Really struggling - vent

Hi all,

I really hate coming here and whining about things but I just really need to vent with people who understand.

I am really struggling. I am on the cusp of closing down. The problem is, I don't really have a choice to have a daycare at the moment, and I'm really not enjoying it so I'm feeling really trapped.

Ever since psycho mom happened, I've been feeling like my daycare is tainted. I'm not really happy doing it anymore - for numerous reasons. I thought it would be OK if I could find someone to replace him easily and things would be smooth sailing. Well, I found a little girl - 13 months old. And I think it may have been a bad idea. She's only part-time - 3 days per week, full days. Last Friday was the first day for her to nap here. She screamed and cried until she threw up and I had to call mom to come pick her up. Now mom has emailed me today and said she's having a very hard time following my nap times and is wondering if there is any possibility in moving nap times up. She's not used to sleep training, so she doesn't know how to do it.

Since my heart really isn't in it anymore, and I feel a little bit like I'm already burning out, I don't know if I have the energy or desire to help mom sleep train. I mean, if I were a mother and my daycare provider was telling me how to nap my child, I would give up and find a more suitable daycare. And maybe I'm looking for her to give up. I would like to let them go but I feel like I would be giving up too early and my husband wouldn't like losing that income - even though it's very minimal.

I just don't know if I have the energy to break her in. I am really trying very hard to find an older child, who could play with my 2.5 year old and my son who is 14 months can continue playing with the 17 month old.

I am currently looking for other jobs outside of the daycare but seeing as how I have my son and am not willing to put him in care until he's a little older, my options are very limited.

My husband is up for a promotion which would allow me to keep only the children I currently have and not worry about finding more. But he works for the government and for anyone who has ever worked for the government, you know how everything takes FOREVER.

I'm just feeling trapped and really sad. I don't think I am cut out for this. I mean, I'm really good at it when my heart is in it, but ever since psycho mom I feel very burnt out and tired. I am quick to becomes impatient and I just want to sleep all the time. It's probably a bit of a depression but I don't know how to come out of it.

I know there isn't much advice I can get from this, but I just needed to vent with people who understand. A friend of mine told me that my heart isn't in it and it's not fair to me and the kids (which is true) and she suggested closing down. But she's a stay at home and doesn't understand that financially, closing the daycare isn't a possibility at this point.

I just feel so....sad.

:crying:

Sorry to read you are in a bad place at the moment .... and while I agree with your friend that if you heart is not 'in it' that it does have an effect on the program however it does not mean you have to close as the only option .... there are strategies you can put in place to get your passion back!

Adversity, aka dealing with the challenging client you had to let go, can take a toll on us emotionally as well as physically ... this job can be very demanding and I think that is something that many people who enter into it do not realize thinking it will be all sunshine and roses all the time thinking only of how 'fun' children can be but overlooking that they are also emotional little beings who have so much to master still not to mention dealing with their parents and the financial aspect of this business.

If closing down is not an option financially and working under the current 'cloud' is not an option either as it is no good for anyone I have a few suggestions of things that have worked for me to help 'revitalize' my spirits so to speak when I have hit a 'low' in my career.

First make sure that you are not dealing with 'actual' depression and go see your DR ... get a hormone and vitamin panel done and see if you are low in Vitamin B or other things that can 'mimic' depressive symptoms ... and if so treat that cause that will help ... vitamins and natural remedies to regulate hormones can make a huge difference!

Keep a gratitude journal and every day right down the things that were good about that day even if in the beginning it seems like 'lame' things you are recording as you keep doing it you will eventually get to see the 'magical moments' in the day we often miss ... sometimes after dealing with a stressful situation our brain gets wired to focus only on the negative of that experience and we start seeing that 'everywhere' and we loose site of the good in our lives ... my spouse has PTSD and this is something I see in him often when something 'triggers' his memories of overseas he starts seeing that all around him and I have to help him reset his switch so to speak cause it just spirals out of control so easily!

Sign up for some professional development either around daycare or business in general ~ IME being around others who are passionate about their business and career is contagious and they can help relight your pilot light so to speak and remind you what you loved about this once upon a time!

Get out of the house and do something FUN for yourself ~ get your mind off business and focus on enjoying something .... I am a paper crafter so I enjoy 'creating' something to centre myself or going out and seeing other peoples work and getting inspired.

I will be honest ... being in this field is like riding a roller coaster ... it has its ups and its down and both are 'normal' ... just have to stay on top of yourself to make sure your ride has more ups than downs ;)

I know what you're feeling. I have been through it... looking through the want ads every day, hateing getting up in the morning. It will pass.

I found that my frustration comes when I feel trapped. Like I don't want to do this, but can't afford to not do this. I set up a strong savings account and keep adding to it. As long as I know that money's there I don't hate what I'm doing anymore. It's almost like if I know I don't have to, I'm ok with continueing.

It's hard to take on a new child and transition them in when you're feeling like this.

I would suggest that if you're going to take on a new one and go through the sucky transition phase that you only do it for FT care. It's quicker, and you see a bigger paycheque at the end of the week.

Hang in there... it will pass... it will get easier and better. Take control, make your own rules and force parents to stick with them. No, they can't change the sleep times... you make the schedule, not them. And crying to the point of throwing up is a no go for me. I can't take that. They would be a "sorry, not working out" in my daycare.

All the best, get some take out tonight and a bottle of wine and rent a movie and wake up tomorrow more refreshed.

Littledragon, I was thinking the same things Reggio so eloquently stated. You let that psycho mom steal your passion. I've had a few passion stealers times as well, and this may seem pollyannaish, but I do make a mental list when I feel down of all the good in my life and how I am blessed I am.
I also agree a check up with the doctor might be in order, as well as getting a different perspective by getting out of the house.
Keep us posted on how you are feeling, we care and most of us have felt as you do on occasion.:flower:
We take care of so many others and often we forget to care for ourselves.

Take it from someone who knows--

THIS IS NOT EASY.

Some of the things I do to help with frustration/burn out are:

-at nap time no matter how hard little ones are screaming/crying I take time to come here for support...I have my cup of tea, and forget that my daycare is in operation.

-On days when I am having a very hard time mustering up the will to do dc we have a lot of outdoor play free reading and craft time, as well as some movie days, etc. Or sometime I call in my fill in and take a few hours to just do whatever...

I know daycare can be a bit of a fin. burden, so you know what I cut back on the things that were nice to have...

-We now have netflix, and I download and or watch my shows online
-I shop on clearance racks more often
-I am okay with buying some things at value village, and sally ann

Never feel trapped this is the best decision that you made. Now that I have had a taste of being my own boss I would never do it any other way....My son would rather his mom be here for him, and I'd rather be the one to see his milestones.

Chin up Dragon!

[QUOTE]I will be honest ... being in this field is like riding a roller coaster ... it has its ups and its down and both are 'normal' ... just have to stay on top of yourself to make sure your ride has more ups than downs /QUOTE]

I think it is important to recognize that in any career, there are days we just can't do this anymore. So, we have a pity party, vent to friends, and then wake up one morning and decide it isn't so bad. I may be new at the daycare thing, but I've been married for 34 years. Some days I think my hubby is the most amazing man in the world, and sometimes I don't like him at all.... After all these years, that doesn't worry me anymore.

I agree with previous posters that you should have a chat with your doctor. As our profession is an isolated one for the most part, I can only imagine that can add to depressive symptoms as well. When you spend your day caring for others, we have to remember that self-care is equally important.

I started my daycare back in March to be at home with my Daughter after a bad daycare experience (that, and I returned to my pre-mat leave job for 5 months and it had changed substantially and was HORRIBLE, and I was struggling there). I am finding I am loving the day to day of operating a daycare, however when I start thinking long term of what I have done to my career (my previous career) and what will I do after this (when my kids are in school) I start to get really down and depressed. What helps me come back from it is reminding myself that no matter what the future holds, I will never regret this time at home with my daughter. It is such a gift me to be the one who gets to be there for all her milestones and all the precious moments I may otherwise be missing.
Don't let that crazy lady make you forget why you're doing this too. Things will start getting better soon!

You know what I realised when I started my daycare... is that here, bad days are SOOOO bad. This job have lots of UPs but when you are having a bad day, you can't walk away from the situation, you cant think about yourself and when you are not feeling well ...chances are EVERYBODY will feel and follow your vibe. At least for me when I was stressed about money, tired and sick that's when kids would not sleep, I would get peed on, or the little ones would not eat, fight, brake things ...BLAH all in a day. It's really difficult to get over it. My trick is I have a 'chatt' with my husband. I tell him what I feel like I need and he will try to give it to me and it also helps to talk it out ... The closest person to you will help you sort out your feelings and you can make clearer decisions.

And I totaly agree with everything reggio says ( Such a wise one that Reggio :D) ...happiness is really in the little things. So whatever you need to try ... do it before making a decision you MAY regret.

Good luck !

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Originally Posted by treeholm

....I may be new at the daycare thing, but I've been married for 34 years. Some days I think my hubby is the most amazing man in the world, and sometimes I don't like him at all.... After all these years, that doesn't worry me anymore.

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This is so very true ... your business is just like any relationship it takes effort and commitment to make it truly work! One does not want to accidentally throw the baby out with the bath water when all that was needed was some clean water to remedy the situation ;)

Hello,
It's hard to keep going when sadness and exhaustion takes place in our mind and body. I can relate because when I was working I encountered situations that somehow affected my mood and my enthusiasm for my job. I also developed sad feelings and my heart to be there was no longer in it. I finally decided to take a leave and did so. I also went into therapy as this never happened to me before. Before I was a lively, bubbly, always on the go person. Over the months my therapy sessions enlightened me on possible causes for my "interruption." Anyway, I was encouraged to go back and was going to when I started to get anxietal as the go to back to work day approached. In the end, I decided not to go back. It is hitting us financially, but we are managing. Right now, I decided to open in the new year and take care of myself. That is all I can do. Take care of myself and my children-something I did not fully before as I was always on the go taking care of other people's children and some adults at work.:laugh: So, go to your doctor and let him/her know how you are feeling. Take care of yourself. I strongly urge you to do things you enjoy. It is taking me almost a year to overcome my feelings of sadness and low self-worth, but I am happy to report that I am getting back my groove. Working on setting up my home care and taking care of my children to connect with them is helping me. All the best and many hugs for you.:glomp::glomp:

Thank you ladies, so much. I cannot express how amazing it is to have the support that I do on here. Mondays seem to be the worst days for me, especially recently because my husband has been home from work and he goes out to do things and I want desperately to go with him. But then I have to remind myself that if I were working at a full time job out of the house, I wouldn't be able to do any of that anyways. At least this way, I can see him as he comes and goes.

Lately, I've just been feeling like the grass is always greener. My house is TAKEN over because it really is not set up for a daycare. I have thought of alternate ways to fix the situation, but short of moving, there isn't much of a solution there.

Then I feel like if only I could get a job working three days a week, have my son in a daycare for three days (some days, I feel like I can't offer him certain things a more educated child care provider could) and then the next two days I could be at home with him and still have my little part time boy as well.

Then other days, I think maybe I should just get a stay at home job, but then my son wouldn't have the socialization and I would most likely have to bring someone in to take care of him (I nannied for a stay at home) because although I'm at home, I would be working.

After I read what everyone said, I did sit down and write out a gratitude list. And I really am lucky to be able to offer my son all that I can because I'm staying home. And I wrote down the things that bothered me: lack of adult socilization/feeling cooped up and the stress of finding clients. Because I am still relatively new, I don't yet have the luxury of letting people go willy nilly. If I did, this new part timer would be out. So if I can find ways to fix these two things....

I tried talking to my husband about fixing our situation - cutting our cable, not going out so much, not getting take out so much, just cutting back on the little things that seem to add up so much so that when we are in a situation like this, we don't have to stress about losing money, because we'll have a little nest egg. But as I spoke he didn't say much. He works a lot and VERY hard and he deserves to have those luxuries, and it's me that makes it impossible for him not to have them - is how I feel. My husband is VERY VERY VERY supportive, but he's facing a lot of stresses at work and he's constantly worried something with happen with the daycare, and after his immense support during psycho mom, I feel terrible going to him for more.

I also spoke to my mom and she bought me (because she's awesome) some B complex vitamins. I'm on a pretty hardcore diet right now (which is probably adding to everything) and she said it's very possible that I am missing some of the vital minerals and nutrients. If that doesn't work, I will go to my doctor.

I know that there are steps I need to take to make this better for everyone, but I can't do it alone. I will need to go to my husband at some point but it seems like we're both in a standstill waiting for his effing promotion. I guess I'll give it a few more weeks, work my ass off at replacing this part timer with an older full timer and then if the situation still isn't any better, I will think about alternative measures.

Thanks again ladies for all your help! I couldn't do any of this without you :)

Hey if it helps here is what I do to help with me feeling stuck and anti-social. My husband works long hours and weekends so YEAH I get that.

I asked my husband to come one early ONCE every 2 weeks so I can bail out on making diner and either go out or take a long bath ..pretend I"m queen for an hour with diner beeing served and all.

I get together with a friend one week night ...I don't have money to spend so what do we do ? We go for a walk, roller baldding or she just have me over with my favorite drink .... DIETE pepsi LOL.

Sometimes I really need a break so I send my kids for a sleepover at grand'ma, It's good for them to be out and do different things. I get together with a friend and we cook and bake so I have food for the daycare or supper time and we have a few glasses or bottles of wine LOL. The next day I clean the entire house before picking them up.

I became a mystery shopper. It does not pay you muhc but it gets you outta the house.

Just some tips that worked for me

Good for you Littledragon! I'm so glad to hear you are doing something about how you feel. You and your hubby should have a date night I think you both deserve it. :glomp:

I think the others have already done a great job of giving you support and advice. I don't have anything wise or miraculous to add, but just wanted to send some support. Is there any way you can get the kids out where you might have other adults to socialize with? I find it helps a lot to go to the park or library or playgroups etc and have other adults (especially other daycare providers) to chat with. Good luck with it and know that you are not alone!

You kw what Dragon?

Now that my son is home w/ me other than mwf for 2 hours while in preschool my husband and I take Sundays as our day a lady from our church watch's him, and he has a great time, and from 8-5 on Sunday's there is no one here but us 2....Its so good....and he LOVES IT


But I have to say spousal support is crucial in this, without my husband I am sure I would have been in the nut barn by now (without this forum too)

Best wishes dear!! U can do it!!

I can feel the stress coming out of your first post Littledragon. I can tell you that on my worst daycare days they are still better than my best day working outside the home for some body else. When I start to feel overwhelmed in the daycare biz I definitely vent and lean on my co-workers and peers in the biz because when I tell my troubles to friends and family they just don't get it. So venting here is important and we will be here for you. All the other good advice has already been given by the others.

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Originally Posted by Littledragon

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I also spoke to my mom and she bought me (because she's awesome) some B complex vitamins. I'm on a pretty hardcore diet right now (which is probably adding to everything) and she said it's very possible that I am missing some of the vital minerals and nutrients. If that doesn't work, I will go to my doctor.

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I have been taking a B complex lately too... it's made a world of difference, but took about a week to feel anything positive. I'm sure that will help huge! Great to hear you're feeling better.

I am really sorry to hear about the struggles you are facing. I, too, have tossed around the idea of closing my doors because of bad experiences and rude parents, Lord knows I've had my share of those in the past few years. I hired a helper so I could maintain some sanity and I also started taking more vacation time. Relax, vent, go to the spa and just remember why you are doing this and how much it benefits your family.

hang in there! maybe its the weather...I feel a little crappy lately too! :) andwhen you don't feel good about things it's really hard to see the "wonder" in this job. My hubby is at the end of his work season and feels the preasure, paychecks are smaller and he works away from home, takes more than half of his pay just to get back to work the next week......realy stressful on him, and when he is stressed, we're all stressed. Add that to the weather and the fact that I have 4 gone (3 to kindergarten and one for mom's mat) and I am down in income by $1,600.00. Not even sure how I am paying the bills. (they are getting pd well, but NO EXTRA $) aaaahhhh! really stressful....plus I am at a point in this business where I am VERY leary of anyone I don't know, for the past handful of years i have had ALL people I know or who know someone I care for. I am in unfamiliar waters right now and don't like it. I am stressed to the max with the lack of income BUT.....one thing I do know is...this is where I belong. I know it because when those little people come through my door every day and tell me they love me, I know there is more for me to do. AND it keeps me going for sure, waking up with my kids every day and getting them off to school and being there when the bus drops them off, I know this is the right thing to do. Evaluate what you are doing this for......if you can't find a good enough reason? maybe you shouldn't be doing it.....but if you do find a good enough reason.......trudge on!!!! it's not easy, but pick up your bottom lip :) and know that you are not alone!!!!!:glomp:

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Originally Posted by treeholm

Some days I think my hubby is the most amazing man in the world, and sometimes I don't like him at all.... After all these years, that doesn't worry me anymore.

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It's SO true!! And the second you start thinking but "John" down the street does the laundry, bathes the kids etc for HIS wife.....one day you'll hang out with "John" and see a, b & c things that he does or doesn't do that you would NOT want.....it's that old saying the grass is always greener.....but sometimes that means it's because it's fed with bullsh!t!

Hang in there......how about changing up your routine so it's something new & different?

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Originally Posted by kidlove

hang in there! maybe its the weather...I feel a little crappy lately too! :) andwhen you don't feel good about things it's really hard to see the "wonder" in this job. My hubby is at the end of his work season and feels the preasure, paychecks are smaller and he works away from home, takes more than half of his pay just to get back to work the next week......realy stressful on him, and when he is stressed, we're all stressed. Add that to the weather and the fact that I have 4 gone (3 to kindergarten and one for mom's mat) and I am down in income by $1,600.00. Not even sure how I am paying the bills. (they are getting pd well, but NO EXTRA $) aaaahhhh! really stressful....plus I am at a point in this business where I am VERY leary of anyone I don't know, for the past handful of years i have had ALL people I know or who know someone I care for. I am in unfamiliar waters right now and don't like it. I am stressed to the max with the lack of income BUT.....one thing I do know is...this is where I belong. I know it because when those little people come through my door every day and tell me they love me, I know there is more for me to do. AND it keeps me going for sure, waking up with my kids every day and getting them off to school and being there when the bus drops them off, I know this is the right thing to do. Evaluate what you are doing this for......if you can't find a good enough reason? maybe you shouldn't be doing it.....but if you do find a good enough reason.......trudge on!!!! it's not easy, but pick up your bottom lip :) and know that you are not alone!!!!!:glomp:

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Thanks Kidlove! It sounds like you and I are in the same boat! LOL My husband actually just called me and told me he rearranged the budget and everything is paid for and we have grocieres and such, but no extra money. It sucks cause we're used to having expendable income, and Christmas is coming, but I am hopeful that something comes along soon. I also spoke to him last night about reevluating the way we live because we don't necessarily live beyond our means, but its close. So, we're doing that. And I also said I wanted his support to allow me to find someone suitable rather than taking the next one that comes along because I feel like we need them. I want to find a certain age and gender. So far no bites but I'm hopeful. And I do think it is has something to do with the weather too, even though it's still sunny, it's a different atmosphere in the fall then in the summer. ALSO I think my diet had something to do with it, so I started on the B12 and Bcomplex last night and I also went to bed at 9:30.

I really feel like I am doing this for all the right reasons, but I think I was just starting to burn out. Since July, I have had THREE kids come and go from this one spot. And the first two didn't end well. One tried to jilt me out of pay and well..we know about the second one lol That's why I am going to be VERY careful of the next one I allow into my care. I know what you mean about being weary of strangers, but I'm glad you're still dedicated to what you do because at the end of the day, we are able to provide for our children as well as be there physically and emotionally for them and that's all that really matters. I'm sorry you guys are going through those stresses as well, but I see light in the future and I am hopeful...for both of us!

It's SO true!! And the second you start thinking but "John" down the street does the laundry, bathes the kids etc for HIS wife.....one day you'll hang out with "John" and see a, b & c things that he does or doesn't do that you would NOT want.....it's that old saying the grass is always greener.....but sometimes that means it's because it's fed with bullsh!t!

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Originally Posted by Mamma_Mia

It's SO true!! And the second you start thinking but "John" down the street does the laundry, bathes the kids etc for HIS wife.....one day you'll hang out with "John" and see a, b & c things that he does or doesn't do that you would NOT want.....it's that old saying the grass is always greener.....but sometimes that means it's because it's fed with bullsh!t!

Hang in there......how about changing up your routine so it's something new & different?

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LOL i hear ya!! But to be totally honest, I have NO right to bitch about my husband lol sometimes I feel like he's a little too addicted to money and I am afraid sometimes that he will be upset about something when he really isn't. His boss called him yesterday and told him his section was being rearranged and his boss would no longer be his boss which meant his promotion wasn't as concrete as we originally thought...problem was, he never told me this so when he got super upset about the little girl leaving, I was confused and hurt because I didn't feel like he was supporting me. But he's better now. And he's on board with everything.

And he supports me in every other way, too. We have a rule on the weekends where we can't leave the house Saturday until the bottom floor is clean and we have assigned rooms and we can't leave the house Sunday until the top floor is clean and we have assigned rooms. He does the laundry every weekend - I haven't done laundry in two years (mostly because he hates the way I do it LOL) and every now and then he'll clean up during the week. Household chores still become the brunt of some our "competition arguments" (who does more) but he comes home to a clean house and supper on the table so sometimes I have to remind him that I do A LOT during the day whether he sees it or not. We have a really great partnership and all the other dads around me are deadbeats LOL so I thank God every day for him...but sometimes...there's always those instances where I wish he would let me stay home without working...but honestly..it's not 1956 anymore..as much as I wish it was sometimes LMAO

Anywho, I am feeling a lot better about everything today. And my patience is up and my desire to BE with the kids is up. I've also decided to take on some writing jobs on the side since this is my real passion and hopefully I will find a new child soon enough!!

Thanks again everyone for your support. I love you all more than you even know!!!


PS: if you need anything written, I'm your gal! LOL

I think it is important to remember that there are going to be "off" days or even weeks in any career. I think there is a lot of pressure in the home daycare/daycare field that we must LOVE OUR JOBS EVERY MINUTE and have endless energy and positivity. Working with children is incredibly rewarding-it is also takes a lot of ones energy time and patience and finally it is a job. Working is working not everyday is going to go great-so try not to put so much pressure on yourself. I myself put a lot of pressure on myself and my husband reminds me to RELAX and not take myself too seriously :)

I hope you feel better. And I think everyone has offered some really sound advice :)

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Originally Posted by Mamma_Mia

It's SO true!! And the second you start thinking but "John" down the street does the laundry, bathes the kids etc for HIS wife.....one day you'll hang out with "John" and see a, b & c things that he does or doesn't do that you would NOT want.....it's that old saying the grass is always greener.....but sometimes that means it's because it's fed with bullsh!t!

Hang in there......how about changing up your routine so it's something new & different?

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:laugh: :laugh: I meant this as a comparision on your current job vs getting another one. Think of your current job as your husband and a NEW job as "John" :D it isn't always GOOD but in the end it IS better!!