Parent has issues with MY kid

I have an almost-4yr-old girl coming since last April, so almost 18 mos she has been with me. She has NEVER cried during drop off with either mom or dad EXCEPT starting on Friday, then again yesterday. I knew this would continue as long as the parent feeds into her crying and whining and they did; on Friday, mom stayed 20 minutes to try to calm her, of course it didnt work, just prolonged it. then Dad stayed almost 10 minutres yesterday hugging her in his arms etc.
I think it is just a new 'phase' and her coping with the fact she will be in school soon and she realizes what happens when she does act like this, she gets loads of cuddles and snuggles from Mom or Dad and shes loving it.
She told me on Friday that she is like a baby at home and that is why she is crying when her mommy drops her off here. She is VERY VERY babied at home. Just got into a big girl bed from a crib last month, still has a soother at bedtime (not here for nap however), a little stuffed animal she drags around EVERYWHERE here, she cannot drink from a big girl cup, she can hardly use cutlery, has very little confidence for doing things for herself etc. Just amazing for a 4 year old. anyways....
Mom send me a text msg this morning saying she talked to her daughter last night adn the reason she is crying at dropoff now is because she doesnt like my son, "Timmy". she says Timmy never shares and always grabs toys from her. Timmy is 28 months old.
Asking me if maybe I can help out with this to make it "easier" on her.
I sent a msg back saying that they are 2 years old, they ALL have sharing issues, always have with a house full of toddlers. Not sure why this is something new for her to be upset about.
My son is by no means an aggressor, but DOES have problems sharing his own toys which would be natural. He is by far the most disceplined one of my bunch, I will be first to admit that, and the parents see his behaviour at d/o and p/u. He is wild to say the least, but not out to hurt people, he has never bitten or slapped or hit anyone, he is just a toy hoarder. This little girl is certainley no saint when it comes to playing nicely, and I would say that all the kids have their equal shares in the time out corner as a result.

I try not to be peeved when I recieved this message this morning, as it is my own son she is blaming for her daughters 'baby issues', nor do I believe this is what is making her start this behaviour all of a sudden.

Any suggestions on how to approach mom and dad without me having to spell it out to them to stop coddling their 4 year old?
Anyone else have any idea what could be making this girl suddenly start this behaviour? Nothing major has changed here, not sure with her parents, they are split and they share equal custody. Always have since Ive started care.

The little girl is so playing them; I would just say "yes, I will handle it" and leave it at that. I had something similar happen with my 4 yr old DCG...she still gives Mom a hard time at drop off (or anywhere, in fact says mom). The little girl has come up with tons of excuses why she clings to Mom @ drop off (everyone's looking at me, no one's looking at me, I want my blankie, I wanted my other drink cup)...she still does it 8 months later (& then cries at the end of the day b/c she doesn't want to go home, go figure?).

I don't think you're going to win this one.

I understand that we immediatly get defensive when someone blames our kids... and we should. However, keep in mind that now that she's said something as soon as you bring up her behaviours it's going to sound like a battle " well, your kids acts like a baby" " your kid doesn't share toys" LOL

I would continue working with her at daycare, you are not going to be able to convince mom she is being babied or that they are doing something wrong. Just deal with concerns that happen at your house.

For example, "I noticed Suzzy isn't using a fork very well so we've been doing X Y and Z to assist her"

or

"ive noticed Suzy get's upset when you drop her off, I assure you she get's lot's of love and cuddles when you leave, it's best to make the drop off quick like a bandaid, she stops as soon as your gone. I wouldn't want you to be late for work"

When they ask how her day was you can always mention is "well, Timmy took a few of her toys, but she was a big girl and moved on to play with something even better"

just a few thoughts. I don't think you're going to get anywhere by challenging how they're raising their child, but if you can hint and give suggestions you may get farther.

My 5 year old dcg started wailing all day because her 3 yr old bro is going to half day school for a couple of weeks. The girl claimed she missed her bro at dc. Thing is when bro arrrived for the day at lunch time, she just ignored him. Huh? No amount of reasoning, soothing, bribing etc. changed her depressive mood. Her parents and I had long discussions and they think it is parental seperation anxiety. She has been coming to me for FOUR yrs, now she's anxious? Parents are coddling her excessively. Yesterday she came with bro at lunch because Dad said on phone she is too sad to come in a.m. She came in wailing and Dad left in tears and then suddenly she was happy happy again. :confused:
Light bulb went off- we have all been played. She has been getting new outfits, toys and treats since this "depression" has begun and she has continued it because it has been working out really well for her. Today she came in a.m. kind of o.k. when Dad showed at lunch with bro she did the histerical thing again until he left and then was happy again. I told her she needs to stop doing this to her parents her response was to smirk and say o.k. I thought I was going to miss this long time dcg, but now I can't wait for school to start and say bye bye to her manipulative behaviour.

oh, and as far as the split up parents go... I am split up from my ex. We have a great relationship, but he's not around as much. Sometimes there's guilt and we over compensate for that by loving our kids and babying our kids too much. My son's a suck and I know it's all my fault. LOL I wouldn't have it any other way.

I would respond by saying that you had a discussion with the child about it and she told you that she cries because at home she's a baby and babies cry. I would go on to tell them that you have been encouraging her to do more things for herself such as eating with utensils, and what ever else you have been working on, stress how important it is as these are things she will need to master before going to school. Tell them the linger they linger in the mornings the longer it takes for her to settle and every day the cry jag will last longer cause she is learning by crying they stay and hug her. Stress how important working in these things are for the child's self esteem .... just some suggestions ....

Oh I dont know some parents are just clueless

I agree... be prepared for that client to leave. Sometimes when a parent gets an idea in their head that "their precious" is being bullied or is upset, it will never change no matter what you say. I had the same type of thing happen with a 4yr old girl and she old her mom that my DS hit her and thats why she didnt want to come. Well me DS was not home that day (he went to track almost everyday after school)... but no matter how many times I told her that she would still comment on "that time DS hit her DD". It only stopped when I terminated them.

OMG, my kid was the one who used to bite the daycare kids! She is reacting to him not sharing toys and being a toddler :blink:
I agree with Apples and Bananas- you aren't going to win with this one. Just let them know that your working on it with Timmy. You mentioned above that you are working on sharing with him so it's the truth. At this point they are only worried about their own. Try not to take it personal. Then end the email off with, 'The Toddler Creed' to lighten the email ;)

The Toddlers Creed

If I want it,
IT'S MINE!

If I give it to you and change my mind later,
IT'S MINE!

If I can take it away from you,
IT'S MINE!

If it's mine it will never belong to anybody else,
No matter what.
If we are building something together,
All the pieces are mine!

If it looks just like mine,
IT'S MINE!

If it breaks or needs putting away,
IT'S YOURS!

kids seem to hit a little "road-block" if you will ,when they reach the fours anyway. The thought of becoming older, more responsible, less babying and more "big kid" expectations. This kid is going to hit her "road-block" more like a brick wall because she IS so "babied" by mom and dad. Just the moving to the big girl bed and talk of going to school is enough for a child. some kids embrace the becoming a big kid phase, and some kids fight it. sounds like she will fight it at first. maybe you could address the issue in the sense of her needing to prepare for school. Teachers dont put on shoes, hold and snuggle kids, they are expected at that age to self solve and take care of their own emotions.
as far as your child being the reason she is upset? thats bologna!!!!! let me guess, the mom suggested that to her, like "what's wrong? is there a child that is hurting you or making you upset?" then the girl goes with it......if anything, she doesnt like your son because she watches you love him througout the day and she is a little jelous.

I can't believe she was in a crib that long.

Thank goodness school starts soon eh?

I think when she is having a cry at the door I would straight up say to the parents "she's just doing this for show you know?" or something like that.

I would use the age difference as a defence. Please remind child XXX and I will remind her too here at daycare that she is 4 years old and that there special toys for the grown up children to use that the younger children either are not allowed to use or show little interest in. It is also important that the older children realize this and allow the younger ones to have first access to some of the baby toys.

Since child XXX will be starting school soon, it is important that we remind her that now she is 4 and that with that comes expectations for learning, playing and behaviour. She will have a much better experience both in daycare and at school if we can help her with this.

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Originally Posted by mimi

My 5 year old dcg started wailing all day because her 3 yr old bro is going to half day school for a couple of weeks. The girl claimed she missed her bro at dc. Thing is when bro arrrived for the day at lunch time, she just ignored him. Huh? No amount of reasoning, soothing, bribing etc. changed her depressive mood. Her parents and I had long discussions and they think it is parental seperation anxiety. She has been coming to me for FOUR yrs, now she's anxious? Parents are coddling her excessively. Yesterday she came with bro at lunch because Dad said on phone she is too sad to come in a.m. She came in wailing and Dad left in tears and then suddenly she was happy happy again. :confused:
Light bulb went off- we have all been played. She has been getting new outfits, toys and treats since this "depression" has begun and she has continued it because it has been working out really well for her. Today she came in a.m. kind of o.k. when Dad showed at lunch with bro she did the histerical thing again until he left and then was happy again. I told her she needs to stop doing this to her parents her response was to smirk and say o.k. I thought I was going to miss this long time dcg, but now I can't wait for school to start and say bye bye to her manipulative behaviour.

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She is a genius lol I wish that behaviour worked on adults...lol..if I got new things everytime I got upset, I would throw tantrums all the time! lol