How does a "new parent" know more than me?

Let me start by saying, I respect ALL my day care parents. I value their opinions and feel the only way to properly care for their child is to work together with them on problem solving any issues. That being said: Does anyone else ever feel like they have a parent that acts like they know more than you? Makes me want to scream. I have a "new" parent. This is her first child and the baby is 5 mo old. Baby spits up ALOT and has begun "not sleeping through the night" shortly after she started here. I am getting little comments at drop off like. She was up at 4am for a bottle (eye roll) and has been doing this alot lately, can you have her nap longer in the afternoon? When we pick her up she comes home and takes about an hour nap, then up for a bottle and bed time is soon after. Heres my response: I have her nap alot through the day, as needed. I also feed her as needed. ( about every 4 hours sometimes more) Mom says she eats at home every 3 hours. (acts surprised that she eats here that little) Aside from "stuffing " a bottle in her nouth every 3 hours, I can't do anything but feed her when she shows the signs of hunger. Today I tried to feed her every 3 hours like mom says she does....she puked all day, and cried. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! My point is this: Why cant ALL parents understand I have done this for a LONG time! this ain't my first rodeo!!!!!!!! Although I totally respect parents points of view, I also feel like "i have been around the block a time or two" just feel like she doesnt think I know ANYTHING, and wants me just to take her every order. I suggested maybe a little cereal through the day will help? She comes to me at pick up and says "oh, i did a TON of research today, and found more food during the day won't help a child sleep better" F your research and reading, I come from good old fasion know how!!!!! BUT DONT LISTEN TO ME!!!!! I'm just the "baby-sitter".:cursing:

Hey, do you know Judy? :laugh: Sorry, but that's one of our crosses to bear, dealing with the parents. I'm lucky that I'm old, haha! They all respect my opinions because I've been around the block several thousand times. But unfortunately every now and then we get a parent like the one you are dealing with now. I try very hard to weed those bossy ones out at the interview stage and I know I scare them away because I tell them point blank we work together or else.

All of my daycare parents have been more than willing to communicate and listen to my experiences with kids and even implement some of the things I have suggested. It's always nice when a daycare parent comes to you for advice about their child--it means they trust you and value your knowledge/experience. Some parents think that because my own child is older (school-age) and wonderful (LOL!) that I must know what I'm doing! But yes, I know people in other social circles like that--first time parents who think they know everything--not fun!

You know starshine, I think that is what is bothering me the most.....you hit the nail on the head! I dont feel valued, I feel like the idiot they picked to "watch" their kid and do what they say from 7:30-5:30 every day!!!!!!!!!! Thats the problem. I agree, I have had sssooooo many parents come to me and ask for advice or even listen when I talk, they dont really do either, and it pisses me off! not because I want to tell them what to do, or have them do everything I suggest, but for the simple fact of feeling valued by the parent. uuuuuugh! it just upsets me so.:cursing:

just shake your head yes and smile ;)

My husband reminded me last night when complaining of my "crazy" day, what I always tell him...."it is what it is!" words of wisdom. I found a bracelet in a catalog a while ago with those words engraved on it...buying it today!!!!!! :) :)

Thanks for the advice dcp but mamma first: Thats exactly what you have to do with people like that. in a post reccently someone said something about "not saying TOO MUCH" to a daycare parent. Thats exactly what these parents are like. I just take their baby and listen to what they tell me in the am, and then say have a great day...and go about the day as ussual. totally hold my toung when I want to add my two cents. (most days) the trouble yesterday was, I did add my two cents and thats when she seemed a little "i know more than you" ish!!!!!!!!! what ever.
IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!!:D

It is a hard balance for sure ladies ~ after all these are their babies it is hard to accept advice sometimes from others because well it means admitting that someone else might be spending more time with your baby NOW and therefore might be starting to know them better than you do :(

Flip the scenario here ~ is there nothing worse than going to your DR with a problem and your Dr dismissing it as 'normal' .... after all do you not know your body best and if something feels right or wrong with it? So many times in my health history I have 'accepted' the advice of the professional DR who told me I had pulled a muscle or the pain was just my 'body adjusting' after a surgery and ignored health issues in my body thinking it was just 'normal' to feel that way only to eventually end up with a GLARING health issue that could have been minimized if treated quickly and the Dr finally say 'oh wow that does not normally present that way initially' :cursing:

I always try to approach things with a new children and clients BEFORE we get going and parents give me the 'routine from home' I accept it with a thank you and than explain that I will do my best to follow the child's cues based on this previous routine but that often children change their routines and patterns once they start group care ~ they often either eat more or less depending on personality ~ they will often eat more because they are doing more physically or mentally due to the group environment less because it is the one thing they have control of and they are not comfortable taking food from 'stranger' so need time to warm up , they often sleep more because they are again more physically and mentally stimulated by the larger group and so forth .... this helps me to head off any issues of at home and so forth .... so yes at home they may not have a nap on the weekends but during the week at GROUP CARE they are showing signs of still needing it ;)

When all else fails as others have mentioned ~ you just smile and nod and avoid getting defensive because you know you are already DOING what they are requesting anyway and the behaviour is just 'normal' at this age to wake up for an extra bottle cause the child is likely preparing for a growth spurt ~ so just appease them with a 'I sure will' and go on about your business of meeting the child's needs during the day ;)

Do you think the baby has developed an allergy to the formula? Maybe she doesn't want to eat and mom's forcing it at home. It could explain the throwing up.

Aside from that... i think we all do things or don't do things that parents request and just don't talk about it at the door. For example... the nap! Haven't we all had parents that say 'don't let johnny sleep for more then an hour otherwise he won't sleep through the night' And when we leave him to sleep for 3 hours and the parent shows up and says... how did he sleep? Our answer is always "he had a great nap" :)

Sometimes we know what works best for us in our house and it can't always be the way the parents do it.

My advise is to give as little info as possible to her at pick up. And really try to start controlling the environment rather then taking orders. Sounds like she's speaking to you like you're the nanny. A common misconception.

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Originally Posted by apples and bananas

Do you think the baby has developed an allergy to the formula? Maybe she doesn't want to eat and mom's forcing it at home. It could explain the throwing up.

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I was just going to ask the same thing!! My gf's son started to get a bad reaction from the formula he's had since birth at 6mos! Itw as weird but once she switched to a "low lactose & lower iron" formula he was back to his old self and stopped spitting up all day long.

GL!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by apples and bananas

My advise is to give as little info as possible to her at pick up.

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EXACTLY!!!

If you've tried things 'your way' for a few days and still nothing has changed and you are TRULY concerned then bring it up to her (but act like it's new information LOL) otherwise......whate ver!
I have a 3yr who's parents say she doesn't need naps anymore. She naps here for over 2hrs everyday and the one day I tried it the PARENTS way by 2pm she ASKED ME to go nap!!!!!!!!! :yes: so parents assume I'm not napping her so they don't ask at P/U...and I don't tell. We're BOTH happy :D

She has had issues all along with the spit up, they have tried low iron formula, she is now on a low iron and easy to digest formula, plus I had suggested her to be on infant water as well. (we live in the country and have well water) our water does have extra iron in it amoung other minerals. She hessitated at first stating the water was expensive, they had tried it and it seemed a little better but due to the extra expense went to a filter system. I offered to buy the baby water, THEN she showed up the next day with 3 bottles. (control?) I do think it is a typical case of wanting to be at home with your child but HAVING to work. But heres my opinion, (dont mean it to be harsh) but the truth is: you chose to go to work, so you NEED to trust someone else completely! You cant be in complete control when you are at work all day, its hard to swallow for a working mommy who loves her child sooooo much, but you do have to let go of the reins a little and trust that your child is ok with out you. Just something that is hard for so many first time parents, or control freak parents.
I was asked to feed her every 3 hours today....mom was a little upset that the baby was up every 3 hours last night for a bottle. (i do think they think Im not feeding her enough through the day) yesterday I DID feed her every three hours, she puked ALL DAY and cried ALOT! when mom picked her up, she threw up twice standing at the door. AND this baby is clearly NOT underfed, chunky cheeks, chunky body. I will feed her every three hours ON THE DOT!!! moms specifications!!!!!! :) smile and wave boys! smile and wave!:wave:

totally get the not telling everything!!!! I have had parents ask me to cut the kids nap OR not have them nap at all because they are not going to bed well at night. I do try to meet in the middle, I will cut the nap shrter or have them nap earlier but if it goes against what I feel the child needs....I dont give two sh$%s! about the parents not having a great night because they couldnt put their kid to bed at 7 and watch their favorite shows!!!!!! I will do what I think is best for the child, thats my job!!!!

My pet peeve are the ones who say 'well, he/she is an only child' and I respond with 'every child who has been in my daycare has been an only child' so I don't find that an excuse. Different issues arise with the children at different times and we have to deal with them and help the families through the stages one at a time. But if the parents are working against you, forget it, you won't make progress and you are in for 3 years with stress and unhappiness.

I have always wished there was a free day every year: (like a holiday) that you could just speak your mind be totally honest or just do what you think in your head. There are some parents I would love to just grab by the shoulders and say "wake up!!!!!! listen to me!!!!!!! you dont know everything!!!" or just look at them, smile, then slap them right across the face! ha ha one can dream of such "free will" :laugh::laugh::laugh :

well, time to get bottle #1, almost to the 3 hour mark! wish me luck....and my carpet!!! ha

Can you feed her in the kitchen area then sit her up in a baby chair while she digests it and that saves your carpets and furniture ? If she throws up all day doing it this way then maybe she is getting too much food, if you think that's the case then do it your way and tell her your doing it her way .... If she thinks it's being done her way you'd be amazed how much the child will sleep .... ; )

she spits up for hours after a bottle. it just changes consistancy after so long. :)
I have found laying her flat or on a slight incline works best. If i forget and hold her by her tummy on my hip, spew!!!! or if someone picks her up too soon after bottle and holds her up right, spew!!! if she rolls over, spew!!!!! I do find that just plain leaving her alone for an hour or so is best no matter what position she is in, if you move her around is ussualy when it comes up. I do keep her on her own little floor gym that has a fabric back so when she spits up i just wipe it, then wash every week. She's like a little "puke-fountain" ha ha ha

It sounds like it could be reflux. They may need to change the formula if it's milk based.

REFLUX

WHAT IT IS: Baby heartburn, sometimes accompanied by Vomiting. In extreme cases, there can be complications and the baby can regurgitate blood-tinged liquid. Heartburn is extremely painful in adults, and worse for babies because they don’t know what is happening. When your baby eats, food goes into the mouth and down the oesophagus. If the digestive system is working properly, the sphincter—the muscle that opens and closes the stomach allows the food to drop in and keeps it there. If the gastrointestinal tract is fully developed, there’s a rhythmic pattern of swallowing, and then the sphincter opening and closing as it should. But with reflux, the sphincter is immature and doesn’t close properly after opening. The food doesn’t stay down and, to make it worse, stomach acid comes up with it, burning your baby’s oesophagus.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR: One or more episodes of spitting up should not alarm you. All babies have reflux at one time or another, especially after eating. Some have it more often, and some infants are simply more sensitive tO digestive issues. When I suspect reflux I first ask: Was he breach? Did he have the cord wrapped around his neck during delivery? Was he premature? Was he jaundiced? Was he a low-birthweight baby? Did Mum have a C-section? Have any of the adults or other children in the family had reflux? A yes to any of those questions points to a higher chance of reflux. If she has reflux, your baby will have trouble getting through her feeds. She might splutter and choke, because her sphincter has stayed shut, making it impossible for her to get food down in the first place. Or, she might spit up or even projectile-vomit a few minutes after eating, because the sphincter didn’t close once the food went down.

Sometimes you’ll also see a watery cottage-cheese spit~up as long as an hour after a feed, because the stomach is in spasm and whatever is on top comes back up through the oesophagus. She might have explosive poos. Like a windy baby, she might also gulp air, but with reflux the gulp is accompanied by a little squeaky noise. Reflux babies are often hard to burp. Another key sign is that the only way they feel comfortable is when they’re sitting up or are held upright on a shoulder. Any attempts to lay them down result in bouts of hysterical crying, which is why a red flag goes off in my brain when a parent tells me, “He’s happiest when sitting in the swing” or “He’ll only go to sleep in his car seat.”

The vicious cycle with oesophageal reflux is that the more tense a baby is and the more crying he does, the more likely it is that he’ll have a spasm and that the acid will conic up his oesophagus and make him even more uncomfortable. You try every trick in the book and nothing calms him. Chances are, you’re trying the wrong tricks . You may tend to jiggle him up and down to comfort him, which only helps the acid move up the oesophagus. Or you’ll think, needs to burp,” so you pat his back, which also pushes the acid up through his, undeveloped sphincter. You might attribute his crying and his discomfort to this or that—usually colic or wind—with-out realising he has heartburn, which requires a very specific kind of management. You get confused and abandon your routine because you’re having trouble reading his cues. Meanwhile, your baby is exhausted. He gets hungry again from all that crying (which takes a lot of energy), So you try to feed him again. But before you know it, he’s uncomfortable, maybe spitting up, and the cycle continues.

WHAT TO DO: If your pediatrician says it’s colic, get a second opinion from a pediatric gastroenterologist, especially if the adults in your family or other children, have gastrointestinal problems. Reflux runs in families.

Often a health history and thorough examination is enough to diagnose the problem.. Most babies are diagnosed without lab tests. In extreme cases or if your doctor thinks there might be complications from your child’s reflux, various tests may be performed - X-ray with a barium swal¬low, ultrasound, endoscopy, esophageal pH study. The specialist will determine if your baby has reflux, gauge its severity, and can usually esti¬mate how long your baby’s reflux will last. She will also give you medica¬tions and guidelines to manage it.

The most common treatment for reflux is medication: baby antacids and relaxants. That part is in the doctor’s hands. But there are also things YOU can do besides taking him for rides in the car or getting him addicted to that darn mechanical swing:

Elevate the cot mattress. Raise it to a 45-degree angle by using a baby wedge or a couple of books—anything, as long as the head is higher. Babies with reflux do best when propped up and swaddled.

Do not pat your baby when burping him. If yOU pat you’ll make him vomit or he’ll start crying, which starts the vicious cycle. Rather, gently rub in a circular motion on the left side of his back. The reason to rub is that if you pat his back, which is where his oesophagus is, it irritates an already inflamed area. Rub upward with baby’s arm straight over your shoulder so there’s a clear passage up the oesophagus. If after three mm-utes, he doesn’t burp, stop burping him. If there’s air in there, he’ll start being fussy. Gently lift him forward and the air will probably come out.

Pay attention to feeds. Avoid overfeeding your baby or feeding him too quickly (which is more likely to happen on a bottle). If a bottle-feeding takes less than twenty minutes, the hole in the nipple may be too large. Switch to a slow-release nipple. If he starts fussing after a feed, use a dummy to calm him rather than feed again, which will only make him more distressed.

http://www.babywhispererforums.com/i...?topic=68054.0

My first thought was reflux also .... My first had it when she was one month old .... I too had to had to feed in an upright position and keep upright for an hour afterwards, I also was told to give her pablum before the bottle and burp often.

my youngest had reflux too, and the only reason I didn't think it was that in this case was because it is painful. My child would scream bloody murder after/while eating.

Here's a thought. If the baby is up every 3 hours wanting to be fed... do you think maybe the baby is getting used to being fed every 3 hours? Could you be created a habit of eating every 3 hours by feeding her every 3 hours during the day?

Either way, babies are funny sometimes. If only there was a manual... that was individual to each one.

Thanks so much jazmic: that is what we thought it was but there are def some helpful tips there. now the issue is letting the parents know. I did bring up to them that I thought her nipple was too fast she does, sputter and spit ALOT when feeding and chokes ALOT. I asked the Mom if she knew she had a FAST nipple. She said yes they gave her a fst because she cried alot on the slow nipple they said it wasnt coming out fast enough and the baby was upset. HMMMM! now how do you talk to parents about this when they already know everything? :)

apples and bananas: my 11 yr old daughter said that to me after the mother requested she be fed everythree hours today....my daughter says later, Mom, wont that just MAKE the baby wake up every three hours? she gets it!
I was also asked to have her nap more though the day because she wasnt sleeping all night! what?

Ya ` the waking through the night often becomes 'habitual' and has nothing to do with being hungry or what not .... when I herniated my disc I use to wake up every time the pain medication wore off and would get up to take more cause I HAD to it was so intense ... but now even a decade after the injury I STILL wake up every 4 hours at night because my sleep cycle just got 'trained' to do that because it was so long going ~ except now most nights my eyes pop open I look at the clock and I can just roll over close my eyes and go back to sleep in less than a minute but if I kept 'getting up' at those times it would make it worse being able to 'get back to sleep' ;)

P.S.

I went in after an hour to lay "baby" to nap - she co-room-sleeps with 3yr old. dcg opens her eyes and I ask her (after an 1hr nap) do you want to wake up or sleep more....and she says "sleep more" and is still out!!

Both of my nieces and a dcg went through this too. All of them were 1 to 4 weeks premature and immdiately stopped this horrific puking/spitting up when they could sit up on their own. The doctors said that something in the digestive track did not develop before birth and this is the bodies' reaction.

We had come to the conclsion of reflux, it was a comment of "i think it might be a case of acid reflux". We new to put her up rather than law flat, and she screams bloody murder sometimes whe nyou lay her on her back also hates being held that way, thanks so much jazmic for the info on reflux I wrote down most of it, found it very intrieging (sp), gave the mom the info, She acctually listened to me for once!!!!!! :) I talkied and she just listened, felt so good to have her look at me like, "wow, maybe this chick knows what shes talking about" I had told her alot of the issues I was having actually went hand in hand with this info on reflux, I had addressed the "fast" flow of the nipple, and the feeding soooo often, it just didnt feel right, I felt like she was eating too fast and too often.....sure enough, those are two irritants of reflux. Timed her last bottle yesterday (which she took at 4 and half hrs, rather than the moms request of 3) and it took her 5 minutes to drink. the doc in the reflux forum said no feeding should take less than 20 min especially for a reflux baby. wow, that could be part of it. I admit i hate waiting for the bottle to go down (so much to do) but if it is effecting the babies health and comfort I will sit there all day. Addressed it to the mom and suggested for a second time! that she go back to slow nipple or suggested she take a slow nipple and give it an extra poke with a needle (i have done this before) to give a little bigger hole but not quite as big as "fast" flow. we'll see!!!?
baby is home with mom today, we"ll see how their weekend goes, maybe she will FINALLY listen to me, its now backed up by some "research". thanks again, jazmic GREAT ADVICE on that site. WWW.BABYWHISPERERFORUM.COM

You're very welcome! :) I love that forum. It actually spawned off from the Baby Whisperer book which was my bible with my first baby when I had no clue what I was doing! The advice on there is fantastic. Hope things get better for you guys from here on.

I really do think they will, I have always noticed with parents like that, I almost have to prove to them I deserve their trust and I know my stuff....then they wakeup and realize ...it doesnt mean they are a bad parent to take others advice and "they really dont know it all". I just think it is hard for new parents to go bakc to work and let someone else love and nurture their child, with alot of people I have noticed they act like the "control" is all they have! when really, it just gets in the way. Will keep you posted how things go next week!!!!! fingers crossed!!! :)

luppernoodle: you are so outspoken!!!!! good quality in my eyes! :thumbsup::laugh: