Newbie - Lots of Questions and Need Advise!

Hello All,
I'm new here so I will give you some general history and info then explain my issues.
I am a private dayhome operator with 4 children of my own (dd-7, ds-6, ds-4, dd-3) and currently care for 5 others (dcb-4, dcb-3, dcg-3, dcb-2, dcb-1). I am married and we have a cat and a dog. Here are my frustrations;

1) Why do some parents just walk in? This may be their daycare, but it is also (and first) my PRIVATE home! Knock! Despite what you may fear I WILL answer the door! Then to boot they get mad at me if the door is locked. WHAT? I actually had one mom say "I thought you had an open door policy?" Uh Yeah, that doesn't mean the door is literally open.

2) Pay day is PAY DAY! Payment is due on the 15th (or friday before) and the last day of the month (or friday before). How does that translate into "I'll pay you when: I want to/when I get paid/next week/next month/ or whatever.... I have bills to pay people! Bills that are a lot higher than they would be if YOUR children didn't spend all day at my house! I have implemented a late fee of $2 per day. So far I have been totally ignored in regard to that fee. It shows up oin their next invoice and they pay me only what they originally owed!

3) There are drop off times and pick up times for a reason! I have one parent who has only been with me for a month and so far has had two complete no-shows, and only 2 days where the dcb has been dropped off on time. I run my dayhome like a preschool for the morning. We do "school" in our classroom from 9-11am or sometimes we will do our field trips and/or special outings during that time. So when dcb is dropped off at 9:30, 10, 11 etc it inturrupts our schedule. Mom doesnt work "yet" so she doesn't have to get out of bed. Plus We have breakfast at 8:30, a morning snack at 9:45, lunch at 11:30, and snack again at 3:00. She drops him off at 10 and expects me to feed him breakfast. Or she will drop him off at 12 without having fed him lunch. Then she picks him up at 3 and wants me to pack the snack so he can take it with him. Anyhow, today we were going to a brand new park near my house that the children were really really excited about. We left at 9:05 so we could maximize park time because it was supposed to rain today. She didn't show up at the house before 9 so we left. When we got home, I found a voice message on the phone with a clearly peaved mom saying that she had come but we werent home blah blah blah.... Then she said "And today is payday so if you wanted to be paid you should have been at home..." Pardon? To boot, dcb is completly undisciplined. She told be they have never punished him and he doesnt have a bed time. I think I may have to terminate this one. Thoughts?

4) I am busy. My time is valuable. If you want the best care for your child, you need to communicate with me. Dont think i'm a mind reader. If you are to be late/forgot something/need something SPEAK to me! I speak to you, I expect it in return.

Why oh why can't I be stronger and not such a pushover? Because I care about the kids, and I dont like others to think ill of me. What to do?

Thanks in Advance,
MomAwayFromMom

I just went through all of what your saying. I put up with all of it for over a year and finally wrote them an email explaining how things would go, NO EXCEPTIONS. That if they wanted to continue care here, it would be by my rules or please consider themselves terminated. They did a complete 360 and now they follow ALL my rules. I'm kicking myself in the butt for not writing the email sooner as I was resenting them more and more each day! I explained why I wanted/needed things done the way I said and how it makes things run much more smoother and now I am much happier and the days run smooth. You have to stand up for yourself. Trust me, the inch you give becomes a mile and if they are anything like the family I have they will take and take and take. Nip it now before it becomes overwhelming!

Do you have a contract and handbook with these things spelled out? Because I do know that sometimes we as providers have trouble enforcing our policies. If you do have a handbook and contract then start following it. And if you dont, then make one and have all of the parents sign each page.

this is your business and you get to make the rules. If you dont want them just walking in then lock the door. And if they dont like you locking the door, then they need to find care elsewhere. If dckid is not there at set meal times then dckid does not get that meal. And if you dont want him arriving in the middle of preschool time then tell them "no arrivals after 9am".

Make the policies and enforce them.

I have a very thorough contract/handbook that outlines all of this. We have a very in-depth conversation covering all of the pages in the handbook (10) during the interview. This particular mom was very agreeable during the interview and so far has been excellent with payment - even paying early, but payment is only one aspect of the relationship. And there has only been one pay day. I have explained to the mom that if she drops off outside the agreed upon times I will not be feeding her child outside the established meal/snack times. But I feel bad for the child. I have sent out newsletters to all the families reminding them of the rules, to no avail. I have talked with them individually, to no avail. I don't know what else to do. I really don't want to pull out the B**** and be the iron fisted daycare lady, but I can't be nice about this anymore.

Ok. First things first. You say you have a manual/contract - yay! (this is a little long, sorry)

Now have a backbone, and USE IT!!!!!
Number 1: This is YOUR HOME. They must respect YOUR PROPERTY.
Number 2: This is YOUR BUSINESS. Again on the respect! I have in my manual a section that states: Guidelines for Parents. PM me if you would like to see it.

To answer your questions:

1. I lock my doors at all times. They have to ring the bell in order for me to open the door for them. Yes, my home daycare is 'open door policy', but it is also MY HOME, and I have to feel safe, and have the kids feel safe here too!

Hell, at the last center I worked at, we locked the door - they had to ring the doorbell to get in.

2. Parents MUST pay on Monday at drop-off for the week of care. What I might do for new clients is have them pay the Friday before the week of care. You want a service - you better damn pay for it! :) IF they don't pay by Monday at pick-up, they have to pay the late fee of $20/day PLUS the week pay. Let me tell you, they're usually NEVER late again! lol

3. I would personally term that family.
a) mom has no respect for you and your business,
b) You're the boss, not the parents, NO one will speak to me like that, and
c) Child has no discipline.

What parents have to understand is that even though we work from home, that we are indeed a business. They don't like your rules, show them the front door!

What I have, and I know of others on here that have are their hours of care, and then the 'contracted hours of care'. I am open 7:30-5, but when I'm signing on the family, they tell me their drop-off and pick-up times. Then if they're late, I can charge those late fees!

4. I state right in my manual AND when I'm interviewing, COMMUNICATION IS KEY IN ANY RELATIONSHIP. This is a business relationship. PLEASE tell me what's going on! We're NOT mind-readers!!!!

You really need to step up to the plate and be the BITCH that you don't want to be. Obviously these parents don't respect you and your business as I've stated above.

If you need some help or someone to help you look over that manual, send me a PM - I'm happy to help! I will have time on my hands now! lol (mat leave is coming up).

Yes, Play and Learn really covered it well, but the ladies are all right, get a letter out to parents stating the rules and that they must be obeyed without exception. You have to demand respect and I've definitely learned that the hard way so now any time a parent asks for anything special I simply say 'according to our contract.....' and that answers it. My contract is law. My rules cannot be broken and I get angry when they push me or try any tricks so if they want to keep their space they give me the respect I deserve.

I agree with both Momof4 and Play and Learn. I would definitely term that mother. She would be getting an email today that payment is due IN FULL with late fees on Monday before her little undisciplined darling is allowed back in care. Then she would be getting a term letter as soon as payment is safely deposited in my bank. I totally agree with writing a letter to all parents that restates all of your policies, and that you may or may not have field trips going on after 9-11, so any parents that drop off late may not have care available to them that day and are still required to pay for their NO SHOW day. That you have an open door policy and parents are able to visit their child at any point in the day, but the door is locked for the children's safety and finally that children that are not there for scheduled meals and snacks will not be served those meals/snacks. Furthermore, no food will be allowed on and off the premises, so please plan accordingly.

I have solved the problem of parents trying to walk into my house by casually mentioning that while I am sure they would love access to their child at all times, I doubt they would like the rest of the neighborhood having the same access. The door is locked and I will run to answer it provided it is not during quiet time or I'm elbow deep in poop! Most rational parents have no problem with this. In fact, if this is the same mom complaining, it has nothing to do with her trusting you, it has to do with her pulling rank. Once again, as soon as I had been paid, she'd be out of there.

It sucks to be the bitch, but some parents definitely get us to that place and it can build to such resentment and dislike of your job. Once you get the problem parents out you will feel so much better and you can be your nice, awesomely happy self again. Plus, it will send a message to the other parents that you DO enforce your contract, you don't put up with bull, and therefore reduces the amount of mean conversations you need to have in the future. Good luck to you!

Ladyj stated: It sucks to be the bitch but I'm pretty sure she didn't mean that. (Sorry to put words in your mouth Ladyj but just wanted to clarify for the new ones). I'm pretty sure she meant that we can be perceived that way by parents but that it NOT what you are doing and you have to make sure the parents understand that fact by remaining professional at all times. You are being a businesswoman and those parents all signed your contracts and agreed to abide by all of those rules. That is a legally binding contract.

So when we enforce our rules and terminate or whatever we have to do to keep our businesses running smoothly we are not bitches, we are BUSINESSWOMEN! I sense a lot of anger in your original post and want you to know that you have every right to be angry about all of those issues and we are glad to help. But when writing or talking to the parents always, always be a business owner, don't let your anger or your heart or anything else sway you from enforcing your contract.

Hey Momof4, good catch.

I actually wrote that post based on something that the OP said in a later post:

Here is the quote:
I have sent out newsletters to all the families reminding them of the rules, to no avail. I have talked with them individually, to no avail. I don't know what else to do. I really don't want to pull out the B**** and be the iron fisted daycare lady, but I can't be nice about this anymore.

What I meant to say was and probably didn't in the best possible way, that it is okay to stand up for yourself. It does sometimes suck and is never easy, but gets easier the more you do it. You are NOT a B*** for enforcing your contract. These people sat down and agreed to your contract and now they are picking and choosing which parts work for them. For some reason, whenever we have to stand up for ourselves it always comes back in our head if we are being "B***-y or not". Maybe because our profession is often viewed as "lower" than others, or that some in society feel that we are just babysitters and that we should always just be nice about things because we are nice and take care of children all day. Whenever I psych myself up to stand up for myself, I tell myself that it is okay to be the "B****". This is something that works for me, just in my head to get in a mindset to defend my policies. I am a professional through and through, but I am also a very hopelessly nice person that gets walked on easily. So when I tell myself that, I am able to have a frank conversation with whoever is taking advantage of me and then I can go back to being the nice, wonderful person that I want to be. The great thing about home businesses like this is that you want to reward the great families. I regularly have "Parent Night Outs" and can cater to occasional favours for my daycare families. But I also have wonderful families that are so grateful and fantastic and appreciative and it took me a long while to get to that point where there is mutual respect between us. I had to get rid of a few bad apples during the first few years.

I meant nothing about acting in anger, or that you shouldn't act as anything but a professional. But if confrontations are hard for you (they are for me!), then tell yourself whatever you need to do to psyche yourself up to get through them. You are not a B**** or a bad person for doing so! I hope that clarifies somewhat! We are here for you!

Thanks Everyone! Yes Momof4, there is a lot of anger in my original post. I have had enough of this woman. The only thing that keeps me going with this kid is the fact that I KNOW I can help/fix part of his life. I can offer stability and wholesomeness that he obviously doesnt get at home. I know I have to let them go... I just want these children that I care about to leave "better" than they came. I have such an interest in "raising" quality citizens, not just getting through the day. As a whole, I really love this "job", I just don't have a lot of practice in dealing with persistant problem parents. I don't really have too much experience with this part of the business. I have had issues with parents and still have small issues but this one just feels wrong. I'm sure you all know what i mean. The child is VERY difficult to control. He runs wild and screams all the time. He can't sit still for the life of him, and has NO respect for anyone's property. You are all right, this family has to go. Now I just have to figure out a way to do this. I have never had to term a family before. How have you guys delt with a termination situation?

Thanks.

Oh - you are singing to the choir sister - I think everyone here has dealt with these issues. I too had to move to "locked door during the day" because I had a number of parents just "walk on in" when they arrived. So rude ! As far as the whole paying on time problem - I do a few things with my parents to avoid this issue. When a child comes into my care, and the parents sign a contract with me they pay a deposit of two weeks dues. I credit half of that money towards the child's first week of care. The other half is held "in trust" for their last week of care. It also acts as a cushion - meaning that I have been paid for a week, so if the parent is late with a cheque or underpays me (dear Lord the things that people will try....) I can console myself with that fact. Another thing that I do with my parents is I have everyone hand in four post dated cheques at the beginning of each month; every Friday I send home a receipt. If I am sick and owe them money, I know that I will be a professional and get those funds refunded/credited to the parents ASAP. An added bonus of this system is it "encourages" parents to provide me with the two weeks notice that my contract asks them to provide in the event they choose to leave - let's face it, I already have their cheques and one week's dues from their deposit so they have nothing to gain by not giving me appropriate notice.

Sometimes with a problem family once you create a letter to them stating this is what is not working and if there is no improvement by XXX date then you will be receiving your termination papers since this relationship is not working out for child, caregiver and other children in care. If you want to push the point home you could add something to the effect that I can not let the actions of one family spoil the daycare experience for all other families.

This lets the family know they are the only ones causing major issues and gives them a timeline for shaping up or being shipped out. At least the family will have no one to blame if they are terminated but themselves in the sense that you gave them the list of requirements and time to make the changes.