stern voice to one person is yelling to another person. I do make sure my dck parents know that I do use a stern voice when needed...they ahve to know you are serious! What I hear way too often these days is "Please don't do that sweetheart" in the most sickly sweet whiney voice...the kid just looks at them like "whatever" and continues with his bad behaviour. Well, I wouldn't take it seriously if I were talked to like that by a police officer either!

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Originally Posted by playfelt

Just be careful of the no yelling clause. One of the things I have been finding is that families are being so conscioius of not raising their voice to their children that the children are losing out on knowing where they actually stand and that is one of the reasons they test over and over. In days of yore no meant something cause you knew when mom used "that tone of voice" that you had better not test it. Now that is not so easy.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by Judy Trickett

Sigh......why does everyone need to make parenting so complicated. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. It's not hard. .....

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I totally agree ~ effective behavior guidance has nothing to do with 'yelling or spanking' or other forms of punishment and you do not have to be a pushover either where the kid rules the roost cause you are afraid of 'damaging their self esteem by saying NO to them'.

If you consistently say what you mean and mean what you say and the consequences for a poor choice are NATURAL to that choice ~ than children learn to trust their environment and learn make positive choices through that cause their world makes SENSE to them .... IMO the problem with society today is NO CONSISTENCY in expectations between parents in their own house, between one friends house to the next, between school and so forth ~ our values and approaches have gotten SO DIVERSE it is hard to know for kids expectations for behavior and to that that the 'consequences' for making a poor choice are so removed from 'natural' that they cannot figure out.

The problem in almost every house the rules are not the 'same' on Monday as they are on Tuesday ... parents are saying one day 'no jumping on the couch if you jump on that couch your going to your room' and then they get busy and do not follow through and the next day they ignore them jumping on the couch all together cause their just too tired to care and the third day they are back to caring and go back to the 'if you jump on that couch you are going to your room' and the kids just look at them and keep jumping ~ cause they do not TRUST the adult to do what you say or say what you mean ~ and so the parent looses it and starts yelling at them for their 'defiance' of the constantly jumping on the couch when they have told them no .... but IMO it is not defiance it is kids being kids and doing what is 'fun' in their eyes and what they have is CONFUSION about what you really mean cause you threatened that Monday and it never happened and yesterday you did not say anything at all and so both days they got to have lots of fun jumping so they just keep going hoping that is the result they get again today ... and when the parent looses it on them they are confused and hurt and they trust the parent even less.... which is why most kids behave better for daycare providers because we cannot afford to have 'inconsistency' in our programs we need that fine oiled machine ~ kids know that HERE no jumping on the couch MEANS no jumping on the couch or you will loose your couch privileges and not get to be have time with your friends on the couch until you show some respect to the materials in the program, show respect for the safety of others whom your jumping might hurt, show respect for ME and how jumping on my furniture is RUDE .... they learn how their choices effect OTHERS and to think about that when making choices ~ verses thinking only selfishly that punishment brings of 'X will happen to ME if I jump on the couch'!

For EONS we have been trying to use 'punishment' as a way to control the masses and all we have ended up with is more JAILS holding people who make poor horrific choices and we keep thinking we need MORE punishment .... but its not working!!!!!

Children do not need 'punishment' ~ they need to learn SELF CONTROL and DISCIPLINE over their choices so that they can make GOOD CHOICES and think of others when making choices so that even without the threat of punishment they can control their behavior and actions ... we need to STOP the cycle of punishment as the way of 'control' so that when they are GROWN they can avoid ending up in JAIL because their odds of getting 'caught' making poor choices ran out on them!

I do not break the law of society because of the FINE that will be levied on me or that I might go to jail if I get 'caught' but because it is WRONG to steal from others and I do not want my stuff stolen or I driving carelessly could kill others and myself ... I make good choices because it is the right thing to do for myself and others ..... because someone TAUGHT ME empathy, anger management and impulse control as a child and how to LEARN from my poor choices and make better ones moving forward not out of 'fear' of some punishment towards ME but because of learning to think about my choices constructively!

The problem with the punishment approach is that the punishment is INCONSISTENT based on being caught by some 3rd party and selfish people, specially children who are in that very 'self centred' stage of if it feels good than do it, think they will not get caught and therefore 'evade' punishment as long as possible in order to have the 'fun' that their misbehavior allows them in the 'moment' ... just like the child jumping on the couch whose parent is not consistent with their reaction .... teach a child through 'reflection' and 'natural consequences' for their behavior to have empathy for how their choices affect others and therefore have consequences and they will learn not be SELFISH in their choices and will learn more self control and will not need the threat of 'punishment' to behave in the future!

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Originally Posted by playfelt

Cause we spanked them when they were bad and told them how proud we were when they did good. They knew exactly where they stood and what was expected.....and in most cases they had the support of their mothers to help out with advice.

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yup! I am the parent and you the child will listen to what I say. end of story.

This is a little ridiculous, but the way people are these days, with their fast past lives and such, it's hard for parents to take the time to do these things. I wasn't raised with most of these rules, but it's the way I raise my child and take care of my dcks. I wish all parents had the common sense to raise children, but sadly, not a lot of them do :(