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Hi,
For any Christian providers where "grace" at mealtime is part of your family's routine, how would you handle this with daycare friends? My inclination is to leave it out for these meals out of respect for not teaching religion to DC children whose families might not be religious/Christian. But I'm also concerned about the message that this will send to my own children who have grown up saying grace.
What to do...?
When my own kids were little we had that issue and what I did was talk about how some children around the world do not have the food and clothes and houses and things that we have and that we should be thankful for what we have. We would close our eyes and think about the other children (or at least that is what I suggested they do but at least the eyes were closed) and we just said a simple "For what we are about to eat please make us thankful" We didn't say amen. If my kids did I just ignored it. I didn't say it and they never questioned it because by the time they had said it and opened their eyes again I was already serving up food.
Without my own kids in care it is something I don't do so I don't have to worry about who believes what. I also have all under age 3 so it isn't really meaningful for them anyways.
You could also mention it to your parents and you might be surprised. Whether they say it at home or not they might not be opposed and might actually like the idea of you doing something but remember as you change children the needs might change too. Sometimes it is better not to start a ritual that you won't be able to keep up.
I have a friend who has been a daycare provider for maybe 20 years and she makes it evident that she runs a Christian daycare and will teach prayer and Christian beliefs so she attracts those clients who respect her for that. However, I believe that religion is a personal family thing and should be taught at home by the parents since there are so very many variations on beliefs, even among Christians.
We celebrate all the holidays in kid-mode, Easter bunny, Santa Claus, etc. at my daycare without religion involved. I check with parents at the contract signing stage if it is alright with them if we celebrate birthdays and holidays so that I know it won't offend anyone. If I ever have a family request religious teachings or grace at mealtimes I will be open to their request but I will definitely check with all the other families in my care to make sure I won't offend anyone in any way.
It's all about respect for everyone at all times. I expect my clients to respect and trust me and I respect them as well.
For my family we say grace at every meal we sit down to together (breakfast & supper). Lunch tends to be a 'serve yourself' meal. I've always taught my children that if they are eating on their own (ie. at school, or at lunch) to have a moment of prayer to themselves. So, that's kind of how I view daycare time. I have to chuckle how while serving snacks & lunches every one of them (including the babies now) give a resounding 'thank you Auntie" (that's what they all call me...even my son during daycare time...haha!). I'd like to think that God would be fine with that.
I wanted to add that among my daycare reading material I do have a few Christian books so it's not as though I keep it out of the daycare setting at all, it's just I don't set aside time every day for Christian content.
I feel very strongly about this one....:) We say Grace at every Lunch time in my day care. The kids know they may not eat anything, and must wait for all their friends before we have Grace and before they may eat. I dont have any issues with it interfering with "another religion" because at interview and in my contracts I clearly state this is a Christian household and day care, through the day we speak about God and the kids have bible lessons and we read bible stories. Only once I had a little one (temp) care, who's Mom said "we dont believe in God but you can use the bible lessons and prayer as "fairy tales". :( (i used it as a chance to plant a tiny seed in her 3 year old) :) thats our job as Christian women, not to hide the word of God, but to spread it...to these kids and their families. :)
Unless you are advertising as a Christian daycare that teaches as such, I would definitely not take the liberty of imposing any type of religious ritual on your daycare children. I would not be happy if I found out that my children were being led in grace or any other religious teachings without my consent at their school/daycare or any other gathering.
If you wish to pray with your own children while the daycare kids are there, do it. The daycare kids don't have to be included in it.
I'm of the mind that no one religion has any place in a daycare. However, it's quite nice to acknowledge different religions in various ways. At Christmas, it's nice to have discussions, books and such that teach about traditions from different cultures/religions. We also had a pet pass away (something I never hide from the kids). That was a good opportunity to talk about different ideas about what happens to the 'soul' in such a circumstance (all feel good of course). I'm a hopeful agnostic, leaning hard on atheism but never share my personal views with the children. Perhaps at meal time it's a nice idea to be thankful for the food that the earth has provided for us and so on. Religion is tricky....best not to side one way or another I think.
We say grace as a family at dinner time. My kids are really big on it and remind us often. They understand why we don't do it during lunch for the daycare kids, but, my daughter will still ask sometimes. So I tell her that she just needs to put her head down and quietly say it in her head if she wishes. And she does sometimes. If the other kids ask, I tell them what she's doing and encourage them to ask their parents if they have any questions.
I tell parents in interviews that we are a Christian household. And although I don't do any teachings or intentionally speak about the religious side, the odd time we will watch a show or read a book that has a religious story line. Or my kids will talk about sunday school or vacation bible camp. I won't stop my kids from talking about it.
If they are uncomfortable then there's the door! This is a business, but it's also my home.
I would make a decision one way or the other whether or not you want to run a Christian or "faith based" day home or not. For me personally, our family is Christian we go to Church on Sundays, we say grace at breakfast and supper, we pray as a family before bed, etc... However, I do not run a Christian day home. My program does not include religious teachings, bible stories or anything along those lines. I also don't say grace at lunch times. For me my religious beliefs are a private matter not a business matter so I run a regular, secular day home. If you decide that running a Christian day home is what you want to do then I think that's great also. But you would have to make that clear in your advertising, on your website, and to your parents during the interview.
I guess the bottom line is: being open and honest when you first meet the parents and if they choose you, they picked you because they "liked everything about you". I have had ALOT of families come to me BECAUSE I am a Christian Day Care Provider and they want their child in an atmosphere of such. (I dont push faith with teachings and such) Because of "who I am" is why they are with me, and all my parents LOVE the fact that their kids are saying grace at lunch, and they have told me how great it is that their child encourages them to also say grace at home during supper. Just be open with who you are and you will attract the same type people. Just as "french" providers attract Bilingual families and vegan providers attract vegan families. Doesnt mean there isnt room for other beliefs or lifestyles, but they do need to respect who you are and what is in your home. Be true to who you are, if what you do is have "grace" at every meal (inform the parents so they can make the choice for their child on whether or not you may or may not be the right pick) but dont change your households ways because others are present....that is just not being true to who you are or what you believe. JMO :) :)