AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHH......need to vent

hello lady's I need to vent a little hear. Not sure if I am just over reacting or not.
sorry this might be long. :(

I had my first daycare kid start last week :)

The girl is coming to my through an agency.
I had the interview on Tuesday with the mom and a friend of the mom's (mom speaks very little English), dad was at work. The interview went well told the mom that my hours are 7:30-5:30. gave her my contract (which has my hours on it)
She tells me and my adviser (who was at the interview) they would like to start tomorrow (Wednesday) if subsidy is approved.

That night the dad called asking if I could say open longer, he works until 5:30 and is about 20 min away. I said NO. Then my husband got mad, we need the money so I told the dad I could only stay open until 6:00pm.

they did not show up or call on Wednesday, spoke with my adviser she just heard for subsidy and they will be starting on Thursday.

Thursday morning they do not show up or call. spoke with adviser she said I was getting paid for the day, but they will be starting on Friday. Not a problem I don't mind getting paid for not working.

Friday morning comes. The family shows up. The girl is upset when her parents go to leave. understandable. with in 5 minutes my oldest son has her laughing.
I was told she was potty trained. turns out she has her parents trained. She refused to tell me when she had to go. I was asking her if she had to go she would say no. at times I just told her she was going, and it was world war 3 to get her on the potty. She ended up peeing on my wood floor.
I told the parents at pick up that on Monday she will need pull-ups. They said it will be fine.

Monday morning, they show up WITHOUT pull-ups. Dad said that she doesn't want to wear them and that mom talked to her about telling me when she has to go. I said fine, but if she does not tell me today that she needs to go then she will have to be in pull-ups. Very hour and a half I put her on the potty. I refused to let her sit on my sofa (she did not like this, no bad). Not once did she tell me she had to go. Her mom told me she would be here at 3pm to pick her up today. Dad showed up at 5:58pm. I was not in a good mood when dad showed up. The mom never called to say she was no longer coming. :cursing:
I told the dad that she had to be in pull ups tomorrow. That once I have other kids I can not be asking her ever hour if she has to pee. He was not happy but said ok.

Today :cursing: dad shows up. girl has a pull u on. I am happy. Dad says that there is one more in the bag. (as if she is only going to pee once today). dad could not leave fast enough, I get a bad feeling. I check, yep she is wearing a pull-up, but no pull up in her bag. The dad had lied. I almost went through the roof. I called my adviser and left a message telling her about the pull ups and that when the dad comes to pick up tonight. I will be telling him that tomorrow I need a bag of pull-ups or NO CARE. The problem is I can not lose this family until I can replace them. My adviser is looking for a replacement for me, and I am looking for private clients, but the phone just isn't ringing.
I have a feeling the parents will leave before I can replace the kid.

I have an 18month old girl starting as soon as she get subsidy approved, hopefully by next Monday. I have a before and after school boy who was sub post to start yesterday, but had a family emergency and will start today after school. I just need one more full time kid and one to replace this girl and I will be happy.

Thanks for reading. I feel better, just being able to vent.

Not sure if you want the advice or not, but if I were you I would leave the girl in the one pullup if thats all that parents provided, given it can hold all the pee she is withholding from the potty for whatever reason. I would even consider purchasing a small pack and putting them on her (one a day of course, not to waste) and NOT inform the parents. :) maybe she needs time to get used to your home? or maybe she's just a stink? either way, if you need the money don't let the lack of pullups get in the way. Sometimes parents don't need ALL the info. just make sure she is bakc in her undies by the end of the day, and when they ask "how the day went"....no details......just "fine", how was yours? and get paid. :)

Kidlove- I wouldn't have posted if i didn't want some advice. Advice is always good, weather or not I want to hear it at the time.

the girl is also refusing to sit quietly at quiet time. My rule is you don't have to sleep, just sit quietly with a book or quiet toy. She will not sit on her mat and refuses to be quiet.
My oldest is 3years old and does not nap, but my 9 month old needs to nap and is not due to all the noise she is making.

I think sometimes we get so strapped for cash that we keep allowing this ridiculousness because we're afraid the client may leave.

I'll be honest... I would have sent them home day 2 since they didn't bring any pull ups. My house, my rules. Go home and get them or no care. You can not have pee all over your floor.

This does sound like a good fit for you. I hope you replace quickly and don't feel so stuck with this one.

oh, breaking the rule of "quiet time" is a no go for me too! Don't blame you there. The pull-ups can be an easier fix, but no quiet? thats another story. :)

Hi .... You do not say how old this child is but I would put her in a pack and play in a bedroom by herself for nap time and tell her she is to stay there quietly till you come back. If she climbs out use your mean face andput her back in and say no climbing out .... Keep repeating till she figures it out. For the pull ups if the parents don't bring a whole pack I would tell them if she pees in her pull up then she stays in it till she goes home. If she doesn't come in a pull up then send them back home with the child to get pull ups. Just because a child is trained at home does not mean they are trained at daycare especially in a new situation.

she turns 3 in mid november.
I did mention to the dad, that just because she is trained at home doesn't mean she is ready to be trained at daycare. He said he new this. I think he doesn't like not being in control. He will fine out tonight that I am the boss not him.
He will have a hard time finding another daycare who will stay open until 6pm in this area. I have checked I can't find any.

Update: Quiet time to day is better. Both my boys are sleeping in their rooms. The dcg is sitting on her mat, every once and a while she will wimper a little to let me know she is still up. I gave her a few dolls to play with, I closed the blinds and turned off the lights. She did start to through a fit at first, but I used my mommy voice to tell her "You don't have to sleep, just sit quietly, play with the dolls or look at a book. She keeps closing her eyes and when she starts to fall over she sits back up and says she is not tired.

I am enjoying the piece and quiet.

My adviser is going to call the father about the pull ups. Can't wait to hear what he has to say to her about that.
She still is not telling me that she has to go to the bathroom. I am making sure that she goes. I don't want her sitting in a wet pull up because of her parents. I don't think its fare for her.

over all the day is getting better. :)

I wouldn't leave her in a wet pull-up all day either! It isn't her fault her parents are acting stupidly! And I wouldn't be buying pull-ups out of my own pocket. I think you have done the right thing by demanding the parents supply a package. And as for quiet time...it will get better with time if you stay strong. Sounds like she may need a nap still if she is fighting sleep...have you thought of asking her to lie quietly for the first hour and see if she falls asleep?

You mentioned that mom speaks very little English. Assume they speak to the child very rarely at home in English. While she may understand the words from when they try to speak it she is used to another language. That will take time for her to adjust to. You might try to find out how much English they use at home and if not then what the words are for bathroom issues she uses at home and allow her to use them at daycare. As long as you know what they are you can react to them just the same.

Glad to hear that the agency is working on your side as far as the pullups goes. One of the reasons I left an agency many years ago was because they went out of their way to please the parents at my expense when I felt I was paying them a daily portion of my pay to be on my side or at least to not take sides and just resolve issues.

Sunnydays - right now I am just happy she is sitting quietly, by next week I plan on having her lie down and see how it goes. This is her third day here and she did not have any transition days, just three 10.5 hr days. So I am giving her some time to adjust.

I will NOT be paying for pull-ups. I have two kids of my own in diapers, if I wanted to pay for a third kids diapers/pull-ups I will have another kid of my own. The cost way to much, and the agency doesn't pay me enough to buy them.

Playfelt- the dcg speaks and understands English very well. She has been in a daycare centre in the past and the dad has no problem with English at all. I am unsure why they pulled her out. But I am taking it into account that she does know two languages and can get confused between them.

So sorry Valerie, what a start for you!!! A 2 year old child needs a nap so that would be non-negotiable at my daycare every afternoon. You are absolutely right about demanding a week's supply of diapers and wipes before you let them in the door tomorrow morning. If anyone disrespected my contract and start and close times the way you are describing they would be gone. I have bills to pay but I won't be treated like dirt!

This is also the reason I don't ever want to work for an agency. I want to choose who comes to my daycare and I want families who understand that my contract is law and that they must value their daycare space or they will lose it. Be careful not to project desperation, because people can smell that and will walk all over you. Stand up for yourself and let the parents know what is not acceptable just like you teach the children that same thing.

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Originally Posted by Valerie E. M-C

Playfelt- the dcg speaks and understands English very well. She has been in a daycare centre in the past and the dad has no problem with English at all. I am unsure why they pulled her out. But I am taking it into account that she does know two languages and can get confused between them.

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I know you said you need the money, but the bolder part is a red flag to me. What did they tell you in the interview?

I woukd start looking and let them go.
You already compromised your working hours (which you will start to resent), do you really want to compromise your quiet time AND help potty train a 3 year old?

Nottellin' - trust me i am looking for a replacement, so are both my advisers from both of the agencies I am with.
I am still new at this and learning what all the red flags are. The interview was hard because the father was at work and the mother was "speaking through a friend".
The first time I new there was a red flag was when the father called and asked if I could stay open later. I did tell him no, But my husband got mad, I needed clients. My husband Said to take them on until I could find someone else. So I went against my better judgement and told the father I would stay open the extra 30min. My husband is making dinner for us when he gets home as well as helping with our 2 kids, which helps me out.
I just wish I would get some phone calls/emails soon.

The girl was good at quiet time today. I think she just needs some time to get use to being here.

Pick Up - update- So the dad showed up and I told him that he could either bring 2 or 3 pull-ups each day or a bag full, which ever he wanted, but he HAD TO BRING SOME. He said okay.
So either he will show up tomorrow without them, and have to go get some or he will bring them for a few days then stop. I know he is not happy. I just hope he stays long enough for me to find a replacement.

Not looking forward to the drop off. I am going to check her bag before he leaves. there is a 24hr metro right across the street, so he can run over there if he "forgets".

Good news- my before and after school boy started to day. He is very quiet and gets alone with my 3 yr old boy great. I think he will do well here. now I just have to wait for my 18 month old to start.

Things might not have started off all that great, but they will get better. :) And I will learn from my mistakes, trust me I will make lots. L.O.L :laugh:

So the dad showed up this morning. He said that there had been a pull up in the small front pocket of the bag. I am sure that I had looked there yesterday, but want ever. Its way to early to get into a fight about it. My youngest was up most of the night and I feel cold coming on.
So there are two pull ups in her bag this morning.

Still can't wait to replace her. As nice as she is, she just isn't a good fit. i have noticed that she can be aggressive towards both my boys. My oldest can stand his own ground but my 9 month old can't. She has pushed my 9 month old a few times. She is an only child and needs to get used to having other kids around so I am working with her.
I don't think my oldest likes her very much. this morning he got up, walked into the living room, saw the girl , turned, walked back into his room and closed the door.

uh oh, not a good sign when you'r own child doesn't like another in your care. makes it very hard for you,and seems hard on your own child. some kids do take a while to figure out the rules and learn how you run things.

I am hoping that my son is just a little over whelmed by the daycare setting in his home. I told me a little while ago that he is not feeling well. I put him on my bed with a snack and the tv. He is now doing much better and wants to go to play group.
But I will keep and eye on him, just in case he is coming down with something. I know I sure feel like I am getting a cold.

Update- By yesterday afternoon my son was playing with the dcg. I was happy to see them playing together.
The dcg asked 3 times to use the bathroom and she left wearing the same dry pull-up that she came in. I was so happy. I told her father that I have started a sticker chart for her. Ever day that she tells me at least twice that she has to go and leaves in the same dry pull-up that she came in, she will get a sticker. Once the chart is full, she can start going without pull-ups. The father seemed happy with that. I just didn't tell the dad, that there or 20 squares on the chart that need to be filled (20 days), but he never asked. When she fills the chart and no longer needs pull-ups and ends up having an peeing on my floor again we will just start the chart again. But I am sure that will not be a problem. :)

Things are getting better. But I still plan on replacing her due to the hours. I should have put my foot down when my husband was talking me into taking her on. But I do need to respect my husbands wishes too.

Valerie I am glad to hear that it's all coming together for you. :) Too bad about the hours, but you're right about respecting your husband's wishes too. It's not easy though!

I just wish I was feeling better. Its going to be a quiet day.
My ear is hurting, my throat is sore, my head feels like its going to float away, and my back hurts.
I told the father that I was sick and that it was up to him weather or not to bring the dcg. (I wasn't feel too bad when I got up, but an starting to feel worse).
He brought the girl. Which I understand. I should be okay for today, but if not I will call to have dad to pick her up.
I think I am just a little burned out. I have been so stressed about starting the daycare, stressed out with the dcd, the long hours, not being use to working, and my youngest is teething so I am not getting much sleep. I am surprised I am not sicker then I am. But I plan on being well next week. I have told my husband that he can take care of our kids this weekend. I am going to sleep it away.

It's really tough when you're sick! Hang in there! It is also really tough starting new kids! I just moved and had to pretty much restock my daycare...so I have been transitioning new kids at 2 week intervals and it is exhausting...new kids to get adjusted, new parents to get adjusted...it takes a while to get into the flow of things and to have the kids following your rules etc. I have a 4 year old son who always seems to choose one kid in the daycare not to like...he really likes the babies, but boys who are close in age to him, he does not care for so much. I htink it's a jealousy thing...or he expects them to play with him his way, but they are 2 and he is 4 and he just doesn't seem to get that. It's tiring, but if you get rid of this girl, your son may find a new one to not like.

Sunnydays- I am not going to get rid of the girl, because my son doesn't like her. My son is going to have to get used to being around people he might not like. its part of life. The reason I am going to replace her is that I am staying open late for her.
If it wasn't for my husband insisting I stay open later for her, I would never have taken her on. I will never stay open late again. I know myself well enough to know it was going to be to much. We just really need the income.


Had one problem to day with her "hitting" my oldest son. I was in the bathroom when it happened. When I asked her about it she would not speak. Since I did not see what happened, I sat both of them down and talked a little about not hitting.

I definitely understand about the hours! When I started I was open until 5:30 and I found even that too late...I am now open until 5, but most of my kids leave by 4:30. It is soooo much better! i actually have time to sit down and relax a bit with my own kids before cooking dinner and cleaning etc. I don't blame you one bit!