Naps....

My daughter is 11months old. She was going through teething/a cold which started a couple of weeks ago. She wouldn't sleep in her crib for naps, she wasn't feeling well, would only sleep on me in the rocking chair or in the car. Now she is feeling a lot better (still has a bit of a runny/stuffed nose) but still won't sleep in her crib for naps. I put her in but she cries right away, I leave the room and she sits up holding onto the bars like she's in jail. lol And she will cry until I get her or she is left a little bit and she falls asleep. I don't feel right leaving her in there crying so I tend to take her out after a bit (which I know isn't good but otherwise she cries for so long :( ).

Would you leave her to cry? (and if yes, would you start "NOW" or wait until her nose clears up??)

I always feel sooooo bad when she is so upset...when I pick her up she does that "chokes up and then takes a big breath/sigh of relief" :( She is so happy that I have comforted her...

As an ECE, looking after other people's children I can solve problems so easily knowing if the situation calls for a bit of crying which will lesson with time etc. But for my own daughter my mind is foggy and I seem to be in a "bubble". I need advice from someone looking from the "outside".

Thanks so much!!

Well it seems she got into the habit of being rocked to sleep either by you or the car and either you are going to continue to do it or you have to break the habit by not doing it and if you pick her up after a certain amount Of time then that it teaching her that as long as she keeps crying you will eventually come get her but if you let her cry it out each day will get less and less and eventually it will stop but you have to be tough and be consistent.

Thank you for your reply Crayola. You are right. I think I knew this deep down inside. I am going to have to let her cry it out. I have her best interest in mind. It is going to be SO hard for me. Oh goodness.....I hope I can be strong enough!

You can be strong enough IF you remind yourself what you are doing it for......not to torture you child, but to make her a "better" child. This is the first of MANY times you will feel like crumbling inside over the "right" thing to do. Raising children takes a lot of WILL! Its sooooo worth it in the end though. :)

Thank you kidlove. When I read over my original post I couldn't help but laugh because it's obvious that I knew what I *should* do......but like you say, "it takes a lot of WILL!". Parents want what is best for their children, sometimes we need to take a step back, take ourselves out of the picture and control the situation from the child's point of view. (In this case she wants/needs to sleep, but she feels most comfortable with me so she will cry until I get her unless she cries herself to sleep and gets used to/comfortable with the routine again.)

I really do appreciate the comments, it's nice to have the support and people to "talk it out" with!

I know I am going to get a lot of disagrees here, but I personally feel it is harmful to let a child cry for hours on end. We assumably want our children to know we are there for them, crying alone in a dark room for hours until you collapse from exhaustion can only be a lonely, terrifying experience. I want my children to know that I am there for them when they need me, that they will not be left alone to figure things out for themselves until I know they are ready (crying for hours does not strike me as ready). I would check out "the no cry sleep solution" by Elizabeth Pantley it essentially has a strategy for crying it out that is more gentle and attentive to the childs needs than simply leaving them alone to cry for hours. Yes it will take longer, and probably mean less sleep for you for a little while longer, but you don't need to ignore your child for hours to accomplish sleeping through the night if you don't want to, there are other options.

Yarnlover, I am open to all opinions, thank you for yours, I appreciate it. I personally don't feel "right" letting her cry....that's why I wrote this post.....however I don't know any other way that "works" so maybe I should look up that book.

She sleeps through the night fine though. Has since 5 weeks!!! :D It's her naps during the day....which used to be fine. lol So I get enough sleep, that's probably why I have been fine with picking her up out of her crib when she cries.

My concern is that she's not getting enough sleep during the day. her morning sleep is now 20-30mins usually (sleeping on me) and then her afternoon nap is 45mins-1hr or so which is with me driving around in the car. She's a pretty happy baby most of the time but she definitely has bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep during the day and in the evening she is sooooo tired.

I feel bad leaving her to cry but I also feel bad that she is so tired.

I have tried staying in the room, rubbing her back, singing to her, etc etc but as long as I am in the room she won't stay lying down, she cries and keeps sitting up. Even with me laying her back down over and over and over. She doesn't give up. lol

I think if the child never went to sleep on their own then maybe but since she used sleep fine but changed when she got a cold and was allowed other options then its just a matter of retraining

There is also "the no cry nap solution" :). Since she is going to bed fine at night, maybe it is a question of timing. Watching for the tired signs and starting a wind down routine before she becomes overtired and inconsolable may help.

My daughter got really sick with tons of colds & ear infections from 11mos to 14mos and we had this happen too....not using the right words but she got "spoiled" sleeping being rocked and in my arms. I did have to re-train her and after trying almost everything out there CIO was the only thing that worked. It took only 2 full days (naps too) and she was back to her old self.

Good Luck!

I totally agree in letting a child in need cry for hours could be harmfull however in some instances like for sleep trainning I think it is necessary. We need to remind aoursefls and truly understand what and why we are leaving. Sleeping is AS imporant as eating or breathing. However this does not come as naturally because we all have very busy days naps and schedules do get interupted and it is easy for a young child to get into bad sleeping habits. I do beleive it is important for our child to know that we will be there for them and give them that security but I also beleive it is our job to teach them good and healthy habits and giving them self confidence. You are not just letting you child cry at night ..You are teaching him to sleep, you are showing him that he CAN do it by himself and that he IS secure. By doing that and ensuring he has a good sleeping habits, you are letting is immune system, brain development, body everything recharge ang give him better chance at everything. I beleive this is part of the parents job as well and at 11 month old, a child is totally ready to understand that and need 12 hours sleep at night plus naps during the day. You can do it anyway you want it but teaching your shild to slepp by himself is the best thing you can do for her.

I think a book that is the best of both worlds is one called the Sleep Easy Solution. There's nothing wrong with babies crying. But it's the length of time that's in dispute among people. Most people don't like the idea of leaving babies to cry for hours on end and I can understand that too. What this book recommends is that yes, you do have to teach your baby how to sleep. And it may be necessary to leave her to figure it out, but just for a few minutes at a time. So basically, you leave her to sleep, she starts crying, but instead of just ignoring her for hours, you go in at 5 minutes, 10 minutes and then at 15 minute intervals to comfort her and let her know "yes, I understand that you don't like this, and that you're not used to this, but for your sake (and mine), you need to learn how to go to sleep. I love you and I'm here for you." You're not necessarily saying all this to her, but your presence assures her that you know what you're doing.

This is the method that worked best for us and a few other people that I know as well. I wasn't willing to let her cry for hours, but at the same time, I knew she was crying because she just wanted to go to sleep the way she was used to - with me holding and rocking her and crying was her way of telling me she wasn't impressed with the new method. lol.

Anyway, all the best with whatever you decide. :)

with most kids (most kids! :)) you will notice when trying to re-train (after an ill-ness/spoiled period) or just train (coming into daycare and not having solid nap pattern) they will have "trickle" down response to napping at the time of YOUR choosing! The first day they will cry for 1 hour then lay down or fall asleep, the second day 45 min, the third 30 min and so on, until they LEARN that time is nap time, and they are "programmed" to follow through. BUT, you cant give in, if you do...you risk starting all over!!!!!! :)

I also have had to go in the room, (not talking to the child) and put my hand right in the middle of their back, not forcing them down but holding them still and adding a little pat or rub to let them feel comfort but also send the message of "lay still". this works well if the child is one of those "screamers" who seems to have more "will" than the average. If you gently force them to lay still they most often will relax and fall asleep quite quickly. otherwise this type of child will do their best to do anything but lay down let alone be quiet. I have a nephew I care for who has been known to stand and cry at the rail of the crib until he slumps over and falls asleep in mid cry while standing, he is a VERY STRONG WILLED child in every area of his life. :)

When I have a new child transitioning or an established child going through a phase I sit right beside them and keep reminding them to be quiet for their sleeping friends or in the case of a baby lay them down again and again. They learn soon enough that I'm right there and I'm not going to let them stand up. So far, I've had all great nappers after an initial session such as this sometimes, but it has worked for me. Also, all 5 of my children are in two rooms so I have to be diligent and on duty like this so all the children get enough sleep.

I have found that generally if you go into the room when the child is crying they think you are coming to get them and when you leave again they cry harder so I don't think going in helps I find it just makes it worse.

I agree with Crayola that it's tougher on them when you go into the room as they think your coming to get them.
Have you tried some white noise? Ocean sounds, fan or music?
My own experience as a Mom seems to have been lucky as both our kids napped no problem. My daycare kids I had to learn to let them cry it out for a bit until they got used to our routine. I agree with jazmic that you have a find a happy medium and not letting them cry for too long.

It's not easy being a Mom and the little ones don't come out with a instruction book on what works best for them. Good luck on the advice that the ladies gave you and try the white noise...hopefully that helps ease your little one

Being consistent is the key
Good luck!!

I think consistency will work over time. Just a question about when you are putting her down for her nap. Is she at all tired at this time? I would try having her stay up a bit longer and then try putting her down for her nap. Usually by this age they should be able to stay up for at least 2 hours, if not more, before needing a morning nap. Maybe its time for you to wean her onto one nap a day?
What ever you end up doing, good luck!

Thanks Bookworm, She seems to be tired. She yawns, has bags under her eyes and tugs at her ear (not an ear infection, she has been checked and her pediatrician said it's because she is tired). When I bring her up to her room she starts rubbing her eyes and puts her head on my shoulder. Also, before the teething/cold I was putting her down 1.5hrs after she woke up and she went down easily.

You could be right though. I can always give cutting out the morning nap a try. I don't think it could hurt. lol

If it were me I would put her in the crib and walk away .... It seems patting her back and singing is not helping and seems to be upsetting her more ....did you do all that before she got sick ?

No, before I would just put her in the crib and walk away and she would cry for a min or two then fall asleep on her own.

I tried the same thing this past week but she cried a long time so that's why I tried singing and rubbing her back. (which obviously isn't working)

Today I didn't give her a morning nap, in the aft she cried for about 3mins then fell asleep. She slept for an hour and then woke up crying. So I know she needs more sleep during the day still but maybe this is a good start. I'm thinking of cutting out the morning nap until she's back into the routine of me just putting her down and she falls asleep on her own again just like she does at night and like she did before. Hopefully this will work and then I can try putting her down for morning naps again!

Thanks so much for your advice! Putting her in the crib and walking away is what seems to work best for her.