Refuses to potty train!

Good morning!
I look after a girl who will be 3 in 2 months. I've been trying to potty train her for 6 months. I consistently sit her on the toilet once an hour and tell her she can have a small treat if she uses the potty. Not once has his child gone! She will sit there for 20 minutes and do nothing, the minute she gets here diape on she pees or poops in it. Parents only want to work on potty training on weekends for some reason??? It's so frustrating. She is almost getting too big for diapers now, they are getting too tight. She doesn't seem afraid of the toilet just lazy I think.......advice?

Instead try using underpants with a plastic pant over top. Let her pee her pants a few times. Diapers today dont let the kids have an opportunity to feel wet. She needs to feel wet. With my own kids I would give them a book (or read one to them) and let them sit there until they went. It's no different then just sitting on a chair. In my daycare I have a potty in the kitchen area so I can watch them while I'm watching the others. I don't give treats just a bunch of "woohoos" and a little dance. Diapers or pull ups always go on at nap time.

Um, it isn't our job to potty train the children, it's the parent's job. We are the helpers, the secondary caregivers. They have to be well on their way to training and understanding what's happening at home before I will start helping out as you are describing. I'm way too busy to waste my valuable time like that on 1 child and it really isn't fair to all the other children who are being neglected because 1 child is getting all that attention.

I'm with momof4. Not sure why you are trying to force her if she's not ready. If she doesn't recognize when she has to go and tell you in advance, what's the point in stressing about it!

Oh Man! been where you are tooooooo many times, agree with other responses of..."it's not your job"...IF the parents were willing to do it at home ALL THE TIME. that would be one thing, but the fact that they are clearly "lazy" and not doing it but on the weekends? Dont waste your time anymore....I had a boy who was nearing 4 and still not trained, got very frustrated but instead of tryingto do it on my own, I communicated to the parents that if he turned 4 and was not trained I could no longer care for him. He was in underwear before he turned 4. Some people really are quite lazy for what ever reason, not enough time, just don't care, or "I asked him and he said he didn't have to go" stupid. (sorry but true)

bottom line..if the parents aren't on board, don't waste your time. Mixed messages will not train the child, only consistancy will.

If it bothers you enough to have to diaper a child you know knows better, you could add to your contracts that any child above the age of 3.5 (or whatever) must be potty trained. of course keeping in mind children with special needs or learning disabilities and such.

Have to add, this 4 year old I spoke of was a NIGHTMARE to change, when he pooped it was like wiping poop off a grown mans butt!!!! Absolutely appalling, honestly THE most disgusting thing I have ever had to clean up (and I've seen alot).....and makes you so angry when the kid is laying there lazy and looking at you like, "hay lady can you hurry up and finish with this so I can go outside and ride bikes with my friends" What's wrong with that picture?????:huh:

Thanks for your input everyone. While yes, I agree that it is the parents duty to begin potty training, I want to try to get a start on it because it will make MY life easier once she gets it. I do believe she understands because the minute I put her diaper back on her, it is either soaking with pee or else she poops in it. This seems to me like she simply does not want to use th toilet because she doesn't want to.

Crayola Kiddies - I like the idea of undies with plastic pants overtop.....maybe this will help her understand what being "wet" is and she will be more inspired to use the potty!

Mom of 4 - I by no means 'neglect' the others while she is sitting on the potty. All the kids are nearby and I have the ability to go back an forth between the 2 areas and interact with and check on all kids. I generally give her a book or 2 to read. I just posted this question because I find it frustrating and thought maybe some of you had good tips to offer on how to get a very stubborn child to want to get started.

Oh busy, I wasn't accusing you of neglecting the other children. I was giving you my wording to explain to the parents why it is so important that the children are well on their way to training before I spend all the time doing all I can to help them. It does take a lot of our time and we are outside every morning for at least 2 hours, I'm busy being a waitress, chef, entertainer and I know you are too!

Busy ...... I know others disagree with me on this but once the child understands when they need to go potty and they can tell you that they need to go, I then use rewards and deterrents. When they are able to announce they have to go but choose to go in their pants I feel they are using this as a control tactict. so I explain to the child that they have underwear on and they need to tell me when they have to use the potty because going in their pants is not allowed, and when they pee/poop in the potty they get a sticker, but if they go in their pants they go to the naughty spot. It only takes a few times before they get it. You see getting a sticker or a box of raisins or a cracker looses it's oomph very quickly but no kid wants to sit on the naughty spot. Sometimes the reward is not enough and therefore you have to use a deterrent. Every kid is different and fir some the sticker is enough but for some kids it's not. Of course the child has to know when they need to go and has to be able to tell you otherwise this doesn't work. For this child you are talking about I would wait till maybe the new year and start then. Is she potty training at home? If not then maybe suggest over the Xmas holidays when they are home for some extra days they get started and then you can work on it as well because if they are not then you are really just wasting your time because she needs the consistency.

Potty training is my least favourite thing by far!!! However, I do believe it's our job to help the child. I do think the child needs to be developmentally ready for it though (able to recognize when they need to go, able to pull pants up and down, able to get on toilet etc) and of course the parents need to be on board and willing to help at home as well.

I discuss with the parents how they are going to potty train. If it's something that I can do here than I do it their way. If it's not something I am comfortable with or not practical in group care I explain this to them and tell them how I would approach it. Most times parents will just ask me how I do it at dc and they will do it that way at home. Most realize that even though I have no children of my own, I have more experience in potty training (and childcare in general lol) than they do, especially parents of only one or two children.

I don't use rewards other than a sticker and a lot of singing and dancing LOL. For some children, rewards at home seem to have worked well though. If I were to do a reward here it would be something like "xxx gets to pick what we have for snack today because xxx went on the potty"....and it would be a choice between two things that I approve of for snack.

I am similar to 5LM in the sense that I always use underwear and not diapers when toilet training. I have found it's too confusing as they need to feel when they are wet, that needs to cool at bit (I am not saying leave them sitting in it) and so the delay of getting clean clothes out of their bag it a wonderful learning tool :-)

No, I am not their parent. No, it isn't my job to toilet train every child but damn, it makes my job much easier and far more pleasant when they are toilet trained. Bottom line, they are in my care 9 hours a day and 5 days a week. I have these children for more of their awake time then their parents do. I can present a consistent approach to toilet training.

As long as the parents will continue at home and over the weekends, I'll do all I can to get them out of diapers as soon as they can understand the process. It is pleasant - no. But a few weeks of effort is far better than an extra year of diaper. If I have 4 two year olds using the toilet and am only changing one child in diapers, that way easier than having all 5 in diapers. Oh happy days.