Getting anoyed with all my parents grr!(venting)

Soso this morning it was really cold out one of my dc parents came in and said its really really cold out. Once they left i had relized that she only has a thin material type of jacket. They did this yesterday too when it was pouring outside. I send out newsletters once a month reminding then to dress for the weather as i have to the bus twice a day. Another parent too yesterday sent the oldest kid in a sweater and running shoes toschool and hes brother with no rain boots and a spring jacket. Ive also reminded then in person and as well as posting it on the parent broad in our front hall. Dont they check the weather network i dont like that i have to send the kids home with my kids clothes or send them wet or get them sick

I don't accept them into care if they're not 'ready' for daycare.

I go out of MY way to make sure my home daycare is safe and a fun place to be. The parents job is to make sure that their child is ready, dressed and fed for the day.

I can empathize with being torn between tough love for the parent and not wanting a child to suffer because their parent is not organized and proactive enough to meet their needs and ultimately you and the program having to suffer because of it.

When I was a young ECE I used to keep extras of everything and so forth and I would just say to them 'that's ok I have an extra XYZ the child can borrow' because I did not want the child to suffer for the parents lack of planning ... I did this until I realized that this helping behavior was 'enabling' clients to continue to be LAZY and not supporting them to develop the skills of organization and planning needing to effectively parent their child ~ and so the behavior never got better cause the parent just assumed that if they forgot than I would step up and do it for them they were not motivated to change because they did not 'need' to change the behavior ... so now I have a 2 strikes policy for dealing with this!

I still keep 'extra' clothes/diapers for an emergency however a client gets ONE bail out to forget something where I will provide the back up item for them that day. They get a reminder at this point that 'next time you might not be so lucky and I might not have what is needed and you will have to go home and get it making yourself late for work ~ please ensure X has what is needed daily. They are reminded to bring what is needed at pick up plus replacement of whatever they 'borrowed' back to the program the next morning.

If they forget AGAIN I am assertive! I feel that it is than becoming a 'pattern' and want the message that this behavior will not be tolerated and so I send them back home to go get what is needed for the day and if I do not trust them to actually DO IT and come back than I send them with their child in tow to go get it. I do this as a natural consequence for their poor planning choice ~ IMO making them late for work aids to help them get motivated to create a PLAN for ensuring that they arrive to daycare with everything their child needs each day than so be it ... because sadly for many people until their behavior negatively affects them they will never GET IT and make change of said behavior because they learn that someone will always 'bail them out so its all cool' .

My long winded point is if we do not like a behavior in either a child or a client than we need to create a natural consequence for that behavior that motivates them to change it otherwise we have to learn to 'live with' the behavior because until they are motivated to change it they will not ;)

I keep a full set of everything I could possibly need for every kid every day. I provide all of their shoes, coats, jackets, and have full spares of sweats, sweatshirts, shorts, socks, footed pajamas, onesies etc. It doesn't matter what they come in, I can fix it. My only issue is the real estate it takes up and keeping my staff assistant from sending it home on the kids.


I have a crew of great day care parents year after year but the clothing issues I have never been able to solve. As the quality of clothing gets worse and worse over the years, even when they do send their stuff it often doesn't meet my standards for ease, safety, and warmth in the winter. Over the years I just collected clothing from quality brands and stocked for any case scenario of any age group and any size for eight kids a day.

Just yesterday we went through our coats, hats, shoes, and sweatshirts to make packs of winter gear for every kid. I don't use the stuff they come in so we don't have to sort thru that to get what they need to go outside. We just put together a pack that fits and dress, then undress, and repack to put by their beds. It keeps everything together and keeps the staff time WAY down in getting the kids ready and out the door every day for our walks.

i go to second hand stores and garage sales and always pick up random needed thins, such as rain boots of a "general" size, hats, mitts, always have plenty of snow pants and sweatshirts, and coats. when my kids outgrow theirs I keep them in the basement in a tote for that unexpected snow or un-ready parent. In this job I have noticed ALOT of people don't think the same way I do, and properly dressing your child has many different meanings to so many people. The ONE thing I do make sure of is that I get ALL my stuff back at the end of the day....and make it a point to the parent, "lets go in the house to get miss ______'s clothes off so we have them for next time:)"......a lot of times if you just make a nice comment to the parent at the end of the day "today was a very cold day, maybe tomorrow he needs a warmer coat, nose was quite red this morning after out door play"......all it takes (most times) is a verbal/non verbal comment. :)

play and learn: so if a child comes improperly dressed do you seriously turn them away in the am? do you tell the parent to go home and dress them appropriately?

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Originally Posted by kidlove

play and learn: so if a child comes improperly dressed do you seriously turn them away in the am? do you tell the parent to go home and dress them appropriately?

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Yes, I have in the past. Why should I inconvenience the other families because one kid isn't ready because mom/dad didn't come with the proper clothing? Make it inconvenient for that family that isn't 'ready' for the day.

Call me a bitch, but I don't put up with shit like that. That family CHOSE to have kids; well, suit up and take care of your kids properly! AND....my families RESPECT me and my business.

I also have it in my manual that there are certain items that are to be left at daycare during each season. They don't come with it, they're not allowed to come until it's in my hands. I don't go out and buy things to have as extras here.

good for you for keeping them, not having them go somewhere else. I put myself in someone elses shoes, there have been MANY times I have sent my kids off to school "dressed inapropriately" I don't watch the weather to prepare so if rain comes in the afternoon, they run off the bus in the rain for the house, oops. Now, there are MANY parents who are just delinquently taking care of their kids in some areas, not dressing proper, not feeding proper and such. I have also noticed there are some parents who God's honest truth.."think" they are dressing their kid properly (one parent who never puts a hat on the kid or warm enough coat) because maybe "they" feel okay in the weather, and "kids are tuff" they always say....those are the ones I dress. :) Some may say I am MORE WILLING to "do" for my families, but that's one of the things that sets me apart from the rest. IMO :) I guess I am just surprised to hear that you can keep parents (they don't go to another provider) if you can be so straight forward as to send them home if not dressed properly? No offense to you, really, just a little surprised. have to remember though.....I am a MAJOR people pleaser!!! :D

I just have my set rules, and parents have to abide by them. Why should I cater to someone who doesn't respect my rules that I worked hard to put into a manual for them?

If they can't respect my rules, business and my home, then they can leave! The same goes for my dance school as well.

The first time I'll give a reminder on the spot AND again at p/u.
Second time forgetting I'd tell them that the 'child' needs these items, please go and get them.

I too walk to the bus and I can't have little ones walking in just a sweater! I'm NOT going to buy things for 'just in case'. My daughter isn't a big 2yr old so IF I happen to have something that fits I'll lend it for the bus walk and then they can go home the way they were dropped off. BUT what I tell the parents is that "poor XXXX was freezing at the bus stop since it ran 10mins late...." lol usually that clicks in! Guilt works! :laugh:

I had that on the frst day of school...mom dropped of her son with sandals, shorts and a tshirt. extra shorts and undies in the bag as he is training. That's it....not sure of your areas but it was raining cats&dogs that day! Mom also knows I had to go to the bus stop to pick up her DAUGHTER! (who also didnt have proper gear). Well after saying that dcb was complaing that his toes were cold (evil laugh because he didn't) mom the next day had unbrellas, jackets, extra socks and a pair of runners ready!

i agree mamma mia, I will always remind especially at the beginning of the season, sometimes I think parents just cant admit the weather is getting colder. I just have a touch more lee-way I guess, cant bear sending a little one out improperly dressed, and there goes that "hating confrontation" and "needing to be needed" thats me to a tee, as long as I dont feel "abused" by parents, I LOVE that they need me sometimes, that's why I love this job.....my favorite is reaching into my "spare clothes" bag and getting them a warm sweatshirt or a hat...they need me and I love it!!!!!!!!!!! maybe I'm a wierdo, but I don't care, have to say, sometimes feel like I can do more good with a "needier" kid, rather than a kid who comes every day with all the bells and whistles overpacked by Mom. :)

I make smart comments at the door like. "gee suzy, that sweater is very pretty... probably wont be pretty by the time we're done in the sandbox" Or... "I like your sandles... prepare for some muddy feet... it rained last night and the yards a mess" LOL Usually get's the point accross.

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Originally Posted by Play and Learn

I don't accept them into care if they're not 'ready' for daycare.

I go out of MY way to make sure my home daycare is safe and a fun place to be. The parents job is to make sure that their child is ready, dressed and fed for the day.

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I was thinking of this earlier it really messes up our day. I went to the park this morning and two out of them climbed in the wagon and cried until i said alright we will go. We get back in the house and she wanted to go because she was cold.
I hate to see a dk get cold or sick but i feel like its not my problem and the should be checking the weather a prepare THIER child for the weather. I feel if i keep "daycare clothes" that the parent get really lazy. I do have a few jackets on hand and boots/shoes but i never get them back even though it says daycare right on the stuff. I so agree with you playandlern i should put this in my october newsletter.

I don't really have sympothy for these people! I to this day no matter where I'm going have in the diaper bag 4+diapers, full case of wipes, a change of clothes, drink & snack and if summer hat and bathing suit....fall winter a sweater/jacket. On weekends where I know we're getting home late add a pajama to the list and that's my AVERAGE bag for MY daughter....so really? they have NO EXCUSE!

I too was a working out of the house mom at 25yrs old who had NO help from my DH...I love him but he doesn't do anything re: DD - I'm a "single parent" with that regard. He doesn't do cooking, housework, laundry, baths, diaper changes.....MAYBE he'd feed her 'for me') I'd get home at 6pm and start dinner while playing with DD, ate and then gave her a bath + cuddle time. Once she was down I'd clean up the kitchen, make lunches and get her bag ready for daycare (bottles, 2 outfits etc.) maybe do a chore or two and finally sit down enough for a 30min show on the couch and bed!!! It CAN be done!!

(but it's also the reason I wanted to leave it .....:laugh:)

I'm in the middle with this one. I do require parents to dress their kids properly, but at the same time, I am more lenient during seasonal transitions such as right now, because sometimes the weather catches us off guard and we don't always realize how cold it is until we are out already. I find some people dress their kids more warmly than others in general...I am one who likes my kids to be very warm (I look all over to find a down jacket or snowsuit), but many people don't seem to get that polyester is not really warm. I dress them in what they come with, but if I have one child accidentally missing a hat etc, I will use a spare one from my kids so that we can go out and the child doesn't freeze...usually when they come to pick-up their child and find little Tommy wearing a bright pink hat with flowers on it, they don't forget his hat again ;)

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Originally Posted by sunnydays

.....usually when they come to pick-up their child and find little Tommy wearing a bright pink hat with flowers on it, they don't forget his hat again ;)

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:laugh: yes this works like a charm for the boys who forget to provide what is needed ~ when I worked in a centre many a little boy when home in bright pink hot pants cause well 'girls hand me downs' tend to be more readily available than boys for some reason!

I do agree at times of the year like this I give a little more leaway to my rules as well ... I myself got up this morning and dressed in shorts and a tshirt out of habit and paid the price of being freezing when we were out and about ~ did not realize it was so cold out cause the sun is so gorgeous!

Hello,
I agree with Inspired. When I worked in a centre we did have extra clothes to put on children and guess what? some items would not even get returned! We constantly had to put reminders in children's cubbies . . .

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Originally Posted by Inspired by Reggio

I can empathize with being torn between tough love for the parent and not wanting a child to suffer because their parent is not organized and proactive enough to meet their needs and ultimately you and the program having to suffer because of it.

When I was a young ECE I used to keep extras of everything and so forth and I would just say to them 'that's ok I have an extra XYZ the child can borrow' because I did not want the child to suffer for the parents lack of planning ... I did this until I realized that this helping behavior was 'enabling' clients to continue to be LAZY and not supporting them to develop the skills of organization and planning needing to effectively parent their child ~ and so the behavior never got better cause the parent just assumed that if they forgot than I would step up and do it for them they were not motivated to change because they did not 'need' to change the behavior ... so now I have a 2 strikes policy for dealing with this!

I still keep 'extra' clothes/diapers for an emergency however a client gets ONE bail out to forget something where I will provide the back up item for them that day. They get a reminder at this point that 'next time you might not be so lucky and I might not have what is needed and you will have to go home and get it making yourself late for work ~ please ensure X has what is needed daily. They are reminded to bring what is needed at pick up plus replacement of whatever they 'borrowed' back to the program the next morning.

If they forget AGAIN I am assertive! I feel that it is than becoming a 'pattern' and want the message that this behavior will not be tolerated and so I send them back home to go get what is needed for the day and if I do not trust them to actually DO IT and come back than I send them with their child in tow to go get it. I do this as a natural consequence for their poor planning choice ~ IMO making them late for work aids to help them get motivated to create a PLAN for ensuring that they arrive to daycare with everything their child needs each day than so be it ... because sadly for many people until their behavior negatively affects them they will never GET IT and make change of said behavior because they learn that someone will always 'bail them out so its all cool' .

My long winded point is if we do not like a behavior in either a child or a client than we need to create a natural consequence for that behavior that motivates them to change it otherwise we have to learn to 'live with' the behavior because until they are motivated to change it they will not ;)

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wow you are organized! Alas I used to be one of the parent who would forget. I mean I would get home 7 and hope that dinner was ready to eat then I had to make sure that the girls at least had a bath and then off to bed. Almost always I would get a call asking for extra clothes. I'll be honest every night I reached home all I wanted to do was to go to bed. I was exhausted. I was disorganized and overworked! no wonder I left! I guess organization is key to be able to have things ready for the kids. Good point.

Man , I have these pareents are always forgetting something or not providing appropriate clothing. Just last wekk he was still coming in sandals and shorts. I mean AM are cold. I provided warnings, after warnings after warnings, I made them a list that goes on the fridge of everything that needs to be in his bag. Nothing works with them ... So I was thinking of having a new policy ...Everytime I need to use clothing or anything that should be provided by the parents $1.00 will be added to your invoice. So I will keep extra clothing, wipes and diaper ...But you will pay for it... You guys do that ?

I had a boy today poop all over his clothes so I had to find old ones left behind from other children in my cupboard because his Mom always forgets to bring his backpack. I told her tonight AGAIN that I need a couple changes of clothes. GOOD LUCK!

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Originally Posted by crafty

Man , I have these pareents are always forgetting something or not providing appropriate clothing. Just last wekk he was still coming in sandals and shorts. I mean AM are cold. I provided warnings, after warnings after warnings, I made them a list that goes on the fridge of everything that needs to be in his bag. Nothing works with them ... So I was thinking of having a new policy ...Everytime I need to use clothing or anything that should be provided by the parents $1.00 will be added to your invoice. So I will keep extra clothing, wipes and diaper ...But you will pay for it... You guys do that ?

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You have to inconvenience them. You've given them plenty of warnings, and have helped them even (good for you, I don't have that kind of patience!).

Like I've said before, I will NOT accept the child into care if they haven't followed my rules.

One of my dck's has been coming with NOTHING no spare clothes, nothing. It was about plus 7 here today and sent them in a sleeveless top and a light sweater. We have outside play 30 mins to 1 hour before pick up weather permitting (this is the only outside play they get) So we were outside and the child kept complaining they were cold so I fished all around my house and dug through some old clothes that belonged to my child as a 1 year old!! and found a winter coat that was all I could find that would fit this child since my kids are a bit older. So we still stayed outside, than the complained of cold hands and I had no extra gloves!! They complained again so I just brought everyone all inside just long enough to strip off all their clothes and the parents come and I had to put outside clothes back on all of them to go home. Kind of annoying all because one child wasn't prepared. What would you do in that situation??

My dcparents get a reminder letter the beginnning of Sept. that I expect weather appropriate clothing to be brought daily because it isn't fair for all of us to stay inside if one child isn't prepared. It puts the pressure on them so that they know they are letting 4 other families down if their family isn't prepared. I also ask them to have the mittens on a string inside the coat because finding 10 mittens and 10 boots and coats and hats and covering pants is a big job every morning and again after we get home.

I don't put up with stuff like that because it makes me mad. We go outside almost every day unless it's really pouring rain or extreme heat or windchill, but I expect the children to be ready every day just in case. So I have extra mittens and hats left here all winter long, they are here already. I also have extra sunhats and sunglasses left here for each child all spring/summer/fall. A pair of splashpants is left here all year long too.

I am also a little more lenient in the spring and fall "transition" seasons. However, if you think about it, mornings are always colder during this time and there is NO excuse for having your child in a flimsy little sweater that doesn't keep them warm.
I am constantly reminding, and putting notes in the newsletter. If it got really bad, I would absolutely send someone home in the morning to go get a warmer jacket or a pair of pants.
I simply do not have the space (or the desire, hahaha) to keep a spare everything around here. Since I have both boys and girls, I probably have something, but I make no promises.