Not saying "Good-Bye"

I just have to take a quick moment to "spew". I have this little guy I have been caring for for the past 3 years. He has a "quiet" demeanor at first, he "acts" shy when he chooses. He is a great kid when he is with me, but when his parents are present (like so many kids) he is nothing short of a little a**! not kidding. I know it's a harsh word for a child, but he is. He is the kid who, when I told him to take his feet off the back of his Mom's seat beacause his shoes were all muddy and he would get Mom's seat dirty, said "NO!" in my face, then laughed...his Mother heard it, and said nothing.:( He is also the one who, when I leaned in to give him a hug, when he was leaving my house, "spit in my face"...Dad laughed. :( His Father and I were chatting on the front porch one day and he leaned over an pulled a flower right out of a pot on my step, I looked right at him and said "_____, dont do that, it's disrespectful to miss_______, and hurts my flowers." Hlooks at me, then...grabs another one! no joke! Dad laughed! :( that time I looked right at his Dad and said (with a straight face) thats not funny! he didnt seem to care. Like I said, this child is NOTHING like this when its just me, I have made him have respect, but really done have to push it any more, he respects me, uses his manners, says sorry when he needs to, really is quite good. The ONLY time I notice things is when he is outside with younger kids, or in another room and thinks I cant see him, he tends to "push them around" gets aggressive with them. I have addressed that in tha past with the parents, concerned on whether the big brother (about 6 years older) may be a little aggressive or mean. They laugh and say, if anything....it's the other way around. (i've watched when this kid is alone with his big brother and the brother is pretty pushy) anyway,...my problem. He NEVER says good-bye to me, when he is walking out the door I say "good-bye _____,see you next time!" he says nothing, at the age of 4, he should show me a little more respect, the Dad Laughs!!!!! aaaaahhhhh! what a sh**! so frustrating to LOVE and care for a child for 10 hours and have them not only show me no respect but do it in front of the parent who won't encourage the child to respect me. On so many occasions, I have repeated myself and even gone running after him to give him a huge hug, and say OK, if you wont say good -bye I'll give you a big kiss!!! Bottom line...it really hurts my feelings, by the child and the parent. :(:tearywave:

Hon ~ I can empathize .... the good bye ritual is something that is important to me as well ~ I like to end the day acknowledging the children for something they did awesome and appreciated when parents and children reciprocate that role modeling of courtesy and respect .... sadly it sounds like the family does not share the same values as you and well we can only do so much with children when we have them cause well their parent is still the 'major influence' even when we often spend more time with them when you take into account 'awake hours over sleeping hours' in a week!

Personally if the parents are not on board with raising their child to be respectful and to say thank you or good bye as part of the departure ritual it is going to constantly be a battle because when the parent shows up the child is going to start using strategies that work at home or with the parent in question ~ it sounds like you have tried to 'talk' to them about things and they are just not 'getting it' so unless it is something you are willing to draw the line with the clients over I would just stop making a big deal with this child at departure and see what happens ~ who knows if he sees that he has lost the control of making you upset by not saying goodbye and he is not getting dad or mom to 'laugh' about his rude behaviour he might come around on his own and start saying it on his own!

I have had the sweetest kids turn into monsters :eek: when their parents arrive to pick them up. I have seen my darlings hit, kick, talk back, interrupt, not listen, yell, throw tantrums at their parents and run out the front door and do everything I have told them not to at my daycare such as play with the doorstop, open the door without permission and touch seasonal decorations that during the day they leave alone. I could go on and on detailing the things these kids do once a parent arrives. I think we have all witnessed this phenomenon. :cursing: The thing is, the parents do nothing or very little to stop/control their behaviours. I really won't mind if a d/c parent asked for a moment of privacy to discipline their child when they misbehaved, but this has never happened. Like kidlove says, most just laugh it off or shrug their shoulders and shake their heads like 'what can I do?" The parents are doing their children such a gross disservice by not showing/enforcing the proper behaviour right then and there. Often, the next day, I will discuss with the child that what ever they did was not acceptable behaviour and to never do it again. I get full agreement till Mom/Dad shows. I just shake my head thinking as they head out the door at the end of the day that if my generation had ever behaved in such a poor manner, especially disrespecting a parent or another adult I can only imagine the parental wrath I would have incurred. Fortunately, my parents made their expectations of our public behaviour very clear and I never had to find out what the consequences would have been. :no:

I have seen this behaviour especially in a centre that I worked in where the children had hard lives :( IMO, it sounds like this little guy gets a little angry and resentful when it's time to go home and is directing it towards you. He feels safe and in a trusting environment with your routine, expectations and consistency, and turns into a bitter bug when he has to go. It sounds like home life offers little as far as expectations go, and that does so much to a child's self esteem :( Sucks :(

Thanks reggio: I have tried all of the above, he's just a little sh**! he only has two days left before preschool also, I think thats why it has bothered me more lately than the past three years of it, I just love all these kids so much, it hurts because his parents aren't kind or caring enough to recognize the importance of his acknowledgment toward my care. I do have to take into concideration on a regular basis how different everyone chooses to raise children. I personal put alot of "importance" on returning conversation when spoken to by an adult, with my own children. "how are you today?" should always be followed with a "fine" "good" or even "ok", but to have my child completely ignore an adult when spoken to? I find very disrespectful. The real issue i think I have is the fact that I hold myself responsible (in part) for the raising of these kids as well as the parents so...when they behave this way toward me or anyone else in front of me I do feel "disappointed". :(

You know MIMI? He and I WILL talk when he is here today regarding the "exit behavior" he has had over the years, and we will talk about being kind and showing gratitude towards those who give us love and care. I guess I have to step in and BE the parent. No One else wants to!!!! Get this....(I know I will here a huge "cyber gasp" with this one) this Dad also sits on his can in the truck and has big Brother come in to the house to pick up his son!!!!!!!!!! Been doing it ALL SUMMER! more than that...he's a "hard workin" farmer. ???? some people, think he may just have a little case of the "lazies" all the way around....parenting and all! gggrrrrrrr!!!:cursin g:

I wrote an article about children's behavior at drop off and pick up. Hope it helps: http://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-d...in-daycare.htm

Daycarewhisperer! Thank you so much for this article. I had so many aha moments reading it! Here I thought I knew alot about child behavior and now I feel like a novice. :rolleyes: I am so tempted to pass your article to my d/c parents however, I think they would be offended at having to face this truth in their lack of parenting. I certainly see where I can improve as a provider and am happy for this info so I can do so.:flower:

Excellent article, thank you. I don't have these problems yet, but if they arise, I will use your suggestions to deal with them. I don't think I would have a problem treating children the same whether their parents are here or not... maybe because I'm a grandma and I've been dealing with children for 30+ years. I don't have any trouble taking the lead, but I have noticed many parents the last few years who seem to have a tough time doing so.

Keep sending MORE! thats great! tempted to print and give to parents! :)

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Originally Posted by kidlove

Keep sending MORE! thats great! tempted to print and give to parents! :)

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I have a series of articles at that link. If you have facebook and the parents are on facebook maybe you could like the article and it would show up in your feed? That may be a way to get it out there to them.