Getting ready for a scolding...

LOL.
A little guy in our neighbourhood started coming 2 weeks ago just 2 days a week for the morning. Mom and Dad work alternate shifts so Dad is home with the 2yrs old during the day. I had done casual care for them in the past but they set up a more regular schedule with him this fall "so he can get out of the house and socialize with other kids"
He gets dropped off at 9:30, and gets picked up at 12:30 right after lunch.
For the most part this little man is great! You can tell he's not used to following direction and routine but he's coming along great and the kids love him. The only issue is lunchtime. He refuses to eat anything that I serve him, and wants to get down right away. No way. If he's not going to eat then he still needs to sit nicely at the table while the other children are eating. Well, this results in whining, throwing utensils, being silly, banging his plate, saying "YUCK" over and over again and generally being disruptive and it's affecting the other children's lunch (they start acting silly too). I sent an email to Mom addressing this, and stating that we'd give this another 3 weeks to see improvement and after that he could be picked up 1/2 hr early BEFORE lunch. In my mind, this was a positive solution as he could eat better at home since Dad is just sitting at home anyways before going down for his nap, and we could return to a peaceful lunch time.
Well, Mom sent me a pissy email back and wants to set up a meeting lol. Sure!! So, wish me luck ladies!!! I feel like she's going to pull the "Don't you like my angel son?" act. Sigh.

Send me positive thoughts!!!

Good luck ; ). .....When he starts acting up do you remove him from the table into a time out ? And then back to the table to try again? I mean this kid is two and old enough to understand so give him your mean face .... And let the Parent know that the other children are eating and his behavior is causing a chain reaction and it's not conducive to happy meal times.
You could even say the org children are starting to do this at hone and the parents are commenting how their normal peaceful happy dinner time is turning into a three ringed circus...... It could happen right?

No, actually I haven't given him time outs. Just my stern face and voice...
Can definitely give that a try.

Yea, good luck with that. I can see mom being a total bitch, and pulling her son out of your care.

Your home, your rules. They don't like it, they can leave. If the 2 yr old can't learn those rules, and mom and dad pull, what else are they going to make the child fail at in life?! Fuck I hate people like that!

Sorry, seems to me I'm a bit bitchy today! :laugh:

I have the same expectations for all children regardless of age ~ you do not have to eat but you have to sit at the table and keep us company ... company means you are supportive of your friends need to eat without being silly just sitting making quiet conversation ... I would remove his utensils and food / plate if he is playing with it. I would worry however that a time out might back fire in this case because 'removing him from the table' is what he ultimately wants he might not care if it is to sit on a chair by himself as long as he is not having to sit and watch them eating.

Have you had conversations with mom before about how is meal time handled at home or that he has been having issues before you sent today's email ~ how do they handle this issue at home do they share this expectation?

I think your expectations are absolutely right. I would probably remove the utensils as soon as he mis behaves with them. If he says yuck, remove the food. Still needs to sit there, even with nothing in front of him.

For casual care, no need to deal with that crap. Especially if dads just sitting at home.

Good luck with the meeting. Make sure you start it and lead the conversation. Make it about behaviour, don't let her make it about you as a provider.

Bahahaha .... P and L you crack me up !!!!!
And Reggio I remember from way back when (when I took ECE) you are to pull the child back away from the table so they can't touch anything until they can behave appropriately then they get to try again....but if he's still going to yell "yuck" then this won't work cause the kids will emulate him.... So my thinking was put him in a time out and then back to the table because yes he wants down but not to go into time out , to play , so he's not really getting what he wants cause the end result is back to the table .... I too would ask the parents what meal times are like at home ???? Is he sitting at the table or is he causing a scene so they just let him down so they can enjoy their meal .... Then what happens ? Does he get a snack of what food he wants before bed. If thats the case they are only reinforcing that if you pitch a fit you will get what you want . For my own children if they don't eat their dinner.... The bed time snack IS their dinner and if they eat it all and then want a snack that's ok but the dinner must be eaten ..... As I said before .... I don't throw out food ! There are millions of starving people, lots of them children, and I can't in good conscience throw out food ...

I could care less whether she pulls him or not. It was a last minute thing where they wanted to send him somewhere 1-2 times per week, so this income was not needed. This little boy is very sweet most of the time...and he's a smart cookie too so I know he is fully capable of behaving. I agree that all the children have the same rules and need to behave in a respectful manner.
I am more than willing to work WITH Mom on this issue together...I have a feeling the question "He's only 2, what do you expect?!" BS is going to come up to which I will respond, "The same way the other 3 two year olds in my care behave during meal times" lol.
Pick up time is at 12:30, when there is little time to chat as I am working with the other children to get ready for "quiet time", but I have mentioned it to him a couple other times that he is spending more time asking to get down than eating. Dad always asks what I served and I tell him and he's always so confused because it is things that he would like. He also mentioned that he has become very picky at home, and totally treats him like a little baby.
Ugh, oh well. I hate these kinds of conversations where I know I will end up feeling like I am defending myself.

Lou you have the right attitude in dealing with this. Remain laid back when you have the "meeting" and just state what you intially wrote. You would love for him to stay, he's a great kid except for the disruptive behaviour at meal time. You need to do what is best for the children as a whole group and if xxxx's behaviour doesn't improve in the 3 weeks, you would love to care for him mornings only and smile, smile smile. :D

All the best to you on this meeting. Keep your head up high!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mimi

Lou you have the right attitude in dealing with this. Remain laid back when you have the "meeting" and just state what you intially wrote. You would love for him to stay, he's a great kid except for the disruptive behaviour at meal time. You need to do what is best for the children as a whole group and if xxxx's behaviour doesn't improve in the 3 weeks, you would love to care for him mornings only and smile, smile smile. :D

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I agree with this, that you should be confident and in control at all times with the parents because you know you are doing everything right and in the best interest of the children in your care. I'm really glad that you don't NEED the income from this child and therefore can terminate on the spot if necessary. Do NOT take any crap from the parents since the Dad is at home. If the Mom gives you attitude you don't need that and she needs to know she's not the queen of the world!

I'm not sure how old this boy is, but I would remove his plate and utensils when he acts up if he didn't listen to me and if he was disrespectful by throwing his food he would be done his meal and removed from the table to sit on his own until the rest of the children finish.

The parents have to be working with you to train the children in all facets of life or you are beating your head against a brick wall.

If the Dad comes at 12:30 and you have to tell him that his son is hungry because he was being disruptive and uncontrollable at lunchtime, so what? The Dad can feed him when he gets home.

Good Luck with this one, I feel for you and hope this Mom can open her eyes and not come in in complete "defense". I had a simular situation with a little one who was dropped off every day at noon, but cried and wouldn't eat lunch......asked parents to drop him off around 1 instead. the dad didn't have to be to work until 2. They did, and it worked. no more stress on me or the kid and everyone got what they needed. Hope it all goes well for you!

Mom is calling for our telephone meeting tonight...I'll let you know how it goes!

Sending you positive outcome vibes!

It was fine. I could tell Mom was REALLY nervous to talk to me! She wanted to hear about how he's behaving in other aspects of the program, and let me know WHY she thinks he is which wasn't far off from what I thought either. She also wanted to know how I was discouraging him from acting up at the table because they have been having eating issues with him at home as well. She did nervously (I knew it was coming) remind me that even that he's only 2, wherein I reminded her that on the days that he attends, he is also in the company of 3 OTHER 2 yrs olds so I know he is very capable of my expectations, and she quickly agreed. I felt bad that I seemed to make her so nervous, but at least she didn't get all "I pay you so I'M the boss" on me, lol. So, I'm going to keep giving her updates and we'll see how things are in a couple weeks! Glad that's over! On a side note, my husband was listening to our conversation from the next room (not on the line, just listening to me) and said he was so proud of me and has never heard me speak so professionally and powerfully, but with empathy too" . Feels nice to be acknowledged! :wub: I very rearely have to put my boss face and voice on with my families because they are all great and very cooperative and easy to talk to, so it surprised him in a good way!