The lingering parent

I have no problem with parents staying, playing a bit with their children...especiall y children showing what they learned, or created that day. BUT I have this one parent who stays at drop off & pickup for lengthy conversations about her child (I should add that I send a very specific 'What I did today' update daily to every parent, covering toileting, feeding, liquid intake, activities etc.). I guess, my issue is with her specifically, I really feel it's a control thing with her (she's the one who lives 6 hours away from her child, who just turned a year for 6 day stretches for work). In my head, what I want to say is...I have 4 other little ones (plus your own) that I am watching while trying to have a conversation with you and it's impossible...can you please just email me this stuff??!! But, I am torn on this because I also want to have an open relationship with parents where they feel they can communicate anytime...but geez.

You got it right... it is not fair to the other children. Imagine if you had that length of conversation with every parent? Just send her a friendly email, I am sure she will understand.

i had a Mom come in and take her shoes off, sit on the floor and play with her daughter.....I'm like, uh excuse me, I'd like to get on with my night!.....I just went about cleaning and picking up the house. Some people just don't get "social cues". Good luck with that one, you may just have to say, "sorry, I have to get back to the other kids, but send me an e-mail and we'll talk" then you can talk when you want to rather than at her leisure. :)

Ahhh yes...the lingering parent syndrome. I have a mum and dad that do this practically every time they pick up their 2 year old son. Not so bad when we are in the backyard, but when we are inside they HAVE to come in, sit down do puzzles, blocks, etc. Seriously?? Go home and play with your little guy:ohmy:

Last week we were just coming in from the yard when they pulled up. Instead of taking their son and getting back in car (he was already in his shoes and I had his stuff ready to go and handed it to them) they proceeded to head back into my yard :mad: "We're just going to enjoy the jungle gym for awhile...is that okay?" Ummm... no! I told them that unless I'm with the rest of the kids back there it is NOT okay. Mentioned liability issues (not even sure if this is true, as I have extra house insurance for my daycare...but whatever)

Had another mum who used to chat and chat and chat. I learned plenty about her dysfunctional relationships, her boyfriends sexual needs and then some. My ears were bleeding!! Thankfully, her daughter graduated to JK this September so no more "interesting coffee talk"

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Originally Posted by Other Mummy

Had another mum who used to chat and chat and chat. I learned plenty about her dysfunctional relationships, her boyfriends sexual needs and then some. My ears were bleeding!! Thankfully, her daughter graduated to JK this September so no more "interesting coffee talk"

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. Oh that just cracked me up...hahaha. At least that kind of talk would be interesting;)

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Originally Posted by kidlove

you may just have to say, "sorry, I have to get back to the other kids, but send me an e-mail and we'll talk" then you can talk when you want to rather than at her leisure. :)

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Practicing that line now...I'm so not quick on my feet to think of things to say!

oh wow! I can't believe some people. I'm very lucky that I have an enclosed foyer. I watch for the parents and bring their child to the enterance way. We're already working on shoes by the time they get in the door. No time to stay, I have other little ones to watch... or my own to tend to. If a conversation goes on too long I just fake like I'm unsure or I'll have to look that up and gte back to them. I enjoy lots of awkward silences... i try not to engage in conversation so they feel awkward and leave.

I would never let a client stay and play in my backyard. Why don't these people want to get home? Crazy!

I think parents just want to feel connected to their provider and to feel that they know who their child is spending their whole days with. I am afraid I was one of those who chatted with my daycare provider on pick-up when my sons were in daycare...otherwise how would I get to know the caregiver and hear a little more about their day? I never stayed if my kids were the last ones though as I understood that my daycare provider had her own life. I also didn't keep her from getting back to the other kids...but when they were playing outside she never seemed to mind. I am the same way with my clients. If we are outside and their child is not the last one, I have no problem with parents staying to chat a bit at the end of the day. I actually find the ones who don't do that to be strange...do they not care about getting to know the person who is half raising their child? I also give daily reports about what we did to help them feel connected, but I encourage them to chat at the end of the day as long as they are not the last one. Maybe I am weird that way...

No Sunnydays: Not weird. I don't mind having a little reciprocated conversation between the parent and I as well, quick, comfortable and friendly talk between the two of you makes both feel at peace in the relationship of parent/provider. I agree with the comment of: when they don't talk its strange...sometimes makes me feel like "they don't really like me" very much when they don't have a "little" convo before exiting. Always nice to know you can share info about the child and a comment on the weather or something, but...the lingering parent is very different. That is the parent that goes through the kind and comfy conversation and the "awkward" silence and enters the "boundary cross". the parent that takes the shoes off uninvited or stays in the yard to play with their child when you are going to another area with all the rest of the kids. OR the one who stands at the front door while you are setting the table for supper. Thats the one who is a little "weird" or just missing the "social cue meter" in their DNA. :) It takes all kinds in this business. Just think...if every kid was perfect and every parent too, what in the world would we all say to each other every day? .................... .......:confused:

Hahaha! Kidlove...well put! I must say I agree 100%! There is definitely a difference between chat and social pleasantries and teh kind of boundary crossing you are talking about! That would not be okay with me either!

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Originally Posted by kidlove

Always nice to know you can share info about the child and a comment on the weather or something, but...the lingering parent is very different. That is the parent that goes through the kind and comfy conversation and the "awkward" silence and enters the "boundary cross".

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Yes, exactly...I have parents that do stay and share little funny stories about their children's day or whatever....it's light and fun...and often pretty quick because they all have their toddlers running at their feet. But in this case, part of it is this Mom's child is not yet walking...so, any conversation involves me holding this child (who is very heavy and not easy to hold...killing my back)...I would put her down but she is off and crawling and putting everything in her mouth...not as much of a problem inside the playroom...but outside impossible to talk with her and keep my eyes on her & the rest. As well, her conversation is extremely confrontational...sh e obviously has trust issues; the child at 8 months (when she came to me in June) had already been in 4 daycare centers (each stay lasting a week max) before coming to me.

Well, that said..first off congrats on keeping her this long if she left 4 others and the child is only that old. or...maybe you are the only one who will talk to her. :) ha ha just kidding! you must be doing a good job if she is so picky and protective and seems to trust you so well. Have you tried handing the child to the mother immediately? rather than hold her while she is "chatting your ear off"? do you think she could be waiting for that transfer so she can get going to? or does it not matter who is holding the child? maybe you could (while talking) give "little hints" like, help put the babies coat on or hand her the diaper bag (if there is one). or just do what I do and when you feel it's time to be done, continue answering her questions while sweeping the floor or diapering another child, as to send the message of..."I have other things to do". :)