How would you handle this picky eater?

I have a dcb who is extremely picky. Since, he has been with me he has made some progress but is still pretty limited in what he will eat. He just turned 2. My rules is you must take atleast one bite and then if you dont like it, you may choose from an apple sauce of yogurt to eat. Today, he absolutely refused to even take one bite. Sat at the table, wimpering that he was hungry and could he please have an applesauce. I was completely torn. On one hand, I dont want anyone to go hungry. On the other hand, this kid is very manipulative and spoiled at home and I want to keep a firmness with him, as well as not caving infront of the other kids who were witnessing this. What would you have done? Gave him the applesauce without him taking a bite of his lunch, or had him go hungry? I wont be posting what I did because Im more interested in what other peoples take on this is.

He's spoiled rotten at home. You have to let him know what YOUR rules are. And you have. If he's hungry, he'll eat it.

All my dcks knew that if they didn't finish what was served to them at lunch or snack, they don't get their treat. I had dcg3 over the summer tell dcb2 that if he didn't finish, you won't be getting the treat for the day! lol

Personally, I wouldn't even offer the option of an applesauce or yogurt. I serve 2-3 items for lunch and they eat what they eat, but no substitutions. I serve milk near the end of lunch so that will put something in their tummies if they ahven't eaten, but it isn't like they are going to starve to death before snacktime if they don't eat lunch. All my kids come around and start eating what I serve because they know there is nothing else.

same here! big time! No apple sauce, no yogurt and he can get down from the table if he refuses what I provide, I understand kids just plain "not liking" what if for lunch every once in a while (even then they MUST have respect and take a bite first) however, you can completely tell if a child is "spoiled" at home!!!! One meal missed won't kill him. BUT, I also have guidelines with how far I will let the "not eating" go. If a child is making no progress and/or the parent is not willing to work with me...I will let a child leave my Day Care over that as well. Just did about 3 months ago, had a boy who wouldn't eat my food (cried every day at lunch) not only was it stressful on me each day, but also VERY stressful on him. His diet at home was nothing like the foods I provide (not healthy home food :() In that situation I felt my guidelines were not being met or respected by the parents and it was not in the best interest of the child to remain in my care. :)

I serve two items for breakfast and two items for afternoon snack. I serve a protein item, bread item, and 2 veggies for lunch. Then I serve a good variety of fresh fruit after lunch is eaten. But I have a little boy in care who takes so long to finish most of his lunch that he always misses out on the fruit after lunch. We have an occasional treat at that time too and he always misses out on that too. I don't even know if he gets it, but he's almost 2 and this is just the tip of the iceberg with my problems with this guy.

Anyway, that's my rule, you have to do your very best to eat most of the good nutritious food first before you even get fruit, let alone an applesauce or yogurt.

In offering the applesauce or yogurt it is kind of like rewarding them for not eating, in the sense that those are both very yummy snacks. :)

I wouldn't offer any option either ... Eat what's served or starve .... I'm sure your not serving liver and onions so eat what you've been given and IF you eat it ALL then you get an applesauce or yoghurt .... I don't throw out food !!!

Same here, my kids have to eat what they are given and than they could have a fruit, a yogourt or apple sauce. They will only get the second item if they ate well and in a timely manner. Eating could become such a stuggle and it takes only once to show him that if he cries/wimpers or tries hard enough he could win the battle.
It's hard for sure but well worth it at the end!

Ditto all the above!

There are no alternatives around here either.... You eat or you dont. I had a little boy who would not eat veggies at first. I never budged. He is now eating cucumbers, red adn green peppers, tomatoes, carrots and brocoli. Mom does"nt even serve them at home and was stunend to see him eat the red peppers over here.
I don't think they will STARV until snack time. If they were starving they would eat what's in front of them in the firstplace. He knew he would be getting the applesauce so why botter eating what he did not want ?

Personally my rule is you eat what is being served or you go without until the next schedule snack / meal time and hope you find that more palatable or you keep going without until you get hungry enough to be grateful that you have access to a wide variety of healthy food options ... I serve all the food at once including the 'fruit' portion cause I do not not want battles at meal time ... so if all they ate was the fruit from lunch that would be all they got that meal and no big deal for me ... they would not get 'seconds' of food until their plate was clean though because IMO if you are truly 'hungry' you will eat what you are served and IMO it is very disrespectful and ungracious to ask for more of something when there is still perfectly good food on your plate ... so if you eat everything and are still hungry that you can have as much seconds as available or 'healthy' as long as you have a balanced plate each time.... aka you can eat as much fruit / veggies / meat as you want but you are not having 5 helpings of just potatoes.

I would not be offering an alternative to have instead of the prepared lunch as IME this will open meal battles like the one you are currently having and it will snowball as more children see it 'works' for that child ~ children are smart and he can sense that the adults in his life are 'fearful' when he does not eat and he is using that as a strategy to get what he wants :(

Goes back to that question do we think that toddler children in Ethiopia and third world countries refuse to eat what is put in front of them? Do we imagine that they turn their nose up and say 'no I am not going to eat this maggoty rice this morning I am going to hold out for some yummy applesauce'? .... IMO we have picky eaters in North America because as adults we ALLOW picky eaters ... we are so concerned with some illogical fear that they will 'starve themselves' or 'go hungry' if they miss a meal that we cater and fold to normal 'autonomy' of children who are practicing with defiance to learn how they can control their world and turn meal time into a 'battle of wills' with the child ultimately winning even at their own peril cause it was never an issue about food or being hungry but rather the child trying to 'control' his environment .... unless a child has a true mental illness preventing them it is human instinct to EAT when hungry ..... it is one of our basic human needs and we will go through the garbage and eat bugs, slugs, rotten food or whatever presents it self if we truly are HUNGRY ... IMO children in North America are rarely truly 'hungry' because we have access to so much food .... now that is not to say they might be 'starving from malnutrition' but not because they are going HUNGRY but because they get served up crap that has no nutritional value cause it is 'cheap and child friendly' and we allow them a steady diet of this rather than forcing them to learn to palate healthy food instead ;)

My understanding of human biology is an average human being can go 3 days without ANY food as long as they are drinking water to avoid dehydration before they have any adverse side effects health wise .... my guess even with our growing poverty is that there are few children in North America who go more than 1 day without eating something let along going the 3 days before doing any damage to their organs? IMO it is not going to harm a child to go without one meal cause he is refusing to eat it specially when we are trying to help them learn a life lesson that you 'need' a wide variety of food to be healthy and sometimes we have to eat foods we do not like in order to get that healthy variety .... if I only ate foods I truly LIKED my menu would very limited too like any child's and would consist mostly of Chocolate and Bailey's for nourishment ;)

He wouldn't have gotten any applesauce. He was making you feel guilty on purpose. stick to your guns

What is served on the plate of lunch must "disappear" in the tummy before anything else is served. IF you finish your meal (meat, veggie, grain) then you may have another plate of food if you are hungry - dessert which is applesauce or yogurt and there is usually a cookie/cracker/wafer type of thing on the plate too.

My philosophy is to in a sense goad the picky ones into eating or at least attempting and if they make a good stab at it they get dessert with me gradually insisting on more and more to be eaten before I will remove the plate. But at the same time a child that eats it all is likely still hungry - hence the additional food. And if a child isn't hungry enough for the first plate of food it would be very rude of me to offer them even more food.

Those who don't want to eat sit at the table till the others are done. There is absolutely no getting down from the table since it is lunch time not playtime. If they start making messes with the food it is removed to the counter and they sit with nothing. Food is not a toy either.

Since fruit, cheese, etc is served at both snacks I don't put the fruit on the plate at lunch because I want the veggies to be eaten first.