Pick up / drop offs

Hi there guys,

I have this mom whom I know is at home a few times a week either because she finishes at 3h00pm, because she did not have a shift and sends him over anyway or worked over night. Still she comes to pick him at 5h25pm when I close at 5h30pm. Ofcourse we had agreed pick/up and drop off but she had a few situations where her hours had been different and always made me aware of those. So I never made a fuss over it. It's not so much the inconsistency that bothers me. The problem I have now is that I know she is HOME and able to CARE for her child ... why is she waitting until the very last minute to pick up ? The way I see it is I provide a service to care for her chid during time where she is unable to. I get that once in a while parents will need those extra hours for whatever but now that I see it happenning a few times a week every week... Kinda irritates me. She will end up paying for the whole day even if she does pick him up an hour early so I get that but come on ... Am I so wrong to be bothered by this ? All I know is that when my firstborn was in daycare, I could not wait to pick her up after a long day at work and just play with her.

So thanks in advance for your comments !!

I have a similar situation...a family who never actually needs to have their kids in care until 5:30, but since those are the hours on our contract, they pick them up at around 5:20 every day. Mom cooks dinner before kids are picked up...even now that she is home for the summer (she's a teacher) the kids are here until close to 5:30. It was starting to irritate me as well since the other kids are all gone by 5pm. I decided I really didn't have the right to be irritated as I had caused the problem myself by setting my hours as I did...so in order to fix the problem, I told the family that as of September, they will have to pick up at 5pm. They agreed although they weren't happy about it. Basically, many parents will use the hours they are paying for, thinking that since they are paying for it they had better use it. They also get used to having that time to get things done like errands or cooking. I was like you when my sons were in daycare...always rushing to get there an pick him up as early as possible to spend a little time with them...but not everyone is like that! I have learned to set my hours according to what I can handle and then I won't care what the parents do with that time as long as kids are picked up on time ;)

Most of my families do this and it drives me nuts too. Especially when they know my kids have activities booked for 6pm, yet they don't pick up until 5:45 leaving us late arriving every night. My daughter has actually driven by one of their houses on the way to run an errand for me and there they were sitting on the porch enjoying their alone time.

Effective in Sept I am changing my contracts to say 9-10 hours of care. Anything more than that and you are required to pay extra. Too many of them are using the full 12 hours and taking advantage which makes for very long days for me! Part of being a parent is having to grocery shop and cook dinner and clean the house WHILE your child is home. These parents spend NO time whatsoever with their child. She goes home, eats and goes to bed.

Michelle...I so agree! If the parents do all the errands without the kids, the kids have a very warped idea that when they are with their parents, the focus is 100% on them. I think kids need to learn that sometimes mom is busy cooking dinner or cleaning etc. I have had daycare parents ask me in wonderment "How do you manage to get anything done with your kids there?"...ummmm..the y play while I clean, cook etc. They know how to entertain themselves and each other...I am not their entertainment! and yes, even young ones learn that (mine are 2 and 4). Kids whose parents never cook or clean in front of them are missing out on a valuable lesson...that they can entertain themselves and that the universe does not revolve around them!

I was a SAHM, so I can't comment on what I would have been like, but I expect I would have rushed to get my children as soon as I could. My daughter was in daycare for about 3 months, and I missed her like crazy.
That said, it didn't occur to me to be annoyed if parents took some free time while I was caring for their child. A friend who is a care provider told me it annoyed her when Dad took the day off work to go golfing, and then went home and showered and mowed the lawn before picking up this child. My response to her was that if a parent pays for care, it isn't really any of our business whether they are at work or shopping or golfing... it just surprised me that my friend would have an opinion on this. What I have found surprising is the number of women I know who have daycare for their older child while on maternity leave with a baby. I'm not judgemental, I just assumed if you were home on mat leave, you would want both your children around...

There is a Dad in my daycare who always drops off his son in his suit and comes back to pick him up in casual clothes and I know he's been home. I don't know how long he's been home but, YES it BOTHERS me! Why on earth can't he pick up his son first and then go home. However, they are only using an 8 hour day so I can't complain or say a word about it.

Yes...this annoys me to no end. I KNOW parents pay us regardless if they are working or getting a pedicure or worse NAPPING! I get it. However, I too have caught parents grocery shopping or getting a pedicure if they finish work early (I know this cause the plaza behind my house has a grocery store/spa etc....my backyard faces the plaza. Often we are playing in the yard and I can SEE the parents loading groceries or one mum in particular coming out of the spa).

I have one mom who has been on extended leave from work (they are going thru structural changes) for two months...yet she drops her kids off every single day from 8:00-5:30 :no: Poor babies. I mean come on...one day of the month you can't stay home and play with your kids...why do some people bother having kids??? Often she'll ring my door bell out of breath and gives me a weak "sorry, I was at the pool swimming and lost track of time....or she'll drop them off with her friend in tow all dolled up to go where at 8:00am??? Or she will mention how she soooo needs a nap when she gets home cause the kids kept her up the night before :huh:

When I was working outside the home when my son was little, I could not wait to get to his daycare and pick him up if I was early getting off work.

Her loss. Either way I get paid to watch her beautiful childrenf. She's missing out. Guess she wants to squeeze every last dime out of her daycare fees.

It doesn't bother me what they choose to do with their time while their child is in my care. They've paid for x amount of time, so they are allowed to use it up. I don't care if they're at work or at home so far as they pick up on time. :)

I agree with jazmic. I have actually told one parent in particular to go and get her errands done on some days before she comes to get her son. I understand as a parent that some things are easier without a toddler in tow and as she goes the extra mile for me (birthday gifts, paying me for holiday days even when she'd not supposed to) I am more than happy to go the extra mile for her. None of my parents even have thier kids here for a full 10 hours so I have no complaints. As long as by 5pm all children are picked up I care very little about what they do with thier time.

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Originally Posted by jazmic

It doesn't bother me what they choose to do with their time while their child is in my care. They've paid for x amount of time, so they are allowed to use it up. I don't care if they're at work or at home so far as they pick up on time. :)

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This is me as well with the added requirement that in an emergency I know HOW to to reach them ~ I do not want to waste precious time on hold at work only to find out 'oh they are off today' or what not :mad:

I will admit as a newbie it bothered me because I could not imagine the 'motivation' behind doing this value .... I struggled so hard to have kids if I had been blessed I would have wanted to spend every possible moment with them ~ as it is I dedicated my life to 'working with other peoples ids' because I am so passionate about giving kids the best foot forward in life ~ however as I became seasoned I learned there are many varied reasons 'why' a parent might decide their child is better off in childcare than home and I just have to trust that the parent knows 'best' when it comes to their skills and abilities in regards to this and that they truly feel this is 'best' for their child even if I do not agree and as long I am being paid and they are following the 'rules' it is not worth my energy to be all hot under the collar about it!

Not to mention if every parent shared our passion for wanting to be home with their children above all else ~ we would all be out of a job cause they would figure out a way to 'make it work' to not put their kids in the care of anyone else ;)

When my oldest was in dc, I would finish work, if done early, do my shopping (in the mall that I worked)then picked up my son. I didn't see the point of going to the daycare then back to my place of work. If I needed anything from anywhere else I would pick up my son first.

When I was pregnant with my second, if I was done early, I would go home and have a nap. My husband would pick him up. I felt bad that I wasn't spending as much time with him as I would have liked, but I just couldn't stay awake after work, so it was safer to leave him at daycare, until my husband could get him.

My daycare families only bring their kids if they are working. If any of them have the day off, they stay home with the kid(s). If they get off work early, they come here to pick up early. It's great when the parents want to spend time with their kids, yes. I have a 10-hour limit in my contract, and I'm thinking of lowering that to 9 hours next year as I find the odd 10-hour days really hard on the kids. I can't imagine working 12 hours every day--I would not set my hours to be available that long!

Thanks guys I really appreciate your comments.

I"m happy to find myself not alone feeling this way. Now I just have to find a way to accept it and let it slide :p I guess seeing all your comments helped me. It's not that I mind a parent using the daycare to go off a run some errands or do a few things or even go at a spa once in a while. I totaly get it. I think in this case it just seems a little exagerated. As if the child is a burden. At first I tought they were leaving him here because I have AC, a shaded backyard during the heatwave. Which I was fine with. They don't have AC or a backyard. But this week mom has been here at 5h27 both days when I knew she was home all day. So it pushed me to write this post and see how every body else felt. I do like the idea of having a 10 hour limit. I think I'll change my contract to get paid over-time.

Thanks guys !

Yes, don't make yourself available for such long hours! 12 hours!!! That is way too much! I've actually dropped mine to 9 hours. I actually don't care that much what the parents do with their time either (except that if I think about it I feel sad for the kids), but when I have made their hours longer than everyone else to accommodate and then find out that they are at home or out for coffee, it irritates me. That's why I took matters into my own hands and changed pick-up time. I think we are responsible for our own happiness and lack of stress. If a situation is stressing us or irritating, WE are the only ones who can change it through our actions. You can't make a parent want to spend time with their kids, but you can make it so it doesn't bother you.

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Originally Posted by crafty

Thanks guys I really appreciate your comments.

I"m happy to find myself not alone feeling this way. Now I just have to find a way to accept it and let it slide :p I guess seeing all your comments helped me. It's not that I mind a parent using the daycare to go off a run some errands or do a few things or even go at a spa once in a while. I totaly get it. I think in this case it just seems a little exagerated. As if the child is a burden. At first I tought they were leaving him here because I have AC, a shaded backyard during the heatwave. Which I was fine with. They don't have AC or a backyard. But this week mom has been here at 5h27 both days when I knew she was home all day. So it pushed me to write this post and see how every body else felt. I do like the idea of having a 10 hour limit. I think I'll change my contract to get paid over-time.

Thanks guys !

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I agree with ALL the ladies: I do agree that parents are allowed a "little" free time, don't we all want free time sometimes.
I agree with wanting to spend more time with your kids. When I worked I couldnt wait to get off to see my kids, left early and took pay cut just because I missed them so.
I agree with the parents point of view who thinks "I pay for it" so they use that time.
I agree that not enough parents spend enough time with their kids. I swear, the "new world" view is: having kids is like having "sushi" everyone wants to try it at least once in their life, its just something to check off on "bucket list". Prada shoes-check! One night stand-check! have a kid-check! (it's a human life people!!!! Not something to "try" just once, to say you did it!)
I think because we all view children at a higher level than the average person, they are our love, our passion, our lives....we cant understand how children arent held "higher" for their own parents? BOTTOM LINE! as much as it bothers us...we arent here to "check" the parents morals, and values in life, we are here to help raise their kids :) (even if we feel we are the only ones doing it sometimes!!!!!!!) Makes me mad too. As long as they pick up on time, there is nothing else we can really do.

Hey Crafty,
Gaurenteed when you change your time limit to extra pay, that Mom will pick up earlier...no way she will pay more. In my experiences I have found the cheap people will take advantage of their time with you (trying to get the most time for their money) changing your time limit, will solve all your issues!!! :)

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Originally Posted by kangaroomama

Michelle...I so agree! If the parents do all the errands without the kids, the kids have a very warped idea that when they are with their parents, the focus is 100% on them. I think kids need to learn that sometimes mom is busy cooking dinner or cleaning etc. I have had daycare parents ask me in wonderment "How do you manage to get anything done with your kids there?"...ummmm..the y play while I clean, cook etc. They know how to entertain themselves and each other...I am not their entertainment! and yes, even young ones learn that (mine are 2 and 4). Kids whose parents never cook or clean in front of them are missing out on a valuable lesson...that they can entertain themselves and that the universe does not revolve around them!

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Exactly! I have no problem with parents running errands during say a 9-10 hour day, but the ones in my care do it and leave their kids here for a FULL 12 hours just because they can. the 12 hours are there for ONE family who commutes to Toronto each day and needs that extra travel time, but the others are just taking advantage. Too many parents nowadays view having a child like the other poster said, just to try it out. I could never understand how time at the spa is more important than time with your child when you've left them for 12 hours. People long before us didn't get time at the spa and they still lived long and healthy lives. Its all about priorities in my opinion.

totally here you there!!!! There are a few Poopy parents out there who make it harder for all the others when it comes to the worlds view on "working parents" I have had MANY parents pick up in dif clothes and dif hair-do. I had one Mom come with her hair and nails RE-DONE. and pick up late, like really late. This Mom no-joke was a little twisted. Would go to hair salon and pick up late, would go to Dance Lessons! and pick up late. I gave her son baths and got him ready for bed! my husband and I had to drive around town looking for her one night on our way to a Date Night! (our own children were @ gram and gramps) finally found her in line at a subway at 9pm!!! on her cell phone, didnt get off the phone to say SORRY or THANKYOU! didnt even say hello to her son!!!! I kept him for so long (instead of terminating) because I felt he was "better off" with me. his home was disfunctional, sister literally sent to a phsyc hospital for a while (bypolar?) this kid didnt stand a chance.....I gave him 4 years of a good life! my mom said I was crazy! most people did. Needless to say... I hit a breaking point and things got really heated on a late pick up one night, told her she was terminated! tried to say goodbye to her son, she looks at him and says, "she doesnt want you anymore" ARE YOU KIDDING! so sad, just hope I had an impact on him the short time he was in my home!
ps. saw them about a month later in a walmart, he was standing in the back of the cart, screaming at her, Yelling in her face and hitting her. I quickly turned and walked the other way, dodged that one!

I have a problem with this when it goes past ten hours like the others have said.

So here's what I did, they pay the regular rate for anything up to ten hours. After that its three bucks an hour. It sure changed in a hurry LOL

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Originally Posted by jazmic

It doesn't bother me what they choose to do with their time while their child is in my care. They've paid for x amount of time, so they are allowed to use it up. I don't care if they're at work or at home so far as they pick up on time. :)

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I agree 100%. They're paying for the care, so I don't see the problem with them not picking them up until the agreed upon time. I have a little girl in care right now, and her mom isn't working. So, in my mind, she sits at home all day and does her nail and sleeps and...oh god, I'm jealous! lol but her daughter comes over here and gets to do activities she wouldn't do at home, and she gets to play with other kids and so on...she pays for that time, so I don't see a problem with her picking her up at close. As long she picks her up AT CLOSE and no later.

Yes, it bothers me. But it depends on the circumstances and the people, and the kid it it affects. Because let's be honest here. Kids are NOT stupid. If we can see that their parents have changed clothes and are casual when they were in business clothes droppng off, so can they. These kids realize that their parents went somewhere else before picking them up. Depending on how close they are/how much face time they get with their parent, it can really have a damaging effect after a while. I truly believe this! I had one kid that had a really hard time with it. His mother was a substitute teacher. Many days a week she didn't get a call to come in, yet he was the first to arrive and last to leave all day every day. She went home to sleep. She was also the only one to get mad when I had to close when my own son was sick and she didn't even have to miss work! He was a really sweet kid, but angry most of the day and acted out a lot. I didn't blame him. This mom tried to get more hours from me so she could "get stuff done" but that was a big HELL NO! from me.

I have another parent. You can tell she loves this kid with every fibre of her being. She comes as early as possible to get him, keeps him home if he is "off" even a little bit and it shows through her child. He is well-adjusted, confident, happy in care and I am happy to let this mom have a few extra hours every once in a while to get her shopping and cleaning done sans child or to have some down time or a date with her husband. I don't feel bad about it in the least because she has taken the time to create that security in her child.

I don't know. It makes a big difference to me!

Ladyjbug, you are right. All of us are right I think. I just have to adjust some of my policies to a max of hours/day or extra fees will be invovled. I also have to learn to let go of some of the stuff parents may/may not do that bothers me because I do not want to feel irritated or annoyed at someone. Negative feelings are so tirering and honestly I decided to do this to be happy.