Am I just a "mean" provider?

I had a 5 yr old come in this am, kind of quiet. His Dad Says, little brother had pancakes and bacon for breakfast, but the 5 yr old said "He didnt want any!". So I responded by saying "wow, no pancakes and bacon?" you must NOT be hungry, pancakes and bacon is delish. then I said, "well ,what do you think I will say when you come to me later and ask for breakfast?" Then he turns toward his Dad, puts his hands over his face and begins to cry. dad picks him up and says, dont cry, I'm sure miss ______ will give you some breakfast. (i say nothing)
Am I so mean? I say: "you dont eat what was offered at home, you dont eat here!" I gently responded to his continuing crying by having him go lay down in a bedroom, he is clearly not ready for the day yet. 2,3,even early 4, I can tolerate this somewhat.....but this child is going to kindergarten in two weeks and is crying like a baby in my bedroom right now, because he doesnt get breakfast. Am I really a mean person for not letting him run his own little show.??????

Now stomping his feet on the floor and yelling!!!!!!!!
So much for a Great Friday!!!! ha ha :)

That would earn him a time out in my home, at his age he knows better.

LOL! You are NOT mean. I would have been MEAN :o Seriously though...stomping feet and carrying on and the child is going to JK in two weeks?! That would be an instant time out.

Ignore the tantrum. Obviously trying to derail your demeanor. Good for you for standing your ground.

Nope, not mean at all. I don't serve breakfast here so if kids won't eat what their parents give them at home, that's their problem...they don't get food here until morning snack.

This is what I would have said in front of the parent " well then you will definitely be Hungary at snack time then". Then the parent would know if their child doesn't eat at home then they have to wait till the next meal time and the 5 yr old will realize very quickly that ge better eat when its offered or you have to wait.... No special treatment

Agreed!!!! :)

Not mean at all, I may not have addressed it in front of the parent though. I probably wouldn't have commented much at all at the door. I try not to engage conversation at drop off. Saying it in front of dad may have been the issue and that may be why you recieved the dramatic response you did. You also run the risk of dad interpreting it wrong and running to someone else saying "you wouldn't believe what my provider said" You're absolutly right! And if the father said "so and so didn't want to eat breakfast this morning, do you mind grabbing him something" that's when I would have addressed it as a policy issue.

Or... you couldve offered a heathly breakfast in front of dad as an alternate. "I'm having oatmeal for breakfast, you can have some of that if you're hungry" Or " snack time is in XXX hours so I'm sure you'll eat really well then" That way you don't sound like youre making him go hungry, but offering healthy alternatives.

The Dad and I see "eye to eye" though usually that is why I felt so free to say that. (not to mention) I am a very open provider and I have certain beliefs and stick to them, every once in a while I have a parent question my methods but for the most part, thats why they choose me because I have solid rules, and dont waiver much. (i have had people send their kids to me specifcally for a nap because they cant get them to nap at home and dont know how I do it) I love them all soooo much but truely feel, the sooner they learn the order of things/and the rules of life...the better off they'll be later in life. I just cant see having a child have "their say" all the time and not turn out to be a self centered and conceided adult. This Dad "I think" must have been having a "I want to get out of here quick and keep my kid happy" moment, and just said what he tht would keep the kid quiet. What ever.....the child went to time out, screamed and cried, I told him when he was ready to be 5 again he was welcome to join the crew! Almost time for lunch and he is happily playing.....some kids just seem to push a little harder than others to "try" and get what they want. Well, I do push harder, because the outcome is a well behaved child. All is Good. yay!!!!!!!

good for you. It took me awhile to be comfortable to talk to children in front of parents. Now I have no problem putting kids in time out and correcting their behaviour in front of their parents. It would be even better if the parents corrected it, but oh well what do you do LOL

I agree with above and I would for sure say it in front of the parents.

It's a big HELLO that the child CAN do it if you MAKE them do it....you know, that little thing called being THE PARENT!!

Ya ~ I have the same belief around food ~ if you refuse the food served at one sitting you go hungry until the NEXT scheduled time food is offered .... this is not a restaurant nor a buffet and you do not get to turn down the healthy stuff in hopes of getting a 'cookie' or something 30 minutes later or that I will 'warm up' your food again once it has been cleaned up and we have moved on to something else!

As for the behaviour around his choice of throwing a fit about the realization that he is going to have to go hungry now ~ yup quiet time alone on his bed would be the same consequence here cause I would not be 'negotiating' with that either ... why should the rest of the group have to listen to him whining about his choice ~ no one forced him to go hungry he CHOSE to so now he either sucks up that consequence and chooses to keep himself busy playing nicely so it is not so 'noticeable' that he is hungry or he can choose to wallow in his self pity alone focusing on the negative consequence of his choice and at 5 years of age he runs the risk of MISSING OUT on snack time too cause he has chosen not to get control of his body cause he would not be coming off his bed until he was in a 'better frame of mind' ;)

I view it the same way: DCP, I always step back and let the parent have authority when they come through the door...however..if the child treats me with disrespect, I correct them immediately. and if a child treats the parent poorly, I give the parent the control the first "offense" but if the parent doesnt do anything, then I will correct the child in front of the parent. 1) to show the parent how you should respond to a disrepectful child and 2) to let the parent know.."I got your back, man" ha ha :)

Oh, I have a 4 1/2 year old drama king who puts on shows for his Mom like you wouldn't believe and cries at least once a day, usually more for practically no reason. He's been like that for 3 1/2 years here. However, I give him timeouts or make him lay down on the bed to relax just as you mentioned you do. I won't put up with it. He can tantrum all he wants, but he won't get any treats or special treatment or be allowed to be with the other children until he is totally relaxed again.

I serve breakfast at 8:30 and children must be fed if they arrive at 9 or wait until lunch, so I'm with you 100% on your decision this morning.